Deciding Whether or Not to Have Daughter Visit New Sibling at hospital...HELP!
March 21, 2008
We are being induced with our second child on Friday. We have a 21 mo. old daughter who is quite attached to mommy these days, and we are trying to decide if it is best that she come to see me and new baby brother at the hospital, or if it would be too traumatic to have to see me there and be going home without me. I'd like to hear any pros/cons from mommas who've been through this with a child around the age of 2. Thanks!
Wow, it sounds like you've all been here! =) What we've decided to do is bring my daughter to the hospital the day I get to come home, therefore bypassing any "leaving mommy behind" issues that might come up. I'm hoping to stay only one night, and I'm comfortable with this solution...I think it will be the best for us all. Thanks for all the advice! We are leaving for the hospital in a few minutes...yipee!!
I had the same thing with my daughter, She 21 months older than her sister and I thought that she would not want to leave or would be jealous of her. I think the thing that helped me was my mom was in town for the birth so my mom spoiled her and she did not seem to care that we were not with her at all. It was nice to have that help. I don't know if that is something you have access too but I think if they are being doted over they don't seem to noticed. Also when we brought the baby home we let her help with most everything. getting diapers, baths, what ever she could do that way she felt like she was part of it too and not just in the way. For us we it worked I hope it works for you too.
We did it and I think it was harder for me than her! She stays home with daddy once a week when I'm at work so I think she was pretty comfortable being with him and grandma. They came to see me three times a day and called me before bedtime. We gave her a big sister necklace and a baby doll "from the baby" and she was so proud! I had taken her with me to OB appointments so that the medical stuff didn't seem unfamiliar either. We also read a book to her called "when you get a baby" and "the new baby" by Mercer Mayer. Both were good at explaining what will happen soon and what you can/can't do with a baby. Two is crazy but fun, good luck!
my kids are 17mo apart little princess first then my boy just like you. through my whole pregnance i took my daughter to every ok almost every appt. the best thing i ever did was have her come to the hostpial after i had him we even had a sleep over there with mommy,daddy baby,and big sister. 2years later my kids have a great bond like the did from day one.
I just went through that same dilemma at the end of December. I was so worried about my first child, who was 23 months when little brother was born and his reaction. But it turns out I worried for nothing. My parents and in-laws watched over our first son while we were in the hospital and I found that when he came to visit it was a little overwhelming and confusing for him. I was in the hospital for three days due to a c-section. So I was very eager to see him, however if I was only in the hospital for one night I think I would have forgone him coming because he would rather have ran around in the hall and got into things, than see mom. While he was glad to see mom and dad, he was in a new place, so he wanted to explore, so he didn't really even pay much attention to me. While it put my mind at ease to see him, I think as a toddler it was just a new place to run around and mom and dad just happened to be there. Every child reacts different and remember a few days later they won't remember if they went to the hospital to visit you, their attentions spand last only minutes and once you get home, they'll just be glad your home.
When my daughter was about 17 months old, I had to go into the hospital with pregnancy related things with my 2nd child. My mother-in-law brought my 17 month old into see me & she got REALLY upset. She didn't want to have anything to do with me and was crying. Then when I had the baby. My husband brought her in to see me and the new little sister (she was 19 months old then). She was so much better. Daddy had talked to her about where they were going & why & what she would see and they brought a gift for mommy & the new baby sister. I think it was that she knew what to expect and had a 'job to do' (giving a gift) AND being with daddy, that made the difference. You know your daughter and how she is. Missing a nap to go see mama & baby would probably not go over so well.
(Advice that I was given, and used, and LOVE... 'Siblings need to be taught to love each other.')
I have 5 children.
My son was 18 months when we went to be induced with our second. We decided to have him be the first visitor so our little family could bond together. At first he was a bit upset that I was sitting in this tall bed with IV's on my arm, but he really enjoyed seeing his little brother. It also made the evening go a little better for him with my parents while we spent the one night in the hospital. If I had to do it again I would of had him come visit after I had the IV out, not that he remembered anything the next day other than he got a new playmate.
I think it's a good idea to make her a part of the process as early as possible. We had wanted to have our daughter be one of the first visitors, but we had some last minute complications and decided it would be better for her to come in the morning. Once she came it was great to have our whole family together. We had a gift for her "from the baby" like someone else suggested. It was hard for me to separate, but I think it was really worthwhile. That said, you know your daughter better than anybody. So, do what your heart is telling you to do. I would also say, once you have a plan, be flexible because birth can be unpredictable. Like I said, we had thought our daughter would be first, but since we had some changes we changed our plan. Overall, our birth was amazing and I wouldn't have changed a thing. Good luck on Friday. I wish you all the best and have fun welcoming #2. It can be busy sometimes, but welcoming the 2nd was wonderful. I was much more relaxed with the newborn and watching our kids get to know one another is so sweet. Enjoy!
My son was 3 1/2 when his little brother was born. My one tip would be that when your daughter comes in that no one is holding your son and he is in the bassinet. We had heard that from other parents. That way you are still "her" mommy when she comes in. My son was more upset over the iv still in my arm (he didn't come until the next day). Just know she will have a hard time leaving you at this confusing time!
