Did You Isolate After the Birth of Your Child?

She's probably just finding out that giving birth and being a new mom are harder than she thought...

I would do as you are doing ... one text, one call a day and see what comes of it. She may have tons of ppl in the hospital visiting ... I know my phone was my last priority and a lot of my family was out of town. So, I would cut her some slack, if this continues for a few weeks however, I would make plans for a drop in visit - there may be some post pardum depression going on. I could be wrong but I think my doc said that emergency c and any other trauma increases the chances of PPD.

Okay... with BOTH of my births (I had c-sections too)... I wanted NO ONE TO VISIT ME at the hospital nor at home. That was per family/relatives/friends.
I just wanted privacy. And to be only with my Husband.
It was nothing personal.
I just wanted... my own space with no intrusions, with no pop-in visitors, with no guests I would have to entertain, with NO obligations. I just wanted to be in my jammies all day, messy hair and all, and just nurse and be with my baby and nap and that's it.
I also wanted NO germs... around in my house.

Having a baby is tiring. As you know. We also get no sleep. And are zombies. And frazzled and getting to know our own baby.

My friends KNEW that about me, though. So it was no surprise to them. They know that is how I am.
Nothing personal.

I was by MY.... cues.

I also left the phone machine on with an outgoing message saying, to leave a message and I will call back when I can.

I just didn't want to be bothered... with any obligations or perfunctory socializing nor 'having to' when I didn't want to.

And the last thing on my mind or time ability, was to go and download/upload pictures of my baby, to everyone. Who has time for that when you just had a baby?

I took me not several days... but WEEKS. And, for about 3 months, I did NOT want to take my baby out, anywhere where there was a lot of people... much less to holiday parties. Not at all. Did I do that. I didn't do it.

Just let her be.

My 1st child, was an emergency c-section.
My 2nd was planned.
Never the less, its not like you can just jump up every time the phone rings... and you might just be nursing the baby at the same time. It hurts... having a c-section. Recovery, per the body, is 6 weeks. And you still may ache.

I actually dreaded, when the phone rang... because then I would have to chit-chat even if I was tired and make all pleasant and REPEAT the same darn story to EVERYONE and hear the SAME ol' things from everyone.
That in itself, is tiring and irritating.

I went by MY cues. And readiness.
And that's just the way it was.
I personally, would get irked if someone called me everyday. My sibling would do that, and I just had to tell her, DON'T call... I am not up to it.
Let me rest and I am breastfeeding and I can't just get up any ol' time.

I was a mess after my 1st c-section. I think the combination of 1st hospital experience , major surgery , minor complications, 1st baby, & drugs, I was overwhelmed and out of touch with reality. I would keep texting her well wishes & give it some more time. Fast Forward to 3rd section & baby, I was texting & breast feeding at same time, making plans for Super Bowl that was 2 weekends away.

I know most responses have been the same, I just want to add one thought =) I would actually NOT continue to send her even one text a day. I know that when I had my 2nd daughter, I didn't really even look at my phone from the night before I went into labor until a few days after (and I had a quick and easy natural birth!). By the time I looked at my phone, I had sooo many texts to read through!! So imagine if every one of your friend's close family members and friends sent her one text every day...that could end up being 20 texts a day! Not to mention the notification sound for every one of those texts. And even if her phone is on silent, it will still vibrate or flash lights every time she receives a text. So I can imagine that she has probably just turned off her phone anyway, even if it was just 20 texts a day (which I'm sure it's more than that, plus phone calls).
I really don't see the need in texting her daily anyway. She knows that all her friends are thinking about her and her new baby, she doesn't need a daily reminder =)
Instead of daily texts, how about sending her a nice card via snail mail? Or maybe a "new mommy" care package. Or even some balloons or flowers. Seeing those things would mean much more to me than a text message =)

I was going to suggest you only try to reach her once a day. She knows you want to talk, but she is obviously not up to it right now.

She could be completely overwhelmed or already has so much help, she is getting the rest she needs along with the duties of motherhood. Breast feeding and trying to heal takes a lot of energy and her time, she needs some privacy.

You know she is alive, you know she had her son.

Our daughter came home and then became very ill, it was very quick and unexpected.. The constant phone calls and pages made me a nervous wreck. I JUST wanted to concentrate on our daughter..

My father threw a fit, but my husband finally called him and everyone else and explained as quickly as he could we were dealing with our child and when we had a moment we would call.

