Death of a Family Pet

Updated on June 06, 2008
J.S. asks from Ashfield, MA
36 answers

My sweet old cat of 16 years is in his last couple of days of life. He is literally dying before our eyes. He's very skinny, not eating,can barely walk and really looks like a mess and not like himself. I'm a little worried that the way he's changing might scare my 51/2 yr. old and 2 yr old. My 5 yr. old son is very aware of what is happening and we are all very sad. I have a few questions...1. Is it ok to cry in front of your kids or is it too scary for them? 2. Should we euthanize our cat so that my boys don't have to witness his deterioration? 3. Should we include my 5 yr old son in the burial of our cat?

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So What Happened?

I am really very touched by all the responses that I received regarding my dying cat and how it might affect my children. I am comforted to know that many of you have had very similar experiences and had great advice to offer. By monday early evening my husband and I had decided to put him to sleep if he was still hanging on by Tues, morning, although our vet had assured us that he was beyond feeling pain. Not only an hour or so later while my 5yr old son and I were petting Humphrey(the cat) he peeped out his final meow and was gone. My husband and 2yr old rushed over and we all cried(except for the 2yr old, who looked a little confused).
Today while my 2 yr old had a playdate with his cousin, my older son, husband and I buried him in a special private spot on our land and each put an item in his grave that we wanted him to have. Then we sprinkled him with flowers and leaves and covered him up. We gave him a stone marker with a cool metal cat that we had that sits on top and planted flowers. May you rest in peace my little Humphrey.

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M.B.

answers from Hartford on

J. so glad to hear what you ended up doing! It sounds like it was a family moment worth having. My parents did the same for me growing up and I will do the same for my chidlren.
May you and family heal. Take Care!

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J.M.

answers from Boston on

I agree - it's totally fine to cry in front of your kids. Obviously you don't want to get hysterical, but a 5 year old can understand that mom gets sad too. So can a 2 year old.

As far as euthenasia, I would do what's best for the cat, not necessarily what's best for you kids. If the vet does recommend putting the cat down, check with her about how to explain it to your kids - she probably has lots more experience with this than you do. You can also check in with your pedi about what would be helpful to say.

I would include the 5 year old, especially if the cat is cremated. He'll be sad too, so it will give him an opportunity to express his feelings.

My only other advice is to be as straightforward as possible. You can say the cat "died." He'll ask what that means, and I would say "it means he's not alive anymore. He won't come back, he doesn't eat, etc." You could certainly highlight, however, that he is still in your memories, and you can still talk to him, etc. Euphemisms are lost on little kids, and can make things scarier. ("It's like he's sleeping forever," for example, might make him scared to sleep, and reasonably so). Also, when explaining why he died, I would really highlight age rather than sickness. He gets sick, his parents get sick, his friends get sick, but it's a long time before they get old.

I'm so sorry. I know it's horrible to lose a pet.

1 mom found this helpful

D.B.

answers from Boston on

How sad. Of course it's okay to cry in front of the kids. Pets are family members! It's not scary if you don't hide it, if you treat it as an inevitablel part of life. You can use the cat's physical condition as a way of teaching kids that the end of his life is near - see how his body is changing, how he cannot eat, etc. If you have the cat euthanized, I know many parents have phrased it as "the vet helped the cat to die so he wouldn't be in pain waiting to die on his own." Do NOT use the phrase "put to sleep" - it implies he will wake up, and it can make kids afraid to go to sleep! You also don't want them afraid of being sick or in pain, that it will mean the end of THEIR lives! You can have the kids participate in the burial. Some families buy one of those garden plaque kits - there are plaster ones and cement ones - you can make a design, put pretty stones or pieces of tile, write the cat's name, and even insert an old license or name tag from the collar. Then it hardens and works like a grave marker. You could plant a small shrub or tree over the ashes, if the cat is cremated. If the cat's body is buried, be sure to put stones above so that no other animal digs it up. That can be traumatizing! So sorry you are going through this - my thoughts are with you.

