Did Anyone Have a Issue with Their Oldest When the 2St Child Was Born

My two little girls are 23 months apart, and I really have to say, there has been amazingly little friction. Now they are 39 mos and 17 mos, and they appear to be the best of friends. There is the occasional toy-snatching, but other than that, they really seem to enjoy each other - the first thing they do when waking up is to go look for sister.

I followed my pediatrician's advice, which was to give the older one some space on the regressing issue. We were totally off the bottle, but she wanted to do all the things the baby did, so there was a brief pacifier renaissance, and we're still doing the bottles. Sigh. But not that often. And once the little one's done with them, I think they'll be gone for good. The older one still likes to pretend to be the baby, wants me to cradle her like a baby occasionally and even provides little realistic "waaa-hh's" for the maximum desired effect. Occasionally likes to sit in the high chair, and took a couple of naps in the baby's crib.

I let her touch the baby whenever she wanted - didn't encourage or discourage, but Susannah is a pretty gentle kid. I'd play that by ear, depending on your older son's disposition.

But for the most part, I just tried to avoid distinctions like "oh, that's only for the baby..", etc. That's kind of divisive and tends to make the older kid jealous. There was even a period where Susannah, who is pretty big for her age, would climb up into the baby swing...which held, thank goodness.. If I had to discourage her off of something, I'd say "oh, that's gotten too little for you, what a shame, oh, mannnn!!", rather than telling her that's only for the baby.

Whatever issues we had, I tried to look at it from the older kid's perspective (b/c frankly the little one has no idea of what's going on anyway...) and react with her feelings in mind. Daddy did a lot of putting the little one to sleep while I preserved the big one's sacred bedtime routine. And once the little one arrived, Daddy ramped up his one-on-one activities w/ the older one big-time. The week we came home from the hospital, he took her on trips and activities nonstop and she just loved all that special attention from Daddy. (I also made sure I took her to the playground just the two of us that week, too - she thought she'd hit the jackpot!! At least it put some of the new awkwardness/stress in the background and she was exhausted every night..

There was a brief regression on the sleeping the first couple of weeks, too, I hear that's pretty common - I made sure to respond as quickly as I could, given that the little one was waking me up, too. One night my husband was delighted to race down to her bedroom (because it was the first time she had screamed for "Daddy" when she was frightened..made him feel like such a hero!) But she resumed her sleeping-all-night schedule after only a few times..

Right now everything is going great w/ the relationship between my two girls, I'm really very impressed. Now that the little one is so very mobile, she occasionally hurts her big sister unintentionally. I make a big show of telling the little one "That's not okay, Katie, you hurt Susannah, you should say you're sorry.. Say sorry, Katie..." and the older one will look at me in amazement and say, "But Mommy, Katie doesn't talk yet. She can't say sorry!" It's funny, I know, but it does help boost Susannah's sense of fair play and that I know the baby's not always the innocent or injured party.

And I've had a couple talks with Susannah about her feelings about the baby, to help validate what she's feeling. Like "That baby is always crying. That's really annoying, isn't it, when Mommy has to help Katie when you want Mommy to read you a story?" or "Katie broke your toy. I'll bet that made you feel sad about your toy and angry with her, huh?" Most of the time just knowing that I understand how she feels has helped her move on without taking it out on her little sister.

My favorite parenting book, which addresses some sibling issues too, is "Between Parent and Child" by Dr. Haim Ginott. It was originally published in the 60's, and the good doctor is long dead, but I love his approach and find it almost universally useful with my kids.

Good luck! I had a major guilt meltdown when I had my second, but seeing them so happy together makes me convinced that having them so close was the best thing that we could've done.

Don't be worried. I have a 6 week old at home and as your children will be, they are 2 years apart. I was also worried, but the transition from one to two has been quite easy. He loves his little brother and as I write this, is giving him kisses. I have had friends who also are on the 2 year plan like me, and they have said the same thing. So don't worry.

Hi L.,
My daughter was 2 1/2 when my son was born and we didn't have any issues. We always talked about the new baby and told my daughter what to expect.( the baby will cry a lot, sleep, drink from bottles . . . )She came w/ me to all my doctor appointments and heard the heart beat and saw the sonogram.
Once the baby was born she came right to the hospital to meet her little brother. We kept saying the baby is "her little brother" We let her hold him, help feed him . . .She was my little helper getting diapers and wipes and whatever else she could do to help. She loved every moment.
My daughter is now 4 1/2 and my son just turned 2 and they get along wonderfully.
Good luck!

My daughter had my grandchildren very close together which makes for a very busy household. My kids were fairly close together too. The best rule to set down is no touching the baby. 2 yr olds are very rough and don't think before they do anything. I had a no touching rule when my kids were little and it worked out great.

My daughter encouraged my oldest grandson to touch his brother thinking it would bring them closer together. All it did was lead to problems. Finally decided on the no touch rule and things got a lot better. No touching rule was in place from day one when my granddaughter came home.

I use to make a big deal out of what the older child could do that the baby couldn't. Made the older ones feel important. They also love to fetch things like toys and blankets for the baby so make sure you have them help.

