Decision to Have a 3Rd Child

Updated on March 21, 2008
L.H. asks from Grand Prairie, TX
13 answers

Hi ladies! Ok, so my husband and I are back and forth on having a 3rd child. I'm pretty sure that I want to and he would prefer that we just had 2! So, my question is, what is the hardest adjustment going from 2 to 3 children ... other than being outnumbered! I really feel like I'm ready to get pregnant again because I'm ready to be done with having children and I still feel like we're just missing something for our family. It's just making that final decision to throw away my birth control pills. Any words of wisdom? Advice? Regrets? Thank you!

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R.H.

answers from Dallas on

hey my mom just had her 3rd and last child on november 10th of last year. and she said that going from 1 to 2 is hard, but going from 2 to 3 is easy and a blast!
I would go for it if i were you!

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S.M.

answers from Dallas on

I say if you can afford a 3rd child, then why not? We didn't "make the decision" to have 3, but it happened anyway! :) I definitely feel our family is complete! No regrets whatsoever! My older 2 are only 18 mos. apart, but the oldest is 8 years OLDER than my soon-to-be 1 year old. I think that has made it a bit "easier" rather than having 3 close in age...(ha, like it's ever easy!) Good luck!

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J.R.

answers from Dallas on

We were in the same boat as you a little over a year ago. My husband was happy with 2 and I felt as though we weren't done yet. We agreed at the time to not doing anything(getting fixed) and that we would discuss it again when our son was 2. Well, God made our decision for us and gave us our surprise before we had a chance to discuss it again. We now have a 4 1/2 year old daughter, a 21 month old son, and a 3 month old daughter and it is wonderful!! Going from 2 to 3 was not any harder (our 1st was the hardest), although it is louder, it was just about establishing new routines. Although it is a little tough when you take them all somewhere because you are outnumbered and the strollers/baskets only hold 2 at a time but its definitely manageable. My suggestion would be for you and your hubby to leave it in God's hands. Set a timeframe (say a year) and agree that if you get pregnant within that year then it was meant to be and if not then that was meant to be. Good luck!!

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M.B.

answers from Dallas on

Going from 2 to 3 isn't hard at all because you have already adjusted to being busy. I have 4 children and I love each one of them. It does get crazy as they are getting older, but I wouldn't trade it for anything. My oldest would love for me to have him a baby brother to make number 5, but no such luck since I have had a hysterectomoy last Feb. He now just says to adopt. Kids are great and as tired and worn down as I get with hearing MOM shouted so many times, I still would have 4 all over again.

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M.C.

answers from Wichita Falls on

I have 3...my husband only wanted 2 and then he "gave in." I had 2 boys and how I have my daughter. There is a great joy in a daughter. Definitely do it!

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J.T.

answers from Dallas on

I have 3 children and I love it!! My boys are 7 and 4, my daughter is 18months, so we are a little more spread out than you. As stated before it was a harder transition going from 2 to 3, than it was from 1 to 2, but we adjusted and are now in a great routine. It is nice having the older one old enough to help out some, my older kids can do things like feed the dog etc, which makes the morning go smoother, one less thing for me to do.

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C.S.

answers from Amarillo on

Hi L.! I am pregnant now with our third---but after our second, I would have sworn on a stack of bibles I was NOT having anymore. I had my boy and girl, and I felt like our family was complete. This past summer my husband sorta talked me into having a third and now I am 5 wks away from having the baby and I can't imagine not having this little girl to look forward to. Just give him a little time and express how much you want another one. Good Luck with your decision!! :) C.

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H.P.

answers from Dallas on

Hi, L.. I've asked a question like this before! My husband and I both long for a 3rd child-- we have 2 daughters, ages 7 & 6, and like you, while we LOVE our children and our family, it just feels like something is missing. For me, it isn't a matter of money or desire, just fear due to somewhat difficult c-section deliveries. I think that if it has nothing to do with your health but only natural apprehensiveness, then you should just go for it. My in-laws only had 2 kids, and they always talk about how they regret so much not having a 3rd child. I eventually will have to suck it all up and just go for it b/c I know that I will wonder for an entire lifetime what could have been if I don't. Follow your heart.

