Daughter in Law Pg with Twins

Updated on November 02, 2010
A.F. asks from Austin, TX
22 answers

Adorable daughter in law is preg with twins. These will be "our" first children/ grandchildren. DIL is tiny and is already showing at 15 weeks. I am looking for suggestions as to ways I can be helpful, but not in the way. I do not want this to be all about the babies and not be supportive of the newly expecting parents. What would be "great gifts", contributions for them? Massages for DIL, dinners for both, house cleaning services? Suggestions?????

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answers from San Francisco on

OMG! You are the best MIL ever - can I steal you!? LOL! Seriously though, the best thing to do is tell them you'd like to help/spoil them a little and throw out some of those ideas. Congrads on becoming a Grandmother!

2 moms found this helpful


answers from Johnstown on

As a mom of twins myself, I would suggest cleaning services for her in the last few weeks of pregnancy and the weeks after. Also, just be there to lend a hand every now and then--she's going to be a bit overwhelmed at first. Congrats to you all and you're awesome for doing what you are!

1 mom found this helpful

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answers from New York on

You are incredible sweet! When I was preggers, my mom always made a point of sending little things to my husband. The daddy is often left-out of the gifts and cards... unless they go to the shower too! She would buy him golf shirts and then find a onesie in the same color- he loved it and it made him feel really special too.

My MIL made a point of stopping by weekly with meals that could be eaten that night or frozen for those nights in the third trimester that I didn't want to cook. My parents live out-of-state, but mom did the same during the month she stayed after our son was born. This was immensely helpful and I didn't cook much for the first three months!

Depending on your budget, I wholeheartedly support the housecleaning services! I love my housekeeper and will live on rice before I give her up! When our son was born my parents "gave" my husband three months of lawn service so that he didn't have to worry about mowing/mulching during that first summer.

Offer to babysit... specifically. My in-laws don't do this and I wish they would. My parents, however always take my son for a night when they visit or when we are in FL. It's not optional... my sister has twin girls and they take the girls one Saturday a month so that my sister can run errands, grocery shop, have lunch with her husband, whatever.

My MIL stopped by each afternoon after my mom went back to FL for an hour so that I could shower/nap/run errands/walk. It was wonderful and I am eternally thankful to her for that b/c I felt like a human again!

6 moms found this helpful


answers from Dallas on

Congratulations - Gramma? Nana? MeMaw? Abeula?
So sweet of you to keep her in the equation and not just babies. Also sweet to realize you have to be careful not to push too hard. I would send a pretty card with flowers and a gift card to a romantic restaraunt. Tell her your thoughts in the card - that you adore her, are so happy for both of them and want to be involved and helpful, without overstepping. Just make yourself available. You may be called on closer to the end, in case she has to go on bed rest. I know moms of multiples sometimes do. In that case she will need dinners made and house cleaned.

4 moms found this helpful


answers from Los Angeles on

Oh, you already sound like a fantastic MIL and grandma!! :)

Love your ideas -- pregnancy massages are fabulous, housecleaning - yes!! Meals? Love it! I also loved having a full length body pillow when I was pregnant so that I could lay the side of my belly on it. Once babies are born, meals are sooo appreciated!

Congratulations, wish all MIL's were so helpful!!

4 moms found this helpful


answers from San Antonio on

Will you me MY MIL?? I want a massage!

I love your suggestions you posted -- massage, dinners, house cleaning service. Save a lot of these for when she's on bed rest or right before the babies come, when she won't be able to stand at the stove or when she'll have that desire to clean everything the week before the twins arrive. Hire the cleaning crew to come THAT week.

Other than that, just be up front and say "If you want someone to come to a drs appt with you, just let me know. I won't have hurt feelings if you don't want me there, but if you're tired and want me to drive you, just let me know."

When my friend was prego with her twins and on bedrest for her last month, she got lonely. I would go over to her place after work, bring her a Sonic limeade (her favorite) and we'd just hang out and chat till her husband came home.

3 moms found this helpful


answers from Bakersfield on

Chances are she will have a huge tummy and will appreciate any "comfort" gifts. I think if you put yourself in her shoes you'll know just what she will need as she progresses. You sound like a lovely MIL.... do be careful with advice.... just remember not to give it unless asked in most cases.
They will need double everything... so start buying stuff in twos ;)

3 moms found this helpful


answers from Chicago on

My MIL law paid for a cleaning service during my last trimester and a few months after my babies were born. This was the BEST! I appreciated it so much. She did this with all three pregnancies. I often joke about getting pregnant again, just so I can have 6 more months of a free cleaning service!

3 moms found this helpful


answers from San Diego on

No suggestions really but I just wanted to say you are going to make a wonderful grandma. I bet most people reading this wish that you were thier mother-in-law. I know I do! Good Luck to you and your family on a healthy delievery of two very special gifts.


3 moms found this helpful


answers from Beaumont on

Gosh, I wish you were MY MOL!! All of the above are extremely thoughtful gestures. You are blessed to have each other. Best of luck....

2 moms found this helpful


answers from Dover on

Your ideas sound wonderful (if she doesn't want the massages, you can adopt me!). Another idea is pajamas or nightgowns for the expecting mom because hers may not fit much longer. You can also ask her what would be most helpful/welcomed. Let her know that you are there to help and support her and your son now and later. You could ask what items she may want when it comes time to go to the hospital that you may be able to get her.

