Daughter's Unruly Hair

Updated on April 18, 2008
L.L. asks from Delaware, OH
19 answers

my five year old daughter has the strangest hair: it is stick straight in the front and sides...but the back is a curly, wavy mess! Our hairdresser has never seen two different kinds of hair on the same head. It's creating a problem because no matter what we do to it, it looks horrible when she wakes in the morning. Even if we shower/shampoo and blow dry in the morning...by noon it looks terrible again. We've tried mousse, anti-frizz cream, blow drying it straight and nothing helps. She is not too worried about it but she hates to have me work on it everyday and I am getting really tired of the fighting and whining. We used to wear a bob that was all one length but so puffy in the back. I got her hair cut shorter in the back and left the straight sides longer (kind of a swing cut) but it looks even worse now! Help!

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So What Happened?

Thanks to everyone who offered their sensible tips and suggestions for ways to control my daughters crazy combo hair. I took her for a haircut at a different salon and I am so happy with the results! The stylist eliminated the long straight sides and layered them to blend in with the curly back. Now that the sides are shorter there are sort of wavy (thought not curly) and it blends together so much nicer than the bob style haircut. We are still using a curl cream to keep the back soft and anti-frizzy. We are using a large pick rather than a brush or comb and her bangs are still long enough to pull over and secure with a cute little barrette. I love my daughter no matter what her hair looks like and she knows that. But having a manageable hairstyle makes mornings go much smoother for everyone! Thanks again!

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A.P.

answers from Columbus on

My daughter has the same hair type, its very weird huh? I let her hair grow long and now the two differant hair types kinda mix together, untill it grew out I tried to braid it evryday, that made the differances not so noticable!

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J.P.

answers from Mansfield on

I have two ideas that you may have already considered. My son has difficult hair as well and I am so thankful that I finally decided to take him to a place that specializes in kids' cuts. I have to drive an hour to get there, but it made a world of difference. They know what they are doing.

My other idea is a perm. You wouldn't have to get a curly curly perm, any perm at all would make it all the same.

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N.V.

answers from Fort Wayne on

L.,

It sounds like you need to use a leave-in conditioner or oil/moisturizer. You will have to play with it to see how much to use. If it leaves her hair too oily, then use a little less or vice versa. This is common and if you hair stylist has never seen it before...maybe you need to see someone else. It has worked for my daughter!!!!

Good Luck!

1 mom found this helpful
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M.S.

answers from Bloomington on

sounds familiar!!! my daughter's back and underneath hair is curly, but all the hair on top of her head is stick straight... so she has these cute curls that poke through the straight. mostly it just looks awful, and gets in her face (and food!) all the time!

the only way her hair looks super cute is in pigtails and ponytails. the easiest way to do her hair is while she's eating breakfast-- she's focused on her food and doesn't care what i do to her hair.

i've also noticed that NOT combing/brushing it after the bath makes the curls nicer. i have a bath comb that i use to comb the shampoo through, then after we rinse i just towel dry and leave it alone. it looks much better than when we comb it!

i'm excited to see more responses... we need help too!

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G.M.

answers from Canton on

Have you tried applying any oil or moisturizers?

1 mom found this helpful
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R.N.

answers from Columbus on

My daughter has the exact same hair- it is much better longer and less un ruley.....try infusion 23 leave in conditioner you can get it at Giant eagle Look on the bottom shelf black and white bottle. IThey also have a 3 step process shampoo, conditioner adn then the leave in if you need that. But anyway- I put the infusium in her air and blow it dry or comb it straight while air drying and it actually looks beautiful- very thick full gorgeous lots of comments on it while the front is pretty and straight adn more tame good luck

PS PLEASE DONT GET UPSET by the reponse that claims you are going to make your daughter hate you and pull a britney spears. OBVIOULSY that woman has issues with her MOm and her HAIR. Trying to help a child look nice while working with in thier hairs natural limits is not a terrible thing. I disagree with the straight ironing of a 4 year olds hair as that is WAY too much and places the focus on not being natural in your beuaty but getting hair under control is helping you daughter wiht her presentation of self and lets face it no one wants to be the girl wiht the ugly hair everyone makes fun of. Saving your daughter form that torment while wokring with her natural curls and starights is a good thing. again good luck

