Day Care Issues

Updated on May 22, 2010
A.R. asks from Park City, UT
18 answers

I have a three year old and a six year old, both girls, both in day care/ preschool full time (the oldest one rides the bus there after school). Up until now this day care, which is in a home, has been fantastic, my girls love it there and I have never been worried about anything. Recently both girls got Molluscum, or toddler warts. I did what I thought was the responsible thing, I took them both to the pediatrician who recomended we do nothing and let them clear up on thier own. I really wanted to avoid pain and scarring, those were my biggest concerns. The day care provider didn't like this solution and began doing things on thier own, ointments, bandaids, suggesting to the girls to get the burned off, that kind of stuff. I confronted them about it, we agreed to take the girls to a dermatologist, who also suggested to leave them alone. Again day care didn't like this solution and there was a huge confrontation, including tears and yelling and ultamatums, get them taken care of or find a new day care. At this point I was completely fed up and ready for a new day care, but My kids love it there, they always have gone there, since the oldest was 2 and the baby since she was 6 weeks. They feel like this is another home and all thier friends there are more like family. I don't think it was fair to them to pull them out just because it was awkward for me. Also there has been alot of moving and upheaval and we are about to move again, so I don't want to add one more loss, or change if I don't have to. So we bought a really expesive cream that the dermatologist said had a 50/50 chance at working and started using that to hopefully help clear them up. Against my wishes but at the urging of daycare I also agreed to let the pediatrician put an ointment called bettle juice on the warts. It caused them to all blister and now scab over and has been painful. Also from the looks of things, they are going to scar, the two things I wanted to avoid have happened, and I feel like it becuase they pushed me into it, not becuase it was the best thing for the kids. I hope its cleared up the big ones but both girls have a couple small ones on other parts of thier bodies, parts that are covered by clothes, so we are chooseing to just let those go away. The latest issue is this, my oldest girl told me they count her "bumps" as we call them, every day, and it makes her uncomfortable. Her's are on the inside of her elbow so sometimes she has to pull up her sleeve. When I causally mentioed this to day care, they instantly got defensive, went so far as to tell me they girls lie alot at day care, and I shoudn't trust them. I let the issue drop, not wanting another scene and left. Now my daughter has told me three different times, unprompted, that they count her bumps. and then she has denied it after day care. Yesterday the first thing she said to me when I picked her up was that she made the whole thing up!

Sorry the back story is so long but here is my question. I know kids sometimes make stuff up, mine are no exception, but why would she tell me three different times? and the youngest has told me also if she just made it up? My trust in this daycare has gone completey out the window. I believe they are taking care of the kids fine, its just the whole lying issue. I think they really are counting them. I think they don't believe I will take care of them becuase of the fact that I have been so reluctant to treat them all along. I think they are trying to get me to doubt what the kids tll me but they they are also tellign the kids not to tell me that they are counting the bumps. I have no proof of this and I just don't know what to do. Am I being unreasonable? Am I makeing a bigger deal out of this? I just want the issue to go away so we can have a good summer before we move and most likely start a new day car in our new town, but I just don't know at this point. I really just need some advise on the whole situation. Any help would be apreciated, and critisism, is not. Thank you!

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answers from Oklahoma City on

I had never heard of these warts as well so I looked it up. This is what I found out about them and if I was your daycare provider I would certainly want them to be treated as well and not just "left alone" after what I read about them. ~The virus commonly spreads through skin-to-skin contact. This includes touching or scratching the bumps and then touching the skin. Handling objects that have the virus on them (fomites), such as a towel, can also result in infection. The virus can spread from one part of the body to another or to other people. The virus can be spread among children at day care or at school. Molluscum is contagious until the bumps are gone-which, if untreated, may be up to 6 months or longer.

