Daughter Very Fusy

Updated on August 31, 2009
M.N. asks from Green Bay, WI
22 answers

My 5 year old daughter is very fussy when it comes to wearing shorts and pants. She doesn’t like the feel of denim jeans and shorts which would be ok but she also doesn’t like the feel of most shorts or pants. She will only wear skirts. It hasn’t been a problem during the summer but obviously once winter comes she would need to wear tights to cover her legs and she also doesn’t like the feel of those. It is a constant battle to find clothes that are comfortable for her. She has a few skirts that she will wear over and over and never touch any of her pants / shorts. I get so frustrated shopping with her because we went to Target and tried every pair of shorts and ended up walking out with nothing. It doesn’t seem to matter the brand. I even had expensive pants from Children’s Place and those seemed to bother her the most. Even when we do find something she says is ok then we get home with it and she won’t wear it. Part of this problem might be her trying to control things but she also does seem overly sensitive to having any clothes rub against her thighs. Have any of you experienced similar issues and do any of you have suggestions? She starts Kindergarten tomorrow and she has only two skirts she likes to wear. She has worn the same pair sometimes three days in a row during the summer but I would rather she start to wear some of the other many clothes she has in her closet. Thankfully my husband is home with her during the day and has way more patience dealing with her than I do. I guess at this point I don’t care so much that her clothes she wears often don’t match but I just don’t want putting her in clothes to be such a struggle and I would rather she didn’t dig through the dirty laundry to find one of her skirts she wore days before. My husband doesn’t really monitor what she picks out and her school does have a dress code so I worry that she will show up with inappropriate clothes.

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D.T.

answers from Madison on

I'm sorry I don't have experience with skirts (yet)! However, my son went through a phase for a year where he would not wear jeans/khakis...had to be sweatshirt/knit material - it didn't matter if it were pants or shorts. I went crazy trying to find pants that didn't look like sweatpants. Old Navy had several knit cargo pants at the time. As far as skirts are concerned. I have gotten my daughter those sweater material leg warmers. They are snug to the leg, but you don't have to mess with the panty part as you would with tights. Good luck!

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K.D.

answers from Madison on

My 8 yr old is the other way, she hates skirts! She also does not like blue jeans or pants though either. We have found she will wear Gaucho pants which are a little longer and warmer than skirts and soft yoga pants with the elastic waist...good luck:)

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K.L.

answers from Minneapolis on

With my daughter it was socks. Almost all socks were scratchy, she said, and she would pull them off of the first foot as we were putting them on the second one. The doctor said her skin appeared to be normal. We took her to the store and asked her to agree that the socks she picked out were soft enough and would not feel scratchy. Working with her on problem-solving seemed to help a lot more than seeing her as a problem or trying to get her to change.
In your case I would suggest giving her as much control as you can over what happens in her everyday life. Give her lots of opportunities to make choices, and then go with whatever she decides. (Of course you only give her choices where you're OK with all the options.) Just make sure she has clothes on when she leaves for school; the rest will probably take care of itself. She will see what the others wear at school, and this will give her some ideas of what she wants. Think about it from her point of view, too. How would you want it handled if you were five?

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M.K.

answers from Sheboygan on

Is she overly sensitive to anything else? Even if she is not, you may consider a pediatric OT who is trained in "Sensory Integration"--usually it is for more "global" sensory issues, but our OT has worked with kids with one/two "issues" and has had good success. A "Brushing program" may be helpful (this would be taugth by the OT and carried out by you). At this point, may be worth it.

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L.D.

answers from Minneapolis on

If she doesn't have sensory integration issues (thanks, ladies, I learned something new today!), I'll bet this fussiness will work its way out on its own.

Once her grownups stop fussing over it, peer pressure and weather have a way of compelling children to change their wardrobe preferences. If she is disciplined by her teacher for breaking dress code, then let her feel the consequences.

I used to teach kids outside. If they didn't dress correctly (as taught) on the first day, I made them suffer through it. Sure as anything, they never made that mistake again!