So give her some time.. Not everybody is able to handle things the way maybe you did.. It can be very overwhelming. and they are a new little family. They need to get into the groove.

I would continue to let her know you care via text or phone messages, or whatever. She is probably very uncomfortable, and getting to know her baby while being uncomfortable. What a nice friend you are wondering how to deal with this. I remember I had a c section and owwwwieee, it didn't turn out like I planned, but sure appreciated the love surrounding me. Sometimes this just happens.

I didn't want to see or talk to anyone except my husband and my mother and father after the births. I was tired, concentrating on adjusting, trying to recover from birth, while looking after a newborn. That's the problem. At the end of pregnancy you don't sleep well, then you have perhaps (if you're like me) 24 hours of hard labor, then when it's all over, there's no time to rest, you're straight into round-the-clock care for someone else. I hated it when my in-laws visited at the hospital. I did not want to have to entertain, or put on a false face for anyone. I left any contacting and announcements to my husband - even with my best friends. Perhaps your friend is like me?

I ended up with an emergancy c-section... went in Wednesday night was released Sunday afternoon. I called TWO people; My parents and the pastor at our church... my husband called his parents. Both of our parents called everyone else like siblings and whomever they wanted to share the news with. Most of my friends did not know I had the baby till about a week later, even then they did not know much till I sent out the baby announcements. Even then I did not get around to talking to most till a month afterwards because it took me that long to get use to everything. I was one of the first to have a baby in my group of friends, so they did not know what to really do... I wish they would have reached out like a week or two after I had the baby just for some adult time but I finally did that a month after I had my baby.

Let the new family adjust, you know that it is a big adjustment. Send a 'love ya, call/text me when you get a chance or need anything" type text and wait for her to reach out. Also maybe send a nice care package with items for the mom, pamper herself with, gift card to a spa/salon to refresh or a place to get prepared meals... that would mean the world to her.

I kept a group of 16 ppl in the loop via text during my labor and just before and after my cesarean. I had my sister and husband take lotsa pics and within 24 hours downloaded and posted on facebook.

My cesarean wasn't planned... I had 14 hours of home labor with my planned homebirth, 10 hours of labor at the hospital then a cesarean due to baby's failure to descend.

It doesn't take this much for me to shut the world out sometimes. No matter how close you are, your continuous calls and messages might be overwhelming right now and make her feel pressured. Seh doesn't feel like recounting every detail of the event . Haven't you felt that like that, just not wanting to talk about it in that moment? If you continue, she might start actively avoiding you. Instead of sending a daily message, maybe a weekly one would be more appropriate. Even then, don't ask how they're doing or tell her that you're thinking about her. That only reminds her that you can't wait to know everything. When she does start talking to you, she might just want to pick up right where she is and bit by bit give you info about the delivery experience, over a period of time. Start sending her a joke every few days or so. Distract her, and make her laugh. Don't ask any questions at all. When she does come around, don't ask any questions. Tell her that you have some stuff to send her and baby and then send it.

O grrrrllll! I totally feel your pain! I recently went through a similar situation with a good friend who had twins and had been texting me with updates from the hospital up until about 4 cm, when suddenly, nothing. It was a torment for me and I kept thinking the worst, in a kind of irrational way. We had sort of discussed her hubby texting a mass group pic/text with the good news, and so I wasn't expecting anything more than that. Trying to respect their privacy, I didn't write again or call. Almost 48 hrs later she texted the birth announcement, and turned out she did have an unusually long hard labor but mostly all was well. Her second twin was on a respirator for about a week after due to some complications but thank God she is now fine. Now I know what it is like to be on the other end.

When I had my baby, even though my labor went extremely well by all medical standards, afterward I isolated big time. I remember sending a group text and barely being able to write it, and I remember someone handing me the phone to talk to my brother and barely being able to talk. But friends and family were all supportive and understanding. I had not wanted any visitors in the hospital (I knew that beforehand) and didn't see hardly any one at home except my parents for weeks after we got home. In the hospital it was just my husband and I, and he called my mom and stepdad right after our son was born. I remember thinking they took forever to get there and all I wanted to do was sleep. Even though I was healthy and had no complications in birth, I was in extreme pain and very dazed from the epidural, (which I had really not wanted to have going in to it because I am very sensitive to drugs). However, turns out I am really sensitive to pain too! I was also in complete shock, physically (no one told me how much I was going to bleed for a month straight for instance) and emotionally. In short I was overwhelmed and needed my space. Maybe your friend is going through something similar. I think you are doing the right thing.

