Day 1 at Day Care: NIGHTMARE

I ran a very successful daycare preschool in the '80's. If you left your baby for only 2 hrs and the provider called you to pick her up I wouldn't go back to her. You daughter will need to cry it out and the provider will have to be patient with that. If the provider cannot be patient I would find one who would. Your daughter isn't use to other people and it will take her one day to figure it out that someone other than mom can take care of her.

If you have the time, you need to take it slow, as this is new to her and to you. If you are stressed about leaving your little one there she will pick up on that and will be stressed also. If you can be there palying with her, and wathcing her play with the other kids that would help ease her into the whole daycare day.
I know you go back to work soon, so starting soon would really help... If she doesn't have time to help your child ease into the daycare I would look for someplace else.. my 1.5 year old when I had to start work took up to 3 months before he stoped screaming and crying when I had to take him. I also worked in the same building as the daycare, and they got him to finsly to start playing and things, and soon he was happy to be there, but it took a long time.
I would look for a place that has more staff, it sounds like this might be a home daycare, and they really don't have time to help kids with the little extras they might need, like easing into daycare, potty stuff and helping with eatting...
Hope you find something that works for you.

Did you take her to the day care before you left her? She could have seen the place and other kids and played for awhile with the day care provider. If she got used to her, then you could try to leave her for 15 min., then for a half hour so she sees that you are coming back. It will take more than one day for her to feel comfortable there. Try to visit with her there when you don't have to go anywhere.

This was one of the hardest things for me to do as a new mom. I work full time and put my daughter in a day care center at 3 months. I did bring her there two times fist each for a little bit, and played with her. I showed her around the room, talked to her about the teachers and how they would be taking special care of her for me while I was gone. Basically I talked and talked and talked to her about it until I finally left her there. She did pretty well, but that could just be that she was younger than 5 months and still didn't know exactly what was going on. As for letting her cry it out at home...I prefer to reassure her rather than cry it out. At home let her play in a safe place, tell her you are going to the other room and you will be right back and so on and then let her see that when you say you will be back...you really will be right back. So my best advice to you is to, explain everything to her as best you can. Be sure of your decision and smile a lot while talking. Don't let her sense your nervousness or aprehension about leaving her there. Then after you return later to pick her up, remember to talk about it again. Talk to her about how you went to work and she had fun and then you came back just like you said you would, and this will happen each day and its not scary. Eventually, your daughter should come around. Be strong though, it does get better! My daughter is 3 and still in daycare and we have days where she doesn't want me to go, but for the most part she runs off and starts playing with her buddies!

YIKES. I couldn't agree more with Karen, Patti and Debbie. They were right on the money!!!! I would have been so mad for someone to tell me I was to attached to my baby. That's just ridiculus!!!! You should follow your instincts and You should difinitely find someone else. That provider onlly wants the mellow kids so she doesn't have to work hard and take care of them properly.

What about trying to find a stay at home mom? Maybe someone with parenting styles similar to yours. I am a sahm, and I also provide care for a few families. I tell the parents upfront that I believe in attachment parenting. If they want their child to cry it out, or anything like that, then I am not a good fit for their family. Trust your daughters reaction. I tried to go back to work for a short time, and my children hated their daycare, but they couldn't tell me why. I began working for their daycare, teaching preschool, and I was shocked! The lack of attention, the daycare providers attitude, and how disrespectfully she treated the kids, was horrible. Also, keep in mind, the bigger the center, or the more kids a person has, the less likely your child will get the attention that she so deserves. Good luck in your search for the right provider.

Imagine you wake up one day and you have been plucked from your home, your husband, everyone, and in some strange and foreign country with no help, you don't understand the language, no one can understand you, and worst of all, no one even had the time to console you when you are upset.

That would be horrible, right?

In this day and age, some people really HAVE to work, and some can cut back, or work less hours. Just getting your RN degree, there are so many jobs out there, there has to be a way for you to make it work for even part time.

You also mentioned that you have been in school, and at home till now. Can you wait a little longer? In the meantime, leaving her for an hour or so often with hubby, friend, etc. so she gets used to it slowly.

Making a baby 'cry it out' isn't so nice, when you think of it in terms of how you would feel in the same situation.

It sounds to me like you are dealing with an "in-home daycare". If this were a certified center I don't believe they would "kick out" your infant without giving Zoe a chance to adjust. It might help to look for someone with an assistant or co-provider, that would give one person the opportunity to care for the other children while one comforts Zoe while letting her participate with the other children while switching off so they both earn Zoe's trust.
Understandably, Zoe has separation anxiety, as would most infants starting a day care for the first time. I believe Zoe is sensing your stress and anxiety levels.
I worked for 7 years in a day care infant center (0-3yo) that my own children went to and the infant room had 12 babies, 3 teachers (and if available, substitutes) and it helped that there were more teachers available. My oldest daughter started day care in the 'crawler' room when she was 10 mos old and it took her a week to adjust. Give it time and make sure the provider is a good fit for not only you, but your darling Zoe as well.
I don't think letting Zoe cry it out at home or at day care is harmful, but in infants it often causes a chain reaction with the other children which can be overwhelming.
Taking something with your scent on it is a great idea. Sharing your rituals with the provider might also help. If they swaddle her the same way you would or know a song you might sing to her, it might help soothe her.
Congratulations on your new degree and job! If you are not available to stay at home longer, don't beat yourself up about having to work. Many of us mothers aren't given the option to stay home.
Good luck!

