Death of Both Beloved Pets

One way I believe is a good way to phrase it for anyone who dies (pet, family member, etc.) is that their bodies stopped working so they are going to a place where they don't need their bodies anymore. Big hug too you, dogs are so special!

My grandson has lost an old dog at about 2, and a dear great-grandmother at about 4. We don't try to shield him from the understanding that death is the final outcome of all life. I believe it actually does children a disservice to treat death as if it's some secret too terrible to be endured.

Let yourself cry if that's what you need to do. Show your daughter that it's okay to experience all of the rich feelings of living, and that they pass and life goes on. Support and empathize with her if she expresses sadness, confusion or anger about the loss of her pet. "Yes, sweetie, it is hard, isn't it? I feel that way, too. Sadness takes awhile, and that's good. Pooch and Spot want you to remember how much you love them. And then they want you to be happy again when you're ready."

It's been helpful for me to introduce the idea of taking turns. Every person, animal, and plant has a turn at living its life. When their turn is finished, they die so other people, animals, and plants can have their turn. For most of us, our turn is over when we are so old and sick that we aren't enjoying being alive any more.

I would avoid associating death with sleep, because this makes some kids dread going to bed at night.

You may also be surprised to find that your sadness will linger more persistently than your daughter's. She'll probably feel sad, then go play, then feel sad, then do other things for awhile…. Hugs to you all.

Our family had to deal with this this past year. I am so sorry for you and your family. It was more of an emotional loss for me than losing my grandparents. She was my "first child" too!

My daughter was 4 when this happened. I did a few things, called Dove Lewis Emergency clinic in Portland and got info about their pet loss support group and ideas of ways to talk to my daughter. Also, went to the library and got a bunch of age appropriate picture books that dealt with losing a pet. I was pretty specific about not wanting to deal with "heaven" but she had some trouble with this as we also decided not to tell her that we cremated her. Since you are taking them to the farm this will give her some concrete ways to accept that.

My thoughts are with you and I hope that you find solace in the fact you know they were very loved! Just remember not to give her more information than she asks for and keep checking in with her to see if she has more questions.

Honestly I think she will deal with this better than you think. I don't have advise for a toddler. We put our dog to sleep about 7 weeks ago and it was the most difficult decision we've had to make. Our boys are 12 and 8 so it was very h*** o* them. We just explained that everyone grieves differently and we would be there to talk to them or just hold them when they needed. They also requested we keep his collar and it is currently hanging on the wall in their room. Might seem crazy to some people, but they will smell the collar when they miss him and it seems to make them feel better.

We just lost our old dog and explained it to our three year old by using the Rainbow Bridge analogy. We said that when animals get old they get to go over the Rainbow Bridge. Once they cross the Rainbow Bridge they get to do whatever they want and they are very happy. We also said that they could see us from the over the Rainbow Bridge even if we couldn't see them. We also used this for the death of my grandmother. The only tricky part was when our daughter wanted to go over the Rainbow Bridge with them! We told her that once you cross the Rainbow Bridge you can't come back and that the Rainbow Bridge is for when you're very old.

If you google Rainbow Bridge I'm sure you'll get a TON more information.

Good luck and sorry to hear about your dogs. It's always hard to lose a member of the family and especially both at the same time.

Take care,
M.

My daughter was a little over 2 1/2 when we put our older dog to sleep and we just explained it very simply that Merlin had to go live in Heaven with the Angels where she wouldn't be sick anymore. She was upset but really over all did very well. Even now over a year later she talks about Merlin and we have to have a discussion about the Angels again. You just have to talk to her about it when you are ready to be strong and not cry or she will feed off of your emotions. She asks me why the Angels have to have our dog- and gets angry sometimes saying that "she was OUR dog and the Angels can't keep her" I just calmly explain each time that she would be sick and in pain if she still lived with us and she's not sick or in pain where she is now. Often when she starts to get too upset I just explain it once and then move on to another subject or say "lets go go play or get a snack" just something distracting. Really overall, I think you'll be surprised at how well she handles it- most of the awful things we associate with death are learned and your daughter luckily has not learned them yet.

