Desperately Need Relationship Advice

Updated on June 18, 2008
M.M. asks from Bladensburg, OH
8 answers

Hi ladies! I am hoping you can help me out w/ an issue here. I made a post about a week ago about Cymbalta... and, I hate to say... but I just quit taking it. Now, this past week I have been so irritable & feel like I hate my husband & want to leave. Whenever I would skip a dose of Cymbalta... I would be so irritable & every little thing that my husband did would pi$$ me off. It seems to only be him that bothers me though. So, I guess my question is... when do I know if it's just from discontinuing my meds, which I was only on for fibromyalgia pain/headaches, or is it really how I feel? We were fighting all the time before I started taking it, then I guess I wasn't nit-picking at every little thing & just let things go. Now, there were still things that annoyed me while I was on it... but this past week... EVERYTHING annoys me. I don't know what to do! I don't want to continue taking it... and I don't want to be w/ him if I have to be on an anti-depressant more or less. I also feel like everyone would be happier if I were dead (except my son )-: ), or that would be the only way to stop the pain... but I'm sure that's the meds. But I am having such terrible headaches (I have had them for 8 yrs now & they are just getting worse, which is what the Cymbalta was for) & I just want to give up. I am so tired of everything... I have no time to even get a Dr. appt, either family or psych if I need one, seeing as I drive an hour to & from work Mon-Fri. How long do side effects from discontinuing those meds last? If that's all it is...

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So What Happened?

Well, thanks for the advice I did get. I have already tried everything for my headaches, so don't know what I am supposed to do about that... I am switching to a different stimulant that may help w/ being so tired all the time & I think I will keep taking the Cymblata until I can get in somewhere. I still have my doubts about my husband but I guess I will wait until I'm more "stable" before I decide that he just upsets me all the time w/ or w/ out drugs. I just really need to find out why I'm so irritable. I am not depressed other then my headaches that won't go away!

More Answers

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N.S.

answers from Columbus on

The best advise I can give you right now is not to make any life altering decisions when you are in the midst of a storm. So, don't figure out now whether you should leave your marriage or not. Try to sort out what is reality and what is caused by pain meds. It sounds like you are under A LOT of stress. Stress can cause headaches/tension headaches. There might be some other meds you can take for the headaches. There are also wonderful exercises that you can do to aid your body deal with the stress better.
I would strongly recommend that you find a medical doctor that will work with a counselor/psychologist/psychiatrist in finding the right treatment for you.
Also, it would be good if you and your husband can start somewhere in your relationship that you are not arguing about and start to enjoy each other again. Maybe you like to go for walks together, or watch movies together, etc. Just something that will start to build your marriage and not tear it down. Is there anyone that can watch your 5 year old for an hour or two every week that you can use to just be together with your husband as a couple?
Please remember that you and your husband are in this together. He is not your enemy and you are not his. You got married b/c you love each other and you had hope for the future. I believe that the two of you can learn to strengthen each other in the journey you are taking together. Finding a new and/or better way to communicate is always important. Please don't rush into a decision. Find out how you can get your physical pain under control and then deal with the emotional and mental pain. Maybe you think that your son won't see you as much seeing how much time away you spend from home anyway, but believe me, in the long run, your son will benefit more from you and your hubby trying everything in your power to work things out and make it better, than from you walking away. If you and your husband can find ways to bicker and fight, then you can find ways to build each other up. It's a hard and long road but one worth to walk on. You will come out much happier and full-filled in the end and you will be an inspiration to other married couples that are struggling.

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A.T.

answers from Cleveland on

Look.. If you need something to get you through the day then what's wrong with one little pill??? As long as it's taken ONLY accroding to the directions and NO other way. A good dose of prozac or zoloft can make a world of difference. I live around depression. Many Army wives I know take these like candy and that's just asking for destruction.. Those who take their dep. meds. wisely will have a new outlook on life. What you need to do is take a sick day from work and go see the dr. If you're having feelings like this it's SO best not to make ANY life altering decisions. What's the harm in one "happy pill" per day?? It's not because you're mental,, I tell wives this ALL the time when they come to me feeling they just can't take life anymore. It's just because you're going through a bad patch.. that's all. The headaches alone would be plenty to keep me good and pissed at a lot of things.. So do yourself and your family a favor and go see a Dr. Tell him EVERYTHING you're experiencing, both mental and physical. You'll get the help you need to get you through this bad patch..
God bless and good luck,
A. in Cleveland

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C.P.

answers from Kokomo on

I think you need to contact someone about your depression/headaches/anger stuff. headaches and anger and feeling better off gone are classic depressive symptoms. Contact the hospital near you, talk to someone in the postpartum depression area and get some ideas. If cymbalta is not a good option, try something else! There is no reason to feel so miserable. It may not fix whatever is going on with you and your husband but you and your son deserve a happy momma! Hang in there girl!

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J.Z.

answers from Toledo on

I agree with everything Nicky says. My advice to you is for you to take a day off work and go see your doctor. Tell them everything that you put in your post. You really need to figure out what type of medication to be on for your headaches. Pain is so stressful and having a constant headache is going to make the person closest to you the victim of your pain every time. It sounds like there are issues in your marriage, but you really need to get yourself healthy before you make any life altering decisions. If you are in this much pain, you need to be seeing a doctor on a regular basis. This is not something you can figure out all by yourself. It is your responsibility as a parent to be healthy for your son. I will be thinking of you and sending good thoughts your way:-)

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G.H.

answers from Columbus on

Hi M.,
I was put on Cymbalta for anxiety and back pain and I stopped taking it for the reasons that you describe. It made me feel worse - more anxiety and I was so irritable over little things. The withdrawal from taking it was bad for me too -I was nauseated, tired, and irritable and I cried over the littlest things. The terrible thoughts of feeling like the world would be better without you are also a side effect.
Another person I know was on Cymbalta and he said one day for no reason he had this terrible urge to punch his best friend and anyone else who tried to talk to him. Since this is not his nature, he knew something was terribly wrong.
Call your doc today. He/she can find something that would better suit you. My doc gave me Zoloft which worked very well and as soon as i started it, the side effects from Cymbalta went away. See if you can schedule a phone consult on your lunch hour since you don't have much time. You may have to just bite the bullet and take a couple hours for yourself to go in though. Your mental health is very important and life's too short to feel miserable all the time. Hang in there. It's not easy but it WILL get better. Good luck.

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M.M.

answers from Indianapolis on

I think you need to make sure you are mentally balanced (if you will) with appropriate meds (if needed) before you can say it is your husband or not. It is not fair to him to say it is only him, while you are off your meds. I would call your doctor, and make sure you are on the right medicine for you. Wait a while for the meds to start working, then re-evaluate your situation with your husband. You would want him to do the same for you if the rolls were reversed, right?

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M.M.

answers from Cleveland on

M.: you sound really out of sorts. There are loads of people in this world who would miss you if you were no longer here. Please seek medical help honey you are so young and have many wonderful years ahead it does sound like this medication you were on is having an adverse effect on you. Call the Dr who prescribed it and schedule an appointment. It should all work out like the other posters said you are going through a rough patch as we all do sometimes.

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K.D.

answers from Cleveland on

SOunds like your life is very stressful! Do you love your husband? I have also had some of these feelings - and finally realized I was coming off nursing my son until he was 11 months old and my hormones hadn't gone back to their normal levels yet. Do you have a counselor or church you attend? It's important that you start talking to someone you and your husband trust to help the relationship. Divorce or separation will only leave you alone....get help today!

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