Discipline Advice for My 16Y

Honestly...I would look into Running Start.

It's free to take classes at college for HS students, her HS has to abide by the schedule, and it may just shake things up enough to get her going again.

((So too, if she starts Running Start, you may find her very excited to actually be going to her HS...since it will be on odd hours (making her feel adult) & because that's the only time when she sees her friends. It will no longer be the daily drudgery...but something that happens in between her college classes.))

In fact...you could go the route of REALLY shaking things up, and get her involved in her own life. It's really easy to fall into HS-groove, where nothing really matters and everything is amorphous, and what happened 3rd period is CRISIS WORSE THEN GAZA. I'd still HIGHLY recommend getting her into some college classes, regardless...and you're lucky...BCC is the best CC on the West Coast, and it's only 15 minutes away from Kirkland. But if you want to shake her loose try this:

- Rent a hotel room for a night and give her about two weeks notice that you're going to be having a "Girls Life Night" where just the two of you are going to be talking about the future & planning & her ideas for her life & "schtuff".

- Tell her bring everything she can think of relating to what she wants to do after HS...but don't expect her to actually have everything.

You bring the following:

- Craigslist
- NW Jobs
- Info on Running Start
- BCC's big fat all classes offered book / course calendar
- BCC's spring registration
- UW/Seattle U course calendar
- Beauty School/ Horsetraining School/ Technical school ...essentially whatever it is that she is interested in course catalogue and requirements.
- An open mind
- etc.

So you order up room service (or bring in burgers) and sit up late and talk. Find out, find out, find out, & plan. This might even turn into a bit of a tradition. Especially with having two such younger siblings...she's going to feel very special and very adult having this happen...and the "trust" that she's being put in charge of her own life and has a say (duh...why do so many teenagers not realize this? Hello!! You're not 4) can also help tp spark some animated discussion. Having those course catalogs & job listings are key though...so you can have something very solid to look at requirements. It might help too, to have Dorm Room&Board, and apartments for rent stuff with you. Get her thinking. Get her planning. The theme for the night could essentially be "Out out of the amorphous, tangled, & vague!! Details, laughter, & planning like only women can!!"

Good Luck!

I was similar in HS. I was an honors student who did *no homework*. I ended up getting "mercy passes" my final semester. (If my college had checked final semester grades I would have been rejected.)

I had lost interest in school and was too distracted with all the activities I was in. Perhaps your daughter needs to focus on one thing (outside of friends/boys). Take a long date with her and ask her what she wants to do. Perhaps some trips to local colleges to see what school is like, that science is required there too, and perhaps something to help her regain focus.

It sounds like you need more daily time with her. Does your family have dinner together daily?

She sounds a lot like me at that age! Boys, driving, friends, pop-culture, etc. Why bother working hard at what I don't perceive to be necessary? Add in today's teenagers' new social scene: the constant interruptions due to technology (texting, IMs on the computer, facebook, myspace, etc.), multitasking is something we expect, not an occasional event!

She might be "rebelling" as the other mom mentioned, and she might be frustrated that at one time all subjects were super easy for her, and now--she has to work to do well in those subjects. I remember having a math teacher tell me once (in 8th grade) that I was just not a good math student, and that by 8th grade if I didn't "get it", I never would. That was my easy "out"--from that point forward, I believed it and lived it. It really SUCKED to have to take "dumb" algebra my first year of college, and then take other math classes at the community college to "catch up" in order to take the "real" math classes at my University in order to graduate with my ENGLISH teaching degree... So, yes when I was 16, I assumed I didn't need it and then at 20, I kicked myself! Feel free to share my story with her.

She might be bored, if she's really smart maybe there's a thrill in procrastination? I would have been an A+ student if only classwork and big projects/essays would have counted, but add that homework element in the mix, and boom C student.

She might be telling you in some way that she NEEDS you to step in and give her a rigorous schedule. When she gets home from school, until her homework is done, you can try to give her a routine she must follow. She can do that until her grades go up, or it can be something you just set in place until she graduates. Tell her that you know she doesn't really need to struggle like she is, and you know how incredibly important her HS experience will be in terms of setting her up for college. Tell her the expectation is that she does indeed go to college (even if that isn't what you necessarily envision), to create the common expectation in school and at home.

I was a good kid, but a not-so-good student. I think my parents let me "off the hook" too much because of my good behavior in other ways. Now they both see me as a success, but deep inside I wish they would have pushed me more and held me more accountable. Hopefully your daughter will appreciate your efforts sooner rather than later!

I'm willing to bet that during the past few years you've been focused on her younger sibling and as of late, the baby. She's begging for attention, any attention and she's getting it. What sort of things are you asking her to do at home to pitch in while you're tending to the baby? Does she help with her 7 yr old brother? The house is focused on younger things. What activities is she involved in at school? Any athletic teams? Music as band, orchestra, choir? Drill, dance teams?, Drama productions? Do you go or take to her any of these events? When it comes to her grades, you need to show her the relevance of her science classes. If she doesn't pass her science classes she won't gain admittance to a Washington state 4 yr college. It's one of those requirements. If she hasn't taken the 10th grade WASL yet, she'll find that there's a science test... she wants to pass it, that test score goes on her permanent transcript. Regardless of her grades, if she's not doing her best she's not doing what she needs to do. Good things happen to good kids. She does her best on all things, she may be allowed to go out with friends. Group dates are better than one on one ocassions. I've got 3 kids, 1 daughter and 2 sons, my daughter and one son have graduated from high school and are in college, my youngest son is a sr this yr. Yes, grades are a big issue for me when I know they're not putting for the effort. When classes are difficult and I see the perspiration and the requests for help I don't complain about the grade on the paper. She's wanting to cut the apron strings and be in charge of her own life, but she must earn the scissors and show she knows how to use them effectively, not hurting herself or those around her. Parenting teenagers is not for the faint of heart. That's why our kids are so cute when they're born, they are entwined in our hearts, becoming the fabric of our lives, so that when they become teenagers we just don't push them out or cut them off, as they are most definitely a part of us. Remember the terrible two's? They were the preparation for the traumatic teens. Best of luck!!! To persist is to achieve!!!