I am sure that any decision you make will be the right one. Just remember that there will be some sibling riverly, and so it might be good to have your daughter see the new baby at the hospital and make her a part of it, so that she isn't as jealous. Otherwise, she will just know that you left him for a while and then came home with a new baby, which could create new problems.
My oldest two are 21 months apart and my oldest came to visit mom and the baby at the hospital. The second 2 are only 15 months apart and the older 2 were at the hospital with us when the baby was born. (of course with family around, plus it was a very short labor, 4 hours) They also visited the next day too. I didn't have too many problems with overly-attached, but with enough preparation from Dad and/or other family she is old enough to anticipate the visit and be prepared to leave without Mommy and the baby!
Also, it's kind of cool to have a big sister present FROM the baby when she visits at the hospital, it kind of takes away from the prospective apprehension of a permanent visitor/invader! It could be something small, big or even something simple like a blanket like one of the baby's. (matching, so no rivalries.)
Hi! Just to let you know I went through the same thing in Aug. when my second daughter was born. Some great advice I got was... when you daughter comes to visit (which I think is very important) make it so that no one is holding the baby. Have him in the bassinet. Then let her hold him first with you holding her. Gives her security and introduces her to her new role as big sister! Also some advise for when people come over to visit you at home. Put a sign on the door for them to greet and talk to your daughter before the baby. This all was helpful for us. I hope it helps.
We had the boy first, then a little girl, 22 months apart. I wanted my son to be a part of it and wanted to see him since I would be gone 5 days. We talked in advance about what was coming, and how he would have special "Daddy time." I got to hold him and cuddle him while everyone else held the baby. He got to hold her (while on someones lap), and take pictures with her. He brought her a present, and received a toy from her. We called her "Jack's Baby" for quite a while. Anyway, we made sure he was included in this event.
The only thing I would do differently was the drive home. My inlaws were there too, which added a great deal of stress, miscommunication, etc. The little guy caught on to this and flipped when he saw me in the wheelchair. This is the only thing I would have changed--maybe have him wait in the car, or at home.
He loves his 18 month old sister very much and is very good to her (most of the time!). I think it was important to start off right, with him in the middle of all the excitement. I also was/am very careful that he doesn't feel pushed aside for her benefit. I'll take responsibility for my time, and when she was under 9 months old, and not needing something urgently, I'd help him first.
Oh, I was lucky to have a private room, great nursing staff, and a low stress environment.
Hope this helps!
I just had my 2nd (a daughter) 12 days ago. I had another Csection, so I had to stay 2 nights. My husband brought my 19 month old and we enjoyed the visit. My son is very attached to my husband right now though and didn't mind leaving with him. My husband is stationed in CA, and is attached at the hip to Reeves, when his is home, whether he likes it or not. I know that I really enjoyed seeing my son meet his sister and the look on his face. He isn't quite old enough to understand that he isn't the center of the known universe anymore, so he didn't really know what to think of her. If you have him come to the hospital, have your camera ready. I hope that you have a wonderful delivery and enjoy the introduction of the prince to the princess! Congrats and good luck! B.
we just had our second child in October of 2007 and my son was 22 months at the time. He is also a mammas boy and was really attached to me, especially because of all the changes that were happening even before our daughter arrived. I chose to have him stay at my friends/babysitters house. She has 2 young daughters ages 3 and 5 and they all absolutely love eachother. He did great there and once our daughter had arrived came to visit that first day at the hospital. He only stayed for about 30 minutes and then went home again with my friend. He did throw a bit of a fit on the way out the door but recovered very quickly and was a happy camper once again once out of site of me. I would suggest on the day of discharge that you have someone watch him at home while you are bringing sibling home. My husband picked him up at our friends before coming to get me at the hospital and it was total histeria with both children screaming. I even forgot to buckle my son into his carseat I was so frazzled, yikes! HTH,
Hi M., my name is D.. I have 4 boys that are now 15, 13, 10 & 8. My older two are exactly 21 months and one week apart. My younger two are almost three years apart.
When I had my second son, my oldest was at the hospital with us. We allowed him into the room with us until things became 'painful'. At that time a relative took him to the waiting room. We told him that his baby brother was going to be born today an that when he could come back into the room, then he could see him. He was okay with that. As soon as the baby and I were cleaned up, my older son came back into the room and he was able to bond with him.
I think if you have her wait to see you and the baby until you get home, she won't quite understand the whole process of, baby is in mamas tummy, go to th hospital and baby comes out of mamas tummy...you know.
I would take her with you to the hospital so she can see that this is where he will be born and then after he is born, bring her back into the room so she can bond instantly with him, you and dad.
My first son was 20 mos old when my second was born. The oldest is very attached to me and stayed with Grandma and Grandpa while I was in the hospital. He was just fine when he came to visit me in the hospital. In fact he was a little shy because he hadn't seen me in a few days and was used to his routine with my parents. I think it would be exciting for your oldest to see the new baby and you at the hospital.
