Discipline for an 18Mth Boy

When it comes to the TV and computer I feel a quick slap on the hand or butt will go a long way towards reinforcing "NO!". As for disciplining with everything else I think repetition will be the key. Let him know everytime that you mean business and no means NO. Kids are smart-- he'll catch on =)

K.,
I know you've said you've tried time outs, but maybe you should keep trying them. I've based my time out system on Super Nanny's "naughty chair," although I still call it a time out. Have a small chair or stool somewhere in your house that is away from other toys. When he touches the electrical devices, tell him no. When he does it again, tell him he will now be in time out because he didn't listen to Mommy. Place him on the stool AWAY from you (towards the wall if you can) and hold him there by the hips. He will probably cry and struggle, but hold him while ignoring him and count to 60 in your head. That gives you your 1-minute-for-each-year rule. When you're done, have him face you, repeat why he was in time out in the first place, ask for him to say he's sorry, and ask for a hug and a kiss. Over time, you can move away from him, and if he gets up from the chair, move him back without saying a word (that's important). Eventually, you can sit him in the chair, tell him why he's there, then walk into another room or far away from him (while covertly checking that he's still in the chair) and do the same routine. I started this with my son when he was 18 months old, and now, at 21 months, he's a pro. He takes the time out like a champ, and it really seems to curb the unwanted behavior. Best of luck and keep at it! Consistency is totally key in any discipline situation. Once they know they'll get the SAME punishment each time they do it, they'll stop doing it.

Another note about behavior: it's good to try to figure out why he's doing what he's doing. Most likely it's because he gets a ton of attention for it. Disciplining him with something like the time out described above takes that attention away from him for 1 whole minute, while still providing positive attention with hugs and kisses at the end. Try to curb the behavior with positive attention before it happens. Even if you see him touch the TV, tell him "no" and say "Good Job listening to Mommy!" right after - encouraging that listening and providing positive attention right away.

Good luck,
Amy

My s-i-l bought her boys a calculator to use, they thought it was the remote to the tv. Even though it didn't work on the tv, they were extremely happy to have their own personal remote! As for my own son, I taught him how to play a game on the computer (even though he never won, he didn't care, he was playing on the computer!) making sure he knew to come and get me to pull up the game on the screen. I also showed him how to put movies in the player and play them, making sure the ones he could watch were within his reach (he never sat still long enough to watch them, but liked being able to do it himself). This seemed to satisfy him as all he wanted was to be like mommy and daddy and I was amazed that he could learn these skills at such a young age...but he did! Now that I think back on it, I'm sure it helped him with his fine motor skills too. Just keep that in mind, he wants to be like you, do the things you do....I'm sure if you play around with some ideas, you will find a solution that works!

sounds like my son! constantly into things that i dont want him into. we had an old tv, and it was fine when he touched it, yet we still told him to stop, and he was finally being nice to the tv, which of course means now, we have a new tv with one of those sensitive screens.. and im scared hes going to ruin it. still, he hasnt hit it with anything... but we are trying hard to keep him away.

if you are the creative type, you could make your own tv stand... my husband ended up doign that because our new tv wouldnt fit into our old stand, so my husband just made one. it took him 2 evenings after work, and its beautiful LOL.
the thought is, now, to create some sort of a door or something to protect the tv when we arent watching it.

the computer is another thing our son wanted to play with all the time. i just tried to make a habit out of putting something in front of it so he couldnt push the buttons. distraction, punishment, etc wasnt enough, so i had to practice deterrance!
if there is ANYTHING at all you can put in front of your tv and computer to prevent little fingers, do it. it doesnt matter if its a chair, a box, a pile of books, whatever.
sooner or later, he moves onto something else, trust me. :D currently my son would MUCH rather play in my plants (OOOO DIRT!) than touch the tv or computer. if you can, get him something with buttons that he can play with while youre using the computer. a toy piano thing, an old keyboard... something so he can pretend hes working like you are! :D
consistent. just keep trying. it shouldnt be more than a month and he will be distracted getting into something else.
do you have a Christmas tree? perfect time to get his mind off the tv LOL.
good luck mom. let me konw what works!

I would say,"NO," very firmly and take him away from the TV or computer. It will take a lot of repetition, but it will eventually work. My son (17 months) has a thing for electronics and it has worked for him. Today when I finished talking on the phone he wanted it. I thought, Uh-Oh, but I let him have it to see what he would do. He said,"Thank you," and then put it where it belongs on the charger. I was so proud. Now if I could only get him to keep his clothes on. He's currently running around in a diaper, shirt and one sock. It's always something. Don't get too stressed over it, but make sure he can't pull down the TV or computer and crush himself.

Hi Krista!!!

We found that with our oldest son it was much more effective to put his Bobo Bear (his lovey that he sleeps) with into time out rather then him. We would say, "ok your in timeout" and his response on his way to sit on the stairs was usually, "ok....for how long?" Once I accidently said, "ok...Bobo is in timeout" and he was devestated. Josh is now 5 and I think Bobo has actually only been intime out twice. All I need to do is threaten it now. That being said...there is no way that would be effective for our middle guy (now 3)...so we are trying to find his currency! Good luck :)

What type of things is he doing? For my children, depending on the issue the punishment was different.

Trying to touch the stove/oven got a hard slap on the hand.

Hitting with a toy - toy got taken away for a few days.

Screaming - got sat down in a chair - no toys or TV or fun, until screaming was done. Then talking to him about it. (use your big boy words if you want something etc)

A little more detail can help "us" suggest other ideas.

M.

UPDATE - ideas based on new info. :)

We had this problem as well, and it's a hard one to discipline... My son liked to push buttons, play with the remote, tv, etc. So we got him his own remote (a real one, we just didn't connect it to anything and kept batteries out of it), and toys with lots of buttons - something to distract him with until he was old enough to understand that it was bad to touch the TV without asking first...
Sometimes we would have to stick him in the play pen (pack and play), however after a while he learned how to climb out of it!

