Dilemma

Updated on July 12, 2010
H.S. asks from Columbia, SC
26 answers

I have a situation that I am having a hard time making a decision about. I have the opportunity to go down to working 4-days at work. I would lose my insurance so I would need to be put on my husband's. Unfortunately at this time for me to be placed on his insurance it will be a little more costly than we were anticipating. We have discussed waiting until January, however here is my problem. We have a son (10 1/2 months) and are looking to be getting pregnant again soon. Whatever I decide I will need to decide before I get pregnant again. Ultimately, after baby #2 comes I would like to be in a position where I can quit work all together and become a SAHM. If I go part time now & get placed on my husband's insurance it will only slow down the process of paying off our debt (which we need to do before I can quit). If I don't go part time now and don't get on my husband's insurance then I will be stuck if I get pregnant as I will still be on my insurance. My husband mentioned just going part time and then me going 5 months without insurance (until January) but that doesn't help me with the "what ifs" of if I get pregnant before that. I guess it wouldn't be terrible to wait until after January to get pregnant but I had my son last August and was miserable being pregnant throughout the summer because we don't have AC. lol ... I was hoping to get pregnant in the next few months so the next baby could be born before the summer. Crazy I know. I could play the "wait and see game" and go part time but then I have all these what ifs going on in my head. Even if I go part-time and get on his insurance I'm worried we won't be in a position where I can quit after baby #2. Or I could stay full time but then I have to stay until after the next baby is born due to insurance. My husband is getting frustrted with me because I won't make a decision (he says I can do whatever I want to be happy) but I just don't know what to do!! It would be great to work part-time to have an extra day at home with my little man but it would also be great knowing that I would have a better chance at quitting all together when the time comes. I know that nobody can help me make my decision but I just want to know ... what you YOU do??

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Featured Answers

B.C.

answers from Dallas on

I agree with Stacy. You could have one extra day with him a week now, but if you stay ft until the next one, you could have EVERY day with both kids! Yay! :)

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D.P.

answers from Pittsburgh on

Well, I think you summed it up best when you wrote that you're "in the process of paying off debt." Never a better time to jump on the dave Ramsay bandwagon to pay off ALL debt. Use his techniques to become a "cash" family and then you can "live like no O. else"! Good luck!

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J.B.

answers from Houston on

How about switching to his insurance now and staying on at your job full time for a few more months to blitz out some debt. Then when you get preggers, go part time. I would just make a goal of how much debt I wanted to pay off. Set a date, and stay full time to that date. But if you get on hubs insurance now, no matter what happens you should be ok, and you should still have the extra $ to handle it if you stay on full time for a bit longer but you won't have to stay of for the rest of your pregnancy if you don't want to. The only plan I don't think is good is not having insurance till Jan. You never know what can happen. That is just my opinion. Take care and good luck!!;)

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N.G.

answers from Dallas on

I suggest staying full time until the baby is born, because at that point, you can get on your husband's insurance (because it is a qualifying life change). Then, simply don't go back to work and you're staying home with your kids. This solves the problem of being uninsured, and paying off debt. Sure, you don't get to go part time now, but life is about working now and playing later. You will be able to spend every day with your children after the baby comes.

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S.B.

answers from Birmingham on

If I were you I'd just stay in your full time position up until you have another baby. Then once you have your baby quit and become a stay at home mommy. So while you are preganant your insurance will be cheaper and you can pay off all of your debts. Hope this helps! Good luck!

4 moms found this helpful

S.T.

answers from Washington DC on

part time is a great solution for many of us, but in your case i myself would probably stay full-time with that lovely carrot of stay-at-home momhood to look forward to. get that debt paid down so you can really enjoy your next pregnancy and then being with your babies.
good luck!
khairete
S.

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J.F.

answers from Philadelphia on

If you can work while pregnant and I say this because my preg were so h*** o* me I couldn't then stay at your job and quit after the baby is born.

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D.K.

answers from Indianapolis on

My FIRST priority would be paying off the debt. Debt can destroy a relationship and cause all kinds of stress and strain. If you get pregnant, what if there are complications?...more debt.........then you might even delay wanting to get pregnant because of the debt.

You need to weigh out your priorities and ask yourself about the consequences if you do this or don't do that. What will HELP your family and relationship?....what might potentially cause harm or stress to the relationship? What if you waited one more year to have your next child? Would that be so bad? You can enjoy the one you have even more than spreading out the time, energy, etc.

If I were in your shoes, I'd hold off on getting pregnant and pay off the debt. Enjoy being debt free, spending more concentrated time on the ONE you have right now. There are lots of things you might not enjoy as much or miss out on if there were another infant in the house.

Your relationships are the most important things you have in life, aside from your own character, of course. I try to foresee any issues that might arise and make sure I don't go down that path. (I'm NOT a worrier, but rather very highly discerning and have alot of God given wisdom) Base your decision on PRINCIPLE, not emotion.