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J.P.

answers from Boston on

I'm sorry you have to go through this. I think it's important to be honest about your sad feelings. Your kids will be sad too and will want to know it's OK to express their feelings.
My personal opinion is that it is better for the cat not to suffer. I didn't want my child's last memory of our cat to be of her sick and cranky.
There are some terrific children's books about death/dying and loss of a pet. (Preview them first to make sure they're appropriate for your family.) Your local library may be a good resource although I had better luck at the book store. The three books we used were:
Cat Heaven, by Cynthia Rylant
When a Pet Dies, by Fred Rogers
Lifetimes, I don't recall the author.
Good luck to you,
J.

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C.L.

answers from Hartford on

I'm sorry that your cat is not in the best of health, my sympathies to you.

We just went through the same thing - here's what we did:

We had a guinea pig that just stopped eating and the vet said they do that sometimes and recommended we had to put her to sleep. At the time my oldest was 6, my little one 2. We sat both kids down and explained that we were going to bring the pig to the vet to be euthanized, that the pig would die and go to heaven with Grampa. The 2 year old didn't have a clue (except that our pig was with Grampa in heaven), but my 6 year old got it. He came to the vet, gave the pig one last kiss, and when they brought her back all wrapped up in a pink towel and in a pink shoe box, he wanted to see her - so I let him. We both had a big cry, and he understood that she wouldn't be suffering. My son dug the hole himself, put the box in the ground, and covered her back up. We made a cross from two sticks and marked her grave. He drew a picture and it seemed to help. We did cry on and off for a few days, and then the happy memories came back.

It's up to you and your family, but you should definitely give your older son the choice.

Wishing you all the best,
C.

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L.Q.

answers from Boston on

I'm sorry about your kitty! I love animals & it is sad and hard to see them sick. I say put the poor cat to sleep! Your cat seems to be suffering & it is not fair to let him suffer! I would say it is okay to cry (just don't get out of control) in front of your kids because death and crying are a part of life. I hate when people say don't cry in front of the kids it's not good for them. Crying is normal and healthy. But I say put the poor thing to sleep. I had a cat for many years and we were very attached but she got really sick (I was 13 at the time) my parents decided it was time to let the cat go, she was in pain and dying. Being 13 I was mad and sad but I got over it very quickly and I knew she was in a better place.

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R.R.

answers from Lewiston on

Dearest J.~~
Last September i had this same issue arise with our 8 yr old cat. We have 12 yr old twins (boy and girl) and they have had this cat since they were 3 or 4 yrs old and were extremely attached to Fluffy. She started all of a sudden to loose weight and was not eating and with in 2 weeks i knew something was terribly wrong and so didnt everyone else. I told Fluffy to the vet and he said that she had a tumor and should be put down right away because she wasn't suffering as of yet but the vet said it wouldnt be long before she would be. I at that point called my husband and told him and then i stayed with her and held her while they did the procedure. The vet then wrapped Fluffy in a blanket and put her in a box and I took her home with me and by that time my husband had explained it to the kids. By my bringing her home it gave the kids and my husband a chance to hold her one last time (wrapped in the blanket)pet her and have thier last goodbyes-we then buried her together as a family in a spot that the kids helped pick out. Since then we have planted flowers around her and we are also making a stone with her name on it and the dates to place where she is. My kids to this day still every once in a while go out and talk to her. they sit beside her and tell her about something they might have done -they keep her area raked of leaves and weeded. Its been a comfort to them -they know where she is and i think that made it much easier for them--instead of not bringing her home and just letting the vet take care of her remains. I personally wouldnt let your precious pet-getting any worse before making a desicion because that may scare them. I feel its better to be honest and let them know what is happening ect. Unfortunately now a days-children have to deal with death much earlier than ever before but you sound like a very good parent and i'm sure that if you have good open communication between you and the children-all will be ok in the long run.
Good luck--i know this is a very difficult thing to go thru and i wish you all the best. Let me know how you make out. Take care~~~R.