I had the same dillema twice, with my son who was at the time of his brother's birth 16 months and with my 1st child my daughter who was 21 months also. My husband and I didn't know how he would react to even going to the hospital and finding me there and then leaving without me. What we did was basically distract him with a new toy that lights up, flashes and makes sounds, and we also didn't take him home, he had fun with his cousins and slept well at grand ma and pa's the first night. I must say that it really wasn't traumatic for either one of our kids, I just did and do my best to make time for each of them so that they won't seem to be feeling deprived of my attention. I will add that when we had our first son our daughter was 21 months and she went to her grandparents house for the night then too. So yeah, I would just ask a family member or a good friend if she could have fun at their house for the night. With little kids and their memories she could adjust so quick you'll wonder why you even got worried.
My daughters are 21 months apart as well. When I had my second baby, I wanted my oldest to be available to meet her little sister as soon as possible. I opted to take only my best friend and my mom into the delivery room, so there were family and friends to wait with my oldest. This worked out well because she didn't have to actually see me in any type of discomfort, but she was just a minute away to come see us when we were ready for her. Good luck on your delivery!
If you can, I know this is Thursday... but let your daughter get a small stuffed animal/toy that she can give the baby. Then make sure that this small gift is in the baby's bassinet at the hospital. When Dad takes to the hospital to see you and the baby, she'll recognize her gift and know that's her baby. Then, get your daughter a baby doll, with bottle and a blanket, at minimum. Have it ready for her at the hospital, so when she comes to visit, she will have her own new baby as well. She will be able to care for her's while you care for the new person in your family. I did this 2 times for my daughter, once when she was 22 months old and then again at 4.5 yrs of age, my oldest son was almost 3 then, he had his own doll as well. The kids loved their new brother and delighted in being a part of it all. Be sure to share the load with your husband, so he can relieve you at times so you can continue to have those just you and her moments. They will be few, but precious. Congratulations!!! Your heart only grows in size.
Our son was 3 when we had our second. We had some good friends who took care of him while my husband was at the hospital with me. The night I gave birth, they brought him up to the hospital. He didn't care about the baby. He just wanted to see me and then was ready to leave so he could play with our friends. It worked out well for us.
I think having her come to the hospital is a healthy thing. If she wants to stay for a while and color with you or watch TV with you then let her. Share this special moment with her so that she knows that you still love her.
Hi. Congrats on your upcoming birth! We have 2 little boys who are just shy of 22 months apart. We had a birth center birth, so we had someone bring our older son down to the birth center 2 hours after our second little one was born and then we all got ready to go and the 4 of us all went home together. It worked well for us to have both the boys ride home together. If you don't want your daughter to see you and then have to go home without you, why not have her come down to the hospital just before you are getting ready to come home and then all go home together. That way she can see you, meet new brother and then you can explain that brother is coming home too instead of just showing up with him. Have fun with your 2 kiddos! =)
Three weeks ago i had a new baby girl! My son, like your daughter, has been very much a mommas boy since birth and he is 18 months old. My sister and her husband stayed with my son at our house and we had to stay in the hospital a little longer because i had to have a c-section. I can not tell you that he was not effected by us being gone or coming to visit and having to leave, but at least he got to see us! One of the evenings my husband even just took him out for mcdonalds to let him know we were still there for him too! Anyway, i think it is a good idea to let her come see...at least she will be able to see you!
When my second child came we decided the older child a boy would not come to the hospital but his new little sister would bring him a special toy when we brought her home from the hospital. I had purchased a bright red truck that I knew my 3 year old would love and his new sister gave it to him and he got to sit on the couch and sorta hold her for a few minutes when we came home. He was thrilled and really loved that little sister and his new red truck that she gave him.
Well I was in the same situation as you. I was preggo-being induced and my my lil girl has been very attached to me (no family members around and I am a SAHM) and I was giving birth to my second. She was a lil over 2 but she did great. I wouldn't suggest you let her visit till after you have the baby though. My daughter visited the day of and she freaked out. She thought something was wrong with me (being in the hospital); my IV unscrewed from my arm and blood shot and poured everywhere. My daughter did not handle seeing mommy bleed very well. After the baby was born she was no longer concerned about me, it was all about her lil sister and how she was a big sister now. I gave my daughter a gift (a big sister gift) when she walked in and made the moment about her for a minute and then I asked her if she wanted to see her sister and she was all over it. When she got home that night her dad had bought her a "I am a big sister" tshirt and she kept saying I want to wear my special shirt daddy. It was precious. So I say her visiting you at the hosiptal would be great and it gives you that time to introduce the two of them to each other. However, this is your decision on how you do it-if your daughter is mature enough to handle it then I would go for it. Good luck!
