I found out yesterday I am having another boy (I'm due in March). I was really really sure I was having a girl and I can't believe how disappointed I am. I am very blessed to have this chance to have another baby - but I am just sad. I have a two-year-old little boy who I just adore, and I am excited to have another boy to be his playmate. However, my husband doesn't want any more kids - and I find myself being crushed thinking about the future. My sons will be off doing things with their dad (my husband said - now I have to learn all about sports - great) - and when they grow up - they won't stay close to their mom like a daughter would. I was hoping to have that kind of closeness with a daughter when she grew up, and I was hoping to pass my wedding dress on to her, help her plan a wedding, help her with grandkids. It's just not the same with sons. I don't know any guys who are close with their moms. Just thinking about this makes me depressed. I know I will get over this someday - I wanted to deal with it now - as opposed to waiting until my baby was born - but I can't help but feel really crushed. Any words of wisdom welcome.
Update (8/20/08) - My boy is now almost 6 months old - and I can't imagine it any other way. I went through my grieving process - and occasionally have pangs of "what if ..." but I adore my little boy just as I thought I would. It still helps to continue to receive responses on this topic and I am so glad to have asked this question since you all have helped me make my peace and let it go.
Thank you all for the supportive responses. Believe me - as I said - I am blessed to be having another child, and I really hope he is healthy when he comes out. Thanks for the validation to allow me to grieve. I will make my peace with this before the baby comes, and I know once the baby is here - any thoughts of "what if" for a girl will vanish. It's hard to see it now, given that I am still "grieving" but I want to feel this grief, work through it and let it go. It was especially helpful to hear from the moms of just boys. Thank you all again!
Ok I kjnow this is late but here goes... I have 2 boys and its great they are dclose in age... if you can wait a bit adn go for No. 3 you may or may not get the girl but 3 is fun!! Work but fun!! If you feel you will want another child you can do it!! You were very honest expressing you wanted a girl... You are grateful for what you have and will continue to be a great mom!! :0)
Honey, boys are so much fun!! and trust me, they don't whine near as much. I have two grown young men (20 & 19 yrs) and I have an 11 yr old daughter.
I think it's just important to stay involved in their lives and be supportive to them as they grow. They will love having each other to play with and will appreciate their bond as they get older. And yes they will fight, but somehow when they're grown it makes them closer.
Try to believe in the bond a mother has with her children. I always thought my sons would be closer to their father. But they show me a love and respect that is different. You are somebody in their lives that nobody can change. I hope this helps some.....enjoy them for who they are!!
I had a boy first then 3 1/2 years later I had a girl I had the same thoughts as you did while I was preg wanting a girl. Now my son is 13 and daughter is 9. My son and I have a GREAT relationship in the morning he comes and climbs into bed with me before school and talks to me about what hes going to do....He still kisses me good night. Him and my husband have a great relationship also but there are times you will see that a boy just needs his mom and you will be there. I never would have dreamed of wearing my moms wedding dress we have different taste....So dont hold on to all of that. I have always kept a open relationship with my son he knows he can come and talk to me about anything...and he does he comes to ALL the time about friends and girlfriends....hang in there I promise it will be great to be a mom of two boys!! I would raise an army of boys before I tried to raise another girl...lol and mine is only nine I have a long way to go...:)
Don't give up on being close with your sons just yet. My husband was so close with his mom. She was a wonderful mother-in-law and said I was the daughter she had always wanted and had to wait forever to get! Sadly, we lost her to breast cancer this past January.
As he and his two brothers were growing up they were all so close. She would go camping with them (mostly with scouts), attend the games, and even go fishing with them. Now that's not to say she preferred those things or didn't long for those "daughter moments" but I really think it was her willingness to do all of those things and teacher her sons how to have fun even with a GIRL around was the priceless experiences that made my DH so close to his mom and in turn him such a great husband. And who knows, maybe your DH will change his mind and someday want a girl. You're right though. I believe you are truly blessed to have this baby...be it boy or girl. Good luck and I hope this give you hope to cope!
I know quite a few "boys" who are close to their moms. My husband for one. His mom had two boys. My sister has four boys and they are very close. I think there is a special bond between a boy and his mom even if he does the sports things with his dad. I have a 3 1/2 year old boy and I have to admit that I was a little dissapointed when we found out we were having a boy. I was picturing girly things but there is so much to love about having a boy. Also, I look forward to the time when my son will go off with his dad and I can have a little "me" time.
Hi, Kelly. I have two boys, and when I was pregnant with the second I was sure he was a girl. The first ultrasound, they thought it was a girl although the US tech told me to come back for another US in 3 weeks because she wasn't sure. Still, my husband and I were shocked to find out it was another boy.
