Discipline - 16 Month Old

I highly recommend the book Happiest Toddler on the Block. It helps give you the tools to communicate on their level right away. Do it sooner rather than later, I really wish I had gotten to it sooner it woulda made the last year less frustrating.

She's telling you she understands that when she feeds the dog you say "no". She does not understand that she is not supposed to do it.

Try redirection. Toddlers don't really get the meaning of the word no until closer to age 2 in my experience.

Jessica

It seems that when you tell children "no" it just continues to focus them on whatever it is you don't want them to do. The best thing is to distract or redirect. I would recommend a book called "the Happiest Toddler on the block" to understand what's going on in your little one's head.

I only use "no" when it is something serious or something that can cause them harm. I do this because I want the word to have value. If they hear it all the time it begins to decrease the value or seriousness of the word. If my daughter is say, throwing books, she will hear "we don't throw books. Let's pick up the books" rather than "no". But if she's putting her hand near the hot stove she'll hear a loud "no" and she will stop in her tracks because it's not something she normally hears. Now at 25 months she understands "no" has great meaning because it has been used sparingly.

Also, by saying "we don't feed the doggie" and redirecting her you are teaching her it's a behavior you don't want her to engage in. "No" doesn't have much meaning to a 16 month old but actions such as telling her not to feed the dog and removing her or the dog from the situation shows her what you want to stop.

Redirection is going to be your best bet. Toddlers don't think through cause and effect. They try things just to see what will happen to satisfy their curiosity. I found a whole roll of toilet paper unraveled behind my sons crib once because he wanted to know how long it was. Don't have the dog in the room at meal time. She is not going to understand people food is not good for dogs, and if given the chance, she'd probably happily chew on a dog biscuit. Once she learns the power of 'no', she is going to be using it on you all the time. (I think every terrible 2 / terrible 3 goes through this phase at some time or another. It makes you wonder why we have to teach them to talk in the first place.) When my son went through it, I'd start singing a song (any song) and make all the words 'no'.

I've used no, but I try to say why the behaviour isn't done, and re-direct to something else or find an alternate thing to do that's ok. Like perhaps with the feeding the dog her food - explain that people food is for people and dog food is for dogs, and would she like to feed the dog when she's done eating her food...

You got a lot of good answers...it is what they go through at that age. Redirection always worked with our son. Try giving her an actual dog treat and tell her that she eats her food but she can give the doggy one of his treats. Chances are she'll love to help doing it. I even let my son help us dump the cup of food in the dogs bowl.

Redirection and Consistency is the best answer. This is the age where they will test you more than ever, but they also like and need to have limits and boundries set; believe it or not. My little one feeds the dog everynite too. We just keep telling her to stop and explain to her why and then redirect her attention..hmm, we have probably been doing this for the past 5 mos; she is 16 mos also; yesterday. It is a broken record..but we need to remain consistent. I'm sure it will pay off. We will see.

Nellie,

Kids that age believe it or not can understand more than "no". We tend to tell our kids no thinking it's simple for them to understand, but no to their little minds mean "why can't I do that, let me test you again"..lol. When my son does something I don't want him to do I tell him "Don't throw food on floor" and then re-direct him. "Don't hit, that's not nice"...so now his favorite phrase when I tell him something is "nat nat nigh" lol - so cute...

I didn't read all of the responses but just to be sure you got some good advice I got - more often than not also try to tell them what they CAN do. "Please don't feed the dog your food. But, you know what? You CAN try to use this spoon to put it in your mouth!" or - even something distracting and unrelated - "You can help me put all these bowls away after lunch. Did you see this one? It's red... Blahbitty blah blah..."

Ha! This is not advice, but just wanted to tell you I laughed at your post b/c we keep joking that my 15 month old baby boy is going to think that the name of all the electric sockets, the fire place and the t.v. is "no". He actually looks at the things he's not supposed to touch, says "no" and then touches them. :) I tried slapping his hands - not very hard at all - but he just hits the air and I think that's just teaching him to hit - so we've taken to putting him in the pack-and-play that we have set up in the living room if he's touching things he's not supposed to.

It sounds like you have a very interactive little girl! Other moms suggested you involve her in feeding the dog -- great idea! For verbal cues, you can try "This is Susie's food...But this is Spot's food." We do alot of "This is Kitty's box" and "Not for Jon" when our son goes near the cat food or the cat litter. It is hard for him to resist occasionally dropping things into the cat's bowl, though! If we had a laundry room, I'd put it cat stuff there, but we don't, so it's right in the kitchen as a major temptation!

At that age, you have to pair "no" with redirection and distraction. She's too little to understand. Be firm, and consistient and it will be a good start.

yeah my 21 month old is the exact same way. he use to listen but now when i tell him no he rushes to do it again. i am not one of thoes no no no moms that say it in a sing song voice either, i give a firm "no" but he still rushes to do it. my 3 year old was and still is the same way. my 3 year old has big time middle child syndrome though. now when i tell my 7 year old girl no she listens, i get lip from her but she has never been like the boys. i don't have an anwser for you i just want to let you know you are not alone.

I hate to say it - but you will say it over and over and over again. Really until about 2 or 2 1/2 the biggest part of discipline is consistency and frequency. So whether you say no or not - you just have to remain constant and consistent.

I say no with both of my children. It's what I would say naturally. But then I remove them from the area. Eventually at 16 months they get the idea - but it takes a long time and lots of patience.