I am the mom of 4 girls and with each one I have had them come to the hospital after the newest editon arrived. It is important for them to meet the baby in the hospital because it is a little less threatening vs. just bringing a new baby home to invade what is believed to be their space. I can almost guarentee that you will have to deal with the green-eyed monster of jealousy no matter what approach you take. But I encourage you to be patient with her and understand that she has a big adjustment to make as well. It is difficult to go from being an only child to having sibblings no matter what age! I also encouarge you to get your daughter involved in the daily routines with the baby as that helped alot in my house. Have her hand you diaper wipes, and the diaper during changes, make her feel like she is really important to the baby. That she is a big helper in taking care of the baby. I know my girls loved helping with diaper changes, and bathtime. Also make sure that you take the time each day to spend some time just with her. Re-enforce that she is still mommy's little girl.
We had our baby around 8 am and had my mom-in-law bring the kiddos around 3 pm, after thier nap. This way most other visitors had come and gone, I had some time to nurse, rest and just be with the new one, and the big two were rested and happy.
When they first got there they were kinda timid. They both checked out baby first but were almost hesitant to come see me. I think the whole hospital bed and IV in my arm wierded them out a bit. They did quickly adjust after they opened thier present "from the baby". They sat with me in bed and we read the books, they played with the up and down buttons, they asked a bazillion questions. I didn't hold the baby while they were there except to nurse her twice. I spent as much time focused on them as I could. Plus poor grandma had been forced to wait all day to meet the baby, since she was with the kids, so she wasn't giving her up LOL
Good bye went pretty well the first night. (We had a c-section so we had a 2 night stay)
The visit the next day went better as far as thier comfort level. Daddy accompanied his mom and dad and the kids out to dinner so he could spend more time with them. When they were leaving the hospital that second night is when they got upset, that we still were not going home. That was tuffer for us than them though I think. My inlaws said they were fine once they actually got out of the room.
They were sooooo excited the next morning when we came home. They didn't leave our side much that day lol and they easily accepted the little one.
To sum it all up, yes have your daughter come visit she needs that time to meet her new brother and she needs to feel like she in involved from the get go.
Enjoy your new role as mommy of two. It's a wild ride at times but so much fun.
My son had JUST turned two when our youngest boy was born. He visited us in the hospital and he did just fine! Some close friends were keeping him for us overnight and he actually seemed relieved to get to go with them when it was time to leave. He wasn't too sure about mommy being in a hospital bed.
Also, the pictures we have of our boys together the day my youngest was born are ones I'll always treasure. There's nothing like capturing the way your child looks at their sibling for the first time. I felt it was a way for our oldest to be a part of the baby's "birthday". Those are memories I'll never forget and I want to remember my WHOLE family on that day.
yes you should have her come visit. try to have someone call ahead so you can not be busy with the baby. we just had a baby boy 3 months ago and our daughters were 3.5 and 19months they did great. i was also very nervous about our second daughter but she just decided that he was her baby. we just took the approach at home to ask them for help getting things like the diaper and wipes and throughing things away for us. just try to relax and she will relax with you.
Hi M., it seems to me that it could be more problematic for her to not have you at all for a couple days and then have you show up with a new baby that gets most of your attention. When my third daughter was born, my second daughter was 26 months old and very much a mama's girl. She wasn't thrilled to share me but having her involved helped somewhat, I think. Then again, now that the aforementioned daughters are 8 and 10, I don't see any lingering evidence of hard feelings for anything that happened 8 years ago :) I would encourage you to do what you feel best about - will it be harder for you to not see her or to see her and watch her fuss when she leaves? Know that any impact on your daughter will be shortlived and probably soon forgotten.
When my younger son was born, my parents brought my older son, had just turned two a few weeks earlier, to the hospital to meet his new brother. My husband went home with them, and it was a good experience for him to see this new person that was going to be coming home with mommy in a few days. Plus, it is a positive hospital experience. Good luck!
You can always bring her to the hospital with you (before all the procedures, etc. start). Let her see where you will be for a few days. Than let her leave with whoever will be taking care of her and have something special planned like going out to eat and than shopping for something special for her and the baby. That way when she comes back to the hospital it won't be such a big deal and than she will have something special for the baby too!
First, congrats on your growing family! =0)When my son was born, my princess was 23-1/1 mos and also very attached. Here's what we did: My parents brought my daughter in to see her new baby brother and her new baby brother had a present for his big sister. (This was a suggestion from another mom friend.) We had bought a new doll for her, wrapped it, and given it to her, saying it was from her brother. She was thrilled. Having the doll allowed her to copy me (which she did, trying to nurse the doll and everything!!!) and it really helped. She was terrific with her new baby bro at the hospital (with lots of pre-coaching about being gentle, not touching the face, washing her hands, etc.). The other bit of great advice we received was to make sure that if someone comes to visit you guys at home, make sure they acknowledge your daughter, FIRST, then the baby. I went to the dollar store and stocked up on a few little gifts (books and such) for our daughter so that whenever someone came to visit with a gift for our son, she got one, too. All of these things helped, but it can still be challenging to make sure she knows that you love her just as much or more. =0) Any way she can be helpful (with the diapers and wipes, getting you things, etc.) is great, too. =0)
I hope this helps! Good luck to you and may it all go very smoothly. Feel free to ask any other questions if you need to. =0)
Have a wonderful week!
mother of 3-1/2 yr. old princess and 1-1/2 yr. old prince, currently a kindergarten teacher =0), but will soon be an at home mommy =0)
I would say that it depends on who it is that is taking her home. If it were me and my parents, I'd say absolutely bring her in. She is apart of your family and families stick together. However, if the folks who are bringing her home are not going to properly talk with her or would be wishy washy about a tantrum or fit, then you might keep her in a bubble with them. I hope that makes sense and doesn't sound too harsh! Good luck, and best wishes for a quick labor and delivery!