Once the babies come, don't forget that you are grandma but they are the parents (I know a lot of grandparents have trouble with that adjustment).

2 moms found this helpful


answers from Austin on

Man can I have you as my MIL. Not that mine's not great but then again not so great. Everything you listed would be great just don't over do it. Do things in sections. A meal here or there or fill the fridge with easy meal ideas to make it easy for DIL. Also, cleaning is great as well. Pregnant ur so tired. If you do it or cleaning service something once or twice a month where it gets everything disinfected and mopped etc. Dinner for two to a restaurant. Love the messages for DIL. When I was pregnant I just wanted someone to tell me the truth. Yes it will probably hurt unless the doctor gives you some good drugs, which, oh yeah they are good drugs. LOL What the feeling is that tells you it's time. Drs like to say "You'll know" they don't say "Well, when all of a sudden you feel like you need to go number 2 right then, that's the feeling baby's coming." Funny stories of delivery, if the doctor left you hanging as the head was coming out to see if the lady next door was faster - happened to me 1st baby, 2nd baby - doctor left to do rounds 2 floors up and nurse is holding your legs closed so baby doesn't come before dr gets there - happened to me). I think I told the nurse to tell the dr to get her A&& here now. Plus both of mine 12 and 14 hrs then came within minutes of someone bringing in food. Next baby someone's getting dinner after 2 hours. Also things to expect when baby comes. Gift certificate or take her to buy maternity clothes. I could go on and on.

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Detroit on

You are an awsome Mother to your DIL! Congrads.

1 mom found this helpful


answers from College Station on

Food, food, and more food


Food, food, and more food

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Houston on

I love you!

Any of the options you already thought are great. A massage... but the more you will be able to help her is after the babies are born. Your DIL will be extremely tired and with lack of sleep and if she gets at C-section because they are two, also in A LOT of pain, so if you have a great relationship and with a good "talk" before hand, Cleaning services will be of a great, great help! That will take a load off her hands and help her not to stress about the house.

Make sure that the help does LAUNDRY!!!

Also food for the last week of her pregnancy and food regularly the first two or three weeks after the babies are born will be a blessing... not dinning out, more like ready to eat food for everyday so she does not have to take care of that and worry about dinner for her and her husband.

Personally I would have welcomed this kind of help no matter what, but a lot of people may think that it could be intrusive so you woul like to talk to your son or your DIL before doing something.... but a gift card for a massage will be welcome as a surprise without having to talk about it or offer it ;)

Please, as you are so considerate... just a little reminder... never, never offer advise related to the babies without being asked, your DIL will be very sensitive and may feel criticized... Let her know that you are available and willing to help if needed.

You are awesome!

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Anchorage on

All your ideas are great gift ideas! That, and just letting them know they can come to you if they need anything :)

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Boise on

Wow, you are sooooo sweet. Closer to the occasion, I would bring over some frozen 2 person meals for them to heat up when they first get home...big help! Massages would be wonderful, but make sure that the place does prenatal massage. Maybe some dinners out for them before the babies come (not so much after the fact). Cleaning services would be great as soon as she is feeling overwhelmed either with the pregnancy or the babies. Also, let them know that you are there to help, if they need it, they may appreciate someone spending the night to help out and be sleep deprived with them the first couple weeks, but don't force it, just let them know you are available.



answers from Dallas on

All of your suggestions are great. I would of loved someone to clean the house. We did have family and friends bring dinner the first week and that was wonderful. Massages were nice while pregnant. My best piece of advice to help, but not be in the way, is to only give advice when asked. With my first child I was just trying to figure things out, and what really irritated me was my MIL constantly offering suggestions and offering to help. The worst was when she got mad that I refused her help. But she would always want to help with the wrong things. She wanted to help me make a bottle, don't need two people for that. If she would of offered to cook or clean, that would of been great. Talk to your DIL and son and offer your help make sure they know they can ask, and then leave it to them to ask. I always felt that my MIL was questioning my judgment and my parenting skills by always asking to help. It may not have been the case, but as a new mom, that's how I felt.



answers from Houston on

If she is you daughter in law and not your daughter, I would offer but not give unless asked for or requested by her and your son. A daughter in law never wants to feel in debt with her mother in law.



answers from College Station on

I would suggest sitting down with your DIL and simply asking her what she would find helpful during her pregnancy. I am sure she would appreciate your asking. Congratulations and good luck to the new parents to be. Twins are a double blessing. Mine are now 33 years old.




answers from Austin on

Congratulations! I am a practical person, so I would ask your husband what your DIL would like if you want to surprise her. Baby stuff (big or little) is expensive when it all has to be done in two's so see what you can contribute to. And don't assume she would love a massage. I don't. But I do like eating out as we can't afford to very often and it is a real treat.

Maybe a coupon book for when the babies have come. Nights of babysitting, meals, cleaning service, etc. Have your husband give you ideas.



answers from Houston on

When I was pregnant with twins, my MIL was great about taking me out to eat. I also loved watermelon while I was pregnant and she bought me some whenever she saw me. Later in the pregnancy when she gets humongous, grocery shopping for her would probably be nice, too. Anyway, congrats!

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