Day Care Concern Continued....

If he has the facility name & providers name, all he has to do is use Google to get the address & number. I don't see how he could use an address and phone number against you? And what's the difference if he's in the same state or different state? He's her father and has a right to know where his daughter is being cared for. Unless there's more to the story you didn't mention, I don't see anything wrong with him wanting the info.

I would NOT withhold information and then have the judge use it to rule against me. Judges PUNISH adults who use the children and play games to get back at each other.
I would not allow my child to be somewhere I did not have the information about. I really don't see how you can not tell him or what the problem is.
He can show up to school or anywhere and take her. He is the parent too.

You know him better than any of us, but as a parent I want to know the name, address and phone number of where my children are ALWAYS. I don't care where I am or what kind of custody battle I might be involved in with their father -as a parent, I have a RIGHT to know my child's childcare information. I'm pretty sure my husband would feel the exact same way -regardless.

When I had my child care center I could not legally keep a child from either parent. Even with custody papers all I could do was call the Police and give the papars to the officer and let them deal with it. I could not even tell a drunk parent they could not have their child, but I could have someone call the Police and tell them we had a drunk parent trying to leave with a child, give the make and information on the car so they could stop them. You care provider has no legal authority to keep that child from any parent.

If I were you I would change her to another facility, a bigger one with the security doors and lots of staff to keep your little one as far from the door as possible in case he was to show up . Don't give him any information. Even if he is required to pay half the child care costs, unless the judge gives him the right to that information don't give it to him.

I would want to know who is caring for my child when the parent is not. It seems only logical he would want to do the same.

Since you are in the middle of a custody battle at the moment I would be careful. I'm not sure what your situation is but I would let daycare know that no one picks her up but you and a chosen emergency contact.

If he has the facility name and providers name all he has to do is jump online and he can find it. If your controlling ex is anything like mine I would not give him anymore info about it. I would not have even given him as much as you did. If he is on the birth certificate he could show up there at anytime and take her unless you have a very specific court order and since you are in the middle of going for custody I absolutely would not provide him with information. If he wants it that badly he can have his lawyer request it at the hearing.
edited: Until you have a court order that states everything regarding custody do not give it to him despite what others are saying. It does not matter if you tell your daycare provider that he does not have permission to pick her up if he is on the birth certificate he can go and get her unless a court says otherwise. He could very easily come over the state line and get her believe me it does happen. How soon is your court date? you can file a motion regarding this particular issue and they are heard in 10 days then you won't have to worry about it anymore.

Please read this entire response before judging my answer:

I personally don't see the big deal in giving the father the information HOWEVER, you seem to feel a lot differently. So, just think about what the reasonings are. Is it because you are fearful that he might want to come take your child? Is it that you are fearful that he might pester the daycare provider to give him false information? Or is it just that you don't want to give it to him? You really need to decide what you hesitation is about this before you can figure out how to react. As the father, he does have the right to the information (even if he is out of state) just the same as you have the right, he may not "need" to know about the health of his child, but he may want to know. If there is a valid reason that you are fearful of giving him the information, let the Court decide. They may side with you on the situation and if they don't then you can at least voice your concerns about it and set strict policy between the Court, Daycare, and the father as to how the information can and will be used.

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Ask your lawyer what the requirement is on this. However, I feel it probably is a good idea for him to have this information, the phone number at least. You never know when an emergency will happen and if he needs to call or be called. Unless he is a dangerous and abusive person with some type of restraining order, I don't know tat you can legally withhold that information.

he can get the phone number and address based off where you live and the little info you've already given him, but if you already gave him the name why not give him the number and address?? unless she is not a licensed daycare how can he use it against you?? i would throw a hissy fit to not be provided with my childs school/care provider's info.