The time from infection to the appearance of lesions can range up to 6 months, with an average incubation period between 2 and 7 weeks

2 moms found this helpful


answers from Kansas City on

Wow, this is a strange situation in so many respects. For starters, I do think the provider has not done her own homework. I've not heard of this kind of wart. But the first thing I would do is google everything I can find if one of my daycare children had this. I always check things out when parents tell me about a problem. It's not that I want to doubt parents. It's just that in the world of daycare, we do see a lot of parents that refuse to spend the money on taking care of things. It's also scary to have our own children and the rest of the children be repeatedly exposed to something that might be catching. I am aware that warts are caused by viruses, so I would be concerned. But as I said, I haven't heard of these.

That said, I find it VERY difficult to believe that your communication broke down to crying over this one issue. You haven't said if it was your crying or hers. But in no way should anything become this emotional when trying to deal with a daycare parent and vice versa for you. Either one or both of you are having a huge problem with communication. Without being there, I will reserve judgment.

As far as counting the bumps go...I'm sure she has. She's questioned your decision to care for them the way you choose. She probably feels justified and thinks it's a big deal. But I almost can't blame her for lying about it if the crying and tears came mostly from you. Without knowing how defensive you may have gotten or how defensive she got, it's hard to know if she's just a liar at heart or if she's just trying to avoid another scene.

I had a daycare child that got these huge wart things on her toes. I was so concerned when they were so large and I was afraid they would interfere with her shoes since they were so big. I trusted the parents so much I didn't do the googling. We had a good relationship and I really wasn't concerned because they were extremely strange and in 24 years I've never seen them. So I didn't think the whole daycare was about to get them. I wonder if they are the same. If I saw them spreading to the rest of her body, I'd be very concerned too and maybe question a choice to leave them.

I'm sorry that this situation has gotten so blown out of proportion. But I support your decision to try and keep things calm and cool until you move. Why make them get used to a new daycare and then have to do it again later? If possible, just try and tell her that you are very pleased with her care of your kids and the girls love her house and you trust her. But that you need to be her parent and for her to respect your bounderies. Does she know you'll move at the end of the summer? Despite her behavior, she does deserve to know that.

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Minneapolis on

First of all, I sympathize. My DD had molluscum a few years ago. I had the same advice given. There is NO effective treatment for them, we were advised to wait it out as well. It took about 9 months, but they did go away completely. I'm a SAHM, so I did not have the daycare issue to deal with, but I can imagine how difficult this would be.

I would provide the daycare provider with documentation from your doctors, (since it seems she feels she knows better than medical professionals), and from your doctor, some basic molluscum facts, information, and care tips to prevent them from spreading. It CAN be done. Neither my younger DD, DH nor myself "caught" my older DD's molluscum. The bumps are more of a nuisance than a danger. It bothers adults more to see them than it bothers the kids who have them.

You daycare provider isn't showing any compassion for your children, she's clearly annoyed with having to deal with this, and the kids are picking up on her resentment. I know you said they have always loved it there, but they are likely going to have the bumps for awhile. Your sounds a lot more paranoid than patient. Start interviewing providers that have seen this before and are comfortable handling the "wait it out" approach while not calling all this attention to it, and making the kids feel like they are a nuisance. It is such a common childhood condition, I'm sure other daycares have previous experience, and will handle it in a more loving and respectful manner. Good luck!

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Salt Lake City on

Move the kids. A day care that ignores the advice of two different doctors, counts your child's "bumps" every day, insists your child is lying (and most likely has pressured her into recanting to cover for them) does not have your children's best interest in mind. You need to be able to trust the people who watch over your children.

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answers from Davenport on

I am guessing that your daycare provider believes that these warts are contagious and is concerned about the spread to other daycare children and that is why she wanted your girls treated. I think you may be feeling guilty for making what you believe was the wrong choice in treating the warts. You didn't want to treat them, she gave an ultimatum, you decided to do what it took to have the girls stay in daycare and now you feel badly about it. I am sure your daycare provider is checking the number of warts to determine if they are truly going away simply because she doesn't want a wart outbreak to occur. It is possible that your older child was told to lie or she has put two and two together and realizes that you don't like the wart counting so if she says she made it up you will let her stay with her friends at this daycare. Bottom line...if you are uncomfortable with your daycare providers actions then you need to pack up you children and find new child care.