Good luck.

Not saying "no" is the world's new way of working with a child...Which makes "no" sense to me. "No" is something we experience everyday. I think "no" is fine when you are saying it for the child's well-being and you explain why. Yes, even at 16 months. People think a baby doesn't understand. They do. They have brains that are like a sponge and developing at a rapid speed. They learn how to communicate before they can speak, just by their cry and body language. As mom's we know when their hungry, tired, sick, and frustrated because we learn how to distinguish their cry and body language. This is based on observation from mom AND baby. They lay in their cribs, or in your arms, etc. observing. They may not be able to speak in sentences, but they understand. That's how they learn to apply the language as they speak. Observation.

If they don't listen after you tell them the first time...You can remove them from the area or take something away. Explain why. You of course need to observe. As mom you will learn what works with each senario. Always be consistant. This helps even as they get older. Congrats on your baby!

Well, I read some of the post and at 16 months there is only so much you can do, but to be consistent. I usually saved the no for the big things, that would hurt my son, and he would stop immediately. I was a professionally nanny for twenty years and I always told the parents to use their words, just like I told the kids. Yes, it takes a lot longer and can be exhausting to say it over and over. In your example, you could say, "Emma, your food is for you and rover has his own food. Please do not feed him your food. Thank you." And she will still feed the dog and you will have to say this a "million:" times, but she will get it. Also, you can say when you are done I will get you a doggie treat to feed rover, he would really like that. It is hard to take the time every time to "teach" your child what the no means and why the no is being said. I always tell parents for a child to be spoiled that have to know what the difference is and they can't understand that until about four/five when then get the idea about x gets me this and y gets me that.. Just keep up the good work and one day you will ask her to stop and she will and all your hard work will pay off.

Good luck!

Mom,
I would not worry about this "no phase," I know many toddlers say this word at this age and I think it is part of learning. My daughter used to say "no do" when she knew ( from 1 until about 2 ) she was doing something she was not supposed to do. It was almost like she was correcting herself. I think at this age little ones understand this word and they like to say it, its easy to say for them and because it has meaning for them and gives them a little sense of accomplishment. I teach young children and we try not to use the word "no" when correcting a child in class, instead we tell them what we want them to do. For example when a child runs indoors we say," Tommy, please use walking feet inside." Instead of saying "stop yelling" we use "inside voice please. " If a child is being rough, we say, "please use gentle hands Susan" etc. I think it is a much better way to correct young children; it tells and teaches them what we want them to do and keeps teachers from saying "No!" all day which is so negative. The only time I use "no!" firmly is when a child is in danger of hurting themselves or another chiild. It is hard to remember to use words this way, but once you do it for a while, it comes snaturally. It is a technique I learned my college early child development classes. When you use it your speech teaches the positive, rather than sounding so negative all of the time. This method works. A suggestion when you daughter is feeding the dog her food is to say "Mommy feeds, Rex??, dog food, not ....(your daughter's name)... food" Another thing that you will find to be affective with young children is to get down at your daughter's eye level when you talk to her about more serious things. When you make eye contact w/ your child at her level, you will see your words seem to have more meaning. Try it a few times , just take one or both of her little hands when you talk to her about more important things and you will see the difference than when you are standing 4 ft taller and telling her something, it works. You sound like a good mom to want to not be so negative all of the time. Hope my ideas help.
Good luck

The book "smart love" by martha heineman Pieper and william pieper is a great read for this age. so is alfie kohn's unconditional parenting and Jane Nielsen's "how to talk to your children so they will listen and listen so they will talk." It is true that children at that age do not understand No as we understand it and can be more upset over it than necessary. At that age, often a diversion to something that is good eg. let's feed the dog his own food honey, is often more productive. Also some things are developmental phases that will just pass without the need for No or yelling etc. eg. throwing food - just put down a floor covering and let the child at it. Now that I have a 3 yr old, I understand why many psychologists differentiate between strategies for up to 3 and then other strategies for over 3. There is a world of difference between what they understand at 2 and what they understand at 3 and expecting a 2 yr old to stop doing something that is perhaps developmentally appropriate is both a waste of time and also not very helpful to the child. There are a few areas where No is essential and those involve health and safety eg. NO do not put your hand near the iron, stove, hot radiator at grandmas or whatever. Good luck. This too will pass.

> I was reading other posts and many talking about disciplining without
> using the word "no". What is the reasoning behind that?

you then answer your own question

> I will say "no", she will point at the dog and say her version of "no",
> and then do it again.

Words are new to her. She doesn't get all the nuances and won't for several years. She is very concrete in her thinking. Very "now".

One effective thing is ACTIONS. Move her away so she isn't doing it. So "no" gets associated with her moving away and NOT doing it. It may be a bit of an effort on your part now, but it will pay off for YEARS to come. She'll learn that what you say happens.

Or better yet, keep her out of reach of the dog's food and avoid the issue all together. You've avoided the conflict. She's too young to understand more than it's cool to stuff this into the dog's mouth. She will grow, understand more and not do it as her decision. Until then, why fight about it. There's so many things she will want to be at odds with you about. Limit them and parenting gets easier.

I always tried to say what you CAN do. For example picture 'don't feed the dog' and picture 'keep your hands in your lap'. What is easier to get a mental image of?

Hope that helps. I ended up rambling a bit....