Desperately Needing Advice

Updated on February 20, 2007
E.R. asks from Ogden, UT
4 answers

hi. i've recently been married to a man i thought i loved with all my heart. but as it turns out, recently i've realized that i'm miserable in my relationship. we have been together for about 3 years, and only married since november 2006. we have a beautiful son together. but i'm not sure i want to continue my marriage. i know that if i were to leave my husband, it would devastate him, he has no clue as to my feelings. it would hurt him tremendously and most likely end him. i don't know what i should do. he and i were best friends before our relationship went further for a year and a half previous. i'm so confused and what to do. i don't want to hurt him, yet i'm not sure i want to stay with him. i wouldn't have anywhere to go. i'm a stay at home mother, i have no job, no other family and i need to support my son.

please give me some sort of advice as what to do for i'm completely lost. i thought i was happy in this relationship, but i'm miserable. but i want what is best for my son. he is only 10 months.

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B.S.

answers from Salt Lake City on

Not to be harsh but, ARE YOU KIDDING? You have a child with this man! Your child has the right to two happy parents who love each other. You make NO mention of working on the relationship or seeing a prefessional.... I don't get you! ALL relationships take work, sometimes in marriage you are blissfully in love, and others you are just good friends struggling to survive, and other times you hate your spouse but know it will get better again, and you'll get back to the blissfully in love part. Don't give up so quickly!
Children of divorce are 75% more likely to divorce themselves.. not to mention the fact that divorced parents have less time and money for their kids... The statistics for children of divorce are NOT GOOD!

That being said, IF you are truely unhappy, and the problems that the two of you have can not be worked through....then better happy single then miserable together. BUT unless you can honestly say that you could not EVER be happy in the relationship, your child deserves to be given a good start to life (which includes to married parents)

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A.

answers from Salt Lake City on

I'd suggest talking to your husband about it, and possibly going to a counselor. If you are truly miserable you'll have to figure out what is best for all involved. All kids deserve to have loving happy parents.

My personal choice was divorce which made me much happier and now I am responsible for ALL my own choices; big, small, good, bad and indifferent. (I also have only myself to blame if I am not happy.)

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M.J.

answers from Salt Lake City on

The longer you stay with him, the more unhappy it will be for both of you! You did not say whether you had any skills, but if you don't, you should get a babysitter and go back to school. That way, you can get a job to support you and your son once you go!

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C.R.

answers from Salt Lake City on

hey i know how you feel, but you must try and give it time, my husband and i have been married since april 2004, and right after that may, he went to basic training for the army, i was pregnant with our son, which let me tell you was horrible, i gave birth with out him there, and even since then things havent been easy, weve moved, and fought he went to iraq and then to korea, by then i was pregnant again with our daughter, well last july06 things went horribly wrong, he was in korea and i was left home with 2 babies and another on the way, i was stupid and believed he was cheating, which wasnt true, but anyway i went out and had an affair, which turned literally into hell on earth, the man i was with beat me and my kids, then when my baby was born early, in august he hurt her, then, in november killed her, my life has never been the same, but my husband though all this hell still loved me and i him, we have worked on things very hard and are actully renewing our vows this anniversary, i know its not easy, but if you loved him enough to be with, have a baby with, and marry, you should give it time, i know its hard and definitly not easy, but he loves you, be greatful, some women end up with babies from a man or hates them, or someone who beats them... now if he does then yes run for the hills, but if not, talkk to him, tell him how you feel, its very important to communicate, even try counceling, or a weekend get away just the 2 of you to talk, and find the source that made you be together in the first place, even if you have to find a sitter for a couple of hours try and reconnect , because you doint want to do something in the end you might regret... this is just my opion, and if your religous pray about it... anyway i hope i am of some help, if you want to yalk you can chat anytime....
C. R.
ps.GOOD LUCK, AND FOLLOW YOUR HEART, IT WILL TELL YOU WHERE TO GO.. ALOS TRY AND MAKE SURE YOUR HAPPY TOO

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