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K.S.

answers from Boston on

Hi there. I'm so sorry about your kitty. I've had a similar experience and i know it will not be my last as I now have 6 cats.The oldest being 13yrs old. I truly understand.
Seeing the change in the family pet may very well worry your son-however,Ithink it's important to show our children from the earliest age possible to hold our loved ones dear to the end. To show them that love lasts and it's ok to be sad when we can't be with them anymore. Do you have a particular faith? To explain that it's time for kitty to go back to the angels,God,Buddah-whatever would probably bring some comfort.To explain that someday you will see eachother again should soften the blow. Don't you think so?
also I think that it would be less scary to have the funeral-showing your son that we do not simply disappear when we die-never to be spoken of again. That it's ok to die after you've lived a wonderful, happy life. maybe that now GOD can take good care of him in heaven. And make him feel comfortable and healthy in a way that only God,[Buddah,Mohammed,whoever]can. Let him remember saying goodbye to the family pet.
I think it would be healthier to show him that we don't get sent away when we become too sick to look at. I realize 'love of child' trumps all but i don't think it would do irrepairable harm to let your beloved family pet die in the shelter of his home and his family. it may be better for everyone involved.

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M.G.

answers from Springfield on

It's ok to cry in front of your kids. It's a healthy and natural emotion. Just explain why you are crying, "Kitty is going to heaven and I am sad that I will miss him". I would suggest that you put the cat to sleep as you are only delaying the inevitable. It is nice that you are letting nature take its course, but put yourself in your cats "paws". if you had a choice to pass on quicker, wouldn't you want to? I feel your pain, as a year ago I had to put my cat down, he was my favorite pet thus far and he was only 9 years old. It was the hardest thing ever! And he actually made me feel better because he purred all the way to the vet! Which is pretty strange...riding in the car and all usually they meow and cry!...It was almost like he was telling me that I was making the right decision! I hope it helps...and remember, your cat lived a long and fulfilled life!!

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C.B.

answers from Boston on

Hi J. - Oh my.... What a sad and difficult situation... We went through that recently and it was just awful.

To answer your questions: 1 - absolutley! Death is a part of life and it is through our animals that we first experience it, if we are lucky. Cry with them. This is very sad and you are going to miss your cat. Of course you will cry. MOST ESPECIALY with boys - this is a perfect opportunity to teach them to be tender and gentle (not "buck up" as so many might think is best - that's terrible.)

2) - Absolutely. For everyone. Including you and the cat. It is time. As hard as it is, it's time to let the kitty go. Your boys are very young and won't understand it, but you can just tell them that Kitty is going to die today and we are all very sad.

Say goodbye to kitty with them - especially the 5 year old. No big deal, just a sweet goodbye with a hug and a kiss if the cat can tolerate it.

I don't know where they are during the day, but maybe the older one can have a playdate (or kindergarten?) and the younger one can spend a few minutes with the ladies in the office while you go it. (Husband? Can he help?)

And 3) Absolutely again... There are wonderful books about saying goodbye to our animals - I wish I knew the name of the one we have. What we did was cremate her and then buired the ashes and planted something pretty over her.

That way, it marks her grave and we have a pretty reminder of her. It's Shadow's spot and it's our way of honoring her.

So - in always looking for the gift in adversity, as I try to do - the gift here is the early lesson in the circle of life. This will serve your children next time - as sad and difficult as that will be as well.

Just love your kids through this. And be good to yourself. You will cry a lot. I know I did.

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D.W.

answers from Boston on

Hi J.,
I am so sorry that your cat is dying. I think it is perfectly ok to cry in front of your kids. I think it is important that they see it is ok to express emotion. I would just be sure to explain that you are ok, that you are just sad about the cat. My thoughts on euthinizing the cat; I would do so seeing as the cat is probably in pain. I wouldn't want my pet to suffer if it's not necessary. That's a hard decision to make though. My friend's daughter was about 5 when they lost their cat. She cried and was sad but bounced back quickly. After about 1 year they got another cat. My best to you.

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L.P.

answers from Lewiston on

This is a sad, but inevitable part of life. The death of a pet exposes them to the idea that death is part of life. It's OK to be real and cry in front of your kids. I do it all the time. I don't believe in hiding the truth from kids, they deal with things much better if they get the truth, and then you can ask them how they feel about it, and it can open the door to a healthy letting-out of feelings, etc. And have a little "funeral" where each child could put a little something in the box with the cat, or say a few words about the cat, etc. That helps them grieve. We did this with our pets and it helped my boys deal with it. Whenever we pass the spot where they are buried, we tell them that we miss them, but we know they're having fun in Heaven. good luck!

