And you are allowing him to live with you because... You must stand up for the rights of you and your family. No one needs to be in an abusive situation whether it is a mate or another member of the family. You must tell him that unless he lives in a congenial atmosphere with the entire family, he must find another place to live. NO one needs to endure this behavior any longer. Whether he is a child, a teen or an 8 year old. The pack leader (and if you don't know who that is watch Cesar Milan on the National Geographic channel) or leader of the house must have all members follow their lead. You do not need to yell or scream obscenities. Simply state house rules and anyone that doesn't want to follow those rules is free to move out. Your family deserves that and your son is a MAN now, he is telling you that in so many words. I know it is hard to say to your son, GET OUT! (I have three grown sons and a daughter) but it is for the good of the entire pack (or family). Strengthen that backbone and be the woman you need to be for the good of the family. If your son is having emotional/psychological issues then you must tell him that in order to be a part of the family, he must get into counseling and sometimes it is up to the entire family to stand behind this..or he must move on down the road. Keep telling this young man that you love him, he is important to you and that you want the best for him, but there is an entire family to consider and he is not the only member. If he wants to be a part of the family, then he must fall into the routine of your family life, if not, he must leave. Be firm. Even if he leaves in a temper and tells you he hates all of you. Smile sympathetically, tell him you are sorry, you love him, but he is not following house rules. Once he is gone, do not spend your days feeling guilty, that is negative. Smile at the rest of the family, insist everyone follows the rules and continue to let your 21 year old know you care about him. Once he understands you mean business, he will either fall into line or he will find his place in his own life and all will be well. Sometimes, they will do things you don't approve of. This is their time to find out who they are...Pray for him, but do not let him disrupt everyone's life. You are in control M., not the children. You must take control of the situation or he will continue to run your life and make everyone miserable. Set up a chart that gives your children certain rules, chores and expectations you have. If they cannot follow, there will be penalties. Even the youngest can help to pick up toys, put trash in the trash can and help you. Moms cannot do it all and shouldn't have to. Don't wait until you cannot stand it anymore and then blow like a volcano. Be calm, assertive and stand by the choices you make. Reward only good behavior and for God's sake don't ignore bad behavior. Give your children consequences. Good luck and I'll keep you in my prayers. God Bless..P.S. Motherhood is a great blessing and I , too, had my last two children later than the first two. Your son, seems to be acting out in an abusive fashion and needs to deal with it. You do NOT need to deal with it. It's time for him to handle his life anyway he wants but not in your house.