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C.L.

answers from Minneapolis on

I second getting her evaluated for sensory issues. Both of my boys have gone through Occupational Therapy for sensory issues and I highly recommend it. If she has sensory issues it may seem like she's trying to control/manipulate you, but those things may seriously bother her. I have one son who has a little of both--what started as sensory eating issues he has somewhat used to his advantage to control what he eats. Good luck. (P.S. My brother had sensory issues as a child, undiagnosed because at the time no one had heard of sensory issues, and clothes were one of his biggest issues. He couldn't keep tags on his shirts, couldn't have any strings in his socks and couldn't wear the pants with the reinforced knees because they rubbed on his legs. Any fabric considered uncomfortable he called "picky.")

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K.K.

answers from Minneapolis on

I was going to say what M. K said- Sensory Integration issues.

My daughter is the same way with pants/shorts. I buy her clothes from thrift stores. That way they are always well worn and washed a million times, which makes them much softer. We even buy her shoes used, for the same reason.

I suggest that you don't force the issue or make a big deal out of it. she can wear the same two skirts all year, just add some really soft, worn leggings during winter and she'll be fine!

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K.B.

answers from Minneapolis on

I also have a daughter like this. She is now 16 years old and still particular but not as bad. She still doesn't like the feel of denim but has learned to tolerate it for a school day and tears them off when she gets in the door. I too got to the point of letting her wear the same clothes over and over. When she was very young i would try to find hand me down jeans, garage sale jeans etc. because they were more worn out and softer than new. She had a pair in 6th grade that she wore almost every day with the same sweatshirt. She is a dancer and has also learned to tolerate all sorts of tight uncomfortable clothes over the years. I don't have a lot of solutions for you but know it can get better as they mature. Try to be patient, i remember buying clothes that never got worn because they were ok at the store too. If it becomes really bad I would find a doctor to help with this sensory issue. Good luck.
K.

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E.K.

answers from Milwaukee on

I can totally relate! My daughter only wore skirts for an entire year. Then she only wore pants. Now entering third grade she is into both . Picking clothes is a huge deal for our little ones. It is one of the only things they have control over. I have been involved with many power struggles over clothes. Finally I just realized I had to let go. I do draw a line with weather innapropriate and modesty. Also if something ends up in the closet i can't stand, it mysteriously goes away. I would suggest taking her shopping for skirts she likes. Then maybe that could prevent going through the hamper. Good luck!

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B.

answers from Minneapolis on

Hi M.,
I feel your pain!! I have a six year old daughter who has given me similar difficulty with getting dressed. She only like to wear dresses. My husband was able to talk her into wearing jeans last winter for school, but she did end up wearing the same 5 outfits from week to week. Now, here we are gearing up for school again and I can't convince her to buy new jeans that fit her because she still insists on wearing her size 5 jeans that are now much too short for her, hitting her mid calf. I am attempting to bribe her with a reward chart. For every morning that she gets dressed without a fight, without wearing the same clothes she wore earlier in the week, she gets a sticker. One month of stickers equals a Webkinz or something under $15. I'll let you know if I succeed...but thought I would offer up this suggestion.

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N.E.

answers from Minneapolis on

My daughter has recently gone through the same exact thing...even with socks and underwear! Last winter was a problem for us too! I did get her these pants from Gap that were soft cotton pull up pants with no buttons or anything at the waist. I had three pair and she wore them everyday...rarely did she match, but she was happy. I tried very hard not to make a bit deal about it. If she started crying when she was getting dressed I just said..You can wear what you want out of these three outfits (and layed them all out the night before). She would be upset, but I found the more I just gave her the choice and left the room she handled it a lot better. It lasted about 8 months and it was so hard and stressful so I feel your pain. Try the Gap pants. I also always had to strech out her underwear and pants before she would wear them so they would be big on her...never dry anything!!! She is now moving past it...still has some issues (adjustable waist pants) but doing better. I hope this helps.

