Discilpine of a 7 Year Old

i think that is a little excessive. My child is only about 4 years old and I don't see what that lady's problem is. Some people are more extreme in punishment. I personally would not ground my boy over those things-they're not that significant. Maybe that was the way she grew up. Maybe she doesn't know any better. One of my sister's grounded her daughter for a whole summer over lying about doing her homework and grades. At first I thought it was excessive but then I realized that it was a pretty big deal-the lying. I never did discuss it with her. I have another sister that if you tell her anything, any kind of critisizim, then you are against her and get no where. Unfortunately, the woman sounds like one of those people. It's a tough situation. You can't call Child Protection because she isn't physically damaging her child. I hate to say this but there really isn't anything you can do and it's obvious she won't listen to you either.

No one likes to be told that they are a bad parent. Usually people are doing the best that they know how to do and you had mentioned that this woman's other child is having difficulties. Maybe this woman is overcompensating. A great way I have found to help people without telling them their parenting is lacking is for instance when this woman tells you that she grounded her daughter for giving her coat to a friend that was cold would be to say "what a thoughtful daughter you have that she cares for her friends this way. She must have learned this kindness from you. You are teaching your daughter to be kind and we so need this in the world today. I understand how you could be upset by her not getting her coat back. Kids that age have such a short attention span. This will change when she gets a little older." This in no way makes this single mother feel that she is a bad parent but gives her something to think about. Gentle information and guidance goes a long way when talking with anyone. It is such a shame that we get owners manuals with cars, dvds, radios, tvs, which do not matter very much in the whole scheme of things and for the most important things in life, our children, there are no manuals that teach us to be good parents. Some of us are lucky to have had wonderful parents and others are not so lucky and so did not have the great example of good parenting taught to us. I understand your frustration but you can turn this into a positive by getting to know this mother more and offering your friendship. Maybe she could use a mentor and you can gently show her a better way by example and gently, without judgement help this parent help her daughter. It takes time and patience and you may not see any results for a long time, but soon you will see some changes and this mother will appreciate this in the long run. Parenting, the most important job in the world has no training program, no class, not taught in schools, universities, and requires a lot of patience and determination. Remember that all of us are doing the best we can in the moment and is difficult when two parents are present. For one parent, it is even more challenging. You sound like you are a kind and compassionate parent and have much to offer. You also care deeply about other children which is so wonderful. Share your knowledge with kindness and then let go of the outcome that we do not have control over. Share your wisdom which it sounds like you have a lot of.

I know I'm going to be in the minority here, but I see nothing wrong with the discipline.

I came from parents who grounded me for a week for bringing home a B on a report card (yes, even in elementary school.) Why? Because I was a straight A student and it was expected of me to bring home A's... B's meant I was goofing off. My sister did not have this rule, as she was not a straight A student. My parents knew me and knew what I could do... although it is negative reinforcement, it was a reinforcement of my abilities.

I expect a lot from my 6 YO. Depending on the importance of the teacher's note, yeah, I'd ground my child. I expect a lot but I get a lot in return. My 6 YO is a fantastic student and child.

I look at other parents and think that they are very lax on their discipline. I don't say anything because it's none of my business... unless it becomes my business when their child puts my child in danger, hurts my child, or if they are at my house they don't follow my rules.

And you know what, that is her child and she has the right to discipline her child as she sees fit without major physical harm. You have your opinion on how children should be disciplined... but it's just that, your opinion.

Hi M.. I totally agree with you. I have 2 daughters grown and 2 grandkids, girl 7 and boy 2. It was a wonderful gesture this child made to give her coat to another child and should be praised for it not punished. Sometimes I feel some people have no business having children. Kids are not our "property" they're just ours for a little while to care for and love. I sure hope someone can get through to this Mom and she can someday see her child differently.

Congratulations on having 4 grown responsible children. That is something for you to be proud of. In all honesty, you have no right to judge the parenting skills of another mother. You have no idea what struggles are going on in their house and for you to criticize a mother on her parenting style is wrong. All that will come out of that is defensiveness. Maybe you could redirect your efforts from criticism to support. This mother is doing it all be herself. None of us are perfect and rather than telling her what she did wrong, why don't you step up and simply give the child the positive reinforcement she deserves in a manner that does not step on her mother's toes. The goal here is to uplift the child without breaking down their family. We could all sit around and point out what we are better at, but that does not have a positive effect. How can you have a positive effect on that entire family? You will be amazed how much better of an outcome you will get for you and for them. Oh, and please do not do anything for them and have some kind of expectation. Just do it because it is the right thing to do. God bless your family.

Unfortunately, the Mom does sound a bit extreme but not enough grounds for any official intervention. If the child has contact with other caring more reasonable adults, that may help compensate a bit. You could privately tell her you thought it was nice of her to loan the coat, as could others.
The mother probably needs to be approached with some tact. If her first child did not turn out so well, she may be very self-conscious and thus over-compensating. Sometimes just leading by example instead of instruction works better for defensive individuals. Or a more neutral source of info about reasonable expectations for kids, like a book, could be given to her by someone who has NOT confronted her.
Good luck!

though the discipline by your standards may be a little harsh the little girl is not your child and it is not your buisness to get into. She has her own reasons for the disciplines she chooses as we all do. I am sure that others have not agreed with your parenting methods as well. It is that way with all parents. As long as the child is not being abused you have no need to get involved in this situation.

She's not beating or physically hurting her child ? Then let it go....that's not your child.

I'm sure if she wanted to know what your take was on her discipline,
she'd ask.