We also felt guilty immediately - how wonderful to have a healthy baby on the way to a happy family. Yet, we were quiet and disappointed on the drive home. It took some time to get used to the idea. And I had to mourn the loss of a dream I had had since I was a girl. My mom's family is very woman-oriented. We pass down names through the girls in the family - my middle name has been a first or middle name for girls in my direct ancestry all the way back to my great-great grandmother. What a heritage, and what a loss to not be able to pass it on to another girl.
But mourning what I had hoped for was NOT the same thing as rejecting my son. I wanted him, too. And as soon as he arrived I adored him perfectly as he was - girl, pah, who wants a girl, anyway? I immediately lost all interest in anything other than my own darling perfect baby. And he is a delight. I love having my two boys. They roll around like puppies together, and they are just wonderful companions together. I would not change anything about my family.
I am a mom of 2 boys, ages 3 and 6, 6 year old of which I do not have custody of (not by choice, todays courts will take a child away just because "dad" says...but anyway, thats a different topic).
I know my boys are young, but I am very close to them both. They are mommies boys, but they are both tough in their own ways. I am 28 and to be honest, most men I know are VERY close to their mom's. They are big protectors.
I know the disapointment though, my husband and I would like to try for our 3rd, but we both want a girl, it may be dissapointing for another boy. But, you will love this child like no other when he arrives. You are mom, no matter what, your boys will love you and cherish you forever. So don't be sad M., feel blessed to have another one coming and that they both live with you. Because I would give anything to have my 6 year old with us, and I feel sad every day because he is not here, but he is alive and healthy and that is all that matters.
Good luck to you and your family. I wish you nothing but the best in life.
Children are a blessing no matter what gender. I have three boys. Yes, I wanted a girl but it wasn't what happened. So, I made the best of everything. My three boys are into sports and love to spend time with mom. So I have the best of both worlds. I have private time when they have sports and then I have mom time with my boys when we do many things.
It's OK to grieve the loss of a dream -- the dream of having a girl. But don't fall into the stereotype trap. Having a girl doesn't mean you would be able to do all those things anyways. I was always closer to my dad than my mom. I played sports and still play ice hockey on a regional women's team and travel all around the midwest and Canada in competitions. I know plenty of men who preferred reading or other quiet hobbies instead of sports when they were young. Our oldest son hasn't found a sport he likes yet and it's a bit dissappointing to my husband. We all have dreams for what our children will be like -- but they are their own persons with their own dreams and personalities that we can't change.
Congratultions! I have two boys, ages 4 and 1, and we don't plan on having anymore. Before I found out the sex of our second, I was torn between a boy and a girl. I wanted a boy because I wanted my son to have brother he can be close to his whole life. I have sisters and a brother, and I am closer to my sisters. I think brothers or sisters stick together more, and they are each other's best friends. Not that a boy and a girl can't be best friends, but it's different. So, when I found out we were having another boy I was so happy for my sons. I just thought of all the wonderful things they would do together and how close they would likely be their whole lives. I think boys and girls remain close, but it's not the same as having two brothers or two sisters. So, try to look at it that way. I can tell you that as a little girl, I always dreamed of having a baby girl and dressing her in cute things and doing her hair. I never dreamt of my life without a daughter. But now that I have two boys, I wouldn't change a thing. Is it what I planned for my life, no, but life rarely goes according to plan. God chose for me to have 2 boys, so I am happy with that. I think you need to have time to grieve for that dream that will never come true (of having a daughter). But, don't let the grief consume you. Try to focus on a healthy baby and try to think of how happy your sons will be together. I believe that boys can be very close to their moms throughout their whole lives. I am also hoping to build a close bond with my daughter-in-laws as well. *Hugs*
Please be grateful that you are lucky enough to have another child. There are plenty of women who would 'reluctantly settle' for having a boy.
I think you are thinking way too far ahead and jumping to conclusions, putting stereotypes on your sons before they even have a chance to develop their own personalities and bonds with you. How do you know that they are always going to be off doing things with dad? My husband is closer to his mother than he is to his father.
You can sit around and grieve this and wonder what might have been or you can work on developing a strong relationship with your sons so they can build strong bonds with you and celebrate the joy they will bring into your life. Heck, they might even get married one day to women you would consider your daughter. I happen to be very close to my mother-in-law and am grateful for the wonderful relationship we share.
Your ideas of how a son will be when he is older are a little unrealistic. Each child is different. I am a mother of 2 boys and it upsets me that you feel this way about having another boy, but I kind of understand. Maybe a few years down the road your husband may change his mind. Once your child is born and you're saving so much money cause you already have lots of boy things, you'll forget all about this disappointment. I'm pregnant for the 4th time but with my 3rd child. After my miscarriage a few months ago I felt SO selfish for just wanting a girl next. Now, I just want a healthy baby!
