Daughter Trying Out for Middle School Play

Updated on October 21, 2010
J.N. asks from Chicago, IL
18 answers

Hi, I think I know the answer but just want to get some sage advice. My daughter is a shy 8th grader. She's pretty happy but is looking for ways to get more involved to make some friends. We live in a huge school district where it's pretty hard to make a school team - she's tried but no luck. She loves acting as her first choice though. The school play will soon conduct tryouts but of course, too many kids try out for too few parts. I hope she makes the play and I know it will devastate her if she doesn't as acting is her first true love. My dilemma - I am very involved in the school and could probably send an email to the director saying that she would be happy even if she got the part of the tree but that she just wants to be involved - for so many reasons. I'm assuming this is a no no but wanted to get advice.
Thanks!

What can I do next?

  • Add yourAnswer own comment
  • Ask your own question Add Question
  • Join the Mamapedia community Mamapedia
  • as inappropriate
  • this with your friends

So What Happened?

I don't know what happened yet as the tryouts will be next week but I knew the right thing to do and just wanted to hear it to make sure that I didn't do the wrong thing. She is happy to work backstage as well but our school's funny that way. You try out for play, you also have to separately "try out" for backstage. There are even more kids "trying out" for back stage so it's not at all automatic that you get into that either. I think next time I'll make sure I raise my kids in a smaller school district! It will work out for the best though. Thanks for all the good words.

Featured Answers

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

S.Z.

answers from Reno on

Theater was my love in school - it still is! - but even as a kid I understood that part of the process was learning to handle rejection. If she doesn't get a part, there's all kinds of tech jobs, ushering, makeup and hair, ticket sales and other jobs she can do to be part of the show.

1 mom found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

M.T.

answers from New York on

No, not a good idea. Every kid who tries out would like a part. If she's good enough for a part, she'll get one. If she's not, then she won't and that is as it should be. No one is more entitled to a part, and while it's unfortunate that she has not yet made it onto a school team for an activity she's had to try out for, those are the breaks in life. Not everyone wins. She will be in high school next year (my daughter is a sophomore). You won't be able to request her a spot on the varsity volleyball team, in the college of her choice or on a job interview where there are 200 other applicants.
Teachers/coaches do not appreciate when parents try to use what they perceive as influence to put their child ahead of others.
It's great that she has a love for the dramatic arts. Perhaps if the school district has so few opportunities, there are some local theater groups that she could join and participate in, where her talents would be appreciated and put to good use.

More Answers

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

M.M.

answers from Washington DC on

NO NO NO OK I did have to laugh. YOu already know the answer.

I will telll you this. I spent four years trying out for the Swing Choir in hs. I started in 8th grade. I tried out 13 times. One girl quit in Sept of my senior year and the director called me. I was so happy, it was the greatest phone call of my life.
It wasnt' until later that year that the dance director told me the only reason I hadnt' made the team was because of my clumsiness and not my voice. She had made a promise to the director to work with me and that she did, for hours.

If your daughter does not make the show consider acting or voice lessons. That way in HS she will have a chance at the next show. And tell her to keep trying. One day she will shine.

4 moms found this helpful

M.L.

answers from Houston on

It certainly wouldn't hurt to talk to the director, but maybe after auditions... sometimes they forget that shy children can be excellent on stage, so long as it is worded carefully like you are not begging for a role in the future... or better yet, encourage her to talk to the director and ask for any advice that can help. I was in theater for many years, and it's true, the outgoing ones and the ones who are favorites or even teacher's kids typically get the parts. But don't let that stop her. She's in middle school, and often by high school the group of kids that try out become smaller and more talented. Also, theater branches out, there is the techs, lighting, stage design, make-up and costume department, and as far as acting goes, they will experiment with musicals, stage combat, improv, dance... so encourage her to stick with it because those things are really fun too... and great for the shy kids who may not always end up with a part, but can learn other things that can be crucial for a role.

One thing we were told, was about a guy who was desperate for this specific part. He tried out and didn't get anything. Well, he showed up for rehearsal still every day and eventually an actor had to quit the play, so this guy knew the lines and act and was invited to be the lead, due to his perseverance.

