Dating Your Spouse

Updated on September 24, 2015
M.3. asks from Twentynine Palms, CA
20 answers

How often do you guys go on dates? Are the husbands planning or do the wives make the plans? I'm afraid we are not dating enough. With the 3 kids after school activities & friends its hard to fit in!

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answers from Los Angeles on

Maybe once a month we go out for lunch or dinner without the kids, probably less. A movie or a concert a couple of times a year. A weekend overnight away once a year. We just don't have the time for more. I am the planner and plan everything, always.

4 moms found this helpful


answers from Baton Rouge on

We don't call it a date, but we do plan together for Us Time. It doesn't necessarily mean going out or spending money. Last night, for example, we cooked dinner together and played backgammon, something we both love.

3 moms found this helpful

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answers from Amarillo on

Put your date night on the calendar just like anything other activity. Perhaps you need to cut out an activity of the kids for you guys alone. Just make sure you two know why you are together so that when the kids are gone you will still be going strong and not be two strangers in the same room.

the other S.

PS Make you guys a priority.

5 moms found this helpful


answers from Dallas on

One of our priorities has always been date night. So when I got pregnant and had our daughter, our priority was to continue our date nights. We've rarely missed date night weekly.

We went once a week and it was in the budget. We are a plane ticket away from family and I paid a sitter $60-$80 one night a week. It was a priority to fit in our time among all of the other activities and work.

Daughter is 20 now, moved out for college and we still go out once a week, actually more now that she's moved out!

We have regular things we love to do and most of our dates are mutually planned. NYE 2015 will be our 27th anniversary.

Make some time to reconnect, talk about things other than children the whole time. Focus on each other! Best wishes!

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answers from Washington DC on

What's that?

Haha - I know it's so important, but it's SO expensive. We are busy with work and kids activities 7 days a week most times. Sunday's are reserved for family and friends football (we have people over every week), so those are out for dates. With 3 kids, it's a $10 an hour charge for the sitter, and then the meal, movies, paint night, cooking class, all costs money. My husband was unemployed for 9 months and then I took a huge pay cut for job stability, and that has limited our fun funds to not much at all.

We were for a while doing home date nights every other week. The kids would go to bed and we would watch a movie, play a game, cards, just talk, whatever....maybe we can get back to that.

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answers from Washington DC on

well, we don't "date" necessarily - but we do carve out time just for us.

We used to go out EVERY Wednesday night when our kids were in day care (that long ago). Now every Wednesday night is family night - we watch a movie or play games. No cell phones. It's all about the family being together.

If you can't afford a babysitter? Put the kids to bed early one night a week and have a blanket party in your living room - just the two of you. You HAVE to want to carve out the time. YOU CAN DO IT!!

3 moms found this helpful


answers from Portland on

Years ago we used to plan date night, hire a sitter and go see a movie or out to dinner. I can remember being so tired with little kids, working full time and getting ready to go - both of us falling asleep at the movies.

Nowadays we're far more spontaneous. If we find ourselves without the kids, we'll say "Let's go get brunch!". We have a few little neat places nearby we like to frequent (without kids) - even just coffee overlooking this wonderful view we have nearby.

For me, it's about reconnecting. We're pretty simple in our tastes, so it could be a walk on a local trail without kids. Now that our kids are old enough to babysit, we are able to do this more. But it's more about taking advantage of when it works out than planning for it. I like being more spontaneous.

We did just go out with my family (adults only) this past week and that was great. I enjoy that also. We also go on a shopping trip (not my husband's thing at all but he will stock up if we do this) with another couple once a year. That's fun. Very relaxed and we all get along and there's no pressure. It's more about the food and company.

I would say I probably suggest it more, but I have more time (my husband goes flat out).

3 moms found this helpful


answers from Boston on

Between dating and marriage hubby and I have been together for 35 yrs. I think you can count on your fingers how many Saturday night date nights we've missed. Its a priority in our lives to spend time together away from the kids. My inlaws watched my oldest daughter when she was a newborn and my dad watched the kids after my mil passed away. When they got a little older we hired a couple teens until the older girls were old enough to watch the younger 2.

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answers from Phoenix on

His daughter is out of the house and my 2 are almost 16 and 13. They are at their dads every other weekend so we have from Fri after school until Sunday at church to have a very long date. I do have to say that is the best thing about being divorced...a break every other week.

The kids sometimes spend the night at my moms as well and we do on occasion go out during the week, but not often since we have the 2 weekends per month.

When the kids were younger (they were 4, 7 and 11 when we got together), they were all in their rooms by 8pm every night so mom and dad could have "quiet time". They didn't have to sleep but had to stay in there...and they did. They just went to sleep when they were tired and I would go in and shut off lights and radios and tuck them in. I have to say that was the best thing we did because then we could hang out and get caught up on the day without it being really late if the kids were still up and about. Maybe you can try something like that? Good luck.