I know exactly how you feel, except that I did have a girl. I actually had two girls. One of them died when she was 3 years old. I had a son who was 1 at the time she died. Years later, My husband and I decided to have another baby. I really wanted it to be a girl as if somehow she would be the baby girl that I lost. But what happened is I had another boy!! I was very disappointed and still feel disappointed that I won't have that little girl anymore, but I LOVE my son. He is such a joy to me. He makes me happy to be here and I rush home to him everyday. I know that you've already had your baby, I just started on mamasource recently and wasn't able to respond to you. But I hope everything is well and that this baby will bring you more joy than you can know, and maybe daddy will change his mind about 2.
When I got pregnant I was praying for a boy, but I got a girl and she is wonderful. Being a single parent and having a girl actually makes it easier for me and now I am happy and feel truly blessed that I have her. Things happen for a reason although at the time we cannot see why. We just have to wait and see and work with what life hands us and love life and live it to the fullest!
My husband is very close with his mother. They talk at least once a day and we only live 15 mins away. Three years ago we even considered moving to Florida but he told me that he didn't want to live that far from his mother. Of course I was upset about that but I did understand. My mother-in-law did more with my wedding than my mother did. Actually she did everything and my mom was not even part of it. I am not close to her like I am my mom, but she was so eager and ready to help. And I was thankful for that.
Right now my boys are closer to me than they are my husband. I also had had a young boy (he had just turned 3 when we found out) and got pregnant hoping for a girl. I was disappointed but tried keeping it out of my mind.I knew that I would still love him but just really wanted my little girl. Well now my baby is 20 months old and my oldest is 5. They get along so well too. My husband didn't want a 2nd child and absolutely refuses to have a 3rd. I told him that I would love to have at least 1 more but that I would definately wait 5-7 years (if possible) until our youngest is in Kindergarden. I asked him to not completely rule it out but that we didn't have to make any decisions now. . .who knows, by then I might be the one saying no.
I know i'm weighing in on this a little late...you've already got tons of advice...but i just have to chime in my two-cents worth! I just had my 4th child 3 1/2 mo. ago, our 3rd girl. My almost 4 yr. old is the only boy in the family (aside from Daddy). Now, having 3 girls and one boy, i can honestly tell you that he is a Momma's Boy big-time! My 8 yr. old daughter has always been a Daddys girl. My now 14 yr. old daughter has always been a tomboy, and neither a momma's or daddy's girl, but rather, a Grandpa's Girl!!! :) My younger brother, who is 32, is still a HUGE Momma's boy! In fact, he did'nt move out of the house until he was 24! And he's not even the baby of our family! (I say that because usually it is the baby of the family to leave the nest later in life-).
Your hubby could be in for a rude awakening when both of your sons turn out to be Momma's boys! I love all my children very much, but in thinking toward the future, i'd so much rather be the Mom of teenage boys than teenage girls! And i've got 3 of them to look forward too! (My 14 year old is already giving me practice for my younger 2 girlies!) LOL! I'm getting the grey hairs to prove it.
At any rate, my little boy likes to do anything i do..including shopping and Starbucks! ;) He truly is my little buddy. Plus, boys clothes now are really cute...granted, their not frilly or lacy, but i like to shop for him...there is such a great selection now-a-days. I hope in time you'll get over your disappointment, i'm positive you will! Oh, before i forget, i wanted to mention that my older brother and his wife tried FOUR times to have a boy, and ended up with all girls! It's the luck of the draw. Some people have better luck with the Lottery! Ha-ha! You won't be disappointed when your up-and-coming buddy is born. Good luck to you and your family!
Enjoy your boys and be happy they have each other. There's still a good chance that your husband will change his mind yet too, God works in mysterious ways. It's not like the boys are teenagers already where you wouldn't want to start over, one isn't even born yet. I have friends with children 10 years apart, so alot could still happen. Plus there's always granddaughters to think of. Don't give up hope. I have a boy and a girl who are as different as night and day. My son and I are actually quite close as we seem to have similar genes and obstacles in life. My daughter is 18, and although we are also close, is really much harder (emotional!) at this age than my son. I also thought of passing on my wedding gown to my daughter, however, I was quite flat at the time and she is more developed, but not fat, so she most likely will not fit into it when the time comes. The bottom line is like everyone else has said, as long as the baby is healthy.
My name is G. and I myself have never went through what you are my first child was a son and I have two lovely daughters after him. My sister however has 3 sons she was pregnant with a girl and lost her at birth she always wanted a daughter so she was crushed and I'm sure she still is she has however been a big part of my 2 daughters lives and I let her do as much as she can with them because she lost her daughter. We went through alot of nights of hand holding crying and everything else when her daughter died. Then I got pregnant with my last child and it was a girl she had misgivings about that and we didn't talk for a while. She is now back in my life and my kid's lives and I am real happy about that. I kinda know what your going through. And I understand where you are coming from as far as not having the Mom daughter relationship. Maybe someone close to you has a daughter that you may get to have a great relastionship with and as far as Son's and Mom's not being close. My son is 19yrs old I feel we have a great relationship He has always been a so called Momma's boy which his dad really hated. He still lives with me now and he shares just about everything with me. Him and his dad are just alike so they really are not close they just clash. My second daughter is a daddy's girl so me and her are not really close. I know it isn't the same but you can share alot even with boy's. My sister found that if she could just share a little of the girl stuff with my girls that it really made a difference. By the way her and her 3 boys are really close too. It will all work out in the end. Don't dwell and let nature take it's corse. Sorry If I was preaching didn't mean to. Have a great day! G.