Also, let her get involved in community theater! It may help her to open up and act around people that she isn't in class with.

3 moms found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

M.R.

answers from Columbus on

NO.

Do ask if they have a crew. If she does not get a part, she could paint, help make props, help with lights, etc. In our school, this seems like the way to get a foot in the door and pay your dues...she may be able to get the "tree" part in the next play if she does the other stuff, even if she is disapointed to not get a part. Peravierinece is good, but she has to do it herself.

Think about it this way, if anyone could be the tree, the child who showed up last year to paint last years trees gets to do that...

M.

3 moms found this helpful

A.C.

answers from Cincinnati on

I would not send an e-mail. Your gut is right. LOL! However, if she does not make the play, maybe she could be an understudy or even part of the crew. That was always a lot off un too. :) Much luck to her!

Updated

I would not send an e-mail. Your gut is right. LOL! However, if she does not make the play, maybe she could be an understudy or even part of the crew. That was always a lot off un too. :) Much luck to her!

Updated

I would not send an e-mail. Your gut is right. LOL! However, if she does not make the play, maybe she could be an understudy or even part of the crew. That was always a lot off un too. :) Much luck to her!

3 moms found this helpful

L.A.

answers from Austin on

Oooo, big no - no..
I know how you feel.. Our daughter is shy and has had some passions when in school

She has reached some of her goals and not reached some of her goals.. It all turned out well either way..

I was extremely active on all of her campus and known in the district because of my work on different district committees, but I never asked for any favors.. ever.. It becomes a slippery slope in both directions..

I remember loving theater all through school.. I never had a huge part, but I always WORKED on each production that I could.. I did props, settings, lighting, co`directing, advertising. And of course like any group, every person was important and we became our own community..

I am excited for your daughter.. Chosen or not for a part, she can still work on the production. Let her know many people try out for parts and are not chosen, but even more are not brave enough to even try. She is a very special child to put herself out there..

3 moms found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

D.P.

answers from Pittsburgh on

Nope. So wrong on so many levels. It would be very unfair to everyone involved, including her.
Support her and encourage her.
She might just surprise you.
Hope she makes it!

3 moms found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

B.C.

answers from Joplin on

Hmm no I would not send an email but as a former drama student I can help solve your quandry...Stage crew...you still get to be involved in the production, it shows the director you have an interest ( so better chance for a role Next time around) you meet people have lots of fun...stage crew helps build and paint scenery, works on promoting the show...its a blast, I preferred Musicals so I was always on crew for the plays = ) Loved all my time on stage or off = )
Break a leg!

3 moms found this helpful

L.P.

answers from Pittsburgh on

Oh so tempting, but you seem to already know that it's not a good idea. And you probably also know why it isn't a good idea.

Do, however, HELP her in every way you can to be as prepared for her audition as possible. Coach her. Let her practice in front of you. Maybe let her take a few acting lessons, or private prep sessions with an acting coach? But whatever you do, don't make that call.

GOOD LUCK to your daughter! We'll be pulling for her!

2 moms found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

J.G.

answers from Madison on

I have a shy 8th grader too! It's SOOOO hard, you want to protect them from being hurt. Does she have a few good friends? Some kids are happy with just that - my daughter is. If she's happy and doing well academically - that's all that matters. Yeah - I would not do any behind the scenes "if my daughter gets the part". That might work against you in the end. Remember....remember...remember....and I have to remind myself everyday - I was very outgoing and involved as a teen - but my daughter is a different individual - she is quiet, shy and likes to be home - and that's okay! Blahhh...blahh... I know - sorry ;( Anyhoooo - I hope she get's the part! Just support and love her - we would do anything for our kids, I know! Hang in there - she will find her groove! Just a thought....like Anne of Green Gables - remember she did those awesome storytelling competitions - could she start something like that at school - I love that stuff !! Or even do it for the family

1 mom found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

A.C.

answers from Columbus on

Don't use your influence to help her get the part.

