Has anyone figured out a way to make a 2 year old listen???? A punishment that works???? 'Cause I've been using time-outs & they don't seem to work @ all!
Consistency and good reinforcement are what got us through that. My son is 3.5 now and he still has some tough phases. They don't understand punishment yet. Try, and again I say try, to ignore the bad behavior and praise lots and reinforce good behavior. When they don't get a response for the bad stuff, they realize pretty quickly that it doesn't work.
You should not discipline such a young baby. 2 years old is too young to be expected to "listen to orders" or behave as you would want them to. They are learning about life and boundaries - so of course you can teach them not to do something, but don't expect them to listen for some time. Time outs are pointless at this young age, as you've found out. I would suggest you use distraction or a firm NO and a short reason why it's a NO NO. Then move on to something else. Maybe your child is acting out because they want more attention, or they are tired, or hungry. They don't act out to make us mad - although we feel that way sometimes. This age can be very frustrating, mine is 17 months and I believe she's decided to reach her "terrible two's" a little early. Her first complete sentence was " I don't want too!" LOL Just be patient and remember it will pass - hopefully! Good luck.
K.
Kellyis.stayinhomeandlovinit.com
myspace.com/luvinstayinhome
2 year olds are just toddlers... they will not 'listen' as adults do or obey everything we say. They are still learning about the world. They will not always listen. You have to use methods that are APPROPRIATE for their age. Not all kids will 'understand' what time outs are for or what 'punishments' are for. Is your child out of control... or just being a child? Maybe talking with your Pediatrician is best... or taking some parent classes on discipline. If your child truly has 'listening' problems or other behavior problems (beyond what's normal), then you have to address it with your Doctor. 2 years old is the 'terrible two's' anyway.. and the are learning about boundaries and right and wrong. They need positive reinforcement... not always being told they are naughty. Kids even this young can 'tune out' what they don't want to hear. Try looking online ( www.babycenter.com ) and see what good methods other parents or professionals use. Every family is different and every child... but it has to be age appropriate.
Good luck though.... we all know how frustrating it can be. Take care!
~Susan
www.cafepress.com/littlegoogoo
Hmmm...it's really interesting to see the different opinions on this topic. As someone with an MA in Psychology and who has worked with children in therapeutic situations, I have to say that "punishment" is rarely helpful. Children definitely need consistency, boundaries and to understand that there are consequences for their actions. It is easy to reinforce negative behavior without realizing it (i.e. it gets the child the attention they are craving). You could check out a website called kidshealth.org - they have some good info on positive discipline. There's also some good info in books like "How to talk so kids will listen and listen so kids will talk" (Faber/Mazlish), "Becoming the Parent you want to be" (Davis/Keyser) and even though it doesn't have a specific section on discipline, "Raising an emotionally intelligent child" by John Gottman is worth reading too (in all the spare time you have as a mommy - lol!!!). Good luck - I hope you find what works for you and your little one.
Hi K.
I also I have a two and half year old girl. First at all you need to have alot of patience. They go through stages, but I'll recomend you to read. It has help me so much. The book I'm reading right now is "The fivae Love Languages of Children" by Gary Chapmana & Ross Campbell, M.D.
Good luck! I hoope it helps....
I use this gentle discipline 5 step method, but I usually only have to 3 steps;
1. State what you want, i.e. 'Time to get out of the bath tub'.
2. Repeat request getting down ontheir level looking them in the eye- give them something to look forward to; i.e. 'Get out of the tub, now its story time!'
3. Say, 'Can you ___ yourself, or does mommy need to help you ___'
Use the phrase consistently each and every time. So in my example I would say, 'Can you get out of the tub yourself, or do I need to help you out.' Sometimes I count 1,2,3. Either way, you are making your words happen.
4. If they still aren't following directions, say, 'You are having trouble ___. Mommy will help you now.' And then I would take her out of the tub, or help him put the toys away or whatever else you need to make happen.
5. Bear Hug. If total meltdown happens, and you need to keep him and others safe, get behind him and hold him until he calms down.
Check out http://aolff.com/?page_id=6 for more info. If you use the same wording consistently and follow through consistently they will start to understand that what you say has meaning and you will make it happen if they don't. And at two they want to do things all by themselves so this can work to your advantage!
