Divorce, Dad Wants 50/50. He Travels and I Stay at Home, Can He Get It? Help!!!

Honey, you need your own lawyer. It is honestly not fair to EITHER of you to simply have one, even if you agree on every last teensy detail, will you next year?

Divorces are a sticky and tricky business, and the law is even more tricky (hence why people go to school to become lawyers in the first place).

Legally speaking, 5 years is not a long marriage. You may actually not be entitled to alimony. Is the house paid off? Who gets it? Do you know that it's considered an asset and not a debt (what it can sell for, not how much the monthly payments are or how much is left to pay off)...and that if you DO qualify for alimony but get the house that can cancel out the alimony? Even mean that YOU need to pay HIM to make the formula come out "even". Do you have a degree? Did you know that part of the divorce can (but not always) include be the payment of 4 years of school? Who came into the marriage with what monies? What was aquired during the marriage, and upon whose "balance sheet" does it get allotted? Who claims which children as dependents on tax returns? If you live in two different school zones, which school do the children go to? Who is responsible for paying how much for education expenses & or private school? (Private schools look at the income from BOTH parents, divorced or married, btw).

These are all legal questions (and just the tip of the iceberg) that have to be addressed and answered in the divorce and parenting plan. You very very desperately need your own lawyer to help you through these NOW, and a year from now when some crisis pops up. If your ex gets offered a job in london and wants to take the kids with him, do you call the lawyer that just served you and the court notice of intent? No way!!! What if your mum in SF (obviously, I don't know your mum, much less that she might live in SF) gets sick, and you want to take the kids with you to take care of her for a month. Who do you call & where do you file? What if YOU get offered a job in London? You need your own go-to person. Someone who's sole interest is you. It's understandable that you still feel like a couple in your mind or reactions. But you're not. You are an individual who's life is shortly going to become very very different from your ex's.

A judge, btw, is not likely to look favorably on the argument of "the plan was"...the plan was that the two of you were married. "The plan" has now officially changed.

Please know that I'm neither trying to be harsh, or advocating you stay with your husband. FAR FROM! In the most amicable of divorces all of these things all have to be answered and dealt with. From the way your soon-to-be-ex has already treated you, and by what he as said about taking the kids and having them in daycare so you can't have them...I do NOT suspect this is going to be "the most amicable" of divorces. You don't need to get a lawyer to go for the jugular, but you need to get a lawyer to make sure no one goes for yours.

Best of Luck sweetie, these things suck.

Yes he can. In fact. legally he can file for full time custody and you only part time. Will he get it? I don't know how each of you are as parents so that's hard to say. You do need to get your own attorney and not share. My bf just got divorced and was originally sharing an attorney to save money. He was getting screwed over because the attorney was on the ex-wife's side.

Hi M.:
My advice to you ,is to get a good attorney for yourself.Your husband will not get 50/50 custody,if he travels and plans to leave the children at day care.No Judge will consider that as beneficial to the children's welfare.Please don't permit him to harass,or intimidate you.His behavior would tell me, that someone has told him, that by taking the children half the time, he wouldn't have to pay you a dime of support.He doesn't want the children,he wants to save himself money. Leave everything in the attorneys hands,and refrain from taking calls from your ex.telling you what HES GOING TO GET! "tell him to "Talk to your lawyer" : ) I wish you only the best.J. M

M.,

I didn't check what are you are in, but please get an attorney of your own!!

Yes, he can file for whatever HE thinks is fair. It doesn't mean he will get it. A filing or OSC is just a 'wishlist' of how each party wants things to be. It's important to provide evidence that your way is the best way, and the only person I have trusted to do this is my attorney.

My ex and I started out civil and in agreement, but when their agenda changes so do the niceties. Don't let him take advantage of anything or allow him to get in your head and make you doubt yourself!!!

A judges job is to look at the whole picture and hopefully do what's best for the children. But, often if you aren't prepared or don't have the right 'story' you're not going to be heard. You have to prove that the current situation of your husband's work and travel will not provide for the most stable and appropriate situation. The thing I've learned is that it doesn't matter who makes more money or who is more stable, if you don't present the best options and the healthiest big picture than it doesn't matter. If being at home with you is the best and he should get visits, it's important to define the 'status quo'. How much does he see them now? How much time do your kids need with Dad in order to be happy and healthy in their lives? This is what you need to think about, and get an attorney to help you define in paperwork.

Stop worrying and take some action. Get up and do something so that you aren't sitting in a court room wondering what happened.

My attorney is in Glendale...Noelle Halaby ###-###-####. She is fantastic, and her staff is super on top of things.

Good Luck!!!

I would not go to the same lawyer/att as him. Do not trust him. I went thru a divorce and at the end my ex got even meaner. He is probley doing this so he won't have to pay you as much money. Do not talk to him about this kind of stuff unless of course you want to. I went to a women's shelter and they told me not to get a male lawyer/att because they will usually side with the male/husband. My girlfriend said the same thing when she got a divorce. She had a male lawyer/att and she ended up switching to a lady. If you read some of the old requests and responses there is some good advice there. If you can't find them write me back. I have to go I will try and write you back if I can think of any more things to say. Good luck and try not to get your children involved.
Sue

Yes, in the state of California if the father wants 50/50, he will get it. Also, as sad as it is you will no longer be married and wont have the luxury of being a stay at home mom. The judge doesnt care what he does with the kids during his time as long as its 50/50 and they are being taken care of, i.e. nanny day care, etc. Also, you need to get a job or the court wont think you can care for the kids. You will get child support but not much if its 50/50. You may get alomony if you have a good lawyer but again, not much and def not enough to not work. This is life its sad but you will now be a hard working single mom. You may be able to get more custody of the 1 year old however due to the age, not sure. My husband has a daughter prior to our marriage and he has 50/50 and theres no way the judge is ever going to budge, his ex works from home and my husband works 18 hour days and still the judge has 50/50 as long as shes being cared for, nanny up until me, now she with me on his time and no child support. No alomny because they were never married. The courts are dying for dads to want 50/50 so most likely he'll get it :(

I just went thru a divorce and know how hard it is. Please do get your own attorney or at least call one and ask for advice. When it comes to the courts (I live in Orange County) they are most concerned of the well being of the children. If your husband cannot come up with a good reason as to why the kids need to go to daycare and makes very good money, it is likely that the judge would rule on your behalf however every judge is different. If you go into the situation not being able to agree on things then you will more than likely have to go to mediation. They take into consideration how much time that you & your husband will be spending with the children when it comes to custody and support (child support & alimony). My personal opinion is that he is using this 50/50 thing as a way to gain control over the situation. Since he has always been the one making the money I would guess that he has always felt in control and now he knows that your marriage is ending because of what he has done and/or feels. Please do go get some good legal advice so that you know how best to handle this situation, what your rights are as a home maker and also try to get counseling for yourself. That can really make all the difference for you as you can vent your frustration and feel good about yourself. It did wonders for me! I wish you all the best!

THe only advice I have is to start getting your resume prepared. You need to show the judge that you can support you kids if your ex doesn't pay. Yopu don't want to end up with he not paying and not having any money.

I would start looking for a part time job at night when you can leave the kids with a sitter or a grandparent. you want to make your home ans situation as appealing to a judge as you can. It all come down to what the judge decides, he may decide he only has to pay child support or only has to pay alimony for a year. you just don't know so just start looking for something part time to help make your self more able to care for your kids on your own if you have to.