However, do encourage her to participate in the play anyway---she may not get a part, but if she's on stage crew, or helps w/ props, etc., these all keep her face in front of the director, and may help in the long run. Plus, she'll meet new kids that way.

There are way more careers in show biz supporting the on-stage talent, that take tons of talent to do, so while she wants to act, she also needs to pay her dues, as well by doing the stage crew/make-up crew/props/lighting, etc.

1 mom found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

J.P.

answers from New York on

Not getting the parts changed my life for the better - learning all of the back stage stuff - makeup, costumes, sets, lights etc was the best thing ever and sure I loved my times on sage as well. Like one mom said, you really do gotta pay your dues and it is such a growth experience to learn that just because you want the part with all your heart doesn't mean that you'll get it. And not getting it may not have anything to do with shy it could just be something physical like not being tall or short enough. A good lesson to learn through life too. Some days are good auditions and some days bad and some days there is nothing you can do to get taller. :) encourage her to get involved no matter what and both you and she will find some of that shyness melting away as she gets to know everyone and becomes part of something bigger than just a role in a play.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

S.M.

answers from Chicago on

You sound like a wonderful, smart Mom, because you already know the answer. I've wanted to talk to so many of my kids teachers, coaches, directors, and had to bite my tongue in order to let my kids grow and be respected by these individuals. My daughter is passionate about the theater too. She has joined 2 seperate theater groups in our area and has never been involved in her own schools productions. Same thing -- too many kids, too few parts! No matter where you live there are theater programs. My daughter's best experiences have been with the all-boys school in town.They need girls for their musicals and plays and she has been embraced by their community.She is currently writing the winter play with some of the boys and the director. Please google "theater companies" in your area and you'll find a wealth of resources for your daughter! On another note....suggest to your daughter that she talk with the drama teacher at her school or the director to ask them how she can prepare for the audition and if they can suggest other resources for her. She should let them personally know how interested in the theater she is! If theater is really her passion she might just surprise you and take the initiative herself (with a few subtle suggestions from you). Good luck and I hope she "breaks a leg"!

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

K.M.

answers from Memphis on

In addition to the school play, is there an active community theatre in which she could take part? If there are other places for her to do theatre, then if she doesn't get cast in the school play, she can look forward to the next audition.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

S.H.

answers from Chicago on

You already got great advice (don't contact the director, other ways to get involved, etc.). I love the idea of contacting the boys-only schools! A quick story from our experience: my daughter (8th grade) tried out for the school play (a musical). Her school is actually a 7th grade through high school so she was competing against seniors too! She got a callback for the lead - so exciting. And the word on the street was that if you got a call back for a lead and didn't get it, you would get a part in the chorus. Well, she didn't get any part in the play. She was sad for a day or so but handled it well (even though her best friend at school did get a part). I encourgaged her to contact the director herself - not to complain that she didn't get a part but to learn from the experience and how she could improve for next time. The director was wonderful and replied to her email right away with some really helpful feedback. She's involved in other things so she's busy, but the audition situation was a good learning experience for her.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

W.P.

answers from Chicago on

I totally get it and you have already received lots of good answers. But you can still help her fulfill her dream in other ways. There are lots of little schools for the performing arts out there and she can get into a show in one of those just by enrolling her in it. Or a performing arts summer camp. She will have lots of fun, get to participate in an actual show, and get some training. If she has some real talent it will come out, but the main point is to have fun and spread her wings. Of course, you could get her private lessons as well, but that won't give her the same kind of social experience. I am an acting/voice teacher and would happy to chat with you about it!
Good luck.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

S.S.

answers from Chicago on

Talk to her about all the different aspects of school plays. Maybe she could try out for a several parts both speaking and maybe chorus or crowd scenes. also the lighting, scenery and sound systems all need kids to work on them. My son loves to act but so far has been really happy working on the sets design and sound/light stuff. also someone has to be in charge of audience stuff selling tickets, popcorn etc. its a good way to get into the theater crowd I would say no to sending a note to the director.

For Updates and Special Promotions
Follow Us

Related Questions