Dissappointed in Having Another Boy

Updated on April 13, 2016
H.B. asks from Modesto, CA
18 answers

I just need to share and know if anyone else has gone through something similar. I have three biological sons. My third son showed up as a girl on the sonogram. I had everything ready for a little girl, and then, surprise! He was a boy! The sonogram was wrong. I was so happy to have a baby in my arms that I was happy to have him, and loved him unconditionally even though I thought he was a girl.

Fast forward a decade and I married my current husband, who also has three boys. His youngest is 8 years old. My youngest is 18. We were a happy brady bunch with six boys.

Then, a couple of months ago, we learned we are pregnant!

Everyone, I mean everyone, has been telling us we're finally having a girl. I tried not to get my hopes up that it could be true. That after raising six sons, I might actually get to have a daughter.

Yesterday I found out through genetic testing that our new little one is a boy. Another boy. Boy #7.

I can't stop crying. I want to take time off of work because my head is in such a bad place, but I can't. Why am I such a mess?

Am I overreacting? Is having seven sons really that bad? Yes, it's freaking ridiculous right?

What can I do next?

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So What Happened?

I want to thank everyone who responded and those who have helped to explained the SWH feature here. I added my response below (a couple of days ago). I think it's posted under H. B., if you are interested, and I basically thank y'all for responding so quickly. With my raging hormones, that level of support instantly made me feel better.

I mostly posted here because I felt silly for having such "shallow" reaction. I felt it was shallow anyway. I had just received a dna report that stated the gender of the baby. But more importantly it stated that Baby Boy is VERY LIKELY HEALTHY which is way more important.

I also realized, with help from this group and my husband (who is over the moon to have another boy), that the idea of a girl was just that -- only an idea. Something I made up in my head, which wasn't real, to begin with. What's real is that we're having a baby. There is no need to mourn something that never existed in the first place. But rather, it's better to focus on what is happening -- a new member of our family is coming to join us in October!

Hubby also mentioned that he was nervous about it being a girl. If it was, he felt we would have truly been starting over, having to learn new tricks. He feels confident that he can raise a boy well, as do I. After thinking about it, we both realized that we both feel some pressure is off our shoulders having another boy. We still have baby boy clothes, hand me down furniture, and real world experience.

Also, I just want to note that the advice to seek professional help (therapy or to talk to a professional) is good advice. My health care provider offers that free of charge to all moms.

Thanks ladies!

Featured Answers



answers from New York on

Seven daughter in laws to dote on? Good luck for a healthy pregnancy and a healthy boy.

F. B.

4 moms found this helpful


answers from Washington DC on

I can tell you that my one daughter is more work and more expensive than both of my boys combined. I love my mix, but I'd be fine if they were all boys and possibly sane if they were all girls :).

I think it works out. You were hoping for something and didn't get it. It's okay to be upset for a few and then move on. Congrats on the pregnancy!

2 moms found this helpful

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answers from Philadelphia on

I have no doubt that you will be crazy about your son once he is here. I bet once he is in your arms you will wonder why you thought you wanted a girl so badly. Congratulations!!!

4 moms found this helpful


answers from Modesto on

Wow! The quick response and the welcome here is amazing. Thank you so much mamas!

I appreciate the reminder that my hormones are racing. That has to be why I'm such a basket case over this "little" thing. I keep telling myself positive things about this situation: I am an expert at raising boys, and I know I'm good at it. (I have great sons, all six of them.) I think the expectation of other people is what has me so worked up. My husband's mom wants a granddaughter so badly, and was already buying girl items.

Lucky for me, I already have one daughter in law, who is awesome, and who just gave us our first girl in two generations (my granddaughter was born in December). So I have a girl to spoil. And I am happy about that.

I also agree that technology has outpaced my emotional ability to keep up. I'm only 13 weeks - I never knew this early before what gender to expect. I hope that means I have six months to envision my new baby boy before he gets here.

Thanks again, ladies!

3 moms found this helpful


answers from Washington DC on

welcome to mamapedia!!

this is pregnancy brain....and pregnancy hormones....you will love this one just like you do the others...

I wanted 4 boys. I got two. I've had 3 miscarriages. I have a daughter from my first marriage. I'll take 6 boys over ONE girl!! LOL!!

Just look at it this way - you're a pro at boys!! A girl would be a HUGE change and you're a girl!! Girls are a pain in the butt!! LOL!! i'm sorry you are disappointed. I truly am. I don't think you're ridiculous. I think it's just a bunch of pregnancy hormones. You will hold that baby in your arms and all of this will wash away!!

3 moms found this helpful


answers from Boston on

First of all, I don't believe in saying that feelings are "ridiculous". They are your feelings, and you need to accept them and deal with them. You also have to remember that your hormones are racing, and you are probably exhausted from raising 3 bio kids and 3 step kids. So cut yourself a little slack there.

One of the problems with technology is that we sometimes know a lot more too soon - and then, as in the case with your last child, we get surprised when technology fails us. So that can cause a realignment of expectations - real ones, and shattered ones. We forget that, a generation ago, everyone waited for the delivery room to find out! (That was after months of hearing that they were definitely having a boy because of how they were carrying, or whether they had heartburn or whatever that indicated the gender. All of which was nonsense.)

I was convinced I was having a girl - my husband had 2 girls already, my brother and his wife had 2 girls, and I think I wished for it because I thought I knew more about raising a girl (whatever that means). One of my uncles and his wife had 3 girls, another uncle on the other side and his wife had 4 boys. When I found out I was having a boy, I was initially disappointed and surprised, but then sorted out how much was my fear of not being a good mother if I didn't "know how" to raise a boy. Obviously, you don't have that situation. But you're probably hearing tons of stuff about "only making boys" and "having a baseball team" and "when are you going to have a girl?" - that's got to have an effect on you. And sometimes we don't want to be the "only" one in our families.

