Differences Between Boy and Girls

I come from a family of all girls and have never experienced the constant activity of a little boy before my son. I've also always heard that boys are more active and I have truly experienced it first hand. My little boy can go from the minute his eyes open (which is before 6:00 a.m. most days) until we put him down. He is NON STOP. Since I've never experienced it before, it took some getting used to. I've made an effort to try to push my energy level up to do activities that I normally wouldn't (throwing balls, playing cars, playing "catch me"). I still struggle trying to find things that keep his interest and are quiet activities. Story time at night is just about the only down time we have. I know that his energy is normal, I just wish it would rub off on me!

Hi T.,
It sounds like you have my little guy, only he's 2 1/2 years old. He's always been very active and independant to an extent. He was crawling at 5 1/2 months, walking by 10 months, riding a skooter at 15 months and now rides a skateboard- needless to say, I'm exhausted and now have heart palputations because he is such a little dare devil =) I found that with him, the tantrums and getting agitated was mostly because he could not express to me what was wrong. I still sometimes can't understand him now, because he gets so excited and his mouth can't form the words fast enough and have to start asking many questions and show mommy what is wrong, he is very good about pointing to things if I don't understand. He does of course throw tantrums because he's not allowed to do something or have something and that is when he is told that his behaivor is not acceptable. I try to explain every situation as much as I can, but sometimes he has to learn the hardway, and that is through time out or a toy getting taken away for a set period of time. I'm sure your little guys frustration is probably due to not being able to communicate with you. I know mine would scream when he was first learning to crawl because he couldn't move =) Just talk to him calmly and reassure him that you are there to help him. As for activities for an active little one, I set up little plastic bins (so that I could move them from room to room depending on what I needed to get done that day and he could play on the floor with me next to him) that had little activities that he could do, one bin had books, one had puzzles, and the others were filled with age appropriate toys for him. My son still has the bins but they are now in his room and he can take a bin with him to any room of the house but it must be put away in his room before a new one comes out. (I love the bins, it taught him how to clean up, and all the toys have their own home, it's not just one giant toy box, each type of toy, ie cars, music instruments, puzzles, crayans, etc has it's own bin so it's easy to find.) So when he was younger, the bins allowed him to have a variety of toys in front of him, and I was still in the room with him, if I couldn't be on the floor playing with him. For outside play, I got him a tricycle that has feet rests for when they are younger and a handle for me to push him, that does come off later when he can ride himself, and a seat belt so that he couldn't fall off the sides, and we would take long walks. I would walk to the grocery store or Starbucks with him on his tricycle. He loved being outside and seeing all the new things. And if he saw something on the ground, like a leaf, pine cone or rock, I would let him pick it up and take it home, and we would make art projects. He was learning about outside stuff, getting some fresh air, and learning how to use peddals on the tricycle. We love our walks and still take them. Also, Little Tykes has some great hard plastic outside play sets for kids with little slides and holes to climb in and out of. I found that giving him options around him helped with his frustration cause he had choices for other activities to keep him busy. It is exhausting, but watching him learn something new or his face light up when he learns something new is priceless.
Hope this helps.
Take care,
H.

My daughter (my first child) could sit on a blanket happy as pie until about 15mos old! My son, was walking just after turning 9mos and has been on the move ever since. Your son is only 8mos old, he can't tell you what he wants, so what seems like a tantrum is him trying to communicate. Try to set him up to succeed. Make sure your home is baby proofed or you have an area that is safe that he is free to roam and explore. Redirect him as much as possible (catch the tantrum before it happens). Use your words with him, he understands more than you think and give him words for his feelings. For example, "you are angry right now, aren't you? Do you want me to help you get that red ball?" etc.. it's also not too late to sign with him if you aren't already. Teach him some basic signs, more, yes, no, drink, help.

Hang in there!
M.

M.

First of all, I agree with the poster who said they don't like it when people attribute differences like this to male female. While there are significant differences in the way girls and boys develop, there is no difference in activity level that is attributed to gender. My daughter, for example, completely fits the description you gave for your son. Some babies are calm, some are active. The difference is that society (and many parents and relatives) rewards active boys and tells girl they need to be calm and loving and play with babies... I could go on because the whole system makes me mad, but that is not the point.