Good luck!
M.

A dear friend of our family designed a homemade gadget board for her son when he was a busy little fellow at around 18 months. I recall seeing the board, it had all sorts of hand-operated locks and snaps and such on it. She had used tools and a big piece of wood and screwed all sorts of hardware onto the wood. That way, her son would have stuff to fidget with when she couldn't play with him--and really, at that age, parallel play is what's so popular for the little ones.

I do think that waiting until age two is quite fair for time-outs, and at that age, only a two-minute time out is appropriate (3 minutes for a three-year-old, 4 minutes for a four-year old, and so on).

Most parents tend to over-rely on punishment. The problem with punishment, as you have yourself discovered, is that it tends not to work very well.

You can get a book at the library called the Kazdin Method. Reading this book will help you identify the behavior that you don't like, figure out what the opposite behavior would be, and then shape that behavior with praise and reward.

Hi Krista!

I had a similar problem with outlets! I think the best advice is to be consistant. Use the same "time-out" place each time (we use a wall- "nose to the wall" is what we tell our girls for time-out) and in the beginning we would just have to sit there with them until they understood that it is not OK to behave that way.

It is amazing what an 18mo understands as well. If you keep doing the same punishment over and over again for the same things he will catch on fast! I think it is harder on us than it is on them sometimes!

Good luck!

Hi K.,
Ugh, we *just* came through this (my little guy is 20mo.) so I KNOW what you're talking about. For us, it was the TV, too, and also climbing on the tables. We tried the same things you did, and nothing seemed to work. I had ECFE come for a home visit, and they said that there wasn't a lot we could do except be consistent with our rules to reinforce them, and eventually they'd kick in. I was not happy to hear that...how many times during one meal preparation can I pull him off the dinig room table?:) She did suggest the Happiest Toddler on the Block DVD, which you can get from the library or through netflix. I've watched some, and it has helped. (We also watched the 123 Magic video, which has been AWESOME for our 5 yo, and I suspect will be helpful for my little one later on.)

Then all of a sudden, about a week or two ago, things seemed to click. The battles have been fewer, he seems to respect the boundaries more, and even listens many times when I tell him to stay away from something. In other words, it is probably a phase that you might have to ride out. But while you're doing that, don't give up on the rules you already have set ("we don't play with the TV, don't touch the outlets," etc.), because even though it seems they're falling on deaf ears, when your little guy gets better at impulse control, they'll be engrained in him. Good luck!!

This suggestion is specifically for pushing buttons and is one I lifted from Parents Magazine for my own crazy guy (15 months) - have a "button day" where you bring him around to every thing he can push or flip - light switches, remote control, vcr, dvd, cable, etc. Explain that it is a very special day and that he is only allowed to push these buttons on button day and when mommy and daddy are there. You may need to repeat button day a few times, but it has helped us to get it out of our boy's system to push a bunch of buttons for one day - better to push electronic buttons for a day then to push my buttons continuously!!!

Hope this helps!

First, figure out what he is trying to get when he touches the tv/computer. Is he looking for attention because Mom or Dad is concentrating on the screen instead of him? If so, he is accomplishing his goal when you raise your voice or distract him or scold him... After all, negative attention is better than no attention. The solution in that case would be to remove him from the item and sit him down on a little chair or whatever you like and hold him there if he gets up (always touching him gently but firmly, try very hard not to let him feel anger through your touch. He must sit there for 1 minute (start timing after he stops struggling). IMPORTANT not to say anything. Actions speak louder than words, and words give him the attention he wants. Afterwards, let him get up with an invitation to play with xxxx (redirection) and have a happy attitude - its over and done with. Do this each and every time and he will stop after he figures out that you are serious. Slip up a few times and it will be worse than ever because he will know you are unreliable.

The other part is to give him what he is looking for before he gets into trouble. If he needs more attention, make a point to play with him before you get on the computer.

About the laughing- they do that sometimes because they are unsure/uncomfortable with what is happening. My son used to do that, and if I ignored the laughing and kept a stern matter of fact attitude he would see I was serious and then he would cry for a minute. After that he would get all lovey huggy with me and then off to play. I think it is a mistake to respond to the laughing, they are trying to deal with the situation.

Keep working at the time-outs. You may have to hold him (gently of course) down for the first few, but this has worked wonders for our son. We started with the time-outs because of turning on/off the tv.

Something I think that aided time-outs was that the time for sitting was as long as it took us to count to 10. A side effect was that our son surprised us and could count to ten by 20 months.

We now use a timer and he (son is 26 months) either sits for 1 or 2 mins. If he won't stay in the chair he goes in his crib.

Good Luck. Just remember, what ever method you choose will require presistance and patients. It won't work perfect -- especially right away.
We no longer need to make a lot of trips to time-out.

K.,

Sometimes the best solution for children this little is prevention and distraction. For a few dollars, you can buy a plastic guard that blocks the buttons on the TV. Or you can just tape a piece of paper over the buttons, but not the "eye" that receives remote signals. The computer could have the power button taped and the keyboard put out of reach.

For the computer, if you keep it in an office or bedroom, I would keep the door shut so he can't get in. If he comes in and he touches the buttons, take him out and shut / lock the door. If the computer is out in the open and you see him go for it, take him to another room or give him something else to do.

Kids this little often don't distinguish between positive and negative attention and so parents' attempt to discipline can become a game to them. Time out is much more effective closer to age two as long as it is done correctly. They have to stay in one spot and not recieve any attention. You may need to buckle him in a booster seat for a while to make that happen.

Good luck,
S.