Hi! we just had our second in January and i worried also. my 28 month old did better than i did! =-) i really missed him, but he was at a friend's house that has 2 little kids he enjoys, so he did great. when Daddy brought him in to see me and is new sister, there was a gift "from baby sister" and then the folks he was staying wiht came to see us also. our little boy went back home with them for a bit longer. he WAS really glad to see us when we picked him up, but he did great. we really talked about momma going to the hsp to have baby sister and we showed him the maternity ward..he doesn't like dr. offices or the hsp, so i wanted it to be familiar before he came in to see me. we weren't in the hsp too long as i wasn't induced...but if she is with someone she enjoys, or someone who is good at distracting little ones, she'll do great... especially if you've prepared her a bit. Going back home with the friends helped too, cuz that distracted him from leaving Momma..I think she'd need to see you..and maybe even call her if it doesn't work to visit.
We took our daughter to the hospital when her brother was born and wouldn't have changed it for anything. We were very open in letting her know what was going on and that she was going to be a big sister. Our son was delivered by C-Section so obviously she couldn't be in the delivery room nor would I have wanted her to be however, when my husband took him out he said it was as if everything we had been telling her clicked and that was a moment he will never forget and she has been WONDERFUL with him. She had no problems going home with grandma and grandpa when it was time. I had never spent a night away from her and due to medical issues we spent a week in the hospital and our daughter didn't seem upset, she seemed to understand that's where I needed to be. Best wishes on your up and coming. I truly believe it is very important to have the older sibling involved in the process so there isn't the ill will between the two. That's not to say there won't be some jelousy but she'll understand. My husband stayed home for the first couple weeks with us to, I also think that really helped.
First off congratulations!! I think having her come is a good idea and maybe have a present there for her from her new little brother. One of my best friends had a "new" baby for her daughter when her 2nd was born so she could help take care of her baby just like mom. Hope this helps and good luck. D.
The concesnsus seems to be to let your daughter come to the hospital after your delivery, and I totally agree.
My oldest daughter was 17 mos. old when my son was born, and she came to the hospital to see us the same day(he was born at 9:42 a.m.). I don't remember that she was traumatized, but I do remember after she looked him over for a bit(like he was a new kind of bug or something lol), she didn't have much interest in him. She didn't want to hold him or anything, and we didn't force her. I did take the time to hold her alone, though, and spend time with only her, because her and I had always wrestled and played together while I was pregnant, and I didn't want her to think I was going to turn away from her or anything like that. When we got home, she was pretty jealous of him. Would try and force him out of my lap while I was feeding him, take his bottle from him, stuff like that, but she would also help with him. One time, I caught her trying to give him a bottle in his swing--while he was asleep. She kept pushing it up against his mouth and looking kind of irate that he wouldn't open up for her.
Anyhoo, her daddy had her bring a present to the hospital for the baby, but I think it's a good idea for you both to have a present from the baby for her, like others mentioned. At that age, they're not likely to understand the whole giving a gift to someone else. *They* want the gifts.
Congratulations to your family on the new little arrival, and may your birth go smoothly! :o)
I think you should allow your daughter to see the baby as soon as he is born. This is a special time that she should be included in. Maybe the association with the hsopital will help instead of just bringing a baby to her house in a few days. I also recomend a gift from the baby. We did this with our son when our daughter was born. She "bought" him a swing. So when we got home with baby he and daddy went out back and put up the swing together.
I really worried about this too. But it really was not a big deal. Our son loves his sis so much and has never had any major jealousy problems.
My son was 2yrs old when I had my twins (6 months ago). We had my son stay with auntie until the very last day when we were about to go home and then auntie brought him to the hospital to meet his new brothers. We let him spend some time there with us, about an hour or so before we left and during that time we gave him two little gifts (two different inexpensive firetrucks) and told him that they were from his new brothers because they liked him so much (we had these packed in our hospital bag). Then we all went home together as a family. This went over really well and I think it was nice having some time alone with my new babies to bond with them at first and then sharing the coming home experience with my older son was good because it wasn't so much of a shock to him to just come home to new babies in the house. Also he didn't have to see us in the hospital and then leave us again. He still talks about the firetrucks that his brothers gave him and he loves his brothers! Congratulations and I hope it turns out to be a special experience for you as well ...