1 mom found this helpful
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C.B.

answers from Lafayette on

after you wash her hair with her regular shampoo, get olive oil and massage about 1/2 a palm full throughout her hair, let it set for 15min and rinse with warm water(no shampoo), you'll be amazed at the difference. my oldest daughter was like that and her ahirdresser said to do that & grow her hair out, that the weight of it would put it straight. he was right it took about a year to get it from just above her shoulders to the middle of her shoulder blades. i would brade it at night so it was more tamable in the morning. good luck.

1 mom found this helpful

J.D.

answers from Columbus on

I don't know if this will help or not, but my 4 yo daughter has crazy hair also. We have found that if we use the suave 2 in 1 for kids in the GREEN bottle her hair looks great, but any other kind of shampoo and/or conditioner and her hair looks horrible. After her bath I put a few sprays of 'for kids only' detangler & conditioner before combing, and we use 'valeries vanilla freeze' hairspray when necessary for styling. I buy both of those products at Cookie Cutters haircuts for kids. They are a little expensive, but I bought a bottle of each in August, and neither one is empty yet.

I'm not saying these products will work for you, just that they do for us. We did a lot of trial and error to find out what worked well for us. Luckily we have other kids with easily managed hair, and we were able to use up other products we bought on them, so it wasn't a waste of money trying out all of those different brands.

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A.O.

answers from Indianapolis on

I would agree with the flat iron. My hair is wavy in some places and straight in others. I use a flat iron to make it all the same, or make it all curly. I would think that straight would be better for a kid. I use a macadamia nut straightening balm from The Body Shop. It works great and is heat activated, and humidity doesn't even mess with it. It is also as natural of a product as it can be. I use this on my daughters hair and then we blow dry it. You can check out the product at my website at www.thebodyshopathome.com/web/aoaks look under the hair care products. My daughters hair is straight and thin and gets horribly tangled in the back in a matter of minutes after brushing. This seams to help also because you can brush through it again easier.
Good luck

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S.B.

answers from Elkhart on

L.,
I am going to agree with the flat iron. They generally come with a large variety of heat settings so if she has "delicate" hair you wouldn't have to set it high, but I'd recommend a flat iron that releases steam.
Becareful it will burn when that steam comes out.

You could flat iron it at night and see if it's still flat in the morning, maybe running the flat iron across her hair a couple swipes in the morning just to freshen it up.

For myself I have very curly hair and a flat iron does wonders. The only way my flat hair returns back to curly again is after I wash it!!

I hope you find something that works!!

OH and also, don't use a brush out of the shower. Use a wide tooth comb! They get through the tangles better and a bruch even if the hair is wet will result in the frizzies

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M.C.

answers from Cleveland on

I only wash my daughters hair twice a week. She has curly hair that gets out of control alot, too. try a conditioner on her hair in the tub twice a week and try a spray on detangler when you comb her hair out. Maybe next time you get her hair cut, try a layered look, it might take some of the poofyness away. My DD carries on like I'm killing her!!!!

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A.A.

answers from Evansville on

I have the same problem myself with my 8yr daughter the top layer is staight as a board and all of it underneath is wavy as well. i found that i use a flat iron on here hair almost everyday or i also take a curling iron to it. try the stright hair products any of them will work but i have been using sunsilk on hers and it seems to help a little but still use the flat iron. they also have ionic blow dryers at sally beauty supply they have what are called straight and that also helps that was one of the best investments i made for her hair and when she doesn't want me to do anything i put it up in a ponytail. i understand and i hope that i gave you some good advise. A.

