My 6 year old daughter has come home crying on several occasions. She
says that she is being hugged / squeezed too hard at school by one of
the girls. I know the girl who is hugging / squeezing dd has
behavioral problems in school and struggles academically too. Also,
she has a brand new baby sister born on election day. Please tell me
what to do about this. I have tried having dd talk to the girl,
talking to the girl myself and the teacher tells me she has talked to
this girl a couple of times. I even tried praising this girl in front
of her mom for not doing this for a few weeks. However, the hugging /
squeezing started again. I do not think this girl is on a mission to
hurt my daughter, but do not want my daughter coming home upset
either. I want my daughter to love school. Please advise. Thanks
Well, I told the counselor what my daughter was going to do to defend herself and now I am not sure whether to be upset or not. They told my daughter that if she tries to bring her arms up from straight at her sides and then slide down and run, then she will be in trouble for "using martial arts in school" and that someone might get hurt because someone might fall. Now, my daughter does not want to protect herself because this girl is leaning into her while hugging her. My daughter is Tiny for her age and also skipped a grade so a normal size child leaning into her hurts. She literally only weighs 38 lbs at age 6. Plus, this girl is digging her nails into my child's back. At first, I was furious. They seemed to be caring more about the girl who was hugging / hurting my daughter then about my daughter who was being hurt. However, I do have compassion for the girl and her family. This girl does have physical, emotional and academic needs. I do understand that. Also, I called my father and he tells me that if my daughter physically breaks free of the hold, it does not mean that this girl will stop either. She might think my daughter is playing a game and hold her even harder next time. I am seriously considering home schooling, but my daughter is very social. One of her biggest dislikes about public school is that sometimes she cannot find people to play with and I am told that several children are still into parallel play so it is not that they do not like her. I do not want my daughter to be a doormat though as if she does not learn to defend herself now, what is going to happen when an actual assailant comes? Also, the teacher said she is working on assertive voice with my daughter. I guess this is a good thing, but I still think that the word "no" is "no" even if said sheepishly or in a happy voice as my daughter has been saying it. My new question is how can I as a mom who does not like to drive due to vision issues somehow create a homeschooling environment where my daughter gets a lot of social interaction with other six year olds?
I also took TaeKwonDo for many years and I can attest to the defensive nature of the sport - it is not aggressive like some other forms of martial arts; plus it's great discipline, good exercise, and builds self-confidence. I hope your daughter's defense tactics work!!
What if you were to have your daughter make a sign like a sticker, that says, "Hug gently' ... perhaps make a bunch for all the kids. Maybe it's 'hug gently week' ... this will act as a reminder for the offender, since she is probably having a hard time remembering and it's more of impulse-control
You are limited in what you can do. You can talk to the teacher again. If you do not feel that is working then you can talk to the principal. Some schools discourage that kind of behavior because it is a good way to spread lice which often makes its way through schools. If going through all of the steps is not working you might consider switching schools or homeschooling in order to preserve your daughters love of learning.
Have you talk to her mom about it. Actually talked to her instead of just mentioning it in front of her? I would if I were you. I would tell her that her daughter is hurting your daughter and while you understand that she's trying to be affectionate, it's not in a apropriate fashion. You would appreciate this mothers help with the problem. You are requesting that her daughter not be allowed to touch your daughter until she has learned to control this behavior once and for all.
I hope the other mom will be open minded and receptive, and if you phrase it correctly and in the right tone of voice, you can make it sound like she'd be doing you a huge favor and you'd really appreciate it. She's more likely to help out if you can accomplish that.
Hey C.,
Does the girl just run up to your daughter and hug her? Or does she say something to her to have her start hugging her? I know several children that do this and don't realize what they are doing.
I would suggest your daughter to be firm to her friend and say no hugging today, they hurt! and if she still tries to hug her tell your daughter to walk away, if she starts chasing her tell her to say no and firm this should make the girl stop and think. If she keeps doing it have her play somewhere else away from her. And this should make the girl question why she's not playing with her and if she ask why she's not playing with her she could respond back that I will play with you when you don't hurt me by hugging me.
Hopefully this helps.
J. Z.
www.jenniferzaranis.com
It sounds like you've tried talking to the teacher, and the mom as well. At this point, you've done all that you can. I'd call the principal and get the principal involved to talk with the mom and the teacher. If it doesn't stop, I'd go as far as asking for your daughter to be put in another class. If your daughter comes home w/ any bruises, I'd take her to the doctor and have her checked out, so that you have medical evidence of what this little girl is doing to your daughter. That's more than enough for the school to take action. Good luck!