Hi M., YES take your daughter, lil' princess or not, to visit her baby brother. Have a little present from the baby for her waiting at the hospital! I have a now 5 1/2 year old son and a now 3 year old son and someone gave me the same advice and it really was fantastic. I think it helped my oldest feel involved and I got to snuggle him while he visited too which he needed. I think it is important to share the experience of a new sibling with the oldest sibling and they need to learn how to share you right from the get go. The little present from the new baby is helpful and every year on my youngest sons birthday he gives his big brother a little something as a big brother present, just like when he was born. And vice versa - they are very close and it is yummy! Good luck to you and Congrats!
My husband and I have five children, and our last two are 15 months apart and we ran into the same issue. What we ended up deciding, was to have our daughter (15 months) come meet her new little brother the day after he was born so that we all could be a little rested "just in case" there was any "issues" with Sofialena. Our choice worked famously- she instantly loved little Davy Jayce, and didn't have to wait very long to see him and us at home. Good luck!
I had a friend in a similar situation. After the delivery, mom and daughter went into the room together to "discover" the baby. That way the first sight of the new baby is not one in "her place" mom's arms. They started holding and cuddling the new baby together. They wanted the first meeting to be positive, and not spark jealosy.
Though your daughter is young, I feel that the sooner you involve her in the blessed event of her new sibling the better. When I had my second, my first, Jessica, was three. I brought Jessica to the ultrasound, let her help me set up the nursery, a room shared with her, and insisted she be the first person to hold new born Josie after her father and me. The photos are priceless. Even if your oldest doesn't remember these events, she will see the photos. This could help her see her new sibling as someone special, and see herself as someone special because she was included in this blessed event.
I say yes, but wait until after the baby is born, and you are feeling up to vistors. All so when she comes give her attention, and let other people hold and care for the baby. If your daughter want to see and hold the baby, let her with assistance. I had a child around that age everytime I had a baby. They were all very attached, but were excited to get to spend time with the special person who was caring for them while I was away.
I as a 32 year old stay at home mom to four (9,7,5,4,).
My daughter was 25 months old when my second daughter was born. WE made the decision to have her down at the hospital. While she loved her new sister it was difficult she didnt sit still and all she wanted to do was run around. Also I had a c-section and she was afraid of me and the iv in my arm. She wouldnt come anywhere near me which was horrible. Since I had a c section I couldnt go four days without seeing my daughter. A friend had her second daughter and her first daughter met the new baby at her home I think that worked out much better.
I lived through this exact situation almost 18 years ago. My oldest two (of four) are now almost 20 and almost 18, with my son being the eldest. I have a picture of my son with me in the hospital after having our daughter and he was very unhappy. To this day he resents us having another child so close in age to him, they are 23 months apart. Now given that he is almost 20, he now realizes that this is a ridiculous resentment and truly loves his sister and younger two siblings. But it has been an issue his entire life, up until just this last year. So I would ask her how she feels about your new baby that's in your tummy. I would see what she would like to do and prepare her mentally for a fun new friend that she can help with if she wants to, and prepare yourself for her to act out and be naughty for a while. It is going to be a difficult time ahead of you for a while, but you will get through it and your daughter will feel a deep connection with your son in the years to come because they are so close together, and perhaps she can sleep with daddy while you are in the hospital...perhaps this will make her feel special.
Now, this is a son looking down on a little baby girl. Your daughter may find your situation extremely intriguing and fun, as little girls enjoy babies a lot. When we had our third child, a little boy, our daughter was very intrigued and a ton of help. However, due to a miscarriage our third child came when our daughter was 8 1/2 and our son was 10 1/2. And then our fourth came 3 1/2 years later. We've had no issues between our second and third, and our third and fourth.
So I think my advice to you is to talk with your baby girl and let her know that she is going to be so incredibly important to you after Friday because she will be your very special helper. I would let her know that you will be staying the night away from home for one night or however long you'll be in the hospital, that you need her to take good care of daddy while you are gone but that you really want her to visit you and her very special new baby brother. See what her response is and she may do very well. Our son was not thrilled at all to see me holding another baby, but then I don't think we let him know how important he would be as my helper.
I hope this makes some sense and is helpful. Best of luck.
My son was 21 months when i had our second son. We had planned on him being with the grandpas while i was doing all the work and then could come and visit with everyone after and then went home for a big brother party at grandmas house fort he weekend. It didnt work out exactly how we want it to because i went into labor on my due date at my doc appt and i had no idea i was in labor until my husband and son were there at the office with me. so he ended up having to be with us when i was admitted which sort of scared him. So my opinion is have something set up that is special just for her while you are doing you work. That is if she has someone other then you she will be comfortanle with...luckily my son was in a big i love grandpa phase so being with him was extra special!! Then when the baby is born you can have her help while she is at the hospital and then make it a big deal when she comes home with the new baby make it all about her that way she doesnt feel blended into the background. I am so excited for you!! congrats and good luck!!
My daughter was 22 months when her little sister was born and we decided to have Grandma bring her for a visit. I was extremely glad we did because she was just as excited as we were to welcome the newest member of our family. I have her on video holding her baby sister for the first time and when she cried our oldest said in the softest voice ever "It's ok baby" and to this day (6 years ago) I treasure that moment so much and the girls like to watch the video too. It offers a special bonding time for them as well as you in those precious first days. Her visit was about 20-30 minutes and then Grandma offered a trip to McDonalds to ease the leaving Mommy. We were very glad to all be together for a special memory.