I'm so sorry. It's so hard when this has to happen. And it's a difficult time as well for everyone.
Be honest with your daughter. I know that is tough at her age, but tell her that they are in pain and hurting so much. Be sure not to explain why they are both going at the same time or she might associate that in people. Make each dog separate in their health.
Try to ask her questions like........if (doggies name) felt better being with (whomever you have religiously) then wouldn't you want doggie to feel better? Explain that she will miss them.....and you will too......and how sad it will be. Prepare her for the grief that you will all feel.

Again, I'm sorry.........but I found with my kids, being honest and explaining death on pet or family was the best way to handle it. Life comes at them so fast, but you also want them to be prepared if you can.
Good luck.

I am very sorry about you having to go through this. We have had to go through it 3 times, with kids at various ages for the latest 2 (they weren't around when we had to say goodbye to our first). Honest, brief explanation is what worked best when my son was 2 1/2. "Golde doesn't feel good and can't get better. We're going to help her feel better, but we have to say goodbye." He didn't really get the finality of it, as our older 2 (7 and 10 at the time) did, but when she didn't come back from the vet with us, he seemed to understand. He was actually less bothered by it than the older 2.
There are tons of library books to share with kids, one of my favorites being Cynthia Rylant's "Dog Heaven". It tells about the wonderful things a dog will find in dog heaven, and I found it with our more recent goodbye when our youngest was 5. All the kids loved the book, even my 12 year old. Another thing we did this time around was to make clay pawprints before saying goodbye - just something they could hold on to to remember. And they all asked for some of her hair; it's since been misplaced, but at the moment it seemed to help them. Making a scrapbook together may help her remember your dogs later, maybe writing a story about the funny things they did or just good memories.

I hope this helps. Good luck to all of you - it is such a hard decision, one that is never easy to make.

I am so very sorry. I didn't read all the other posts, because frankly, I would get depressed. We just put down our beloved horse and it was one of the hardest, most heartbreaking things.....sorry - I guess that's not helping. Anyway, what helped my kids (they are older) is that they knew Cody was in pain. I would tell your daughter that your dogs are in pain, maybe describing a time when she, herself, had a bad "owie" and try to imagine having that owie hurt her all day every day. They wake up with it hurting and go to bed with it hurting. When the vet helps them die, they won't hurt anymore. I would also refrain from calling it "putting to sleep". This may cause nightmares or nighttime fear of going to sleep. I'm sure there are great books out there to help with this. My heart goes out to your family.

I didn't see this in your answers, so I'll add it even though it may be late. This helped my kids with the loss of my grandfather ...
Show the child an empty nut shell. I used pistachios since the shell halves go back together well. Explain that although the shell looks good, there is nothing inside. The part that makes a pistachio important/useful/etc. is gone. Just like the part that we love about the person/animal who died is gone. The body is just a shell to hold the important part.
Hope this helps.

So sorry for what you are going through, that is very h*** o* all of you. From working in vet's office, most of the kids did really well and understood that their very loved pet was gone. Many were sad, but also distracted by everything else going around them. If you are staying with them for euthanasia, many children stayed in the room and some came out either with one parent or our staff would watch them and let them say hi to our hospital pets or play with the toys. She may want a favorite stuffed animal with her or to bring a toy for the dogs with her so they can have it when it is time to say goodbye. Also maybe she can help with a special stone to put on their grave or pick out a plant/tree to plant there to always remember them. A special toy to go with them, so they can always play with it up in doggie heaven over the rainbow bridge. The book Dog Heaven is wonderful and great for children, we used to send copies home with families. The Rainbow Bridge poem is also great

http://www.petloss.com/poems/maingrp/rainbowb.htm

Sorry again for your loss of two wonderful, very well loved four legged family members.