Once you DO make your decision, don't be wishy washy about it, move on and move forward. If you don't, and repeatedly talk about "I wish I would have", "I'm still not sure.." etc. then it will only create more frustration and tension in your relationship w/ your husband. Do you want to risk that?

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J.S.

answers from Chicago on

I'm with the work full-time until the next baby is born, pay off debt and save money crowd.

If you do that, I think you'd be in a better position to enjoy being an at-home mom. You won't be worrying about debt/payments, because you already took care of it. Believe me, you'll have plenty of other things to hold your attention when you're running after a toddler while holding a newborn!

Good luck!

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C.H.

answers from Chicago on

Easy fix. Just ask if you can work a reduced work week (meaning, take off 1 day every 2 weeks) - that's what I do and I have insurance and now I have the flexibility of taking my one day off if the kids are sick.

If that's not possible, I wouldn't chance not having insurnace - it's a must and you never know what could happen, so don't take that chance.

Good luck.

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H.M.

answers from Phoenix on

My company reduced my work day to 4 days a week last year and that slowed my process of paying off our debt as well. Yes, it was nice to have that extra day to spend with my daughter at the beginning but after a few months, I ended up needing to find stuff to do that will not cost a lot. After a year working 4 days a week, I finally went back to full time and I love it right now because it mean that I will be able to pay off our debt soon. I would suggest staying full time that way you can pay off your debt soon and when baby #2 arrive, you can enjoy both your babies and not worry about your debt.

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T.F.

answers from Philadelphia on

I say stay full time until you have baby #2 to pay off ur debt and be able to stay on your ins. It really makes more sense. Yes it would be nice to be home an extra with your son now but think logically. By the time you have baby #2 you will hopefully be debt free and be able to quit all together. Good luck

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J.P.

answers from Boise on

I would pay off the debt and stay full time. That way you are covered if you do get pregnant, but if you really want to be a stay at home mom, and have to have the debt paid off before you can do that, than you need to plan the next baby accordingly. If you get pregnant now, you won't have the debt paid off anyway right? I understand the being pregnant during the summer and how uncomfortable it is, but I think that planning for your family is more important. Just my opinion.

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L.

answers from Cleveland on

You have gotten some great answers and I am about to throw out some things you may have not thought about.

What if your husband looses his job?

I have had my job for 40 + years. and have changed situations many times.

I would suggest that you keep your job until you have baby #2, at that time, go back part time and switch your insurance to your husband's company. That way you have the option to have more time with your kids but also keep your job.

Kids are expensive and I found that I had to increase my hours at work as they got older.

If you can work part time in an established job, I would not give that up...it's an option you may not find again.

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A.P.

answers from Columbus on

I say being at home with your children is most important. I clearly understand the dilemma you are facing, as I am also facing. However, it's going to take me close to another 1-2 years to get my debt paid off. If I had the choice, I would go part time in a heart beat. I miss being home with my child & his misses me. I work 4-10 hour days, but it's still hard. Be at home with your children, put your faith in the Lord and all will work out. I hope this helps.

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S.S.

answers from Toledo on

First off, yes your family should ALWAYS come first. And part of that decision needs to be based on your finances. No, we are never really without financial worry once we have children, but if you have the means to more readily prepare your family for having less of a financial burden, why would you not?
I am a part-time mom, 130 days a year. I think it is great because I get to still interact with other adults and my children get to either be with their grandparents or play with other kids while I am at work. The best part is that we are able to provide opportunities for our children that we might not otherwise be able to if I did not work at all.
By working, it allows us to not only prepare for a retirement savings (I refuse to be a burden on my children when I am old!!!), but we are also putting away money each month for each of our 3 girls (for college, their first home, and/or their weddings). And we still have extra to enjoy taking trips and buying things for the girls to enjoy and still put away for the "what ifs" that happen in life.
Please do not ever go without insurance benefits, too big of a risk!! If something happens to you and you need to seek medical attention, can you imagine the debt you would then be in?
Another thing to consider, once your children are in school full time, will it be easy for you to return to this job or find another one?
And lastly, have you considered allowing more time in between the ages of your children? My girls each have almost 2 1/2 years between them and it is perfect! One getting out of diapers when the new one arrives. Older one is more independent and self-sufficient.
Just some food for thought.

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I.G.

answers from Seattle on

Have you looked into COBRA coverage? With my hubby's insurance it's actually cheaper to pay Cobra for myself and my daughter than adding us to his insurance. You also have to remember that while you have to pay for insurance, you will not have to pay for daycare any more.
If it just won't work I would say stay full time until baby # two and put your paycheck (as much as you can) into savings. You will save up a nice sum as a cushion for you to stay at home later.
Good luck!

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R.S.

answers from Cincinnati on

I think I would go ahead and cut work back to 4 days and go on your husband's insurance, but I would wait to have a second child until the debt was paid off -- and then get pregnant AFTER the debt is paid so that I wasn't pregnant in the summer. I don't think you need to rush into having a second child so soon -- enjoy the little one you have now. They grow up so fast anyway and there's no reason to stress everybody out about money. AND you can enjoy your second child more if you wait because you won't be so tired. Having an infant who doesn't sleep through the night and trying to keep up with a toddler is grueling.