However, the same poster said that at 8 months they can "manipulate" and that you have to "nip it in the bud." While I know what she is saying, that is a really negative and defeatist way to look at it. However, the post immediately preceeding me was a lot more on the spot- kids this age are starting to be a lot more aware, but they can't express their needs and desires so it makes them frustrated. To encourage more independant play, set him up to succeed (like the other poster said), look around your environment for anything he can interact with (kitchens are a great source, pots and pans, bowls, containers with lids, large utinsils, anything not sharp or breakable). Give him the chance to explore these things while you are otherwise occupied (nearby, but try not to watch intently because they know when we're watching). I always had problems getting Izzy to play independantly, but from birth I put her down often and wouldn't pick her up/play with her right when she started to fuss, I let her fuss a little, and now I tell her "I can't hold you, I'm busy." And she has gotten better. Try reading "Your Child At Play" for the ages 0-1, and 1-2- they will give you a lot of great ideas to get him stimulated. And use lots of words to help him develop his vocabulary- he probably won't start to talk for a few months, but talking to him will help him learn fast and help him feel less frustrated because you know how he is feeling. The signing idea was great, too- this is actually the perfect age to start it because some kids will pick it up right away (but don't be discouraged if he doesn't- my daughter didn't pick up more than 2 signs, and she now has an AMAZING vocabulary). The best way to begin signing is to buy the little board books (the ones by Dr. Acredolo and Dr. Goodwyn, particularly the ones with photos of babies instead of cartoons) and read them to him, and show him the signs yourself. The videos are okay- I like "Baby Signing Times" better than "Baby Signs" but my preference is irrelivant since they didn't work for us! It really helps if they just learn "more" "all done" "drink" and "eat" because those cover the basic needs. Anyhow, just learning a few signs will help him to communicate with you, which will reduce frustration. That said, now is the time to lay the groundwork, so to speak, for discipline. Obviously he can't use words vs. whining yet, but the minute he learns a word require him to use it when he wants that thing- don't listen to whining. I taught my daugther to say "please" so that even if she didn't know the word she could point and use a word instead of whining. And if you say no, don't back down! If you say "no" to something and he cries tell him "I know you're mad I said no, but ___(reason you said no stated as simply as possible)___ Now is also a good time to establish a routine if you haven't already. It is so much more important for toddlers not just because it helps make sure their needs are met (well rested and fed so they don't have those added frustrations), but also because it gives toddlers a sense of control over their environment if they know what is going to happen and when.

I know how you feel- having a child like this is hard work, but I don't think I would change it because she is so sharp and entertaining! But I'm not going to lie, I do hope this next baby is a little more relaxed.

I have two girls - my oldest is very sweet, even tempered, and has been able to entertain herself for an hour or more since she was 6 months old. My youngest is wild, incredibly active, and wants/needs constant movement, activity, company, etc. As a baby, she had to be held constantly. My husband and I have always said that if she were a boy, we could just right off her high energy level to that. But my sister's son is much more like my older daughter, and was always an incredibly easy kid. So it's not the gender, it's the temperament. As for suggestions, get a babysitter or nanny or friend to play with him to give you a break. Up his activity level. Accept that this is the way he will always be and love him anyway. Don't compare him to other babies. Read "Raising a Spirited Child". And take heart - that high activity level, that willfulness to get his way, will serve him very well when he's an adult. Good luck.

Some would argue that it is a boy/girl thing, and is purely personality. It's probably a little of both. But alot of little boys are way more active than little girls. I have both (twins) and have experienced the difference. I highly recommend that if he is prone to tantrums that you find a way to deal with them from the beginning and stick to it. Otherwise he is going to learn very quickly that trantruming is a sure way to get his way and you will both have a very hard time. I subscribe to the belief that is ok to be angry, but NOT ok to strike out or scream in anger around others. It will be your job to teach your little boy how to deal with his anger. 1st -- give your little boy every opportunity to wiggle and exercise as much as you can. He will need a lot of interaction & stimulating activities. Getting him out of the house and into new environments is great for this. He needs a chance to be in an environment where he can't get into trouble. So often most of our days are all about rules and this can be stressful for kids. 2nd, make sure that the daily routine of your life is consistent and the rules are the same for him. This applies to diet, sleep, and when he is older the resposibilities you will accept from him. (ie holding hands in the parking lot, dressing himself, potty training etc.) Consistency is important for kids' security, but especially important for little kids who get frustrated/angry easily. 3rd, realize that at this age, anger is usually bred from frustration. He wants something but he can't tell you what. You really have to try and tune in to what he wants. Acknowledge what he wants verbally - "I see that you are frustrated, let's see if we can figure out what you are upset about." You may have to ask a series of questions or put him in front of different things etc until you figure it out. Then tell him if he can have it or not. (being verbal with him, not only is good for him, but good practice for you as well, b/c by the time he is 2, he will become a negotiator and too many parents are caught off guard by this. Too many parents, don't actually talk to their children. )
4., once you've given your answer, he may very well get angrier if it's something he can't have. I personally don't believe that is ok for kids to be left to throw fits in public, strike out at others or hurt themselves. However, I don't think it is fair to tell a kid that they can't be angry either. I have a "safe" place in the house where my son goes when he is mad. He is not in trouble. I always used his bed/crib b/c it is a place to relax and be peaceful. Then I tell him "I understand you are mad... everyone gets mad sometimes. But you can't have ________/or do ________. Just take some time to calm down and think good thoughts. When you feel better, you can come back out and we will do ________ instead."

Just remember, at this age babies start trying to learn how to communicate with you it is only natural for them to get frustrated. Make sure you take the time to really understand what they are trying to tell you or what they are trying to do. But if they are truly acting out -- doing something to hurt themselves or someone else, you should be very firm about not allowing it. Don't worry about using big words or concepts that he doesn't understand. He will learn, and it is good practice for you.