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N.C.

answers from Boston on

J., my heart goes out to you and your family. My 15.5 yo cat died Sept 2006 when my older son was 21 months and my younger was just 2 months. My cat (Katie) seemingly went from normal to death's door in about 3 days. I cried constantly because I couldn't help it, although at first I tried to hid it from my 2yo. He kept asking me why I was sad and I explained that Katie was very sick. After giving him a chance to say goodbye, I did have her euthanized but left the kids with a sitter. We brought her home and my husband built a wood box and buried her while we were away the next morning. I explained to Wes that Katie died and went to live with God and other animals. Now, 18 months later, I still occasionally burst into tears from missing her, and he almost always asks, "Mommy do you miss Katie?" because he remembers my original sadness. And on occasion in the beginning, he cried and said he missed her too. Then months went by and he didn't mention her, yet now and then he now occasionally says he misses Katie when he sees a cat on tv or at a friend's house.

So YES, cry in front of your children and explain why. You would be surprised what a 2yo can understand. Let your heart tell you what's best to do about euthanizing your cat. His quality of life is severely diminished, he's likely in pain and very tired of it. Cats know when the end is near, there's no doubt of that. As somone else said, don't say "put to sleep" if you do euthanize your cat because it can cause confusion and fear in little kids. I would most definitely let the 5yo and maybe even the 2yo participate in a burial/funeral type service. A pet's death can be very tragic and emotional, but it can be a way of explaining the circle of life. A book on the loss of a pet may be helpful, as well as asking some friends who've lost pets to talk about what they went through. A child needs support just like an adult does, and sometimes it helps to have an older child talk about their own loss and share their feelings. I think Diane B had some great comments, too.

My sympathies to you at this very difficult time.

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C.S.

answers from Hartford on

Hi J.

I am so sorry to hear about your cat, we too lost our 16 year in the same way this year. Yes its ok to cry the kids need to know its ok to be sad and helps them grieve too. If your cats not in pain certainly its ok for it to die at home in familiar surroundings, the kids may be a bit frightened but you will be there to support them and love them. We did this and our daughter got over the death much better. Have the 5 year involved in the burial in some way, may be saying a few words or as we have done choosing a plant to bury over the grave and putting a small cross there. We also let some balloons go to say goodbye. My thoughts are with you in this difficult time.

Mum of one, we now have a 13 yr old dog, 9 yr old cat and 14 moth old cat.

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J.E.

answers from Boston on

Hi J.,

I am sorry to hear of the hardship that is occuring in your home. We've had two cats that we've had to have put down due to severe diabetes and one was put down when my oldest daughter was too young to understand (about 2 1/2) but the other was put down when she was 4. She was very upset to have not been included or to say good-bye, so if you think your son can handle it, he should be present at the burial. I believe it's ok to cry in front of your children for this reason, it shows that you know what they are feeling and it's a sad situation all around. If your cat passes with in a couple of days, then obviously euthanization is not necessary, however I don't know that I would want my children seeing the slow death of the cat and would recommend that you euthanize it if it continues to live. Just my words of advice, good luck. :)

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H.C.

answers from Boston on

I also went through this abouth 2 yrs ago.
1: crying in front of your kids prove that you are human and that you will also miss your pet.
2: It would prob. be a better idea to bring the cat to be put to sleep as not all animals "go" calmly. You wouldn't want the kids to witness their friend suffering a seizure or something.
3: if you are going to bury your pet (not sure of laws) then if your son wants to be involved it's a good way of having closure.

When it was time for my cat to go (16 YO) I told my daughter (5ish at the time) that she was getting a check up cuz of how sick she was looking, and that when we were there she died in my arms. Which "technically" was all true. I didn't want her to know that I "killed" her and this seemed the most honest yet sensitive way of letting her know.

I'm sure you'll handle it just fine.
good luck, my thoughts are with you.
H.