unless he's morally unfit, why do you feel the need to hid it, if he's not on the pick up list, he can't just walk in one day and pick her up, unless he brings joint custody proof (which is unlikely) and even still the day care if reputable would probably still notify you before allowing him to take her. i know it's scary but just like marrying a man with children is a package deal, getting a divorce, this is a package deal, and if you refuse the info without probable cause and proof of that probable cause, judge aint gonna be happy with you

something i would STRONGLY advise you, call your attorney, give him all the info this man may want, dr, school, daycare, etc, EVERYTHING and let your attorney know you're going to start having him call lawyer instead.

this way you are not in the wrong for denying info he has the right to have and there are no conflicts between you two that can hurt/help your case, and unless he calls to talk to the child, you SHOULD tell him, you need to call my attorney and leave it at that. i wish like hell i did that, and instead talked to him myself, and lost most my case and took me 8 years to really build one up

Then don't ask. I wouldn't have given him the facility name or the providers name. He can find everything else he asked you for now online. Contact your lawyer. & file to have your child's residence stay with you this will be heard quickly. Tell him not to cal yo to speak to your lawyer & send it to him in writing, certified mail.

Jesse

Do you have a lawyer. You need one. Custody battles are expensive. You might be able to get a legal aid lawyer. You must keep a record of everything he says to you and all the nasty e-mails he sends. Get some legal advise. Even those of us who have had these miserable custody fights in our family cannot give you the inside track in your state.

There is no logical reason based on your post as to why your ex would need that information. It sounds to me like its designed to freak you out and make you second guess yourself. If your ex is hassling you please talk to your GAL and get a restraining order. You can get it for the paperwork at the daycare so that they legally cannot give any information to your ex about your child.

Don't give it to him. You have physical custody, he doesn't need this information. He is likely looking for ways to use it against you. And, since I am a pessimist - would he snatch her?

When my son was 6 his Grandmother (Dad's Mom) called me and began asking very specific questions about where he was going to summer camp, all the same things your Ex is asking you. I was vague and did not give her the info. Okay, so I have huge trust issues - LOL.

If he really wants the information let the court tell you to provide it. Just tell him she is well cared for during the day and leave it at that.

Also, let the daycare know that he is not authorized to make any decisions for her nor is he to ever, ever, pick her up.

Good Luck.

Sorry to say I think you already gave him too much. If he really is as controlling as you say, I wouldn't give him any information. Like you said he won't be picking her up.
Be very careful what information you give him and let the provider know. I would also give the provider a recent picture of him, just to be safe.

I would talk to a legal advisor and find out what exactly you need to tell him and what you dont have to tell him.

I agree w/ Julie B; but we are not in the middle of a custody battle. If you have already given him information then he can probably find the rest without you providing it. Are you scared he is going to try to kidnap her? Why don't you want to know about the daycare? How can he use it against you if your provider is authorized and is quality provider?

What are your Custody arrangements???

Could he want to take your daughter... across State lines..... ????
Just because he is from another State... does NOT mean... he will never be around.
What if... he goes to your State, without your knowing... and goes to the Daycare and takes your Daughter?????

I would, tell the Daycare... about this. That he does NOT have the authority for picking her up or otherwise.... etc. AND if he shows up on their Doorstep... to call the COPS.
Do NOT... allow him to enter the Daycare...

Have you told your Attorney???

Point blank ask him why he needs it? It is no different than him asking you for the information than yuo responding back as to "why" he needs it. I think you have given him enough-if he wants anymore information then he needs to think about getting it done "legally". Meaning you are forced to release the information because you were court ordered to or whatever.......don't let him bully you. Don'e be scared of him neither-if he knows this then he will continue to hold that power over you.

When I was going through my divorce, my ex constantly demanded information and answers from me. It was a form of control and bullying. I finally learned that I didn't have to respond, at least not right away. It was hard to break the pattern but I had to quit taking his phone calls and only reply to emails. I'd reply but save it in my draft folder to re-read the next day before sending. This kept me from responding emotionally or impulsively in a way I'd regret later. Plus, everything was in writing for my attorney.

It sounds like your gut is telling you that your daughter's father may have ulterior motives for asking for this info. Honor your intuition and be careful.