My favorite way to describe death to a child was that the deceased went to sleep and God woke them up. Kids are generally used to mom and dad waking them up so it's easy-ish to understand the feeling of being woken up by someone loving and it isn't scary.

oh, how sad! I can't imagine what you're going through. We do a lot of gardening around here in an effort to help the kids understand the cycle of life. It might help you to get a couple of plants or trees to plant in the dogs' honor. You could also get cut fresh flowers that will die in a few days... Another opportunity to talk about death. One of our cats died when my son was only 15 months old and a few months later when he became more verbal, the cat was his #1 topic. At 3.5, he still talks about that cat a lot. It's amazing how bonded these kids are with our pets and how aware they are of the world around them. Sorry to hear of your loss. Take care.

That was my respond to another post similar to your, so I just coppied it. Hope it will help!
"I hear your pain and I'm sorry for your lost. We lost our beloved dog last year and here what we did:
I brought the story about pet's heaven, where she went, and where she is very happy now, because she was very old and had a disease. DO NOT use the word "sick", because he will start freaking out every time someone in the house gets sick.
We made an album with her pictures, so we can look at her and talk about her every time we missed her.
We did send her letters in the pet's heaven attached to a balloon, telling her how much we love her and how much we missed her.
We did read some books (they are church books) about death. My son's favorite one was about the water bugs and I think is the best one for his age. Make sure you read them first as some of them are kind of harsh. Let me know if you want the tittle, I did order it from "Barns and Noble" and it was 3 dollars.
We did watch some families videos with the dog.
After you bring the news what you need to do is to talk about the cat, because this is what he needs. The things you need to say are: "Yes, we love her very much, that's why we miss her so much!", "Yes, she was a lovely cat and a good buddy, that's why we miss her so much.", just assure him that it is OK to miss her and to be sad about her. And have answers ready, he will ask where she is now and why she is not coming back and etc. You deal with the situation as you lost a family member, because our pets are family members.
Depend of your son's emotional level, you know him best, you need to be ready.
I know you are wondering how long that will be. For us, it has been almost a year now and my son still talks how much he miss her. In March we had to have a new puppy - he picked her up, he named her and etc. That stopped at least for a while the questions "Why she is not coming back? Does she not loves us anymore?" and etc. Recently he started talking about how long the new puppy will stay with us, he started asking about life and death, how long we are going to be on Earth, how long he will be here before he dies and etc. Even I started giving him more real answers, he still believes that our dog is at a "special place" where she is very happy even she misses us very much. Let me know if you need more ideas. Good luck!"

We lost our beloved rabbit. He lived in the house just like a cat or dog (was litter box trained), and was my little guys best friend. I explained how we all have to return to the earth after our time here, and that then we get to come back again as something new so we can have new adventures. (That follows our spiritual beliefs)

I am sorry for your loss. We lost two pets last year within 6 months and it was very hard. We had ours cremated and were told that they scatter the ashes at Mt Rainier which we can see from our house each day so we told the kids that they could look at the mountain remember the good times they had with them. I also bought a stuffed animal for both of teh kids that looked like the dogs for them to have or a picture of them together if you have one framed. It took a few days and random crying, but now they mention them and the good times. It is a tough thing to do and my thoughts are with you.

How sad for all of you! I can't imagine. We took the dog to the groomers for the first time and my 29 month daughter cried all the way home. It took awhile to explain that Bella was just getting a bath and we would pick her up later.

I agree with the other posts. Don't say "putting to sleep" or that they died together. You do not want her to associate going to sleep with dying or that people die together.

Maybe you can plan to make some pretty step stones to put above the dogs or a place to memorialize them?

At this sad time, it is a blessing that you know it is coming and you can talk about it ahead of time. It is the accidents in life that make it so much harder to deal with. I wish you and your family the best in this difficult time.

actually, we found a great vet at Westmooreland Vet Clinic who actually came to our house, brought chocolates for our dog, let us say good bye & hold him, then we watched him fall asleep. It was very natural & may work for letting your child know what is actually happening. A good idea is to not lie, but tell her what is going on, burry a favorite toy or something, & let your child go visit if you can. "Doggie Heaven" is also a nice picture.