I think if my relatives, and I really hope none of them were disappointed. If it were me, I would say to definitely take some time off work, see a counselor, and go do something to pamper yourself so you can get some much needed rest. You are raising 6 kids, part time or full time, and you have a paid job too. That's a lot for anyone. A counselor can help you sort out your feelings, what your expectations are, what you think raising a girl would give you that raising another son won't, and help you deal with your anxiety.

Good luck - it will get better but it will get even better even faster if you get some professional and objective help.

3 moms found this helpful


answers from Amarillo on

It is nice to want to have that girl to bond with and to do girlie things with. However, she could be more Tom Boy than the boys and you still would not get your ruffles.

Yes, your hormones are all over the place. Pray for a happy, healthy and speedy delivery. When he is delivered you still might get a surprise as you did before and get your girl. I think it was best that we didn't know what gender the baby was until its arrival.

Do take a bit of time off to get used to the idea of being pregnant again after all these years and enjoy this pregnancy to the fullest. Do positive things and make up a baby book to take up some of the time.

Keep us posted on your progress as we love to read how things go.

the other S.

PS When I had my daughter there were times I wished she were a boy as I knew what to do with a boy. She is still not a ruffles and lace kind of girl and pink is not in her wardrobe for anything.

3 moms found this helpful


answers from Anchorage on

You are disappointed and mourning the daughter that could have been, there is no shame in that. Let yourself feel what you are feeling so you can move past it before your beautiful boy arrives.

Blessed Be you and yours

2 moms found this helpful


answers from Washington DC on

I think gender disappointment is normal. I also think that you'll do what you did before - love him and raise him and be happy for a healthy child. Give yourself time to adjust your hopes. It'll be OK.

2 moms found this helpful


answers from Portland on

I went through something similar and was surprised to have another boy. And like you, my heart melted when I held him. Still does when I hug him. Wouldn't trade him for the world.

It's normal to be disappointed. You're hormonal and it's kind of pressure when people start speculating. I found that hard with each of my pregnancies. And in your case, people would really be interested and are probably somewhat outspoken where you have so many boys.

This little guy coming along sounds like he will be adored by all his big brothers and I think that's awesome. What a lucky little guy. He will fit right in.

I have a large family and we were all girls, with one boy. He'd be the first to tell you it wasn't easy being the only boy with so many sisters.

Read your SWH (post it next time in SWH section not as an answer so moms can see) and congratulations on granddaughter :)

2 moms found this helpful


answers from Beaumont on

I understand your feeling that way but you are WAY blessed. I had 2 boys and love the boy mentality...they really are so much easier than girls! Look at it this way, in the not-to-distant future you'll start having those daughters in the form of daughter-in-laws! Count your blessings and congratulations!!

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Las Vegas on

Take it in strides.. Things happen for a reason... I would have LOVED to have another son.. let alone child.. things will work out and once your baby arrives, you'll love it so much that you'll probably wonder why you ever wanted a girl... Look at the bright side too, while all children are different, there are some similarities...you've raised many boys, at least you have practice.. cheer up..

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Miami on

You're such a mess because you're a mass of pregnancy hormones.

Don't beat yourself up. I had a neighbor who tried 3 times to have a girl after she had 3 boys. And yes, she ended up with 6 boys.

Just take things a day at a time. By the time the baby is here, you'll be okay.

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Springfield on

take a deep breath. don't trust anything till that baby is born. i know a couple that had 8 girls before they got their boy... (yes EIGHT) 9 children total (on top of that they named all the girls with BR names and the boy with a J.. i kinda felt sorry for him, 8 sisters to deal with...

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Los Angeles on

There is nothing wrong with feeling disappointed. After raising three boys of your own plus three more, you shouldn't feel guilty for wanting a girl or guilty for being sad that you aren't having one. I think it's good that you found out now - give yourself time to be sad and disappointed. By the time the baby comes, you'll hopefully feel better about it all.

I didn't find out what we were having when I was pregnant with my first - we had a boy. When I was pregnant with my second, I decided to find out what we were having. I knew that if it was a second boy, I would be disappointed and wanted to get all my sadness out before the baby came. I think your feelings are totally normal and you should express them as needed.

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Santa Fe on

I understand that you must be disappointed. But in reality you need to think about how amazing this is! You will have 7 sons! This is incredible!! I hope you can get over your disappointment soon. I think it is amazing that you have so many sons. Think...if you were a past Queen the country you ruled would think you are the greatest in the universe to give them all these heirs to the throne! Sending hugs.

1 mom found this helpful


answers from New York on

Your feelings are your feelings - so cry it out as much as you want. Take a day off. Do what you need to do. I think that you are probably overwhelmed with everyone telling you it's a girl for sure and you being disappointed (which is ok). So grieve a little and move forward. And don't be ashamed. You might also want to see a female therapist just to get yourself past this. It certainly won't do any harm.

And congrats!!



answers from Portland on

Sometimes it's hard to be the only estrogen-bearing body in the household. I get it. When we went in for our 20 wk ultrasound, the doc first said baby was a girl. I was ecstatic. About five minutes later, we got the "oh, well, lookie here, It's a boy"....
I was disappointed at first, true, but then happy all the same.

I think this is a very good reason to find out gender before the birth. As others have said, you will process this and be emotionally available when your son is born to love him up.

Because we knew we were only having one, I knew I would be happy to have this little guy. And when it was time to get cats a couple years ago, I insisted that we get a female to go with the male my husband wanted. "I need at least one more girl in this house!" She's a total love and funnily enough, does balance out the house a little more. Not telling you go get a female pet, just saying, we all have our own ways of coping with disappointment. Mine just happens to be a ditzy Tortie-cat girl.

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