Dating and Being Single.

Updated on January 19, 2007
M.G. asks from Glenpool, OK
10 answers

I've been single since my daughter was born, pretty much. with only one serious boyfriend but he didnt have kids and we werent together long. i've recently started dating again and i've found a great guy. he has an 8 yr old daughter. we havent hung out all together yet. but we've met each other's kids. but im wondering how slow i should take things? i really like this man and we have known each other since high school so its not like we're total strangers. i guess im basically just wondering if any other single moms have these fears, doubts and questions about dating again [im SURE they do!] and what you did to work through it.

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So What Happened?

thanks for all the advice! this was my first post on mamasource but i will surely be posting more! you guys are all so sweet and non judging. i love it.

ive decided to break things off with him but its because of personal differences. we both have changed alot since high school and we really dont have much in common besides both being single parents. so better to break it off early than to drag it out!

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answers from Bloomington on

I have the same doubts. I am a single mom of a 2 year old and 5 year old and I often question myself about dating. I have had many male friends but do not know if it is okay to date and how the kids would react to a new man in their life so I just stay on friend terms and never anything more, but I know there will be a point in life will I will want it to be more for myself in life but I just have doubts about when it is right for the kids.

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answers from Topeka on

I was in the same situation with my daughter and my husband. Your gut will tell you what to do. I know I dated my husband for about 3-4 months before I let him meet my daughter, I wanted to know that it was going to go somewhere before I brought her into it, we took things slow I think. My daughter didn't always join our dates but we really only saw eachother about 1-2 times per week because I needed to spend most of my time with my daughter, after we dated for a year he moved in with us and I talked to my daugher about him moving in. She was so happy because she never knew her real dad so she only knew my hubby as daddy. I never taught her to call him that it just happened and he was excited about it so I allowed her to do that and we have now been together for like 4 years and married for almost 2. Just do what your gut tells you to do.

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Tulsa on

I agree about moving very slow. I did it all wrong when I split from my oldest's father and totally blew it to the point they cut off my visitation.

I shoulda known better cause my mother was alway quick to marry and try to blend a stranger into the house.

If your daughter has any reservations about this man you need to take them seriously. Some of it may be rooted in jealousy but there might be something else that will cause a rift in your relationship and lead her to making big mistakes in her own future.



answers from Columbia on

Theres not much more I can tell you that the other mothers havent already said cause they are right. Take it slow and the gentleman meeting the kids should only happen if your sure its going to work out between you all but then again noone really knows things could work out for 2 years and then go sour so all you really can do is be slow and carefull and follow your heart. I am single also and have been so for almost 2 years. I dont date much cause I never really get a chance to meet people. I go to work and then go home to my 13 year old daughter. Within the last year my daughter has actually been pushing me to date. I guess she is tired of seeing me alone or something cause she actually tries to point out guys for me and has even made suggestions on a few of her single teachers. I find it kind of funny, but I dont want her to think that I have to have a man in my life to be happy. I want her to know that alone or with someone she should stand on her own two feet. She says that she just wants me to have someone to love and that she knows I will love her no matter what.



answers from Kansas City on

You didn't mention how long you've been dating.

I had a 10 month old when I started dating my now husband, so I wasn't worried about her because if we didn't work out, she wouldn't have been the wiser. But his daughter was then 7 years old. He didn't even introduce her to me until we both felt secure in the relationship. But even then I was the 'friend.' But that was just a few months into dating because things WERE going so well. We got engaged within 6 months and married a year after meeting, so all was for the best.

I guess I'm saying that if you feel comfortable in the relationship and strongly see a future with him, then go ahead and introduce the kids. You never know, maybe they always wanted a sister and they'll bond like crazy, which will only bring the two of you closer together!

Good luck



answers from Oklahoma City on

I'm a single mom as well, and completely understand how critical timing is. When you have a child it's almost impossible for dating to be casual. You think about things you probably never would have before! Ultimately I think it's up to you and what you're comfortable with, and the guy you're dating as well. I would just talk to him about. He probably is worried about the same thing!

I have a 2-year old son, and I also, have pretty much been single since he was born. I've tried dating a little bit, but nothing serious. I also don't think I was ready. Kids take up a lot of time, and us single mom's generally don't have the option to stay at home:). So my time spent on the weekends and night was precious and I didn't want to share it with anyone but my son. I think I'm finally ready to start dating again though...actually I know I'm ready-it's time!:) I really think it would help to date men who have children. They understand your position, and what it means to love someone more than yourself. So good luck to you-have fun, you deserve it!



answers from St. Louis on

I went through the same thing. Even after my second one was born I was single for a while there. Dating was very hard because for me I never had a babysitter. If I wanted to spend time with someone usually they would come over after the girls were in bed for a movie or something. While I wanted to wait as long as possible to really expose my daughter to any guy I was dating, it was also an important part of the progressing relationship. His behavior around the love of my life could make or break his b/f potential. Its a really sticky situation because you are left wondering "if things don't work out will it effect my child." And from what Ive seen yes it will....for about 5 minutes. At least at these young ages. The truth is when your daughter looks back she wont hold things like that against you. As long as she can see she comes first and that you date decent men and show acceptable single-mommy dating behavior she will respect you.




answers from Wichita on

How long have you been together with this guy?

There is no set time for everyone on this matter. Every one is different but you will know and don't worry about what anyone else thinks. But if there are any doubts, slow it down, I would not bring everyone together until you are sure that this is something that is going to last, that way children are not being hurt either you know?

I was a single mom for many years, in the beginning with one child and later in life with 3 and I am now married to the greatest most understanding guy!

It is hard, if you have "the feeling" then you just have to jump in and go for it! If you don't you might miss out :)

Email me if you want to talk more, I would share more with you!!




answers from Kansas City on

Very slow. Everything you do affects your children, yours and his. Good luck.



answers from Tulsa on

Hey M. ~ I was a single mom also, when I started dating I did not let my son have interaction with that guy. At first I did not say anything about wanting to settle down ect...It can scare a guy off. But I got tired of being played. So the next guy I dated on the first date I told him I only wanted to date with the intentions of marriage and if he did not want that then that was fine. I was tired of playing games and was not going to do that to my son! I told him at any time he knew that he could not marry me to let me know. I know that we have to get to know each other. But it must of worked 6 months later we were engaged and I started letting the guys have some time to get to know eachother before we got married an moved in with each other. I wanted it to be a eaiser transition for all of us. My son would stay Saturday nights with my husband. THe guys still have a very strong bond! Hope this helps I know exactly how you feel! Feel free to email me off line if you want. best of luck! S.

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