Here is my predicament ….My daughter is just about to be 7 years old. She is in the 1st grade she has been friends with one girl “K” for a few years now. They met back in Pre-school. They go to school together, are in the same after school program and even do the girl scouts together. Things between them have changed this year a third girl “J” has entered the group. “J” is in school and the after school program with both my daughter and “K”. Things with all 3 girls were cool for awhile but for the last 4 months or so it is as though “J” competes with the other 2 girls for their attention..”J” will decide to be nice to one of the girls and not so nice to the other, and then wants the girl she is being nice to to not be so nice to the other girl. Now my daughter and “K” are having issues because “K” follows along with the not so nice behavior of “J”. There has been a # of times in the last few months where I pick my daughter up from the after school program and she is in teas because “J” and “K” keep telling her she can’t play with them.
Both myself and my daughter’s father have spoken to both of the other mothers about this and we are all very aware of the problem that is going on. My daughters father has even and a conversation with the 3 girls about this and all he gets is rude back talk from both “J” and “K” .The response we get back from the other 2 mothers is that “Girls will be girls”. This just doesn’t sit well with me. My daughter keeps coming home with her feelings hurt. I really don’t know what else I can do, if the other mothers aren’t going to do anything about it on their part.
I have tried talking to my daughter about it and telling her she should find some other kids to play with, but at the same time her and “K” have a great friendship as long as “J” isn’t around. It even goes as far as “J” yelling at my daughter to get her to stay away form “K”.
I worry that my daughter is going to start to dislike school because of the behavior of the other 2 girls. She came home this Friday telling me she no longer has friends because “J” and “K” were being mean again.
Don’t know what else to do …..Any advice would be appreciated.
Well its been awhile since I posted my predicament with my 7 year-old daughter…..since then I have had my baby boy…he is now just about 2 months old.
Just stopping in to let all know what happened with the girls at school that my daughter was having problems with. It took sometime but now J and my daughter don’t hang out. The school has also taken steps to separate the girls…they sit completely across the room from each other. I am happy to say that this whole ordeal hasn’t effected my daughters relationship with K they are still very much as good as friends as ever.
Maybe you have the parents over for lunch or dinner one day with the children and present the problem to everyone and see what the reaction is? If you still don't accomplish anything then unfortuanetly your daughter may learn a hard lesson. Let me know what happens.
Hi S.,
Unfortunately, this is a lesson our girls have to learn even at this early age.....I had a 2 similar situations with my daughter. It was a hurtful experience, but I spoke to her from the heart and explained how catty girls can be and why things happen the way they do(I spoke in words & terms she could understand). Luckily, my daughter understood my explanation. Try explaining that sometimes different personalities don't always fit together or work well together. Perhaps setting up play dates with other little girls so that she sees that there are other possible friendships. If possible, set up a play date with someone else everyday for a week so that your daughter won't depend so much on "K" in after school. Tell her that if "K" makes her cry then perhaps she is not a true friend. True friends stick together...etc. I found it truly amazing that at the tender age of 7 and 11, I had to explain how catty we women are and why and that sometimes we are better off without someone as a friend. Speak to her realisticly, from the heart and on her level. Good luck.
I was in a very similar situation as a child. Only the girl trying to take my best friend away tried to get me in a lot of trouble. She took my best friends flute and her own and put hers inside my bag. Shes the one that discovered it in there. My best friends never turned up. Only the case a few weeks later. I can remember being in the principals ofice many times over this girl that year. My friend and I are still friends today despite of what happened.
My advise to you is to do everything you can to stop it before it gets worse. You should talk to the principal and all the teachers that come in contact with the 3 of the together. Try to get your daughter not to hang out with her friend until she stops being mean. Do not allow her over to your house, and explain it to her mother and to her the reason that she is not allowed over, until she can stop the mean behavior. If it was the other way around you bet the other mother would be yelling at you. Even if you have to, take your daughter out of the after school program for a while. Or if there is another program she can be in, I suggest switching her to that.
I wish you the best of luck and hope this helps.
I just typed a really long response only to see that your problem was posted in March and that it has since been resolved. I am really happy to hear that!
S...
Hi! My soon to be 7 year old daughter had a very similiar situation. She too was having trouble with the afterschool program. She would come home complaining/crying that she didn't want to go anymore. Long story short, 1 or 2 girls weren't including her. I told her to ask others to play etc and when she continued to be upset, I spoke to my daughters teacher. Since then, it has been much better and I have not heard a complaint. Her teacher is part of the afterschool program so she was able to have a talk with the kids about being mean and not including.. How would that make you feel stuff :) I would suggest talking to teachers/directors of afterschool to see if they can give you some insight. Hope this helps..
K.
Hi S.~ My daughter has similar problems with her one cousing when their are other children around. Her cousin will ignore her or go off with the other children or be down right rude to her to the point of tears. My mom and I have talked with my daughter and have been trying to teach her not to beg anyone to play with her and to always have a plan b. Meaning that if the child that she desires to play with is being mean, she can either find something else to do on her own or find another child to play with. This has been some work but is successful. I praise her when she handles a situation without tears and utilizes her plan b. but it is heartbreaking to watch your child go through this.
