Digestion/sleep Patterns/cope with Overwhelming/stretchmark/scar/financial Aid?

B....here's a hug from me. I just want you to know that I know how you are feeling. I was 34 when I had my 1 and only child, who just turned 3. I had a horrible time adjusting to being a new mother. While I had slightly different issues with feeding, I know how awful it is. My son was up every 1 1/2-2 hours all night, for about 2 1/2 months. I had given up all hope of being sane, when he finally started stretching his sleeping hours. Believe me, getting some sleep helps immensely. If there is anyone at all that you can ask to help during the day so you can get some sleep, I would strongly suggest it. But I know how impossible that can be.

I do think you are having more than the normal challenge of coping. I had/have post-partum depression pretty badly, and got help as early as at 3 weeks. The problem was my OB/GYN kept saying the first few weeks that it was normal. Believe me, since then I've been around many women after birth and I was NOT normal. It may help you to talk to your doctor. They have a questionaire you can take...be honest on it. While I don't like to encourage meds, going on a anti-depressent/anti-anxiety med helped immensely. There is one that is considered safe to take while breastfeeding.

Speaking of that...breastfeeding CAN be a huge burden and an obstacle in getting help with the baby. Do not feel bad about supplementing, pumping, etc. You have to take care of yourself first, or you won't be able to care of your baby. He's probably sensing your stress, which is why your husband may be able to soothe him better sometimes. I'm not suggestig you stop breastfeeding, but I made the decision to and it was a huge load off my shoulders (when I could get over the guilt). My son got a good start on breast milk, and he is now a thriving, healthy boy, having been a formula baby. The main complaint about formula is the cost, but we made it through on one salary.

You are only 2 months post birth and need to give your body way more time to recover. And first you need to take care of your mental health. I'm not going to lie any say your body will be beautiful again...for some women that just does not happen. But things will get better and you'll adjust to the new you.

As for financial assistance, there is WIC, but your spouse's income has to be fairly low. It is worth checking into.

After I was stablized with meds, I was able to start thinking about leaving the house and meeting other moms. I live in the north metro, and both Unity and Mercy hospitals have something called "New Parent Connection" for mother's of babies birth-4 months (or really as long as you need.) Anyone can go, whether or not you gave birth there. It meets once a week and is an incredible source of support and advice. The woman who runs the group at Mercy, Robin, is incredible. I met other moms there and we formed a moms group after we "graduated." Three years later we are still together and they are my life line. I also met some wonderful people through the school district...ECFE classes. I started a baby class when my son was 6 weeks old and have been in one ever since. In the beginning the class is all for you...education, support, etc. Later on they are great socialization for the children. Please look into it! You are not limited to your own school district...and some districts have more options and some less. Getting connected to other mom's is an incredible support.

Please feel free to contact me privately if you'd like to. Best wishes.

First thing-it sounds like maybe you are stuggling with post partum depression. If that is taken care of, everything else may seem easier.

I can't answer about spitting up, but the time it takes for feedings gets better. I think with my DD it was around 10-12 weeks when she started to be more efficient. Our feedings when from 45 min on each side to 15, and now, at 5 months, she does both sides in about 15-20 minutes(and has been doing that for about 1.5 months).
She also lost weight at first, and ended up in the hospital. I was told to wake her to eat at least every 3 hours. (This was when she was 2 weeks old) Under dr orders, I offered bottles of pumped milk after each feeding, so I understand what you mean about lack of sleep! What helped me was to co-sleep. I know that it is not the best option for everyone, but it worked best for us. I don't wake up to an alarm clock, but if DD starts moving & waking up, so do I. And I don't move in my sleep. Also, if you are on any prescriptions that induce sleep, I would not recommend it. Other options would be to nap during the day while you son is sleeping, or see if a family member or friend can come over and give a bottle if he needs it so you can get a long stretch of sleep. My DD is now sleeping about 5 hours when we first go to bed, and then up 1-2x after that, and usually back to sleep quickly & easily.

I remember calling my mom one day crying because we had been up so much during the night and nothing could get my DD to stop crying. She came over and sent me to bed! I was so overwhelmed and felt soooo guilty because I couldn't fix it. I thought that I should handle everything. She told me that if I didn't take care of myself, I wouldn't be able to take care of my baby. I still put my DD first, but I also make sure to take care of me. Make sure your husband knows how you are feeling, I'm sure he wants to help anyway he can.