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J.M.

answers from Providence on

Hi J.
I say yes cry in front of your kids, just don't over do it, so they know its ok to feel sad...and i would include teh 5 year old...treating it normally like anything else that happens is a good thing. Re: the burial - i say no but that's my opinion...maybe do a "memorial" instead with him where he can make a rock to remember him by...I think my own almost 5 year old might have a reaction to the animal being buried but making a special place where you can all remember him is appropriate and necessary. Good luck!

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S.M.

answers from Boston on

I am sorry to hear about your cat. We had the same situation when my older son was 5 (now 9) and my younger son was a baby. Our cat was suffering and just not the same as he was even a month before. We were worried that my son would come home one day and find him dead. We choose to euthanize him while my son was away with me on a family trip. My husband had him put to sleep and burried him on his own (one of the toughest things he ever had to do). We told my son at the end of the trip and he was sad, but then went and looked for rocks at the lake we were staying to put on top of our cats grave site. That year he visited the site quite a bit and still does occasionaly.

Not sure if the "experts" would think we did the right thing, but it worked for us.

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K.F.

answers from Boston on

J., we will be facing this same situation soon. I say: Yes, it's okay to cry in front of the kids. I think it helps them realize that feelings are okay, and grief affects everyone. Kids learn appropriate responses by watching ours. Yes, take your cat to the vet and get professional advice about when to euthanize. The vet might have some good advice about how much to include the children. Perhaps they could come to the vet to say goodbye? The vet would know what is best. And, yes, include your 5 year old in the burial. This is a harder decision with people burials, but death is a part of the life cycle, and it's easy to talk about that and make connections to flowers, trees,leaves, grass, etc. There are also some good children's books out there that deal with this issue, and I'd go to the library or a book store in search of some. I know of one called "The Tenth Good Thing About Barney" about a boy who buries his cat and comes up with 10 good things to say about the cat. There are others that are more recent, too. I don't know what to tell you about the 2 year old. We have a 3.5 year old and a 2 year old, and I'd definitely include the older child, and probably the younger, because she loves our cat Tuesday so. Good luck. I'm sorry for your loss.

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J.A.

answers from Providence on

If the cat appears to be suffering then I would put it down. You can always take the cat home for your children to have a ceremony at home.
Good luck

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S.E.

answers from New London on

If he is that bad off, to where he's not eating and has no quality of life, then you REALLY need to have him put down. He is probably in pain, or at the very least, discomfort...
If you're worried about the little ones, and how they'll deal with it, well it would be easier on them to talk about it then to see it happening every day...my 6 yr old (was 5 then) went with me to have our dog put down, (she was a Katrina rescue, who had also been abused, a bullmastiff, but VERY sweet) and we had had her for a little bit, but he's very sensitive, and he came in the room while she was put down.....we held her head in our laps, and kissed her and he hugged her as the doc did what he had to...(she had very bad cancer, and it had metastasized :(, we had grown to love her in the short time we had her )and we cried, but she didn't fight it, she just gently went to sleep, she had no fight left in her....she was tired, as I'm sure your kitty is too! Help them (and you) let him go, it's better for all of you in the long run!!
As far as crying in front of them , that's fine, it shows them that you're sad, and that you loved him too...include them if they want to be...it won't hurt them, regardless of what other people tell you, follow your instincts!!

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A.H.

answers from Hartford on

J.-
I have worked as a vet tech/receptionist for 17 years and have shared the loss of a pet with many families over time. I think it is totally okay to cry. I think if you cry, it helps your kids realize it is okay to cry and be sad about the loss. I totally recommend getting a children's book about loss of a cat/pet and sharing it with your children. I have seen books over the years, but I don't recall any names. In terms of euthanasia, you should base that on the comfort and quality of life of your cat. You will know in your heart if it is the right time. If you are choosing to bury your cat, I think that including your 5 year old may help bring him closure. I know this is such a difficult thing to experience. I am not looking forward to the days our boys must endure the loss of one of our pets. My sympathies go out to you and your family in dealing with your kitty's declining health!
A.