I know what you are feeling I have four boys. But I think that everyone else was more upaet than me. After seeing what my best friend goes through with her girls sometimes I am thankful for my boys. I see how close my huband is with his brothers(from a family of 3 boys) and I hope that mine will have that closeness.we always kid that the only way girls get in our family is by marrying in! Boys are fun and now that I have them I cannot picture my life with little girls, with all these boys in the family I would bet she would be a tomboy and would never let me dress her up. My husband and his brothers are close with their mother and know other guys who are too. NOt much you can do about the whole sex thing except go with it and think that we're raising a better generation of men!
I have 2 boys and I love it. When I was pregnant with my 2nd (we didn't find out the gender) I knew in my heart that he was a boy. I got a little choked up when I would see frilly little girl things because I knew that we wouldn't be having one (call it mother's intuition). Look at the bight side, you have all the clothes, and all the toys and don't have to buy more. Boys are so easy. If you give them a truck, they are pretty happy! :-)
I also know the pain of not having a healthy child - our first son was born with a lot of problems. He's fine now, but when your baby is born without a heartbeat and not breathing and the doctors have to bring him "back" to life, you don't really think about gender. I could say a lot here, but please just be happy that you are having a healthy baby. There are a ton of women out there who would give their right arm to be in your shoes.
My boys (albeit 4 and 1) are such angels and SUCH mama's boys. My husband is very close with his mother, my brother is very close with my mom as well as my dad with my grandma. Its all on how you raise your kids, I think.
Just think (and here comes the cliche statement) in 20 or 30 years, you'll get that daughter if they get married.
Congratulations on the new addition to your family. I was just the opposite. I wanted another boy because my son is so close to me. He is 7 and still loves to cuddle with me. I had a little girl and I will have to say they are 2 totally different kids!!!!!! I love my baby girl to death (she is 3) but talk about a DRAMA QUEEN!!!!!! Try to get over this before the baby is born. You should just be happy with what God has given you. Just think about all the women out there that want a baby and cannot have one. I thought I was going to be one of those women, but then God finally blessed me with 2 perfect little children.
OMG - This post just caught me off guard .... I just got back from my ultrasound ... found out we are having another boy (my son is also 2). It is just crazy that you said everything I am thinking. My husband may want more .... right now I am only concentrating on THIS one!!!! I know I am blessed as well ... but there is that sense of disappointmnet.
I understand completely.
Feel free to email any time!
I just saw your post and see that you already have a ton of responses. I can relate. I have two boys (23 mo. and 9 mo.) and my husband says he is done. I really wanted a girl and thought with my second that I was having a girl. When we found out it was a boy I was a bit disappointed and my husband was telling me he was sorry since he knew I wanted a boy. The disappointment didn't last to long, I thought of some of the advantages to having two boys, mine were both winter babies so I could use all the clothes I had, they will be able to play together and hopefully be best friends. I see that my husband has a close relationship with his mom as does his brothers so I hope that as my boys get older that I will have the same kind of relationship with them. (I met my husband because of his mom!) I know have a niece to get my girl fix.
My hubby and I have 3 girls and we've decided that we're done having children. Here's something that my husband has learned, just because he doesn't have a son, it doesn't mean he can't do 'guy' stuff with his girls.
Our 7 year old is a die hard White Sox fan. He also takes her to Rail Cats games in Gary. He's taken her to see Transformers and Ninja Turtles. And she loves it! He's starting to do the same kind of stuff with our 5 year old.
Don't let yourself be boxed in by gender. You can find things to do with your sons that have nothing to do with sports. Find something that's just for you and them. Your hubby can do the sports stuff and you can do something else. Since I have girls, I have no idea what that could be. But I'm sure you can come up with something.
I have a daughter that is 11 years old and we are already at odds. My son however vows to never leave me and he can't seem to cut the umbilical cord. I know that he will always worship me. He's 8 1/2 and very clingy. I know because of his personality, this won't stop.
You will be fine with boys, they are easier to raise.
OK, I am in the exact same place you are right now except my son is 3 1/2 ...I am also due with a boy in March and was hoping for a girl as this is what I dreamt of when I thought about being a Mom when I was a little girl.
