Daughter Is 12 and Doesn't Want to Visit Her Doctor for a Regular Check Up!

All you can do is assure her that she will not have to do anything that she is uncomforable with but in all honesty I don't believe at 12 years of age she should have much say so in the matter. Your her mother and know what is best for her. She doesn't have the maturity to make these kinds of decisions for herself. But you don't want to set her up for something that's going to make her not want to take care of her female medical needs when she is a grown woman. Explain to her that all "responsible and mature women" get checked out on an annual basis because the female body is very complex and catching problems early can save your life. If she wants to be treated like a young woman who is going to want more say so as she gets older than she needs to start by showing you that she can make responsible decisions and certainly taking care of oneself is a great place to start. Hope this helps a bit, L. K.

Do you go annually for your own checkups? If you do, why not let her come along to see what's involved. I realize that that's not what her checkup involves this time, but it may help allay her fears as to what goes on.

If she still refuses, maybe she's uncomfortable with her doctor? Talk to her about why she is so uncomfortable with it. If her doctor is a man, she may be uncomfortable with a male touching her. Perhaps look into a female doctor?

Also, you have an older daughter.... perhaps ask her to talk to the preteen. Sometimes girls are more receptive to advice from their sisters than their moms.

Good luck!

It is time for you to find a female physician who is an "adolescent specialist". They are all around and it is important for your daughter. My 17 yr old refused to go to my internist ( a male) and dreaded going to her pediatrician with lots of little sick 2 and 3 yr olds in the waiting room....she felt silly and out of place. I got a referral for an incredible adolescent doctor is my daughter loves and fells totally comfortable with, She talkes to my daughter about everything and is a life line for more than just the annual pphysical. I am sure you can get a referral for one. It will change your daughters life and her attitude towards doctors.

Whoa, there's a LOT of moms saying just go with her "into the room" during the exam? Why the heck is anyone allowing their child to have a vaginal exam at 12 years old? If she's relatively healthy, even if she's had a period already, and no problems arising from it, there's no need for any person, ANY PERSON to be touching her in that area. It's simply wrong and unethical. I feel very strongly about this, unless it's a medical problem, there's no reason in traumatizing your daughter that young. We want to raise strong, independent women who are healthy, happy and secure with their bodies.. just pushing her to do it, makes her feel that it's not HER body, and well.. when someone doesn't feel good about the sanctity of her own body, I really think it wouldn't take much for a boy of her age to try anything, because after all, someone else has touched her. She may not even realize that it's wrong.. needless to say, I guess this is very opiniated, but I have a nine year old daughter who will most likely start her period very soon. ( family on her side started at ten... whew.. i'm NOT ready for this, but.. have to be).. and I've assured her and taught her that her body is precious and no one is allowed to touch her without her consent.. I've assured her that if she is uncomfortable with anything in an exam (and I'm always in the room, afterall she's a minor....) and she's never had any sort of exam like that. It's just not appropriate. She suffered bladder infections when she was younger, and remembers having a catheter put in her. I will not subject her to that trauma again. Unless it's medically neccessary really... there's not a good enough reason to get one now. Just let her know it's simple.. blood pressure, height, weight.. that's it.. that should be okay enough for her..
S.

Have you tried getting her a female doctor? When I was around that age my mother switched my primary to a female because I was more comfortable with her! I would just let her know that there isn't a choice when it comes to health issues!

I took my step-daughter age 14 to the doctor to get on birthcontrol because of a change in her behavior around boys. They gave her the patches without a physical exam because she wasn't sexually active at the time. When she turned 15 I took her for her anual exam and she admitted to having sex with her b/f for 6 months and they still didn't so I inquired as why and they said they only give pap-smears after 2 yrs of sexual activity. This was kaiser perm. Her friend said planned parenthood told her the same thing so if your daughter has never had sex they most likely won't be probing anything. Hope this helps but I doubt it lol (I have 1 myself and 2 step teenage daughters) here at home and once they get their head set on something nothing I can say will make difference.

Hi M.,
I kind of recently had a similar conversation with my 14 yr old son. My 3 kids see a ped. and I thought maybe he is ready to see a gen. practioner. I approached him. Now we are in the process of finding him a different Dr. Maybe your daughter is embarrassed by the thought of maybe having a female check-up. It sounds like the kids at school have her a little freaked out. Maybe you could reassure her that 12 is very young for a female exam and you would not dream of letting a Dr. do that kind of exam. Tell her that female exams aren't done routinely until she is about 16 or 18. Younger only if there is a problem or family history of a problem at a very young age. Tell her that they will just ask ?'s, measure her height and weight, and take blood pressure, that sort of thing. I am a trained medical assistant and I don't think that is even ethical or moral for a Dr. to do a female exam, or even look down there, unless there was a problem. I would just reassure her. Then take her anyway and be sure to go in the room with her, to reassure her. I also agree that you are the parent. Eventually she will have to do sports physicals for school, if she is into sports, anyway. Where I live they don't have to have sports physicals until they get to high school, but I have heard of some middle schools requiring sports physicals.
Good Luck,
K.

Talk to her Dr and tell the dr your daughter's fears. Maybe you can switch to a female dr. Then set up a dr apt that does not incude a pap, just a regular eyes and ears type thing, then let the dr talk to her about doing more the next check up and help her become more comfortable with it. Maybe she can talk to the dr on the phone or the drs nurse before her regular check up

I just went through this with my 12yo... In CA there are mandatory vaccinations for 7th grade (new ones) - so that was my excuse to get her in there... I offered to stay with her and told her that it is completely okay to tell the doctor at anytime when she felt uncomfortable.

I explained to the doctor first thing when we got there that my daughter wanted everything explained before it was done, so she had an opportunity to ask questions or refuse any particular part of the exam. The doctor was very accomodating. There wasn't a lot of probing and my daughter didn't feel comfortable with the breast exam so she demonstrated on herself(over her clothes) so my daughter could practice at home in private.

I also allowed her to pick where she wanted to go to dinner after the exam....

Good luck with your marriage - I am a single mom - - - my ex was abusive, so I had no choice - but I have a lot of great ideas on making the marriage better if you are ever interested....

Hate to play devil's advocate but if she is really uncomfortable and it is just a regular check-up then it wouldn't hurt to postpone it for several months. Call her Dr. and explain that you will bring her in at a later date. Her body is changing and she doesn't want strangers staring and touching her? That I can understand. If she is basically healthy than a postponed appt. is a good way to teach your growing daughter that you listen and understand her deepest concerns.