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A.O.

answers from Boston on

I am so sorry for you and your family. You should definitely put the cat to sleep, it sounds as though the poor thing is miserable. It is absolutely ok to cry in front of your children, it will show them that it is "normal" to feel sad in this situation. My son's hamster died last year(he was 4) and he decorated the box we buried her in and made a gravestone out of a rock. My husband buried her and then we all went out to mourn her passing.

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G.M.

answers from Boston on

J.,

We just recently had our wonderful cat euthanized as he was diagnosed with cancer throughout his body. He was no longer himself and barely moved and refused to eat and had also lost a lot of weight. It was one of the most difficult situations we'd ever had to make, but we knew he was suffering and it was heart wrenching to watch. I don't think it's too soon to include your son in the burial, and as for crying, I would just explain to him that you're sad about your pet getting old. Unfortunately, as we all know, death is a reality he's going to have to come to understand is a part of life.

I hope it all works out for the best.

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J.B.

answers from Boston on

We have lost a couple of pets since my daughter has been alive and what a sad time for all. I think it is important to show your child that crying is appropriate when things are sad. My daughter sees me cry all the time and she is great at comforting me (mostly with hugs). Euthanizing your cat should be based on if the cat is suffering and it sounds like she may be. My daughter has also joined us in the funerals. Its her chance to say goodbye.

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T.M.

answers from Providence on

We had our cat for 22 years and when he finally got to the point of him being so sick, we let our son ( 5 at the time) say goodbye and we took him to the vets to be euthanized. We did not our son to see him like that. And I did not want to see him suffer. I think it may harm them more to witness the cats final days. It could also teach your kids a valuable lesson in the kindness of your pets. Not letting them suffer. I am sorry for your loss of your family cat. I know it can be very hard. My thoughts are with you.

~T.

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D.C.

answers from Hartford on

I am so sorry about your cat. We lost our dog to cancer a few months ago, and we did make the decision to euthanize her when it became clear that things were going from bad to worse. We couldn't stand to watch her in pain and lose her dignity - she was just such a loyal, loving pet and we personally felt it wasn't fair to her to suffer. Our vet advised us that pets will continue to fight and it could take a very long time for death to come naturally, so things may just continue to get worse for your kitty. As far as crying in front of your kids, don't hold back - be as honest as you can but spare the gory details - it is OK for them to see you are sad. If you do a burial, I would definitely include your 5 year old. He may ask some very weird questions, but just remember that kids take things so literally and they may say or ask things that seem inappropriate to us adults but it is just their way of trying to make sense of it all. My 6 year old had to witness the burial of his great grandmother this past winter, and while he was sad he got through it just fine.

We cremated our dog, and it was really hard because the kids kept asking where her body was. They expected us to bring her home and bury her. I think that would have been easier for them to handle, because the concept of cremation is kind of horrifying.

I know you will make the right decision for your pet and your family.

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M.C.

answers from Boston on

It's totally ok to cry in front of your kids, as long as you explain to them that mommy is sad, but it will be ok, and that when you are upset it is ok to cry. It's better than going off and hiding so that the kids never see emotions displayed. I would include the older child as much as you can!
M.

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P.V.

answers from Barnstable on

Hi J....I Hope my answer isn't too late for you to use. I raised six children and had many dogs, cats, horses etc. and when ever one would get sick and or die my children were involved with it. We wouldn't let them see the grewsome but all other we did because unfortunatley death is part of all of our lives and to gently explaining it to them would be very wise. Children have a different sense of death than we adults do ( usually ). We use to say how fortunately we were that God would give these precious animals to us to bring us such joy and comfort and laughter.
I hope this helps you dear.
Blessings to you, P.