My take on it has been that I am blessed to have any children really at all. I never take him for granted because he almost came pre term and we were scared if he would have severe issues. I was extremely down when I found out my first was a boy, but I have come to learn that having a boy is way more fun than I ever expected and that truly in day to day life, it doesn't matter all that much what sex your child is as long as you nurture and stay close to them. My boy is very much a mama's boy, I know lots of men who are...to the point where it makes their wife angry because they have a hard time letting go of the apron strings, so to speak.
I have also found that although I would not have cared to learn anything about cars or dinosaurs or football etc it becomes much more interesting to you when it involves your child. Just because it gives you something to share with them. And I like it cause I learn about these things right along with him.
I also think about the teen years, when girls are extremely moody and just hard to live with in general due to all the hormones. Boys are a little more straight forward during that time. I know some other women with girls, and they find alot of times their girls are very clingy to them, ALWAYS wanting to do/be involved with whatever Mom is doing. With boys, you get a break, you can do what you want without being smothered and your boys and your husband love you to distraction and you are like the queen of the house.....more admired and appreciated I think because you are different than they are and are good at things they aren't so good at.
I have LOVED raising my son and I learn something new from him every day. Regardless of the sex of my next child, I am excited to be able to experience it all over again with him. There are pros and cons to everything. Just try to enjoy the pros and try not to dwell on the cons.
Kelly~I am the mother of 5 boys, 3 are my own and 2 are my very dear stepsons and I wouldn't have it any other way. All of our boys have traits that are part of their fathers and part of their mothers. We have always been involved in many different sports, but we have also done art classes, music lessons, etc. Boys will have many different interests as long as you share all of your interests with them. We are about to send our youngest to college next fall and I miss them all terribly. They are truly very close to myself and my husband and I treasure the fact that they were all so close and of the same sex.
I too was saddened when I delivered my second son and I had been hoping for a girl. Of all of our sons though, I am closest to him. He is an artist, athlete and very good student. Just give yourself some time to let it sink in. Boys have been a joy in my life and I am the oldest of six girls - no boys in my family. Good luck!
I would be disappointed as well. But you never know what the future holds. Maybe your husband will change his mind (or maybe you will too!) The point of me responding to this is the part where you say you dont know any boys that are close with their mothers. WELL!!! I have good news for you, my boyfriend drives me nuts how close he is with his mother!!!! Its sweet in some ways, but in others it just is too much!
I know how u feel. I have a six yr old son who was 2 when I found out I was pregnant with a second and I also thought for sure I was having a girl. Come to find out he was also a boy. I didn't want to say that I didn't want him because he was a boy but girls don't come so easy in our family. I just wanted some one to dress up and have girl talk with. After my son was born all of that went away and I just felt blessed that I had another son. I recently had my 3rd child and was shocked that she was a girl. I still can't believe it but my oldest son has always been a mamma's boy and my other son goes back and forth between me and my husband and our little girl is a mamma's girl right now but I'm afraid as she gets older she will eventually become daddy's girl. Anyway I don't think it really matter's I think I child attaches themselves to the parent they have the strongest bond with. I know once your baby is born u won't feel the same. You never know, maybe if u decide to have a 3rd she'll be a girl. Third times a charm. Good luck.
I thought my second was a girl, and we didn't find out till my boy came into the world. It's sad to not have a girl, but I honestly tell you I wouldn't trade my boys for ANYTHING. They LOVE their mom, and I am right there with them at sports and what not. My husband often comments about my second one being ALL about me. He even loves to help out and bake with me and all that fun stuff.
My husband and his brother are relatively close with their mom, and my brother is close with our mom.. I think it's all how you raise them and how they are!
There's no gender bounds to bonding! =)
Don't forget, Girl's are "daddy's girls" and boys are for the mammas!!
Hello Kelly, First Congratulations on you new addition. I have to say 19 months ago I was in the same boat. The only difference is that I have 3 boys. There is nothing we can do. God is in charge and has different reasoning. I love my hyper, energetic, rough play boys, and was wishing I could have my pretty princess. The truth of the matter is that your child is going to be healthy. I had a wake-up call when I found out a friend of a friend who also has 3 boys found out during third pregnancy that she was not only having a boy but the baby had DS. So I immediately choked it up, because it could have been a different scenerio. There are many women going crazy wishing that they could have just one child. Good Luck and God Bless. (For all the mom's with boys let's pray that our sons marry wonderful women like ourselves, and give us beautiful granddaughters to SPOIL! :))
You have a right to feel sad and like you said as soon as your baby is in your arms the thoughts you are having now will no longer be there. I had twins after trying years for a baby and several infertility treatments. We found out we were having 2 boys. I was excited to have boys but was SOOO hoping for one girl. When the boys came they were and are everything to me and I couldn't imagine my life without them in it. My dh and I decided that was going to be it. Since we needed so much help to get pregnant with my boys we never got on anything to stop a pregnancy. Well I got pregnant on our own with a little girl. I am still extremely close to my boys and my daughter is a daddy's girl totally. I will also tell ya, my husband was a SOOOO momma's boy. The sun and moon rise and fell around her. She was his very best friend. There was nothing that he couldn't talk to her about and share with her. She passed away 3 months before we got pregnant with the boys. But,you will have that special bond with your sons trust me on that.
