Did You Pay Your Nanny an "Exit/goodbye" Bonus?

After 4 years, I think that you should - but that's just me. I have help here at the house and they usually only last about 4-6 months (anybody need a job? :) my gal just gave two weeks notice), and if I didn't let them go, AND they gave a two week notice, I always give a "parting gift." Usually it is a $25 gift card to the local grocery store (I'd give more, but not for 4 - 6 months).

Maybe rather than giving cash, a gift card to something "useful" would be more appropriate? I often give little gifts to my helpers like a $10 fuel only card at the local gas station or "deli-money" at the local grocery store, etc.

Good luck.

In 24 years of daycare I can count on one hand how many times I've gotten anything for Christmas and only one family ever gave me something as a gift when their child moved on to school. It's really not all that common. It really does seem insulting to me that she's asking. I'd never ask for such a thing.

I really don't even want to get things from parents because I can't afford to reciprocate. If I was to try and get gifts for all my daycare parents at holidays, birthdays, leaving, etc... I'd never be able to make ends meet. Gifts are fantastic things in this life. But I think people worry too much over trying to give when they can't afford it. So it's not just that you can. I'm hearing you say that you were unhappy with her.

In all fairness, did you ever tell her that you felt she should be doing more? What made you think she wasn't?

Hi Mama-
I will say that maybe a gift card to Target for whatever you can afford with her final paycheck, is perfectly acceptable. You don't actually owe her a bonus, just her regular wages, and in any other profession, you would be handed your last check, sometimes taken out to a nice meal, and then let go. I say you have done your part, and her comments are not only unprofessional, but they hold no merit. Everyone needs money right now, and she is no exception. But if you really want to give her something, let's say you can afford $50-$100. Then a gift card to wherever she shops is a nice bonus. If it's only $25, that is also generous. Why? Because in this world bonuses are gifts, serendipities, and surprises. One should not expect them ever. It's rude plain and simple. So give her a card. YOu already took her to dinner. ANd if you feel compelled, get her a gift card- target, khols, starbucks, wherever. And wash your hands of it. Just because someone has more than someone else does not make the poorer person more deserving.
Here's my story on that last comment. My sister makes double what my husband and I make in one month. Just her. And her husband makes even more than that. They were given a house and did not have to pay the mortgage for 2 years as a wedding gift from her hubby's parents. My grandmother gave her $20 grand for college and she was able to keep the leftovers and buy a car. She has a beautiful baby boy, a great husband, they have 2 cars, a house, and are able to afford to do pretty much whatever they want most days. The kicker- my sister still shops the clearance at wal mart and khols. Now for my situation (we are going to skip the little sister, because her situation is very similar to the older one). My grandma did not think that I was worth her money as far as college went, so I struggled to earn an AA and pay off the bills. I had no car and rode the public transit EVERYWHERE, which in this town is 2 hours to get any where. I have faced homelessness because I could not make enough money to pay my bills; my hubby has depression meds which cost a small fortune on a monthly basis that we cannot afford, and we have had to borrow money from both my parents and his parents. It's humilating. At 30 years old I should at least be able to pay rent, but I can't. My hubby worked for the state, and after 3 major cuts, had no work for 6 months. Unemployment was unstable, and he was out in our ONLY car, pounding the pavement day after day trying to find work. So how does a state employee go from working at the semi top of the food chain to working at a guitar shop at minimum wage? Who knows. Life is the luck of the draw, and we do the best with what we have. I do wish I had more, but at the same time, I have learned to budget my money like no other. I use gift cards like gold, I do not eat out unless it's budgeted, and I spend alof of time sweating over the stove and house and work pretty much to survive. I no longer have a savings account and my bills are on the 10 year plan. I will say that after 6 years, the burden is not any lighter.
The lesson- I don't think that because my sister can afford to pay off my debts, she should. I don't think that I am more deserving of what she has than she is. Why? Because she earned it. It may not have been as hard for her to get where she is, but she did earn it. Not everyone will make large salaries, and not everyone will own a 4 bedroom house. Life does not make fairness a straight across the board thing.
Your nanny should be grateful for what she has, not greedy for what she doesn't have. Be generous with her. But also be a good steward of your resources. Put your extra cash in savings and plan a trip for you and the family. Buy that car you have always wanted with all the cash outright. It can be done. And it shouldn't make you feel guilty. Help those who need help and do what you can. BUt you are not responsible for her. She is an adult. Do what you can and assure yourself that you did. My mother in law is almost 70 and she is still working and she needs money. But don't think for one minute that she is guilting anyone over it.
Sorry this is so long. But I hope it helps.
-E. M

4 years with your kids, she's been a big part of your life. If a needy friend moved, wouldn't you give her a couple hundred bucks and your best well wishes? No need to tie it to her compensation (i.e., pro rating 3 weeks by 7 months), just a monetary gift that you can afford and makes you feel that 'it ended well.' I think you'll enjoy a new babysitter, time to shake things up there, it sounds.

I guess my first question here is how old is she? you say "my mother and father were still working at her age" this means she is probably an older caregiver. Did she cut back due to not being able physically to care for 2 children for long amounts of time? If you have kept her for 4 years then you have been pretty much happy with her. I would say give her the bonus and say sorry we will miss you. And let it go. Letting a nanny go that you have had for 4 years will be hard. you will find another one but your kids are used to her.