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L.O.

answers from Boston on

This is a sad time for you. Take comfort in that it is a good life lesson for your children. They will someday encounter a much sadder situation when a loved one dies, and having been through it with a pet helps them see how to deal with the sadness and pain. I'll tell you that last year my children's beloved hamster died. I was quite sad myself, as this was a very special hamster. We had a burial ceremony, and we all cried - but apparently my crying wasn't noticeable because later that week, my 5 year old questioned why I had not cried when the hamster died. So was upset at the thought that I had not cried. So I would say definitely go ahead and cry in front of them - not hysterically, of course. But they need to see that it's okay to be sad when a loved one dies. As far as euthanizing the cat - that decision should be based on whether or not the cat is suffering. It is indeed not an easy thing to do - I had to do it with my cat of 19 years and it was one of the toughest things I've ever done, so either way it is tough. Base that decision on what will make the cat more comfortable. You should definitely include the children (both) in on the burial. They need closure. They need to say goodbye. Have a ceremony where they can say goodbye. My thoughts are with you, it is a very sad time.

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D.D.

answers from Burlington on

Yes to all of your questions this is a part of life and the more they understand the easier it is Cry as a family.

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B.G.

answers from Barnstable on

Of course it is ok to cry in front of your kids - your human and it is a positive thing for them to see you show all types of emotions, its healthy.

For the sake of the cat - I would definately take a trip to the vets and see what they have to say - euthanizing might be the best option. We recently had a dog die (15 y.o.) and we had him cremated (as we dow ith all of our pets) - so to us he is never really gone and kids in our family have a positive association with death.

I would defiantely include him in the burial. He will be upset, but after all it was his pet too and he should be aware of what is going on. As long as you explain it in terms he will understand, associate it positively and let him know that these things happen. Choose your words carefully - you dont want him to think that this will happen to you - b/c that will open a whole new can of worms.

Good luck & I'm sorry for your loss.

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V.Z.

answers from Hartford on

Dear J. S, I have been around animals all my life. I was raised on a farm. I have three kids and two grandchildren. YES it is alright to cry and let your little ones cry with you. In gental ways tell your boys that this is part of nature and let them ask you guestions. Be truthfull, this is life. And yes do put this loving pet down, he is only suffering and you do not what this. Have a burial for your cat and let the boy help. This will be a way for all to heal. Val Z a mom

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A.F.

answers from Boston on

We had to euthanize our dog a year and a half ago. She had Leukemia. My kids were 4, 2, and 2 months. I cried in front of them but not out of control and explained that she was sick. I told them to say goodbye and then my husband and I brought her to the vet. My oldest son knew we were digging a grave but I didn't let him come outside and watch cause I was afraid he'd have nightmares. They also don't seem to have a complete understanding of death and once and a while will ask when Gabby is coming home. A year and a half later my oldest still on occasion cries for our dog and I usually end up crying with him. If your cat is really that sick I feel the only humane thing to do would be to euthanize. I think the kids would get scared seeing him change so much and could also find him after he passes if you wait.

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D.M.

answers from Barnstable on

J.,
Sorry about your cat. I do think it is ok to cry in front of your kids. You wouldn't want them to think you wouldn't be sad if someone/something you loved died. It is a normal reaction and it might make them feel safe enough to cry, too, something that would be healing in the long run, even if it seems hard at the time. It is an educational opportunity, but i'm not sure they should be part of the burial. Do you plan to bury the cat on your property? We lost a dog and had it sent to a mass grave. The kids were very sad at first, but got through it. I do think euthanizing the cat is probably a good idea, too. It can be explained to the kids that he is being given some medicine to take his pain away and then just explain that he died because his body was too sick to live any more. You should keep talking about the cat after he dies, about good/funny memories, how he was a good cat, or just mention him when something reminds you of him and tell a funny story. It will let the kids know you don't just forget and memories are how you keep his spirit alive...just my opinion... I haven't dealt with too much loss of pets, but I lost my 21 yr old daughter last year in a terrible accident, so am very familiar with grief, the deepest kind of all.
Your kids will be ok,
Good luck

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A.M.

answers from Boston on

First my sympathies go out to you. I know how hard it is to loose a pet.
1. Of course its ok to cry in front of your kids. Its a sad time and they need to know that its ok to cry for situations such as this. On the other hand, try not to get too hysterical. 2 Yes you should euthanize your cat. Think of the suffering that he is going through.3 Yes you should include your children in the burial. This is part of life and it is a good way for them too start to know the concept of dying. You should try to answer any questions, age appropriate, that they have.
-A.

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