As I am reading other posts, my little girl is having a complete fit over God only knows what. So maybe it is a blessing in disguise for you to have 2 boys. LOL Seriously though, I can relate to the disappointment. When I was prgnant with my first, I truly wanted a boy first. She turned out to be a girl. I did not know ahead of time, so I was in the hospital with my new baby girl feeling guilty because I was a little disapointed. I ended up really glad I got what I got. So after some time getting used to it, you will too. And who knows, not ALL girls are close to their mothers. And maybe she would have been a tomboy and wouldn't let you dress her up all frilly, or she wouldn't have the BIG wedding for you to help out with. Believe me, you are not missing much when they are whiny, crabby, and talk back. My son is turning out to be ALOT more laid back than my daughter and he is way more of a cuddler than she is. Good luck with the rest of the pregnancy, and I hope you start feeling better about another boy. (who knows, maybe your husband will change his mind about a third?!?)
Hi! I think how you are feeing is very normal! It is wise that you found out now so that you can deal with it before the baby comes. For my second child, I wanted another girl and we found out that he was a boy. He is now two and I totally adore him but I had to work through my own emotions and feelings of loss/guilt; so when he came it was and is wonderful! I really tried to focus on the positive aspects and the different things I would be gaining with having a boy versus girl. Good luck and don't let anyone let you feel bad for how you feel, like I say it is very common whatever gender it is that we may want!
Congrats on your new little angel. I am a mom who has three angels and yes they may be rowdy and loud and like icky bugs but they are sweet and smart and I love the way they get excited about the little things in life - ie dinos or star wars or pokemon. Beleive me I know nothing about pokemon nor did I ever want to, but daily I am giving new information.
When I was pregnant with my second and third people told me they were sorry for me because I wasnt having a girl. But see I look at it like this I was given boys for a reason - I am not a mom of girls and that's okay. Will I miss out on picking out the dress for their wedding - sure but I get to do so many other things had I not had boys. I get to climb trees and I know lots about dinos and we have mud wars.
AS for being close to moms versus dads - there are always things that boys will want their dads for but let me tell you even my husband says he gravitates back to his mom for the basics in life.
Good luck and your sadness will pass with time.
Congrats on the little one coming.
I don't know where you got the idea that boys don't stay close to thier mom when they get older.
I have 2 girls and 2 boys and the boys are very close to me in fact my grown son is closer than my 14 yr old because my 14 yr old only wants to hang out w/his friends. But trust me when he starts feeling the need to spend the day w/ me he does
Last sunday him and I went to lunch together and went to the pumpkin farm just for something to do and spend time together.
If you build a good relation ship with them when they are young they tend to be what they call mama's boys, they leave that stage as teens and most draw back to it as they get older.
Don't stress yourself about it just be happy you are having a healthy little baby.
I am due at the end of February and found out on Friday that i am having a girl ( I already have a 1 year old boy) I am disappointed, my husband hasnt said a word about it since the ultrasound. He is not happy. We wanted 2 boys more than enything. So I know how you feel. All I can say is I guess everything happens for a reason. I've thought about it over the weekend and got a little excited about dresses and bows. I think time will make things better. We are never given more than we can handle, remember that. You can still pass things on to your daugther in law.
I haven't read all of the responses. But you can bet I will. I have two boys 9(almost 10!) and 7. I couldn't believe it when I found out my second one was going to be a boy. I cried and cried. My first baby was a miracle for us - very tramatic birth - so I was sure now that I was having ANOTHER boy I couldn't possibly love him enough or be fullfilled. All of the men in my family and my husband are "manly" men - all fishing, hunting and occassionally sports to fill in the gaps. What was I going to do with that?
Well, now that we are 7 years into it I can tell you this. I DO still get pangs when I think of the wedding and prom fun I'll miss. I wonder who will call me every day like I call my Mom. BUT, I see how wonderful it is for my boys to have each other. There is closeness there that only same sex siblings can have. (I have a very close knit family - two boys, two girls and my sister and I are closest - as are my two brothers with each other)
I am experiencing growing pains as I watch them begin to go off hunting with their Dad. But, I have noticed that I am becoming more open to activities I wouldn't have tried just to be with them. And you know what? My boys choose me over Dad for some things. We are very close and they like to "talk" with Mom about important things. I jokingly tell them they both have to marry an orphan so I can get two daughters some day.
You WILL get over the "grief" that you feel. You WILL still get pangs of "mising" that would be daughter. But I can tell by your writing that you will rejoice in the family you have been given as soon as you meet your new baby boy.