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Washington DC on

I think you are being a good and responsible mom, and the daycare is being paranoid and unreasonable. Molluscum are very common in childhood, and they usually go away on their own (it does take a while, but they do go away). My son had one when he was a baby, and it went away on its own in a year or so. I know several children in the school where I work who have them, too. And it is no big deal. If the pediatrician and dermatologist both say it is not big deal, and they will go away on their own, the daycare should be okay with it, too. And if they are not, you can always bring in a doctor's note.

Yes, you should be watching the bumps and keeping them dry and clean, but they are really a low-maintenance nuisance, more than anything. I believe children tell the truth most of the time when they are little, especially about what their teachers say to them. Believe your children above someone else, always. I mean, the context could have been that they don't count them every day, but it is almost certainly happening, and hopefully your daughters are not treated differently because of their molluscum. I would start looking into a new school if the daycare continues to be unreceptive. Best wishes.

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Dallas on

MOVE THEM!!! It sure sounds like they are telling your kids to lie to you and that they themselves are lying to you. If they are lying to you about this, and asking your kids to lie to you as well, what else could they be lying about? You need to have complete honesty with your daycare provider - and any provider that would contradict your wishes and then argue with you about your choices for YOUR children is not a provider I would trust or leave my kids with. Kids are resillient. Talk to your older daughter's teacher and find out if any of the kids in her class go to daycare and where. If you move the girls to a daycare where they know kids it will be much less of an adjustment. My kids moved daycares several times from age 1 to 5 because we moved towns - they did just fine, yours will too.



answers from Dallas on

I didn't read all of the other answers so I apologize if I'm repeating something. I worked in child-care for about 15 years before I decided to become a sahm. The most important thing is the health and safety of your children, physical as well as emotional. If you think about the situation and make that your priority the decision is easy. The kids will be fine somewhere else they are very adaptable little creatures. When children would leave my classroom, some parents would get upset, or when they had to leave the center they would be upset, some would cry. I don't think they were crying for the kids they cried for themselves. As parents we get used to a person when they take care of our children, sometimes we get attached more so than the child. I believe too much has happened and if you can find another place to take them do it. They should not see you upset at the day care provider, and should not see the dare care provider get upset with you. The other issue is you are mom and what you say goes. When I was a teacher I would never do something a parent asked me not to do. A person that wont follow your rules or request and does things on her own, is a person you should question as the right caregiver for your children. You are not being unreasonable you are being a mother the most important caregiver they will ever have. I don't think the issue will go away, and even if it does it is hard to know how much damage has already been done to the children. I hope you can find somewhere else for them to go. With the move and everything it sounds like you are going through a lot. I hope for the best for you and your family.



answers from Great Falls on

You have every right to be upset. Especially if they are telling the girls not to tell you what is going on. Your girls should feel like they can tell you everything. Yes some children say things that are not true, but usually they tell the truth. And if children don't tell the truth it's usually close to the truth, they just don't know how to explain what happened. My daughter once told someone that I stepped on her, when in fact I put my foot on her chest/belly and shook it, playing with her. I did NOT step on her. So she told the truth, but didn't explain well. Your girls are absolutely telling the truth when they say they are counting her bumps. You should not feel pressured into using medication because your daycare is worried. I would suggest getting some kind of letter or note from your doctor and/or dermatologist explaining that it is best if the bumps are left alone to clear on their own. Especially if they are not super contagious. Consider it a blessing that you are moving to a new town where you can place your girls in a new daycare. Try to put a positive spin on it and attempt to show your excitement about them getting to meet new friends! What a wonderful thing to have in the world ... lots of friends. Perhaps you will be able to keep in touch with parents of the friends from the other day care and arrange visits. Good luck!


answers from Spokane on

Hi A.,

This is a touchy issue. It's my understanding that molluscum contagiosum is highly contagious, hence the name. I have to agree with your daycare provider because this poses a risk to all the children in their care, as this virus spreads through skin-to-skin contact. I do not agree with them counting your daughter's bumps, though. You stated that your trust in this daycare has gone completely out the window, so I think that is a very good reason to move them to a new place immediately.