This process has worked great for my son. He will always have a quick temper and be an energetic boy -- but he has great control over his anger and I am able to tell him how proud I am of him every time he takes a break to figure out why he's upset and works with me on finding solutions... he's only 4.

This advice came from my Dad who is a family counselor, by the way.

Hi T., i hate when people say boys, are more active, or boys are harder to potty train, it is not true, i have 2 boys and one daughter. At eight months old they know how to minipulate, so you need to nip things in the bud now, so as your son gets older, it is already astblised who the parent is and who the child is, i see so many warn out parents because their kids/babies control them by their behavior, crying, tatrums, so instead of the child/baby doing what the parent wants, the parents are doing what the child/baby wants, how backwards is that. Give your son tummy time, give him close time which you can put him in a front carries and go about your business around your home, give him tome in an activity saucer, make sure he has a nap time during the day, specific nap time during the day, put him in a stroller and go for a walk, put him in his high chair with a cloth book or something of that nature, hile you prepare a snak or lunch. Give your baby solo time in a play pen with a few toys, havve a wind down time with him on an activity mat, you do not have to entertain your baby 24/7 as a mom and a wife you need me time, don't be controlled, by crying, tatrums, or anything else you are the parent you say what goes and what doesn't, not your baby. my kids are now 24,21 and 19 all healthy happy adults. J.

I've often heard that boys are more active than girls. But from what you explain, it all sounds too familiar--and I have 3 girls. I think it just depends on the child. Their personality differences.

What we did for our active first born was having lots for her to do. We lived in a condo at the time with a small, not so kid friendly backyard. So I bought one of those toddler slides for inside the house. she loved crawling around and on it.

if that's a little too big for him, try a jumping chair. some you can hang in door frames. surprising enough, as active as she was, she loved baby einstein movies. so jumping or crawling around with the brain stimulating music and colors was lots to entertain her.

as far as him not wanting to play by himself, well, that could just be the start of separation anxiety. have him play next to you so he can still feel reassured that you're close by.

they sure do need activities to get all their energy out.

Maybe you have a "spirited" child. There are many books on this.ie: "raising a spirited child" etc. and you can do a google search on it. But again, he is just a baby and their only way to communicate is tantrums etc.

Every baby/child has their own temperament and personalities.
However, there are gender related differences, in learning etc. There are books called "Raising Boys" and "Raising Cain" that have good reviews. You can find it at Amazon. Here some links:
http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_ss_gw?url=search-alias%3Da...
http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_ss_gw?url=search-alias%3Da...

Boys are more kinesthetic... meaning they learn by movement and manipulating things etc.

For me, my girl was the more spirited one and needed company and is more clingy, and my boy is more mellow although active but more independent. So it all depends. Each is different, not always because of gender.

Perhaps teach your son baby sign language already. Then, it will give him a way to "communicate". I did this with both of my children, starting from when they were babies. It is really great. You will be amazed at how quickly they learn it. It might help a lot in helping him to express himself. Here is a link about it:
http://www.babies-and-sign-language.com/

Here is a link for 8 month old development:
http://www.parents.com/parents/childTracker/month.jsp;jse...

Tantrums... well, that's all developmental. Also, the "terrible two's" actually goes on through 3, and 4 years old, and then by 5 years old or so, it mellows out. These age's are a time when these things happen. Tantrums and melt-downs will be ongoing through certain ages.

For me, what works with one child may not work for the other. I mainly go by their personalities. My girl needs quick responses to her discomforts, my boy on the other hand can simmer down on his own although I will go up to him and acknowledge the "problem" and assure him. Tantrums don't always need "punishment." It is not always because they are doing something wrong. They just need you sometimes and are frustrated. Their bodies cannot always "do" what their minds want, for example. They need to be shown how to navigate through difficulties....to learn coping and that Mommy is there. Just keep it age appropriate.

He sounds like a bright, active boy with an active mind. Nurture his "strengths" and interests... he seems to have a lot of them. :) As he gets older, you can then teach him boundaries and simple concepts. All age appropriate.

Take care,
~Susan

Hi T., well I don't have a boy, but I have a girl who is EXACTLY the same. She just turned 6 months and is unbelievably active. Loves attention, needs attention (whether it be talking to her, playing with her, showing her something), there HAS to be interaction. She will sit by herself for maybe a few minutes, but thats only before she falls asleep.
My daughter has also gotten into the habit of screaming when she wants something. She has little tantrums and makes lots of noise when shes upset (aka not getting enough interaction or attention). She is crawling around and getting into eevrything lol but she is such a joy because other than that, she is always happy, always smiling, very socialable. So when she has her tantrums, i place her in her crib or playpen (or somewhere safe like an exersaucer, etc) and we walk away. No interaction, and it shows her she cant always get what she wants. We wait until she stops screaming and eventually stops crying (sounds cruel but works like a charm). Then we take her out and then its playtime again.
We've only been doing this for a few weeks, and already by the first week there was a definate improvement. Good luck.