It sounds like you had a C-section? I did too, and am still struggling with hating how my body looks after delivery. I'm not telling you this to discourage you, rather to let you know that you are not alone!! I have refused to buy bigger clothes, but I don't fit into my pre pregnancy stuff, so I am constantly struggling with what to wear. And I DON'T want to wear my maternity clothes! I keep reminding myself of the extra calories that I burn by breastfeeding. But I keep up the extra calories because I have been told that cutting them while nursing can hurt your milk supply. I try to remind myself that while I am not exactly happy with how my body looks, I know that it is doing a wonderful thing by providing food for my baby! So, I don't really have a solution for that, but am struggling with the same thing.

I don't live in Minneapolis anymore, but know that there is a program for health care, Minnesota Care. Also, WIC (Women, Infants, & Children) can help with costs of groceries. I have heard that they also offer support for breastfeeding moms.

So, I know this is a really long answer, but wanted to try to touch on all the things that you were asking about. If you would like to talk, send me a personal message, and I'll give you my phone number.

One last thing.....in about 2-3 weeks or so, your son will start to smile at you. Real smiles! That makes everything else seem not so bad! And the longer you nurse, the more connected you will become, and better able to read your son's cues and make him happy!

B.
Take a deep breath here! You're feeling overwhelmed and losing yourself in momness and tiredness.
Having kids changes things dramatically- and it gives you many life lessons in going with the flow and realizing what is important over time.
Don't lose sight of you and do what you need to - then take some time to relax- even 10 min each day.
I'm a wellness coach- so start taking some omega3 fatty acids right away. Your baby depletes you of those and it takes 3 yrs to replenish without supplementation. Deficiencies common effects- mom brain, ppdep, lack of energy not to mention the organ/brain/heart health. ( I also work in the med. field). If you haven't gotten your "shape" back by 9 mo- email me and I'll help you. I had twin- stretched over 100+ lbs larger than I am now and I"m back to normal- in my late 40's- so just breath and keep my info and call if you want some one on one advice.
About me- you already know most from the post- busy, breathing, and enjoying life at 48 with nearly 7 yo twin girls.

B. J
###-###-#### cell
____@____.com

You've all ready received some great advice so I'll keep this short. When you become a mom there is no more "normal". You just have to find a new normal. I think it is harder to adjust to having a big change in your life the older we get. I had my first child when I was 21, and remember how freaked out I was that I couldn't even take a shower anymore without finding someone to help with the baby. It was hard! But it gets easier, I promise. I have three now, and my youngest is 3 years old. They play pretty good together and I can get a lot done, take them with and go play ball with my girlsfriends. You do have to give up a lot right now, but it goes by so fast! And pretty soon they start to need you less and less.
As for finances, my husband is a school teacher so you know they don't make enough money! And I am a SAHM, but we would not make it if I did not sell Mary Kay. I only have one new class a month, but the reorders from my customers is very consistant. So we are able to budget and keep me home with our kids. Maybe you need to look into something new since it has been two years since you lost your job. You can still do your free lance and work part time somewhere, or start your own business. I know so many women who have found a way to balance life and stay at home because they started their own business. And not just with Mary Kay, Tastfullysimple, and pampered chef, and many other companies are out there.
Ok, I said this would be short, but one more thing. You will not look like yourself again after just two months, sweetie! Don't look in the mirror if you don't feel good when you do. It will take about a year or maybe longer. We're in our thirties, hon! When I had my first I was 21, and yes I was back in my old jeans a month later. But I had my second when I was 28 and my third 29, and I did not look so good for a long time! I like the way I look now, but it takes time, time, and more time. Keep your head up, and find someone to talk to about your feelings. And keep an eye on them. If it is depression, you may need more professional help to get you through it. Don't ignore it. Bless you!

You didn't say where you lived but may I recommend a resource called Parenting Oasis in S Mpls. It is a drop in center for new moms where you can talk to other moms. There is no charge to come but is a charge if you decide to have lunch there. They are open 11-2 on Tues and Wed and they have a web site to find more about groups they offer. It sounds like you may be having issues of Postpartum depression also and I would suggest you see your doctor to be evaluated. PP Depression is a medical condition caused by hormones fluctuation, it does not mean you are a "bad" Mom. If you need meds, you will see difference soon and the you will be better able to cope.

Hi B.,
I know it's so overwhelming! I think most moms have felt a lot of the same things when they were new to parenting (and don't let anyone tell you things were "perfect" for them--it's never "perfect.") These are huge adjustments. And right now lack of sleep and hormones amplify everything. Others had some great suggestions. But my #1 would be to find other moms and connect with them. ECFE will not turn anyone away for the inability to pay. MOMS Clubs are all over the place and can offer a quick, cheap way to tap into a network of women who have BEEN in your shoes and have gotten over that emotional hurdle of adjusting to this new life.