I would let her. She need to see and bond with the new baby and learn that she does not have mommy all to herself anymore. If no one has told you, be careful-- at 21 months your daughter does not have impulse control. She may try to push the baby away from you or strike out at the baby. She will also not understand that the baby is a real living being and may treat him like one of her toys. My now teens are 14 months apart and it is hard( almost like you have twins) 2 in diapers, 2 wanting to be held, wanting to eat at the same time etc...I used to walk around with a baby on each hip. Everyone thought I was crazy and would tell me to make them walk, but hey they wanted mom so mom was there. Most of all have fun. Take care of you, I am a firm believer that happy, healthy babies, come from happy, healthy moms- take time for you. My youner girls are 3 yrs apart and my then 3 yr old scared me to death several times. Once when the baby was a few days old, I did not move fast enough and my 3 yr old got the baby from the bassinet and carried her down the hall to me in the kitchen- when I heard mommy the baby was crying and turned to see her holding the baby( correctly by the way) and realized she had made it down the uncarpeted hall.... All I could do is catch my breath and take the baby- once the baby was safe in my arms we had a little talk. Do not be surprised if your daugher starts acting like a very young baby again- wanting a binky or to nurse or bottle etc...
If you want a bond between siblings let her come!! I have 4 and they have been there at all the births. I always have a 24 month old at the birth. With my second son's birth my first son who was 24 months was at the birth. The pictures of him seeing his baby brother come into the world were amazing. We then set up a playpen for him in my room. He cuddled the baby on my bed and by 24 hrs later that little toddler would have defended his brother to the death. I never have regretted the choice of having all my kids there. They are apart of the family and when they are excluded from even visiting it gives them the feeling of, "who is this imposter?" when you bring a baby home that they have no idea how came to be. It's like witnessing the birth and being there, connected the dots for a little brain that words would not do justice. Hope you have a wonderful birth!
I have 2 girls, exactly 2 years and 2 weeks a part. We took my oldest with us on a tour of the hsptl prior to my delivery so she would be more familiar with it prior to my going in. Then we did have her come to the hsptl and see us. My husband was holding the baby when she came (she was also very attached to me at the time). We also had a gift from her new sister - a doll. (The doll we got was able to get wet, came with a bottle and blanket. My oldest loves this doll and likes to mimic what I do with my younger daughter with her doll.) I highly recommend having your daughter visit you so she feels a part of the experience and not left out.
Good luck on your delivery.
My boys are 22 months apart. It was a tough decision to make to let my oldest come to the hospital. I believe that by letting him come, he was able to adapt better. Now they are 3 and 1 and best buddies. At first it was difficult. For the first 1/2 hour to hour, my oldest wouldn't even look at the baby. But soon after, he was asking to hold him. I think that it is a good bonding experience for the siblings. Also, it allows your daughter to understand why you are not coming home right away. Just make sure to love on her A LOT! Let her know that she is just as special to you as she was before. Congratulations!!!! Best wishes.
I had almost the same exact experience as my first two children are 21 mos apart. Let her be involved as much as you can, and explain it all to her. My daughter wasn't sure what to make of it all, but, she loved her brother! As long as she has someone that she loves to stay overnight with and maybe a special friend (stuffed toy, or whatever she loves). She might be a little sad at first, but I'll bet she will excited about "her" new baby!
Our boys are almost 21 months apart. I did have my older one come to the hospital to see us. I had a big brother gift ready from his new baby brother. Having a new toy that came from his baby was received very positively, and we did not experience any symptoms of jealousy. We actually had arranged for Gavin to stay with my parents while we were in the hospital. It was a special sleepover time for just him, and I think he really liked the extra special attention. Plus, that way he wasn't in his normal home environment and routines where it compounded anxiety about missing me. It felt special setting it up that way.
I was worried about that also. My daughter was 26months when my second was born, and actually she did great and didn't have a problem leaving me there! I was surprised, so you might be surprised too! It was the first time my oldest took naps/went to bed and ate with just my husband, so it was bonding time for the two of them too. One thing, though, if you have to have a c-section, beware of putting your two year old on the bed with you! Protect your tummy! I got accidentally kicked and it was the worst pain ever!
My two are not quite 3 1/2 years apart. I wanted my son to feel as much a part of the pregnancy as he wanted. We took him to the Dr. visits to help the doc find the baby's heartbeat. He didn't like the ultrasound much (had nightmares for a couple of days). But when we went in for the planned C-section, a few hours later, after I was coherent and Dad go to hold his daughter, Dad went and picked my son up from daycare, they went and made a Build-a-bear and brought him to the hospital.
My son was fairly attached to me still, but the first words out of his mouth weren't "Hi Mom, I missed you", or "How are you Mommy?" Nope. The first words out of his mouth as he walked into my room were: Can I hold my baby sister now? To this day, a year later, my children adore each other.
