Dealing with a 12 Year Daughters Attitude!

She's growing up maybe she wants to be treated more grown up Maybe start talking to her like an adult...have "adult" conversations that she can listen to and take part in. Take her out for a mom/daughter "date" and do grown up things. (This is also a good age for dad to take her out on a date to show her how she should be treated when a boy takes her out, ie-coming to the door, meeting the parents etc...but that's a completely different issue.)
My nephew is this age and he tries to get in on adult conversations as well, it drives his mom crazy and she tells him, "you don't need to know everything that we are talking about" of course it doesn't really do much good. I think it's part of becoming a teenager-which btw I don't look forward to. My dd is 4 and she tries to tell me what to do! She just needs to know that is completely unacceptable, you are the mom and she is the kid and it is not her job to tell you what to do. The smart mouth thing might need a little sassy spray, equal parts vinegar and water in a spray bottle, my daughter runs from it. (also excellent as a natural disinfectant..lol) God bless, say lots of prayers, you've got a few years to go!

I don't have any advice for you - I've got another 11 years before I will have any experience to share, as my daughter is turning one in June - but I just wanted to tell you I feel for you!

Well, one thing that worked for me when I was a kid was, I responded best to teachers who really seemed to be on my side, and who didn't act mad at me even when they had to dole out punishments for things. They were just like, "well, this is how it goes, here are the rules and it looks like you've got two hours of detention. Just show up in room 234 after school and we'll get it over with." You know? Those were the people I liked, responded to, opened up to, and generally felt comfortable with. Also, they were gently assertive and didn't let me walk all over them, and even if I didn't get away with things, I respected them and mostly followed the rules.

But I don't have a parent's perspective to share with you. I just know - already! - that parenting can be so, so, so hard sometimes, and try to relax and focus on the good things in your relationship. (Also, try to connect with your daughter at times when there are no issues immediately at hand, and try not to show frustration if she doesn't respond immediately. Let it go.) That's what I'm trying to do with my husband and daughter these days, when we're all stressed out with lots of stuff going on. It does help.

Hang in there! You're not alone!

L.

Puberty (the crazy thinking, mood swings, etc) can be really difficult for parents too. My sympathies... (hug)

I found a GREAT book called "Cycle Savvy" by Toni Weschler to share with the pre/teen young ladies in my life. You can also get some fine material from the American Girls series that can help with mood swings/emotional upsets, etc. Maybe buying a book for her will give a talking point on some of the mature topics.

She is probably asking for more one on one time with you (a trusted female adult) in more than just a parent/child way. This is a good thing you should take advantage of b/c it will only get harder to make that connection later if you haven't got the foundation set up already. Plan special time for facials, shoping sprees, dinners, etc (follow her lead as to what she needs from you) to keep a supportive connection. If you are christian; make sure you are puting in your worship time even if they seem to draw back. Talk about those "grown up things" on a level she is ready to handle... because she is aware of more than we want to admit and she will need to be able to handle it as she gets older.

Most importantly, don't take it personally! The behaviors you are dealing with (and will be for the next few years) are chemical & physical and take place inside the brain as much as they do in ways we can observe. You are not a bad parent if your child behaves in a seemingly out of control manner... you just have to be more dilligent.

Remain firm on the family rules but welcome input. Maybe having a "family meeting" to discuss (in a non-confrontational way) what is and is not working and how it should be handled will give her a sense of autonomy and encourage contenued participation & coorperation.

Finally, be sure something more serious is not bothering her. What is going on in her social circles? What problems are her friends facing? What peer pressure is she dealing with? Does she have a guy friend? (you'd be surprised how many girls of this age are behaving more "adult" than we want to believe)

A friend of mine who happens to be a nursing professor would give her kids a Midol when they would come home from school and be these little horrors. They would be back to their normal selves within about 30 minutes to an hour. She started dong this around age 10. If you think about what is going on in their little bodies at these ages then it helps you to be more patient. Not only are their hormones changing all the time, their bodies are growing into their adult size, their minds are switching around and around, it is almost uncontrollable. The Midol has Tylenol and a water retention medication in it. Both male and female would take it.