Good luck!
T.
I'm 100% with Sandra Wolf on this one! Wow. May I also suggest you read "Smart Love," by Peiper, PhD and Peiper, MD. It's revolutionary and the best parenting read ever written (Can you tell I LOVE it?). In real life, most parents will draw a harder line between the negotiables and non-negotiables than what the book suggests. However, that's a minute detail; it will change most parents' view of parenting. You just have to get past the first couple of chapters which are convicting and difficult truths to acknowledge. Timeout is dangerous, used the conventional way. I feel like I'm repeating what I just wrote on my own website a little while ago, in reponse to a similar question (and my hands hurt and naptime is almost over). I'll just post the link. You've gotten some great advice here. I hope it helps. Hang in there! :-)http://lhlearnandplay.com/WordPress1/?p=6#comments
~J. ("lhlearnandplay")
Kim,
I know it may be rough at first, but think of what he likes the most... maybe a certain toy or maybe its a certain movie he loves to watch. If he loves cartoons, maybe if you start taking away the things he likes, he will most likely start to listen because he doesnt want those things taken away. With my son, he is now almost 4 and he loves the Disney channel and loves to play video games. Yesterday he got in so much trouble at school that he wasnt allowed to watch tv or play video games. He definitely was being on his best behavior this morning before school. I have tried time-outs for so long because I hate yelling because I was yelled at as a child and I hate spanking unless I absolutely have to. So for most matters my husband and I take things away. I hope this helps. let me know how things work out.
Hi K.
Toddlers can be just as difficult as teenagers. I know because I have a 15 year old 11 year old a 3 and 2 year old. Toddlers and baby's quickly pick up on our emotions and will act out accordingly. Toddlers have a difficult time expressing themselves and often times will act out or not listen becuase of this. I found that when I understood the reason my toddlers are doing what they are doing it made perfect sense. Every child need limits and bounderies to feel secure but they also need to feel understood. I learned the hard way but, I found if I give my toddler more choices it helped not only in the tantrums but in listening to. Let your toddler pick out there own clothes, Giving them clear choices such as go to the park and play or stay home and read a book. I always give choices when possible it helps them feel more in control. I try to say no as little as possible. Before you ask your toddler to stop doing something or do something ask yourself is it absolutely necessary and is worth fighting about. I don't reward behavior that is not acceptable and try not to forget to reward them when they behave and listen. When dad comes home or I talk to grandma on the phone I let my toddler hear how good they are and how proud I am of them. Don't worry you both will get thru this stage and barely remember it. Whatever you do if it is with love your toddler will feel it.
Been there and there again!
lots of fun J.
Hi,
What kind of behavior is getting him in timeout?
PS! Don't be fooled into believing that 2 year olds don't understand different types of discipline including time-outs, as mentioned in other responses or you will create a monster.
Kids are smarter than we all realize, at very young ages.
From the time kids are brought home from the hospital, they need rules, boundries, an discipline. They want it and they crave it.
It would be easier to answer your question with more detailed information about some of the specific behavior problems that you and he are experiencing.
I have all kinds of different techniques, for different types of behavior problems.
D.
Children coming into the world right now are often very sensitive to their environment. I've read and been told by educators and psychologists, that they are very aware. This awareness makes them want to manipulate their environment and become frusterated very easily when they cannot do it. My daughter is a lot like this. She is now almost 4 and it has been a difficult road as a parent. However, the thing I am learning more deeply now, is to take the time to understand what she is thinking or trying to accomplish. When I see this, I am not so shocked by her actions, and do not end up yelling and scolding so much. Instead, I either enable her to achieve her goal in a safe way, or I may have to tell her that this is not something she can do, but she can do such and such. In other words give her an option to participate in a different way that she is physically or verbally ready to handle.
I hope this makes sense. My son who is 16 now, had similar issues. I remember the pain of it distinctly at age 2 when I was trying time-outs. I was frusterated that he didn't seem to show remorse and that he would do the same undesirable behavior again if he felt he needed to. Now, looking back, I can see where he was coming from, and how I could have handled things differently.
Encouragement for you mom: be consistent, but always be fair, and never assume. Our children at age two, can be brilliant at times. Come from love, not fear of losing control. You will remain patient, and sane in the process.
Much love,
C.