I know how you feel. I almost didn't find out because I was afraid of that feeling. I was lucky to get my girl, however.. you never know what tomorrow will bring. Your husband could possibly change his mind, and be blessed you can even have a child. The only advice I can give you would be what my mother-in-law said to me (she is a mom of 3 boys).. just hope you get good daugher in laws. I was a great daughter-in-law to my mother-in-law. She was included in everything that we did for wedding, etc. I am so glad to know someone else had the same exact feelings about being dissappointed.. because I got a lot of negative opinions w/ me wanting to find out what I was having because I didn't want to be dissappointed if it was a boy. Everyone has a preference of what they want.. but not a lot are open enough to share it. I said that if my second was a boy..than it is great for my son, it is was a girl.. great for me. I love seeing my husband interact w/ his brothers... it isn't the same if you had a sister. YOU WILL HAVE A PERFECT FAMILY W/ TWO BOYS. I hate when people tell me how perfect it is that I have one of each... it should be perfect because I have 2 healthy and loved kids. Just remember that. Hope this helps.. and your feelings are very normal and don't let anyone tell you that you are selfish or whatever because you are dissappointed. YOU ARE HUMAN!!! Good luck and hey... it will sure be a lot cheaper for you. =)
I have 2 girls and a Boy. The girls are hell! I love them but they are the ones who said they hate me. My son is the most affectionate of the three. Who knew boys could be so sweet and cuddly. My husband has a very close relationship with both his Mom and Stepmom.
You'll get over it when that little boy comes out wailing and stops the instant he is placed in your arms. I in a way can relate with you. I have a little girl(8) and a baby boy(2) and just recently was pregnant with my third which I lost at 10 weeks. I really wanted another boy as a close in age brother since my daughter is so much older. I was convinced I was pregnant with a girl and had all the same symptoms as my preg. with my daughter. I felt incredibly guilty knowing I didn't want a girl and feared I wouldn't take to her.
I can tell you I have the biggest crush on my son. I stare at him constantly and watch how he grows every day. Little boys (and big ones too) are obsessed with their mommies and there is no love that can compare. I would have boys over girls any day. Girls are a huge pain in the rear I will say. But you love them just the same. Girls gravitate towards their daddies for that protection and security. Its the boys that need their moms the most to grow into sensitive, loving, giving and kind human beings.
My son is all about his mama, and actually prefers me to my husband. My husband is the same way with his mom, they talk EVRY DAY. There are bonds that sons have with their mothers that can never be duplicated, even with a girl. My daughter is spoiled, demanding, dramatic, whiny and we are close, but honestly my son and I have a much different emotional bond. I know some women have their wedding dresses made into christening gowns (if your christian) for their babies(girl or boy) and chances are your daughter would find your outdated wedding gown hideous anyways (30 years from now :) Mother-son relationships are to be cherished and there's no reason you will not be a part of the grandkids, weddings, etc. My mother in law is at my house every other day picking my son up to go to the parks and movies and is more so a part of his life than my own mom. You had to have known that you weren't guaranteed a little girl. Just think, your son will have the greatest companion in a brother, and you will have two beautiful boys that will love their momma till no end. Congratulations......I envy you so much.
Hi the situation you describe above is the exact situation i find myself in currently, I have a 2 1/2 year old boy and I ma currently 6 months pregnant and just found out we having another boy.... And I am heartbroken, from the moment i found out I was pregnant I was so sure that I was having a girl my symptoms were so different and all i did was look at pink things and girl names. Even dreamt of the little baby girl that I thought i was having. The thing that makes this worse is that my inlaws only have grandsons and this pregnancy was their last hope of having a grand daughter so they were also hoping for a girl so very much, our relationship has been so rocky that I thought that perhaps if I could give them this one wish it would help makes things a bit better. And i so want a girl to do girly things with like shopping, baking, spa treatments, someone to dress up in pretty pink dresses, someone to play with my makeup. And now to have to live with the reality that I will never have that brings me to tears, you see my husband also insists that 2 is the max kids we will be having, and he refuses to change his mind. Which I do understand, because financially thats what we can afford, but i so wish we could try for a girl. And although i would never want anything to ever happen to the baby I am carrying i feel like I have somehow lost that closeness with him, i dont talk to him as much as I used to or I am no longer as excited about my pregnancy like i was. I hate my self for feeling this way and I know it is no fault of his but I dont know how to let go and move on from this and how to reconnect with him...