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L.

answers from Minneapolis on

My daughter will only wear dresses (not even skirts!). I can get her to wear Hanna Andersson loose leggings under dresses, though. They are the only ones she will wear. Hanna Andersson is a little pricey, but very well made. Plus it's worth paying if your daughter wears them again and again and again . . . There's a HA at the Mall of America and an outlet in Albertville. The website is good, too.

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K.R.

answers from Minneapolis on

Do you think she might have some sensory integration issues? You might want to google sensory integration disorder and see if any of the descriptors fit your daughter. If so, it might help give you ideas for dealing with the clothes issue.

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D.S.

answers from Minneapolis on

I think alot of your responses may have it- the sensory issue.. There's a place in the megamall that sells children's clothes made from organic cotton that are the most durable and softest clothes I've ever bought that may work for her.. I used to work with autistic children and one had a huge sensory issue with clothes, couldn't keep 'em on the child until we figured out what he'd tolerate ;} Can't think of the stores name but the clothes are super-soft and not too spendy either. Good luck!

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A.V.

answers from Duluth on

Leggings are great if she'll wear those. Also, in the wintertime...maybe longer skirts and legwarmers?? That way it won't be touching her thighs. I have a rule with my 5 and 3 year old daughters for winter...the clothes need to cover their legs and arms, no exceptions. Good luck, I know it is soooo difficult trying to dress them once they have their "likes". As long as it's appropriate, I let my daughters dress themselves and they usually wear the same things over and over! (I also remember being this way).

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K.K.

answers from Minneapolis on

I can almost guarantee you that your daughter is suffering from SPD or SID. My daughter is almost 4 and is textbook SPD and has a lot of the same "quirks" that you are describing. HATES DENIM, HATES ANYTHING ELASTIC ON HER WAIST, HATES SOCKS, HATES PANTIES. etc. etc. And yes, I feel your pain, this makes day to day life very challenging. Summer has been doable b/c she can wear sun dresses and no socks and I continually wash her few pair of panties over and over again. We started our daughter in Occupational Therapy a few months ago and it is helping tremendously!! She got dressed on her own with a new pair of panties and a new dress the other day and I almost broke down crying!!!!! Her OT has taught me things to do at home and given us tasks to help her get through this ordeal. It is a real issue and they do feel real pain...the end goal is to re-teach their brains to realize that it isn't really pain they are feeling and to balance out their senses. There is a lot of information out there about Sensory Processing Disorder or Sensory Integration Disorder, one website I like is www.sensory-processing-disorder.com I have immersed myself with information b/c this truly does start to take over your life - these kids can be labeled stubborn, difficult, trouble makers, spoiled, etc. Just know it is not something you are doing wrong!!!!!!!!!!!

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E.B.

answers from Duluth on

My son will not wear shoes that fit him--he's wearing shoes that are 5 sizes too big. I can't possibly imagine how that's comfortable, but that's what he likes. I would suggest two things: one, encouraging her to wear things for a very short period of time--five minutes? And see what happens. I've found that often times, things that are not comfortable when they're on at first get more comfortable with the wearing. And two, get her stuff she'll wear. Go get long skirts. Will she wear leggings instead of tights? What about seamless leggings (I have boys; do they even make those?)? Sweatpants? I know of a lot of girls who don't like to wear jeans and pants. Perhaps letting her feel the repercussions of the cold weather on her bare legs will help convince her she needs to try SOMETHING. My son hated how his winter jacket felt, and would only wear his zip-up sweatshirt. We live up in northern MN and it was 40 below for most of that January and into February. Very quickly he decided it might be ok to wear his jacket...but I backed off as soon as it "warmed up" to about 10 below and he was right back in his sweatshirt. I don't think my son has sensory integration issues; I do think he is much more sensitive to how things feel and textures in general (he used to gag on scrambled eggs--loved them, but gagged on them every time!) but he does not have sensory integration. You and your doctor can make that call, but if it's less severe than sensory integration, you can do what they'll do and slowly desensitize your child--five minutes at a time, then the clothes can come off...and if you distract her, she might wear it for much longer. You might fight again the next time, and it's been working for us to work WITH him and not fight AGAINST him...but at least they've been on once and there might come another time when she'll wear it again. Good luck!