I would be disappointed in the daycare provider if she couldnt just suck it up for a week to let your baby adjust!! i had mine in day care for the first time at about that age and not only was he attached to me but he was attached to his older brother so it was a double wammie for him and it took about a week for him realize that i wasnt leaving him there forever. she will come around and then it will probably be harder for you to leave her then the other. if she does boot you guys from the program it is a bit pricy but try kindercare i had a good experinece at mine and i know all places are different but it is worth a shot. Good Luck!!

As an RN (congratulations!) you likely have the flexibility to possibly work nights on weekends (or something like that) so that your husband can watch your little one while you work. Trusting your baby with someone you don't know is something unnatural that a Mom is not meant to do. Trust your instincts and do all you can to keep baby out of day care. Being too attached to you is a good thing, because it shows she trusts you and will grow up confident rather than insecure due to instability of caregivers. Also, if your husband can watch your baby, you will be able to work less, as you won't have the expense of child care.

My gut instinct says whatever you do, find a different provider. Any person who says a mother can be too attached to her 5 month old baby is too detached themselves. You are supposed to be attached to your baby. That is the way it works. Maybe if she'd had more patience and relaxed a bit your daughter could have relaxed some. You can always find a solution, but you'll have to be flexible. Maybe you can work nights and alternate care with your husband or a relative. I know infant care is limited, but it sounds like she isn't all she was cracked up to be. Sometimes moms have to work and your daughter will be just fine. Crying it out isn't ideal, but she will be alright. It will get easier with time, and probably not too much. Babies are very resilient and adjust rather quickly. Keep your chin up and you'll do great. Congrats on your degree! L

Hi T.,

This woman might be overwhelmed. I would make an effort to find someone who only has a few children to tend to at the most. When my son was about that age we took him to a highly recommended day care provider who had quite a few other kids to care for as well. Every day when I picked my son up his eyes & face would be red & could tell he had been crying all day, and he wouldn't even look at me on the drive home. I felt maybe this woman was overwhelmed so we found a wonderful woman who had a todler of her own and watched another child as well - it made all the difference in the world as he got so much more attention and love that I know he didn't get at the other place. He was consistently happier when I would pick him up at the end of the day. Of course I was lucky to find someone who gave genuine LOVING care so you have to go by your gut feeling with the providers that you meet and pay attention to the connection they have with your baby .

Good luck, I know how hard it is to leave your baby with a stranger.

D. C.

This is crazy! I just logged onto the site to ask the exact same question! My daughter is 5 1/2 months old. We are doing the same easing in to daycare that you mentioned. She will only be in daycare for 4.5 hours a day/ 3 days a week. The first day I took her, I left her for one hour. She cried the entire time. So I was very upset and discouraged and really didn't want to take her back the next day. So, I put it off and I didn't take her for two weeks. I just started again last week and took her all 3 days for about the same amount of time (1 hour or so). Again, cried the whole time. And it isn't just fussing, she really cries hard :( So, in a couple of days, it will be her first "full" day there and I am freaking out. I don't think she will take a bottle from them or sleep or really even stop crying. Everyone I talk to says "she will eventually get used to it" but I have my doubts. I guess I don't let her cry at home. If she wants to be picked up, I pick her up. She has always had a little bit of stranger anxiety since she was about 4 months. It happens when anyone holds her. I wouldn't change a thing that I have done for her. I hold her all the time, she gets held during most of her naps....she is just a very loved child and that is how it should be. I wouldn't feel bad if I were you for establishing such a wonderful relationship with your baby. She just prefers you and that is how it should be. I am so sorry to hear that she was so upset. It's very discouraging as a mom. I would hope that your daycare person would give her a chance and not "kick her out" I am sorry that I don't have any advice, I just wanted you to know that I am going through the exact same thing. One thing that I did do was stay with her for about 20 minutes. I played with her on the floor with a couple other babies and then left. But, she still cried so I have no answers. I have to go back to work and daycare is our only option right now. I wish you strength and good luck. I hope she gets used to it soon!! Take Care!
C.

Does your daycare provider have some suggestions other then let her cry it out? I would be disapointed in someone that couldn't help my baby adjust. Is there a possiblility of having someone come into the home?
Consider what makes this person the "best". Is she the most like you? Or is she the cleanist?
You may want to try sleeping with a blanket and sending that to daycare with her too. It may help to have your smell nearby.

It sounds as though you are bound and determined to make it work with THIS provider - even though there is a tremendous amount of evidence (and other posters) to demonstrate that this isn't that great of a provider. My guess is that she's probably the cheapest and she's probably cheap because she's watching a lot of children. (She charges less but she makes more in a single day because she's collecting money from a lot of different parents.) The necessary consequence is that there are too many children to really take care of in a loving and attentive manner (This isn't a criticism of day cares - only an observation. Think about how hard it is to keep ONE baby happy and well cared for and then multiple that times three or four!) - so the children in these types of facilities are going to be left in the swing or in a crib for extended periods.

I feel terrible for your baby, but if you intend to make this provider work, then you're probably going to have to follow the instructions of the provider and have your baby cry it out at home and get used to be left alone for long periods. I realize you want everything to be nice and smooth for your baby - but there's really no way you're going to be able to implement a smooth transition with a five month old in less than one week.

How sad for your baby; she wants you! There are so many nursing jobs on the weekend or at night when she could be at home with your hubby.

Try going to the daycare with your child and stay with her for the three hours, having the daycare person hold etc. Then the next day stay for the first three hours then leave the last hour or 30 minutes. Keep building...