ETA: I forgot the 'who does the planning' question. We mutually decide where to go. Mostly out to eat and movies are my favorite. Sometimes we go somewhere local in the mountains to get out of the heat, either for the day or stay overnight, depending on if we have the money. And I do have to say that if you can't always get away together, try to do nice things for each other. After 7.5 years together he still randomly brings me home flowers and I will pick him up some of his favorite treats that he doesn't eat often. We also send flirty texts to each other daily. Just to keep things interesting. lol

3 moms found this helpful


answers from Houston on

Our go to date night is a late dinner after the kids go to bed which we do a couple of times a month. We don't have the cost of a babysitter and there's no hassle of actually leaving the house so you get more time together to just be. Typically we either do a takeaway meal or a pick up meal from the grocery store. We are not above a dinner of canned soup, though. The whole affair is low key but it works for us. It does result in a later than normal bedtime but we manage because we find the reward worth the reduced sleep.

Our other option is the monthly parents’ night out via our daycare. It is heaven on earth for an affordable price. We get a block of time where we can focus on being a couple while not worrying about our kids and who is minding them. We had a couple of bad babysitting experiences so the daycare option has been a huge blessing.

As far as planning we wing it together. The biggest discussion is always the food because meals with kids are so rushed and confining in terms of cuisine. We enjoy planning the food and then taking time to enjoy each bite with good conversation to boot.

3 moms found this helpful


answers from New York on

Date night/play date. Who coined those terms. Makes me nuts. When kids were little, we got out when we could. Police officers schedules are crazy. My kids and my grandkids have friends over to play or they go there. Usually it's last minute. I guess we do not plan dates, we just fly by the seat of our pants lol.

2 moms found this helpful


answers from New Orleans on

My husband and I been almost married for 10 years in December. We went on very few over the years. We went on one kinda ,maybe the end February and my eye appointment got moved on that day of our date night. So we spent 4 o'clock in the afternoon, for my eye exam and to get contacts, we and parked up and ate taco bell, went to toys r us( yes, I know we don't have a life) and academy and head back to pick up kids at the inlaws. Second date night was maybe the beginning of August before school started back. We didn't have a date night but got alone time to walk in stores to get what we needed without 4 kids asking/screaming for things. And our van overheated about 1 1/2 hours into our time that we made it short and thankfully we made it home without calling a tow truck. Most times on Saturday nights my husband and I usually watch a tv program or a movie and have our time afterwards. We agreed on what to do for date nights, most of the time they dont go as planned anyway. Lol.

2 moms found this helpful


answers from Oklahoma City on

If you can afford to go on weekly dates you should pick an evening where you have a standing babysitter set up to come each week. This money needs to be set aside along with the anticipated cost of the date so it can't be put off due to not having money.

Also, if a babysitter is guaranteed a steady income from a family then they are more likely to say no to others who call and ask them to babysit.

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answers from St. Louis on

Never had a date night, haven't dated since we got married, we go out together a lot.

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answers from Wausau on

If by 'dates' you mean out of the house, sans kids, to do some traditional dating activity, then my husband and I almost never do that. When was the live-action Cinderella in the theater? March? I think that was the last time. Or we might have gone out for lunch together once after that. I don't remember!

We're much more likely to plan to curl up on the couch together and binge watch a streaming show that we both like.

If you feel like you need that time out and away, then do what you need to do to make it happen. Just don't subscribe to someone's arbitrary quantity. There is no 'enough' or 'not enough'. You just do what works for the two of you and makes you happy. :-)

2 moms found this helpful


answers from Raleigh on

We have a 2 year old and a 7 week old so we haven't been out in quite awhile. One date since my 2 year old was born and being gone was a mess. We have no family nearby and aren't close with them anyway, and we are fairly new to the area so we don't know many people yet.
That being said, we do try to relax in the late evening for an hour or so before bed. Catch up, have a drink, watch tv, whatever we need that day. And we definitely build in time on the weekends for alone time when we can. I know for me, being alone is very re energizing in itself. Same for him. We figure we are in the thick of things now but it will get easier as we go.

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answers from Anchorage on

It varies. When he is taking classes in grad school, his job gives him3 hours paid time off each week so when he is in school we tend to do a lunch date every Friday, which his wonderful. When he is not in school we don't have as much time, but we try to make sure we get out just the two of us at least once a month. It used to be a lot less before we could leave the kids home alone for a couple of hours.

Most of the time I suggest something to do (a movie or art show ect) and then he picks a place to eat before hand or after the show.

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answers from Chicago on

No where near enough. Once a week we sit, drink and talk. Sometimes we do this twice a week. About once a month we try to go out, have the kids stay at my parents, but it's more like every 3 months. I'm trying to get us on a schedule, but my mom is a social butterfly that is always sick.

I just read a book that said couples don't need more time together. It said what they need is time to replenish themselves. Right now we are making time alone for each of us a priority, and as the kids get older, we will go out more. But with a 2 year old, it's hard. I also can't stomach dropping 80 on a sitter. We have neighbors with kids close in age to ours. Once we know each other a bit better, I'm going to suggest swapping sitting on a bi-monthly basis. We could go out on an afternoon date and be home to out the kids to bed.

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Lakeland on

I stopped dating when I married my husband.

Maybe you should change the question to "how often do you get out with just your spouse or partner"?

We try to get out when we can but usually something always comes up.

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Savannah on

Once a week we go out to eat at least. We both have input. It helps that my older son is old enough to watch his little brother. But we have also used my mom as a baby sitter.

1 mom found this helpful
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