I did not have a problem with the transition - just make sure that you give your eldest attention when the baby sleeps - quality one on one time is all he will need. Since it is getting nice out you can take the older one for a walk or to the park by himself when you have someone to watch the baby. I found the only tough time so far to be when the baby started walking since my big guy was already running there were lots of accidents :)Also when the baby comes home place his basinet or pack n play in a corner where your older guy doesn't spend much time - it makes it more like the baby is not around so much and the adjustment is easier. I also nursed but did not hold my younger son if he was sleeping - I always put him down so that I could spend more time playing with my older son.

Now I am expecting number three and I am not worried - all of my kids will be three and under when my third son is born, I wouldn't change a thing!!

Oh dear...I hate to be the downer, but we had/have a terrible time with our now 3 year old when our now 5 month old was born. She loved to look at her little sister but then wanted to be with me and didn't make the distinction between when I was nursing and she couldn't come up and when i was able to hold her. She acted out something terrible. Lots of temper tantrums and screaming/crying when she didn't get her own way. That (thankfully) has lessened somewhat, but now the problem is too much "love". She's constantly at the baby, and not in a gentle way. She takes her hand and squeezes it, she hugs her regardless of whether the baby starts to cry, she shoves hard toys in her face, and she smacks her hand or head if she thinks the baby is "bad". We can't leave her alone with the baby for fear she'll hurt her. The thing is that she's a sweet little girl without the baby around, lots of fun and funny, but when the baby is up she's a nuisance. We think she's just seeing how we interact with the baby and doing it "her way". She doesn't realize her own strength. But she is very definately jealous of the baby. And i think she thinks the baby is pretty useless, since she can't play with her! So good luck with your new baby. Hopefully your older one will be more laid back and gentle so you won't have worries.

My son was 18 months old when my daughter was born. I was terrified what would happen since he was still so young but we had surprisingly few problems. The challange was really only for me as I stuggled to find a balance between giving my son the attention he was used to and take care of a newborn. We ran into a nursing issue as my 18 month old decided he wanted to nurse like the baby. I would just prop him up on whatever side was free and let him snuggle me while he drank from a cup or I would read him a story while I nursed the baby. I also had a problem (still do) with feeling like I wasn't giving enough attention to the baby. With my first I would hold him for hours and pour all my attention into him. My second got stuck in the swing/crib/pack & play the minute she fell asleep b/c I had to take care of my other baby.

Now, at 2.5 and 11 months old, they get along really well. My son is my daughters little nanny and stops her from doing things she shouldn't (ie: putting things in her mouth, biting the dog, sticking her finger in an outlet). He is still more demanding of my attention and my daughter is very independant. I feel like it's because I "ignored" her but it's probably just her personality.

I think your fears are very normal for expecting a second baby. There will be a bit of an adjustment period, like there always is with a new baby, but I'm sure you'll work it out and be just fine.

Best of luck to you!

L.,

Its easier than you think,

all you need is a double stroller, AND patience.

My 2 little guys LOVE eachother very much. ON occasion my 3 year old is jealous of his baby bro, but rarely , what i mean by that is he is in the everything is MINE stage and finds it hard to share, however its very normal for a child of his age to feel this way, heck many adults feel that way LOL

i simply say NO, you must share. and they get the message.

Its very easy in the beginning because the baby sleeps alot and gets the comforting from the nursing,
and then sleeps.

And you still have time to dedicate to the 2 year old.

then the first year the 2 year old is happy to help and entertain the baby. its only after the baby can share toys that the problem MAY arrise. BUT thats normal of most children, or i should say SOME children,

Good luck and Congrats!!

I think there are always issues when you add a sibling. As moms, we have to find the balance and at times it can be very hard. Include baby #1 in everything you do for baby #2. Always. This can start as early as your belly showing. Have your son talk to your belly, read. Include him in what the new baby is going to have in his room, crib. Just include him as this is the key to him accepting the new baby.

First of all, I would advise you to get as much SLEEP and errands done as possible before that new baby gets here. I never realized how relatively "easy" we had it with the one until we had two.

Now, on to your son. My kids are 23 months apart and before my son arrived, we prepared our girl as much as we could. We told her all about her baby brother coming and then we secretly stockpiled some presents for her...one for her baby brother to "give" to her when she came to see him at the hospital and then some little ones to give her when people gave us gifts for the baby. (Luckily most of our friends and family recognized the delicacy of this situation and brought her a little gift when they brought something for the baby). We had her help with the baby by bringing diapers and blankets etc (and she also had her own baby doll with clothes and diapers and bottle but you may not want to do that with your son although I would recommend it, it definitely teaches compassion and there are some little boy dolls out there) and she was jealous at first but we kept making sure to spend as much one-on-one time with her as possible (BOTH mama and daddy time, special outings, grandparent time etc). WE made sure not to say things like "Oh no, we can't do that, go to the park/play because the baby is sleeping/eating/crying" and included her as much as possible. A friend of ours says that bringing home a new baby for the first child is like your husband bringing home a new wife...all of a sudden, you aren't the one and only and it must sting.

It took our daughter a good month of adjustment, with some sleep disturbances (changes for her usually manifest in sleep upsets), and lots of TLC, before she was back to herself and now, six months later, she plays peek-a-boo with her brother and likes to hold him and genuinely seems to enjoy him.

Best of luck!