If you wait to have a second child, your first little guy will be more independent and able to do some things for himself like play with other children and entertain himself more. Then you can devote the kind of time to your new infant that a baby always requires in their first couple of years Hope this helps.

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J.F.

answers from Columbus on

Okay, here is my answer. First and foremost, your husband sounds super awesome telling you that he wants you to do what makes you happy. If I were you, I would pray about first. Then I would talk to him and work out a financial plan so you can indeed quit in the long run if that would make you happiest. Then I would base the short-term decision on the long-term plan.

For what it is worth, I didn't really want a baby before we moved into a just above our income-level home. My husband did, so we started trying after I warmed up to the idea. Then I totally fell in love with the little guy before I even met him. I loved being pregnant and loved feeling his little kicks in my belly. Then I freaked because I didn't want to go back to work. Once he was born, I had anxiety attacks almost every day driving home from work because I was that miserable. Well, everything has worked out for the most part. My husband, God bless him, took a second job. And I took a part time job babysitting so we could make ends meet. The point of telling you all this, is that if you want it, you'll figure out a way to make it work.

Good luck to you!

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D.L.

answers from Columbus on

Something else to consider in switching health insurers is that they may have a waiting period before they cover pregnancy like 180 days or so.

I would try and avoid going without insurance - what if you were in an accident or were diagnosed with a health problem or got pregnant during that time? You'd probably end up farther in debt and if it's a health issue it could create problems getting insurance later.

Are there any things you could cut back on - cable, eating out, etc. to help make up for the one less day of pay and more expensive health care? (Also, is the healthcare better than what you have?) Will you save any money on childcare going from 5 to 4 days?

Your husband sounds wonderfully supportive but I can understand if you've been discussing/obsessing about this for a while how his patience may have worn thin [and in this situation I'd be doing the same things you are :) ]

I'd think about what your gut instinct was when the idea came about, maybe make a list of pros/cons and get a decision made. I think you're going to feel better once you've decided.

For what it's worth, I'd probably continue working the 5 days now, trying for baby #2 and paying as much debt down as possible (another idea is to use the 5th day of pay to pay off debt since you were looking at not working it anyway and also try getting by on the 4 days of pay). Then hopefully just not go back to work after #2 arrives. The savings in childcare for 2 children would be huge!

Good luck - I hope it all works out they way you want!

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D.F.

answers from Cleveland on

I am not going to tell you what to do....only you can answer that. It sounds like you would like to work 4 days a week now and go on your hubby's insurance. You just want reassurance from us. I would say to do it as long as your hubby is ok with it. If it were me, I would continue to work full time....go on maternity leave and then quit and be a SAHM. Especially if I had debt out there. Because one day a week won't make that much of a difference and you will be losing a lot if you give up just one day. Pretty soon you will be home every day.

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H.D.

answers from Cleveland on

My parents always said "Never wait until you have enough $ to have a baby, because you'll never have enough." Meaning, there will always be something to spend $ on ~ an unexpected expense (i.e. broken appliance, lay-offs, etc.), plus the costs of every day living.Granted, my husband & I weren't in debt either. You need to do what you feel in your gut. Will the debt be hanging over your head which could lead to a stressful pregnancy?

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L.D.

answers from Cleveland on

NEVER NEVER NEVER risk being without insurance!!! You never know what can happen to you (accident, whatever!) The resulting medical expenses would REALLY give you a debt problem!!

As for the rest, you really have to decide. But I think that people who wait for the "perfect" time to have a baby might end up waiting forever. After all, nothing's perfect.

Good luck in your decision. Why not pray about it?

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A.R.

answers from Indianapolis on

Window a/c units are getting lower in cost now, so why not pay off your debt ( less stress being debt free and prego) and get a few window units so you can be comfy while pregnant?

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L.M.

answers from New York on

I would continue to work full time. A few things you may want to consider in making your decission.

These are difficult economic times. What if hubby looses his job or his hours get cut? Companies are making lots of cut backs and the price of health insurance is soaring. Do you have a guarantee that the cost for adding you to hubby's plan will not increase?

How much debt do you have? Do you have any savings? Why not use that extra day's pay to get rid of all your debt now? If you don't do it now, chances are you'll continue to live in debt for many years to come, especially with the cost of a pregnancy and a newborn.

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H.L.

answers from Cleveland on

I wouldn't risk not having insurance, ever. 1st child cost $80k in medical due to life threatening illness; that same illness would probably be double, triple that now since this was 15 years ago. About to have baby #3 and thus far with some complications, into it $12k. Thank goodness for insurance! I would continue working full-time if that is an option at your job, and pay off your debt. Once you are expecting, you could discuss a reduced work week with your employer or even a reduced work-from-home option unless you still want to be a SAHM.

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