I know that as soon is she is able and has time, she will really look forward to talking to you.

I am sure the curiosity is driving you insane, but I wouldn't take her not getting back to personally. When I had my kids I didn't deliberately isolate myself, but my son was in the NICU for a few days, I was sleepy (also had c-sections with my son and daughter) and just trying to get the hang of things being a brand new mom. When my daughter was born, I tried to get word to as many people as I could (friends and co-workers) but the internet capability was horrendous in the hospital. So yeah, I was sorta underground for about 5-7 days just getting my bearings! I think you are doing the right thing about letting her know she is in your thoughts, but not being pushy about it. You will get to see that baby sooner or later and get all the details of the exciting event. Congrats to your friend!
HTH,
A.

Did you try to contact her husband? I mean, after an emergency C, she is probably still in-patient. Her husband may be going home at night, and getting a decent nights rest and is not recovering from major surgery. I wouldn't bombard his phone either, but maybe a single text to the effect that you are aware they are swamped and tired, but you just want to be sure everything is ok, and you'll be glad to spread the word to the other BFFs so he doesn't have to deal with it. Maybe ask if your friend has a discharge date so you can send something to the house for her when she gets home?

I did not have a difficult birth experience. I had an easy labor and delivery and just wanted to enjoy the time with my baby. My husband contacted my close friends to let them know the baby had arrived and was healthy and gave them some other details. He told them I would call when I was available. Even though everything was fine, I just didn't want to talk for a while. Although I didn't answer my phone during my hospital stay, I had several friends calling me over and over and over, wanting to visit, talk etc. Some even started calling the nurses station complaining that they were having difficulty getting a hold of me. To be honest, all these people were driving me absolutely crazy. I even had one friend who was annoyed that I didn't let her know I was in labor because she wanted to be there in the delivery room with my husband and I while I had my baby, even though I never invited her to be there.
I would have prefered if people would have just called, left a message and said to please call when I felt up to it.

BTW, I'm having my third baby in 6 weeks. I'm planning on only telling my family when I'm in labor because I don't want to deal with all the texts, messages, etc.

A C section is major surgery. She did not have me for a mother showing up with Arnica 200c so she'd recover fast which is what I did for my daughter. She was up taking a shower on her own that evening. The nurse who came running in to give her a Measles shot because she did not have the antibodies was told to forget it by me as I'd nearly lost her to that vaccine when she was two. Having run interference my daughter recovered fast.
Your friend is exhausted, maybe a little shocked by the need for a C-section and very likely in pain. Let her isolate if she must. She'll be available again in a couple of weeks.
Stand by her not on her.

The drugs i was on from my c-section made me a little loopy. I'm guessing she's spending most of her time sleeping. I tried emailing friends to let them know about the baby, but it seriously took me forever to do it. I think by the time I left, I still hadnt' done it. I kept falling asleep when I did it. I would wake up with my mouth wide open and I was snoring. hehe. My mom must have thought I was crazy. For whatever reason, I just could NOT handle much email or anything. I didn't talk to anyone on the phone. Texting I could do. But long details, I wasn't able. I wanted to, but I would wake up an hour or two later every single time I tried! I don't know if that is a similar reason for her, but that was my problem for me. Very frustrating. It sounds like she had a long labor prior to her c-section too. I bet she's totally wiped out.

Keep sending the texts - once or twice a day. Feel free to ask her questions, maybe one at a time. I probably wouldn't call every day though. Texting might be best until she comes back to the world of the living. I hope she's doing okay!!

Yes and No. I had so many people come in and out that I lost track at times. It was so overwhelming! I know one of my friends was really upset that I didn't let them know I was in labor, but really I was in LABOR! LOL The first thing on my mind wasn't, "I should let everyone know!" I am sure she is not really snubbing you on purpose, give her a few days, and I am sure she will be blowing up your phone again. You know, come to think of it, I don't think I even had my cell with me most of the time I was in the hospital, because I forgot to bring a charger. Maybe that's it?

everyone is different after birth & you may not even know how you will react once your lo has arrived...so I would just leave her a vm or txt to let her know you are thinking of her & cant wait to talk when she feels like it, i'm sure its nothing personal