L.G.

answers from La Crosse on

M., I have two daughters and went through this with both of them. My now 19-year-old outgrew it, and yes for her it was more about control. Once I stopped fussing (sorry to say she probably learned it from me!), she stopped. My 12-year-old still won't wear jeans. One thing that has worked with her is when we go shopping, I give her the money and let her pick things out and pay for them. I realize 5 may be too young to do that, but try giving her more choices. For example, ask her what store she would like to shop at, etc. If that's too overwhelming for her, limit it to two choices ("should we try this one or this one?"). Hope that helps.

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S.G.

answers from Rapid City on

While my daughter never refused to wear shorts or pants, she wanted to wear dresses every day until she was in 3rd grade and a boy mentioned he could see her panties when she went up the slide ladder at school. My cousin never would wear jeans when she was small, they were uncomfortable. My guess is she doesn't like the feel of the crotch when she sits down or she perfers the comfortable feeling of the skirts (if it were just dresses, I would think it would be elastic or waist bands). Let her wear her dresses and skirts. Have her put on snow pants when it gets cold, knee highs when it isn't that cold. Until I was in 7th grade, girls weren't allowed to wear pants or shorts to school and we did fine. We did slip on pants under the dresses for on the way to school and the way home, but we couldn't wear them during class except for PE. She will outgrow this and it will become a phase that you look back on and laugh about.

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M.W.

answers from St. Cloud on

Will she wear dressess too? I'd just go shopping and buy her some more dresses and skirts. Send snow pants along to school when it gets colder out and the teacher will make her wear them outside. Let her wear whatever she wants. She'll eventually outgrow this stage.

When I was in 5th grade (so about 11 years old) I refused to wear PANTS of ANY KIND! I wore shorts the WHOLE YEAR! I remember being cold on a few days but it really didn't bother me. My parents just gave in and let me wear shorts.
It only lasted for my 5th grade school year.....

Our daughter is 4 1/2 and LOVES dresses. She wears them pretty much every day. I have brand new GYMBOREE outfits in her drawer that are capri and shorts outfits that she will probably never wear....... But she loves the dresses so that's what I let her pick out.

Good luck.

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R.V.

answers from Green Bay on

Oh, I know what you're going through! My 8yr old is the very same, she'd rather wear her yoga pants or sweats than jeans or even jean shorts. At first I was worried about the extent she go to- serious tears, argueing, hiding her jeans... She has a deep hatred of how denim feels on her skin, not only denim, but socks with seams as well!! Things are getting easier as she gets older though. We compromised a lot with the tights under her jeans, and I did try to find some things that were comfortable for her, leggings and yoga pants and things like that. It never really seemed like a control thing with her, it seemed as if denim truely freaked her out so we never pushed her really. I'd get them on her when I could, and the rest of the time, it was athletic, yoga, sweat pants and dresses. Three years later-she'll complain about the jeans occasionally, and she usually ditches those jeans when she gets home, but at least she's wearing them. Give it some time, I'm sure this will pass.

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R.S.

answers from Des Moines on

Did your daughter show any type of ultra-sensitivity as a baby or toddler? Was she fussy, colicky, extra-wiggly, did she have trouble sleeping...? If she has difficulty with sensitivities, it may be something that could be resolved at the root, so you won't have to continue working around it.

Otherwise, I would stick to cotton or natural fibers for anything you do try to get her to wear. I am one of the most tolerant people I know, but I can definitely tell if I am wearing polyester, and I change out of it as soon as I get the chance. And I refuse to wear nylon hose. So I would stick with soft cotton, rayon, silk?(maybe over the top). How does she do with flannel p.j. pants? I'm not saying she should wear them to school, just wondering if there is something she would wear on her legs. It may give you someplace to work from.

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