I think under these terms, I'd be inclined not to pay an exit bonus. If she was a really great nanny or if you expected to use her as a fill in babysitter in the future, I would give her a little something extra just to keep goodwill going, but it doesn't sound like that is the case and I think that I would be very turned off by the sense of entitlement that your nanny is displaying. Just my opinion . . .

Hi P.,
You don't owe her an exit bonus. It sounds as if you are being guilted into it and whether or not you can afford it really makes no difference - that's your money which you and your husband work hard for. Consider corporate America, if she gave her two weeks notice and left...she would likely have a nice potluck and a gift and that's perfect. Hope this helps.

Four years is a long time to have someone watching over your kids but it seems as though you aren't very happy with her now that she is leaving. obviously you liked her to keep her around for so long. I haven't had a nanny before but it seems like you are already answering your own question. you seem angry and resentful because you think she is trying to guilt you into giving her more money. I think if you are going to give her a bonus do it because you care about her and you want to not because you feel guilty.
good luck

I don't see any reason to give her an exit bonus. Her finances are not your problem. Just because you can afford it does not mean it is necessary. I think it is terrible that she is trying to guilt you out of extra money!

P. - I am a nanny in RWC myself. In this situation where she is leaving on her own accord, no you do not owe an exit bonus to her. If you were laying her off, perhaps something would be nice, but each situation is different. It sounds lovely that you took her to dinner and framed photos of your children, very thoughtful. Don't let her guilt you out. Her personal $ problems are not your responsibility. You paid her for 4 years and probably quite well. You have done your part. She chose to leave, so life goes on. Did you find a suitable replacement yet? Maybe I could help you if you need it. My name is P. too. I sent my email address to your private message box.

I don't think any employer is ever obligated to give a bonus of any kind... that's why it's called a bonus. However you may want to consider taking the high road on this and just give her something to help her get on her way to her new life. I agree with those who've mentioned that you kept her for the four years and that should mean something. It does sound like you had some issues that you probably should have been more honest about with her. Since you apparently didn't deal with those issues, they are in the past and shouldn't even be conisidered in the question of a bonus. She put in the time and effort to help you raise your children and you simply need to do whatever will help you to bring this relationship to a good close and go on with your life. My guess is that after four years your children will appreciate continuing a bit of relationship with this nanny through letters, phone calls etc. It's sort of like having a grandparent at a distance, and she may seem even closer to them than their own grandparents to. So what I'm saying is that it isn't just you as the parents and this nanny who need to be considered, but you need to think carefully about how whatever you do will affect how your children feel as well.

I have been a nanny for many families and just like any job you do not need to give a exit bonus...BUT nannies, unlike other jobs, become a part of your family. Your nanny probably means something to your kids, and you have to admit even though you may not have liked her work ethic lately, you still trusted to watch your children, your precious delicate children, and that should mean something. She watched your kids and they were safe and fed, that in itself can be a big workload alone without adding extracurricular activities to it. That being said it would be nice to give her a parting gift, not only from you but your children, she has been their care taker for 4 years! Taking out to dinner and 1 picture is ok, something a little more would be nice like a small giftcard or something sentimental that the kids think she might like?? Personally, the couple families I worked for that make average incomes put together large scrapbooks for me with tons of pictures and personal messages for me from every family member, along with a journal or book for my new "journey" and CD's. A couple of the wealthier families got expensive gifts - a henkel knife set when I moved away to my first home, and another a very expensive stroller (I left because I was pregnant). It's completely up to you but I wouldn't give money unless you really want to.

Since she is the one that quit you should really have to, also the fact that you wasn't that happy with the way she was with the kids will be another reason to not do it, unless you never mention this to her in that case was your fault for not speak out.
She had all the right to ask for money (doesn't mean you have to give it but we all have the right to ask for something we want/need) but the added comment of "I know you can afford it" is a little over the top for me.
A dinner and a small present will be enough. If you "want" to help her that is up to you and any money is good.

Nope. Mine "bailed" on me. If I were the one to let her go, that would be different.

i wouldnt. not every job pays an exit so treat like any other job.
good luck and best wishes

Ugh, no I wouldn't pay her extra.

I find it a little disturbing that you are not sorry to see the person go who has helped take care of your children for years. If you had so many problems with her, you should have let her go. Yes it is her decision to move and not get a christmas bonus, but its not christmas, its her leaving to be with her family. Its very odd that families seem to be angry when nannies leave for their own personal reasons, but when a family has to let a nanny go for their own personal reasons, its ok. If you don't know why she had to cut her hours, then don't speculate, I am sure she has her reasons. I don't know what you paid her, but today families are using the economy as an excuse to pay ridiculous rates. I am not saying you are necessarily, but if its under 16.00 an hour approximately, paying someone what they aren't worth can sometimes make nannies feel resentment and not work as hard as they should. Families end up putting up with that because they know they are paying them a low fee, so its a catch 22. I dont' know your situation, but if she loved your children and took care of them, a thank you bonus certainly would be a lovely thank you. Its not an easy job, and if you feel the children loved her then show her you care about her situation and wish her well with her family. I don't know how she tries to guilt you out of money, but I am struggling to understand your feelings for her, it seems you like her but then I am not sure, if you have the money and care for her, then give her something.

J.