I know that transition is hard on children, but they will adjust, and they will be fine. I do not believe that your child is lying to you. But it sounds like it's time to cut ties and move on. I feel for your's a tough one. But sometimes these things are really blessings in disguise. Good luck.




answers from Detroit on

Seems like they needed to communicate with you a bit more on what they wanted. You told them that the Dr. said to leave it alone. So, that should have been the end of it. If that was a problem for them because it's contagious, then they have asked if you could not bring the children to the daycare until the condition cleared up. That is what my sons daycare what have done.
I know how you feel in wanting your kids in a stable environment and not having them move from place to place. It's very frustrating and scarry to move your kids when you have become use to a place. It was bad enough for me to put my kids in daycare to begin with. It took me months to find a place I felt comfortable with.
I have also had disagreements with my kids daycare in the past and my first reaction was to pull them out. However, at the end of the day, I knew that my kids were safe and were comfortable with their caregiver so I just let it go.
I also knew how difficult it would be to find another caregiver that you trust and where you can leave your kids and not worry on short notice.
Sounds like you won't be there much longer anyway. So, I would let it go for now because you don't want to have to move the kids too many times. And you mentioned that they are safe and well cared for by this daycare.
Good Luck



answers from Chicago on

No you aren't being unreasonable. You are paying them to take care of your children. They are the ones who should follow what you and your doctors have said. Enough said. If they don't want to follow the ways that you want to take care of your children, then you should pull them out. It's really making the situation worse about the molluscum. It's a medical issue... What happens if they get sick on a larger scale and your not supposed to give them anything and they do? Any thing else I would work through, but if they are lying and teaching your kids to lie then its really not a good situation as it is.
As for all the kids that they have grown up with, you're leaving anyways, so I would try to do playdates with them. Take them out -more than likely because you are leaving any ways the home daycare may end up screwing the kids up or at least making them feel guilty about their warts.
Hope that helps. I know its long winded and I'm not trying to be critical.


answers from Washington DC on

moving them is the 'easy' solution and in many ways called for. this daycare provider is out of line in diagnosing your children's condition and insisting on treatment that medical professionals agree is not necessary. it's also a huge shame that the trust is broken, and that your daughters are being subjected to inspections.
but i know it's not that easy. moving kids from daycares they know and like is a big upheaval for them, especially if they have a lot of other changes going on right now. i appreciate your reluctance to disrupt their lives further.
i think you need to take a deep breath and have a calm composed discussion with your provider. don't lose your cool, even if you think she is out of line. listen carefully to her concerns and repeat them back to her (oprah style) to make sure you are understanding her correctly. bring a note from your pediatrician to assure her that no treatment is necessary and the other children are not at risk. make sure she understands how pleased you have been with her care and how much you appreciate her. be clear (but courteous) about your boundaries, and how it's up to you to decide if and what medical treatment your daughters will receive. try to bring this back to a state of being in which everyone can live amicably until you're ready to move.
good luck.