Also, don't overlook PPD...I've heard many moms say they didn't realize until AFTER it was all over that they had PPD, and wished they would have gotten help. Talk to you OB and they can pinpoint it for you and talk about options, medicated or otherwise.

As for financial aid, I don't have a lot to offer except that WIC might be something to look into, and also there might be a children's & family services division in your area--in Anoka County it's:
Anoka County
1400 - 131st Avenue NE
Blaine, MN 55434
###-###-####

(If you don't live in Anoka County, they might be able to refer you to the right organization.)

Hang in there...you are certainly NOT the first mom to experience this, and it does get easier.
S.

Hi B.,

You have a lot going on right now. If it is possible for you to do try and break down each of your situations individually and attack them one at a time - it is sooo overwhelming when you are focusing on the whole. My daughter woke up several times a night for a LONG time - I did what everyone told me not to and I nursed her in bed and she slept with us. It worked for us but EVERYONE is going to tell you not to do that. Have you tried feeding for only 1/2 hour and stopping - then going back in 2 hours and feeding again? It may get him to eat enough to satisfy himself instead of overeating. I remember crying at my Dr's office one time because I felt like I was a "human pacifier". My daughter would have nursed all day long if I let her. My Dr. recommended feeding her until I thought she should be full and stopping - she said I would know if she was fussing because she was still hungry or if she just wanted the human contact - most of the time she truly was full - she just loved hanging out and eating. With my son I bought a sling - I got a hotsling - it is a sling that goes over your shoulder and the baby snuggles down into it - it was my lifesaver - he had the close human contact and I was able to regain my sanity quicker.

Also - your emotions are so out of whack right now - sleep would definitely help that - my entire family told me - sleep when the baby sleeps - I felt so guilty doing that but because my daughter wasn't a good night sleeper (she's 3 1/2 and she still isnt') I finally did that - getting an hour of sleep during the day can be an amazing uplift for your energy and more importantly your spirit.

I work for a health and nutrition company and would be happy to do a free wellness evaluation for you - postpartum depression is a hard thing to deal with and there are natural ways to help this before resorting to drugs that may be harmful to your nursing infant. We also offer products that can give you amazing results with regaining your pre-preganancy body that are entirely safe to healthy for your baby as well. If you are interested feel free to check out my website: www.UCanFeelGood2.com - please feel free to just call me as well - ###-###-####.

I wish you the best of luck - it does get better - D.

P.S. The company I work for is a work at home company - I can give you more information about that too if you are interested.

B.,

I don't have a whole lot of practical advice for you but I do need to tell you that it is going to get a lot better! I felt the same way when my daughter was born and despite being totally in love with her, I just felt crazy and I felt guilty for not "treasuring every precious moment."

It is a huge adjustment to have a baby, and probably more so since you're in your 30s. I was 32 when I had my first and I felt like my world got SO small after having lead this big life. I was used to leisure time, sleeping in, going out to eat, having sex, etc... People don't like to talk about the negative things because they're afraid they're going to look like bad moms but let's be honest here. We give up an awful lot for our babies.

It's natural to have a hard time with the change even if it was a change you wanted very much.

Breast-feeding gets a lot better. When your baby is 3 months old I think you will see some improvement. That probably feels like a long time to wait right now but you'll get there and it is so worth it. Don't feel bad about using formula. Do what you need to do to get through the day - it's not poison!

You'll get your body back, too. Try to forget about that for now, it takes a while. But I know that's hard to see.

Please don't feel alone, B.. So many of us have a hard time at the beginning and it has nothing to do with our feelings for our babies. Do mention to your doctor or midwife how you're feeling and find out if you could benefit from anti-depressants. That is part of taking care of yourself.

Very Best Wishes!

J.

B.,

Sounds like you are having a hard time. I don't have a lot of advice for you, but can say the following...

My son threw up feedings like you mentioned starting at about 3 or 4 weeks and continuing for a few months. Eventually it went away. Probably around 3 or 4 months, so you are getting closer to that ending.

Unfortunately, my kids never slept through the night completely until they were weaned, I couldn't/didn't let them cry, so I got up and nursed. It was my choice, and lasted until they were 15 months plus... so no advice there.

Finally, perhaps you are suffering from a little post pardem (sp?) depression? I suggest mentioning it to your pediatrician and your regular doctor and see what they say. Your sadness/overwhelmed feelings are normal, but you sound like maybe you are struggling more than you should, people can help you, and it's OK to ask for help.

J.
SAHM to Charlie (3), Joey (20 months) and #3 due in Nov.