I was really glad we decided to bring my son to the hospital to see his sister. He got a special wristband that had "Big Brother" written on it, he got some special "big brother" stuff from the hospital. He even got some extra time with dad while I stayed in the hospital as long as I could get away with.
If she's not to freaked out by the whole thing, by all means, bring her in to see her new little brother.
Hi, M.. We had our second baby last May (she's almost 1 - wow!). My son was 2 1/2 when she was born. His aunt and uncle brought him to the hospital after the baby was born and stayed for an hour or so. We had a gift for him "from the baby" that seemed to help. Then they all got to got out for dinner at a fun place, including dad, and he got to go home with dad.
Every child will react to this differently I know, but he seemed to do okay. Definitly not thrilled but didn't lose it either. I would recommend that she come and see you, that you have somone else holding the baby when she comes into the room so she can hop up and snuggle with you first thing. Then, as she gets used to the hosptial and assured that you're okay, introduce her to the baby. Of course you can do what you feel is right. I just think they feed off of us and get their cues from us. If we're worried, they will sense that. I wish the I was less worried the whole time I was pregnant, and involved my son even more instead of being too cautious about "pushing the baby on him". I think he would have taken to her better in the beginning.
Well, a long response. Hope this helps. Good luck! W.
I had the same issue come up when my son was born. Before he was due, I made a t-shirt for her with the "iron-on" paper. I used my computer and made a picture of a teddy bear and balloon, and wrote "I'm the Big Sister", then printed out the picture and ironed it on. Then we went to the craft store and got those ABC beads, and she made a block necklace that said "BIG SISTER". She got to pick out a balloon and teddy bear for her little brother, so when she got to the hospital it was a fantastic experience for her. She got to hold him and have a special "Big Sister" picture made. Then she went home with the grandparents and made a gift for him and baked cookies with Grandma. One year later, we did it again with brother #2! She wore her shirt and necklace and thought it was so special! I hope this helps, it was so worth it to have her there and experience it. We made sure she was part of all of it, getting the nursery ready, helping pack the baby bag, and she did better than I expected. Good Luck and I hope it all works out for you :-).
I would definitely bring your daughter to the hospital. I think it is important to involve her as much as possible. Her little world is going to change with your new baby and she needs to understand that. With my children, I found that having a special gift from the baby helped. And I had them pick out something special for when baby came. I also got them Big Brother t-shirts to show how special they were. They also were the first ones to get to meet baby before grandparents and aunts and uncles so they felt very special. She will do great if she is home with someone she knows well and loves. They can make a project of doing a welcome home picture or sign to hang on the door for you. My kids loved that.
My youngest was 3 when the 3rd was born so the age difference was different than yours. My sister just had her third and her youngest was 21 months. He was rather overwhelmed at the hospital and didn't want to be in the room or with mommy and baby much. Be prepared for anything and let anything be ok. You want it to be really special, but it might not be perfect and that's ok.
Absolutely have her visit! Some of our best memories of our son being born was our daughters reaction to him. (she was 2yrs 3mo.) They are so sweet at that age. Prepare her for what is about to happen...."Mommy is going to go to the hospital to get the baby out of her tummy! You get to be with______ while I'm there. After we have your new baby, you get to come visit." You get the picture. Make it special for her. I suppose there is the possibility that she may react negativley to not getting to leave with you, but it isn't anything that will scar her and that reaction is typical at that age. Maybe have something special planned for her after she leaves the hospital like getting some ice cream or something so she has that to look forward to after leaving you. You will be coming back home soon. She needs to be involved as much as possible. This will change her life soon enough! The more prepared and involved that she is the better. Visiting me at the hospital, made our daughter more excited about us coming home with the new baby. It was a great experience for us. I highly recoment it. However, you know your child best. Trust your instinct! Best wishes on this wonderful new journey!
wow. I never thought of it as being tramatic. I thought it as par for the course. My kids didn't seem too upset and seemed to be fine after I came home with the latest baby. Their Dad has always been active in their care and seemed happy to have extra Daddy time.
I've been through this twice... have her visit! It'll be a great experience for everyone. Plus, you'll miss her while you're in there. Visits should be short, just because the attention span is short, but she'll be fine!
M., I was in the same situation. All through my pregnancy, I made sure my daughter knew there was a baby in mommy's tummy. When it came time to go to the hospital, I told her where I was going and that I would be there for a couple of days. She was very excited because she could not wait to see what her new brother looked like. I explained that since I would be sleeping over at the hospital, she would be at home with dad but that he would bring her to see me. She wasn't amused that I would not be at home at night, but since she did get to come and see me during my stay and got to call me on the phone before she went to bed, she did ok. The first time she saw her new brother and got to touch him and feed him, he became real to her and she started making plans for all the things they were going to do. The big sister mode kicked right in. Today my daughter is 15 and my son is 13. They fight amongst themselves, but if someone from the outside tries to intervene or pick on one of them, the other one is right there by their side. I really feel the bonding started at the hospital.