answers from Redding on

If your trust has gone out the window, then I think you know what you should do.
First of all, I don't know why a daycare would deny "counting bumps", but maybe they just have her lift her sleeves to see if they are getting better and it's not a matter of actually treating her badly.
The bumps have been an issue.
I understand that you wanted to avoid pain and scarring and let things take care of themselves. But, you have to understand things from the daycare provider's perspective too. These "warts" can be spread to other parts of your own kids bodies which the daycare provider needs to be diligent about while the kids are in her care, not to mention the other children they have to be careful with.
I agree that the daycare should not have taken it upon themselves to self-treat other than band aids to minimize exposure. What ointments are you talking about? I did daycare and put neosporin and bandaids on plenty of scrapes and owies, unless told I was absolutely not allowed to do that.
I think the daycare should have just told you that your children couldn't come to daycare unless their bumps were gone. It's ultimately your decision to treat something or not, and they have the right to let you take your time to deal with it how you feel is right.
There are lots of reasons not to take your child to daycare until things are cleared up: lice, staph infection, chicken pox, strep throat, impetigo....
Certain things may go away on their own or after treatment, but in the have to consider exposure.
My sister worked for the school system for 14 years. They had weekly lice and once-over skin checks on their exposed arms and hands. Sometimes two or three times per week if there was an outbreak of something. Kids are not allowed back until the risk to others is gone. I have friends who are teachers. They do checks. It's not to make anyone feel uncomfortable.
All I'm saying is that checking kids for things isn't abnormal.
I would think the daycare would just be up front with you about checking.
I know I would be up front about it.
Maybe the bumps have become such an issue to the point of confrontation and tears and yelling and ultimatums that your kids are not sure what the heck is going on.
You didn't want to have them treated and feel like you were forced and because of it, it hurt and now they might have scars, (your biggest fear), daycare doing a check makes them uncomfortable, depending on when you ask them if it happened or not.
You think they are counting the bumps and telling your kids to lie about it. Or, telling your kids to keep it from you.
If you think that is truly happening, bumps or no bumps, you can't keep your kids somewhere that you don't trust.

I hope I wasn't offensive in any way. I can see things from both sides, but if you have a bad feeling, just take your kids somewhere else. I know as a daycare provider, if someone told me they didn't trust me, I would help them find somewhere else for their kids to go because in a successful daycare/preschool situation, trust goes both ways. The main objective is for the kids to be happy, feel safe, and well cared for.

I wish you the best.



answers from Minneapolis on

Our daycare, was really freaky about health issues too. Can you get an explanation from your dr that tells what treatment is best, what not to do and that they are not contagious.

I would also go in with your daughters and kindly tell the teachers not to count the bumps because it is causing upset feelings. Letting your daughters hear you stick up for them gives you tons of brownie points in their eyes. You only need to use one sentence and it can be a simple statement of fact with no accusation in tone.



answers from Tulsa on

Take a letter from your doctor and have them put it in the girls files. They are not contagious? If they are then they have a right to be upset. If not then it's none of their business.

I think I woud call a complaint in to the child care licensing agency in your area. It is unacceptable for them to make your daughter feel uncomfortable by looking at her body parts.



answers from New York on

Are the warts contagious? If not, then I would tell the day care provider that they are none of her business. If the are, then I can understand them wanting to do something about it so that the other children don't get them.

I don't think anyone can tell you what to do in this situation. From what you wrote it seems like you are pretty upset for "giving in" to their requests and treating the warts. Sounds like they have already made you go against your better judgement. My only advice: trust your gut. If there is something in you that is questioning this facility, then there is more than likely a reason for that!



answers from Indianapolis on

Our 2 year old daughter was just diagnosed by the pediatrician with MRSA - not good. The first question out of our mouths to the ped was, what does this mean for day care? He said, as long as her affected areas are clothed or covered by a band-aid, there is no issue. She went back to school the next day.

It sounds like the day care is a little over the top in your case and really demanding making you spend considerable amounts of money on copays, time off work, and medications that they are in support of without any regard for medical opinion. I'm guessing they've had issues in the past with parents freaking out about communicable diseases - my company is developing a new head lice treatment, and parents are the main drivers behind strict policies keeping kids out of school for a condition not known to cause any serious health issues. The same thing could be happening here.

As a private day care, they can be as strict as they want to, unfortunately, and it sounds like they're being really unreasonable.

If I were in the situation, I'd try to put up with it as long as possible for the girls since you mentioned some other changes going on. But, kids are really resilient. They've made transitions to new classes, new teachers and done well. You may be surprised at how well they'd do under the circumstances.

I'd also make sure to have all documentation available regarding your discussions about the condition with the pediatrician/dermatologist and their opinions specifically highlighted.
Here is how the American Academy of Pediatrics recommends it be treated.

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