Take it from a mother of two grown boys! Don't fret about not having a girl. God has plans for you and your sons! And as for sons not being close to their moms, WRONG! Both of my boys are very close to me, and no, they are not mama's boys. Think of all the wonderful things you can teach your sons as a mother. I have "enlightened" both of my sons from a womans perspective on relationships, child rearing, and just every day life encounters. You have so much to offer your sons. Please don't feel that all you will be doing is staying at home and dad will be having all the special bonding time. I taught my sons how to cook, how to tie a neck tie, how to properly manage themselves in a fancy restraunt, how to act on a date, and how to be compassionate men. Young men need to learn more than how to pee standing up, how to fish and hunt, and how to spit. Dads might help in all the "boy" stuff, but, mothers are the building blocks and foundation for wonderful men. Remember that. I have a wonderful future daughter in law and a wonderful grandson. I am very close to her and my grandson. I went to several doctors appointments with her when my son was working, I was there when she delivered my grandson. I got to do so much! As much as I love her to death, I would have never traded my sons for a daughter. I know women that were never close to their mothers. So, just because you are being blessed with son number two, don't feel you are being short changed at all. Sons are so special and some day when they are grown and you are looking at your new baby grandson for the first time, you will thank God for your sons and the new GRANDSON you have to help influence in life. I get my grandson several times a week. I baby sit for him while his parents are at work. I wouldn't have it any other way. He loves his Grammy too! If I get a grandaughter some day, that is fine. But, right now, I am partial to my boys!
I waited to respond to this, thinking that you were going to get a TON of "Just be happy you are having a baby" comments.
I am a mother of 3, all boys. I found out the sex of each of my children. I was upset when I found out my 2nd was a boy. I hated the fact that it upset me, but it did. It took me a few weeks, but I got past it. My older 2 boys now have a GREAT relationship, and my youngest is starting to include himself into play with them now. (they are 5, 3, and 1)
When I found out my 3rd was a boy, I just got a huge smile on my face and started laughing. My boys are all mama's boys, and I wouldn't have it any other way. We do plan to have 1 more someday, and part of me would just prefer another boy at this point, I think I would feel bad bringing a little girl into this house! lol
Hang in there, this feeling will pass soon enough =)
I have a 3 year old boy and a 16 month old boy.
When I found out I was pregnant the second time, I too thought for sure it was a girl- someone I could go get my nails done with, someone to go to the mall with etc..When the doctor told me it was a boy I actually shed a tear in sadness. As I was driving home and thinking I came to a realization. Having a healthy baby is truly a miracle. My baby was healthy and that was what was important not the sex of the baby. If every mom could pick the sex of there baby there would be no men because we all would pick a girls. I decided right then and there that I would not let my boys drift away from mom with football and guy type stuff. I would just have to change and realize that instead of painting fingernails and doing girly things I would have to play army man and watch football. Now whatever interests my boys interests me.
My friends tell me that boys do like dad better in there early years but when they are grown they always take care of there mom.
Be happy that you are having a healthy baby and you might look back years from now and think how silly you were to be unhappy you weren't having a girl.
I'm sure you'll get over the disapointment! Congratulations! I worked with this girl who was pregnant with her third and was a bit disapointed when she found out it was going to be her third boy. But she was glad she found out early on and got used to the idea and feels so lucky to have a third beautiful healthy boy. My sister has three girls and always wanted a boy. You are blessed to have healthy happy children no matter what their gender is. Also, eventually, you'll have daughter-in-laws to bond with. I have a great relationship with my mother-in-law. Also, I agree with the others that boys can remain close with their mothers. My husband talks to his mom every day, goes out to lunch with her and more. My son and daughter are so different, but they are both so precious and loveable.
On a side note: I haven't even thought about passing my wedding gown down to my daughter - I was a few months pregnant and had already gained a bunch of weight - plus I'm sure she'll have her own individual taste. That is if she gets married in the future. Who knows what the future holds. I just know that at this time, I just want to hug them and tell them I love them as much as possible and teach them and play with them.
I understand how you feel. Although my 1st was a girl I was hoping my 2nd would also be a girl...for many of the same reasons you mentioned. However, after my son was born 7 weeks ago I can't imagine him any other way..I love him so much and he is a more laid back baby. Most importantly concentrate on the good things about having boys what a blessing it is to have 2 healthy children. If you and your husband are instilling strong family values I have no doubt that you will maintain a close relationship with your sons! Remember to there is no guarantee that if your husband even agreed to another baby...that it would be a girl. I have 2 sets of friends who had their 4th girl and the othe their 4th boy.
Your sadness will turn to joy when your 2nd son is born and you have your hands full with another.
I feel for you. I cried during my ultrasound when they told me we were having a boy. We were already raising our nephew and the thought of having another boy in the house just didnt' seem fair in my pregnant state of mind. My husband has since decided that since we have two children that we are done. This kills me every month, knowing that I want another one. But I do thank God everyday for my boys and am grateful to have the family I do. My youngest is closer to me than anyone. He cooks, cleans, follows me like a puppy, but is the first to be outside with dad to do the great manly things they do(golf, cars, etc.) I understand that mother-daughter bond you long for, but it is capable to secure that bond in other ways with boys. Congratulations, and good luck with everything.