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G.H.

answers from Dallas on

I just had a baby boy (8 weeks old) and he is my third child. My oldest will be 4 at the end of March and my middle boy is 2. People warned us that a third child would make us crazy and would turn our lives around. And I do have to admit it has been an adjustment because the other two had a routine but we have adjusted pretty well. I just can't wait until he gets older and they can all play together. Our biggest issue was child care since I work and so does my husband but now that we have that figured out we are happier than ever. For us it was a hard decision to get pregnant a third time but I'm so happy we did, I feel like my family is complete.

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L.L.

answers from Dallas on

I had 2 children (one of each) and was perfectly happy with that. They were 7 and 5 at the time, so no more diapers or strollers. Life was great. I thought I was finished with having kids until I was 'surprised' with my 3rd pregancy. I was kind of bummed the entire pregnancy because I didnt want another baby because it meant that I could not do the things I wanted to do now that my other two kids were older.
BUT... once the little darling was born and I held him for the first time, none of those other things mattered any more. I was so happy to have him. He is one of my greatest joys in life and I wouldnt have it any other way. Yes, I have to put off my wants for a little while longer, but its worth it. He is such a joy to have. He's almost 3 now.
If you feel an 'emptyness' maybe you do need to have another one. Maybe a new baby is what is 'missing' in your family. I have no regrets. Do what your heart tells you and you cant go wrong.

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M.M.

answers from Dallas on

go for it! i have 2 boys(8,6) and our daughter is 3. There is no difference after having 2....the house is is still a circus!! heheee
the dynamics change a little bit, but in a good way!! it's wonderful having 3! i would have had 4 if my husband wasn't "fixed"!!
good luck!

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S.P.

answers from Dallas on

Honestly, I think that 3 is the new 2. I LOVE it, and I have 3 children at home....my oldest lives with his dad. So for us, it was a God-Send, honestly. However; that being said...it is much harder than just having 2. You are on the constant go from to the other. LOL :D Your time(s) going to the grocery store are different as well as just being at home. You are needed 3x now instead of just the 2x. I know that probably doesn't make much sense, but it's hard to explain. But it's a true blessing....or I think it is anyways.

We were also on the fence about it. And then we decided to leave it up to God, and if we ended up preg, then we did. And we did about 3 yrs later. It is awesome!! I wouldn't trade it for anything in the world.

Good luck to ya!

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B.B.

answers from Dallas on

Well I love having 3 kids! We wanted to have 6 in the beginning(lol). Then after the first 2 then we decided on 4 kids. That is something that is still a debate in my mind. I love being pregnant and I love babies but I got to a point that I honestly could not see myself starting over. My oldest was 5 1/2 and my middle was almost 4 when our third was born. Their bdays are 08/22/99, 2/21/01 and 1/17/05 and they are all girls. So the first 2 were 1 day short of 18 mths apart. I would love to have one more but I am 34 and want my body back. The older girls are in school now and juggling school work and a toddler's schedule are crazy. The other deciding factor for us is the fact that my husband travels a lot! Just in the last month he has only been home maybe 3 days of the 19 so far in this month. So mostly everything falls on me. Now I am not saying that for a pitty party, our life is awesome. I get to stay home and work from home so it is good. But the work load from making the jump from 2 to 3 kids was rough. I did not want to be facing nursing and waking regularly for feedings at the start of the next school year. We thought about a lot of stuff like college, weddings, retirement, current schedules of school and work, the size and layout of our home and other factors. We do not have reliable family close by that can help with childcare or help me when my husband is out of town. We recently changed churches and are still making new friends and b/c our last church was a church planting church all most all of our friends have moved to the mission field and are not in this area, so leaning on our closest friends is not an option either. At the risk of sounding negative, make a list of things that would change by adding another child and then write how you would deal with the change or a solution to a change ie.. college funds for all the kids. This really helped us to decide that we were done having kids. I still would love to have four but maybe it is that we end up adopting a child in the future. I know that if we had some different answers for some of the changes that would take place by adding another child that we would be in that process right now. But I am at peace with the decision and I know that we are making smart, informed and well balanced decisions and I know that you will too! I hope this helps.

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