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M.M.

answers from Columbus on

Hi L.!
I have a daughter that has CRAZY hair as well... The same thing your daughter has. When she was little it was cute because we would put it up in piggies on the front part and then just let it stay curly in the back. Now that she is 9 we cut it in an inverted bob. (I think that is the same thing you were discribing) I still have to use a flat iron on it every day on the back, but it's very quick. I have found that not just any flat iron will do. It's all about how the heat transfers on the type of ceramic used. When you use a flat iron it's able to heat the hair with out damaging it. It's great for flipping hair up or under, straightening... and even putting curls in super straight hair. (the curls last longer - My other daughters were blessed with stick straight hair) A few years ago, I had to go out and spend the big bucks to get one of the best. I got a Chi. We really really love it! We now live in Ohio and I have found an AWESOME hair stylist. She carries a line called Fei. It's very much the same as the Chi, but I think the price is better. If you would like her contact info, please email me at [email protected]____.com LUCK & HAPPY HAIR DAYS!!! :)

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K.W.

answers from Indianapolis on

I had my girls hair grow out so that they could have braids and ponytails a lot. That might be the problem is cutting it so short. If it were longer, you could just pull it back in a ponytail each morning. Eventually, depending on age, she'll probably be able to do it herself. That way you can get it completely out of her face.

Good luck!

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J.C.

answers from Indianapolis on

have you tried getting a straightening iron? that way you could straighten it in the mornings & see if that lasts longer

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S.M.

answers from Dayton on

My hair is kind of like that, wavy only in the back. My hair never looked good until I found a stylist who always makes it look nice. (I was 40) But when I was five, I didn't care.

If your daughter doesn't seem bothered by her hair, I wouldn't worry about it either. Don't create battles that you can avoid. She's only 5, she has the rest of her life to fight with her hair. As long as it isn't a mass of tangles, and it isn't picture day, I would leave it alone. How her hair looks is not a statement about how much you love her, or how good or bad of a mother you are.

If and when it does start to bother HER, my advice would be to find a good salon. A really good cut makes a huge difference. They will have a huge selection of products for all types of hair, and the expertise to advise you which should work best. Plus, any products you buy from them can be returned if they don't work for you at home. It will be money well spent if it eliminates HER daily hair battles!

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T.M.

answers from Terre Haute on

How about pony tails and pigtails? Maybe french braids and such. Sorry, I had boys so I've never gotten this issue but I hope this helps some. Shannon

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J.S.

answers from Terre Haute on

Your so infatuated with your daughters hair and terrible as it may sound, you are gonna make your daughter very self cautious and she's gonna hate you and her hair. She might even pull a "Britany Spears" and shave her head due to the fact that YOUR so worried about it. I would fight you too and whine to if YOUR constantly WORRIED about my hair. Maybe you need to RELAX a little and let her hair grow out and put it in pony tails instead, like a little girl should have. Start being a mom and love your daughter, not the hair. If I constantly worried about my girls' hair being all freaky and all, they would end up pushing me away. Matter of fact that happend with my middle child. She would never comb her hair, except a little of it. I'd go to comb it and she would freak out before I could even touch it. Next thing you know I find a GIANT rats nest in the back of her head, so I went and cut her hair really short. She cried for a month straight over it stating she hates her hair and she hates herself and she hates me for ruining her long beautiful hair. I was upset because I cut her hair, but I had too. She don't take care of it. And now, she is so worried about what she looks like. When I did this she was 9 years old. She is now 10 and I've done it before to her as well. You see, you can destroy a child emotionally if you constantly nag about certain things about them. And it only depresses them and hurts them. If anything you can try relaxers, or even perm the front part of her hair, but all the chemicles that you had put in her hair could've already damaged her head and hair. Have a NICE day!!

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J.R.

answers from Toledo on

If she is fine with her hair and hates when you fuss over it, then don't continue to fight it! She might start to think her hair isn't good enough and possibly she could get complexes over other things about herself.

She's only 5. She doesn't need perfect hair or perfect anything, right now, or ever.

I have half curly/half straight hair and so does my 4-year old daughter. I hate my hair but I don't let her know that. Her hair is frizzy and crazy too, but she has other amazing traits, so you know what? No worries! We do pony tails and braids, or if she wants her hair crazy and down, then fine.

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