Dating and Children

A.,
This is not a good thing that you are dealing with here.If you don't take a stand right now;this will continue and may get worse.You need to tell your boyfriend how you feel about this whole situation.Haley doesn't need this kind of influence in her life.
Your boyfriend's daughter's behavior towards you may be cause you aren't her mom.And she doesn't like her dad with anyone else.Trust me i know cause i am a stepmom.But she is so young;her attitude shouldn't be like that.He needs to be more firm with her and not let her get away with things. He is letting her run all over him.
Haley is acting like this cause she sees his daughter acting this way.And she knows it is wrong,but she wants to do it anyway.My 7 yr old does the same thing.With lieing and not doing her homework.She sees her older brother doing it and wants to be like him.She knows that it is wrong,but does it anyway.I don't understand it. I know you are worried and very frustrated. No you aren't wrong for the way you feel.
If your boyfriend can't understand where you are coming from and doesn't want to do anything about;then maybe he isn't the one you ought to be with. I am very sorry that you are going through this. I hope that this helps you in some way.

A.,

To be honest, I do not feel that you should be living with him yet. Your daughter is acting and reacting according the situation she is living in right now. In your situation, I would move out. You can talk to your boyfriend, and tell him you are not ready for this and you think that both of you should talk about some things that you are not agreed with. You do not have to be rude or mad, just talk to him and move out, then you will see if he is the one. Your daughter and yourself are before anything else.

Good luck and don't be afraid to stand for your happiness and peace of mind.

Alejandra

hello i know how you are feeling with the gettin away with things cause i have 2 stepdaughters they r 12 and 16 and they get away with everything they r here everyother weekend and they come over on tues and wed evenings they dont have to clean up anything and believe the more u say the worse things get we have been married for 4 years now and i myslef sometimes want to just leave as for the bathing with his daughter that is wrong she is too old for him to bath with her you r right for feeling turned off i never had that prob. our daughter we have together turns to me for everything she knows that he will side with his kids from his first wife. and in my case with having a child together i dont want toleave so i stick it out. but my advice to you would be sit down have a long chat with him bout the things that bother you and maybe move out and try to work on the things that r coming between you and him cause if you have a child with him befor things r worked out it will be worse you need to think bout yourself and your daughter.the longer you let the problems brew inside your head the worse it will be i can say that from experience we have had alot of ups and downs his daughters do give me that grief also and we have lived together for over a year befor we were married so the reactions you r gettin from his daughter is to be expected as she is young and im sure does not understand whats going on however if you and he dont get things out in the open on your true feeling it will not end good just take a lil time away work on things if its true love and meant to be everything will work out great good luck and always remember you put your daughter first and also yourself befor and guy

Sounds like a pretty tough situation!

I would definately say you are not "wrong" for the way you feel; you feel the way you do, and shouldn't have to justify it or think it's wrong to feel that way. If it weirds you out, then you are weirded out, and just my own opinion, rightfully so. It is kind of strange to have a grown man bathing with his daughter. Now on the other hand, when I was little, I used to take baths with my mom. Not my dad though.

I think you should talk to him about how you feel. About the kids anyway. Haley does not seem to be responding to her new environment well and you think that both girls need to maintain good schedules, have a "house rule" book, and be consistent with both girls. If he is unresponsive or indifferent to your requests or outright battles you on it and refuses to concede at all, I would start loooking for a new place.

As for the bathing, it's strange but remember most parents will raise their kids a lot like they were raised. Maybe his mom was a very affectionate person who bathed with her kids (and 30 or 40 years ago that was an alright thing to do) and he likes the extra quality time with his daughter. If he intends to do it for years to come though, then you get into a really really weird situation. Might want to rethink this A....OR you could help combat it by offering to give the girls a bath, both girls. Do her bath before he gets home work so he doesn't have the oppurtunity to weird you out!

I wish the best of luck; you care because you care about him. I know it's hard, I still don't see eye to eye with my boyfriend on child rearing and I think it will continue to be an issue, but we try to work it out whenever we disagree on things and move past it. You are coming from a different place with just completely different parenting tactics then him and I think it's a big enough deal that it alone will ruin the relationship if you can't work it out and compromise, and reach an agreement on how to handle things inside your home! You live there too now, you and your daughter, so something has to give or it won't work out. I would make sure he realizes that.