Death of Grandparent--Items to Send

Updated on February 09, 2011
J.D. asks from Cincinnati, OH
12 answers

My grandpa just passed away and I probably won't be able to attend the funeral. My grandparents live out of state 18 hours away. I can't afford plane tickets.
My thought would be to send some flowers or something like that. Would an edible arrangement be alright?

What would you all do?

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answers from Kansas City on

Well I think it depends on your family. Do you think they have a charity set up at all? Was your grandfather living in a home or cared for by hospice? If so I would probably suggest giving a donation to something like that instead of flowers. Flowers can be very expensive and with the passing of someone elderly, I think your money can be better appreciated in a different way. Edible arrangements are VERY tasty, don't know if you've had one and it could be a cute gesture if your grandmother or other relative is having a reception at their home following the service. If that's the case, I would call and tell the person ahead of time to expect it b/c it will need to be refrigerated and such. I'm sorry for your loss.

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Indianapolis on

Hi J.,
I am so sorry for your loss. It makes me sad that others are trying to make you feel bad for not being able to attend. In these economic times your family will understand. With that said I think flowers are a good idea. I know when my grandfather died my grandmother was comforted by the flowers she received. She even remembered who sent them and would tell us everytime we visited who they were from. Good luck with your decision and again only you know your financial situation so don't let others make you feel bad for not being able to attend.

1 mom found this helpful


answers from New York on

Hi - my feeling is that anything you choose to do, whether it's sending a card, flowers, or food, will be very much appreciated. If they are Catholic by any chance, you could also send a Mass card. A donation to a charity of the family's choice would also be a lovely gesture. And a visit to grandma at a later date, when your finances allow, would probably be most welcome. Sorry for your loss :(



answers from Indianapolis on

I'm sorry for your loss and that you can't make it for the funeral. That's so hard:(
First find out if your g'ma has asked for anything specific to be done. Both my g'mas asked that people NOT send flowers and instead specified what organizations money could be sent to in my grandfathers' names. Otherwise (or even in addition to) I think food is always appreciated. An edible arrangement for the viewing/funeral, or a fruit basket or gift basket of teas/coffees/something she likes for your g'ma would be nice as well.



answers from Dallas on

I would call some airlines and find out if they have a bereavement fare as there may be a discount for a death in the family. It's worth asking. And if you can't afford the full fare for airline tickets, decide what you CAN afford, do some research on the fares, and see if family can help out a little. This happened with my family cause my dad's old and ill and we didn't want to take chances that he wouldn't see his grandson. Everyone was glad we all made it happen. So sorry for your loss. Hope it works out.


answers from Bloomington on

Oh my...I would do everything in my power to make it there! Period.


answers from Biloxi on

An Edible arrangement to her home, especially, if like my family, everyone goes back to the house after the funeral, would be nice I think.

Be sure to call your Grandmother and tell her you love her. :)


answers from Chicago on

call the funeral home and find out what florist they are using ... call the florist and advise them you are the grand daughter they have special arrangements that are sent from certain family members.



answers from Terre Haute on

sorry for your loss
It is proper to do whatever your heart tells you!
You know your grandparents and know what the surviving one would like the most!
The death of a spouse is so intense your grandmother may be in a fog for a while.
A call would mean a lot!



answers from Pittsburgh on

I'm so sorry! Seriously, you can get 50% off of your airfare with a bereavement discount. I vote "no" on the edible arrangement.
What about a basket of live plants to your grandmother's home?
I'd REALLY try to get there.
Good luck. My sympathy. God bless.



answers from Cleveland on

I am so sorry for your loss. When my grandparents passed away (2 years apart), some of my cousins were unable to attend for the same reason (living far away & not being able to afford the trip). I know it's hard, but if your family is like mine, they'll understand. Try not to let the people telling you to go get you down. I'm sure you'd go if you could! I think an Edible Arrangement is a fantastic idea. My mother-in-law passed away a little over 2 years ago. Our neighbors put some food together (mini sandwiches) for when the family went to my father-in-law's house between viewings. As we were literally pulling out of our garage, the Edible Arrangement van pulled up with a HUGE arrangement from a group of friends. We put it in the car & took it to my father-in-law's. It was our "dessert". It was perfect, everyone enjoyed it because there was so many different types of fruit. I've also been to viewings that people have gotten actual plants instead of flowers ~ that way they could be kept for a long time. My uncle was killed in a hit & run accident & someone got my aunt a beautiful angel statue to put on her lawn (she likes angels). Good luck and again, I'm sorry for your loss.



answers from Norfolk on

I am sorry for your loss.

I don't think an edible arrangement is appropriate. (They tend to need to be consumed immediately.) I have sent fruit baskets before as taking food to the bereaved is very traditional, but does a mourning woman really need another starchy-fatty casserole?