Dating After Divorce

Updated on September 26, 2006
C.H. asks from Indianapolis, IN
6 answers

Ways to help my child adjust to mom having a man in my life after 3 years of solitude. Dad is causing problems and saying things about the new guy. My daughter has only been around this one man and we've been dating for about 9 months

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answers from Indianapolis on

Has your ex husband dated since the divorce??? Tell him to mind his own business :) If you don't get it under control now he will just make your life miserable (speaking from experience, of course).



answers from Indianapolis on

I have to agree with the others, you need to talk adult to adult with your ex ( and yes I know that can be hard) and also have a conversation(age appropriate) with your daughter. I never say any thing negative(at least not in front of my children) about their dad. I believe (from experience) when mom is happy, kids are happy, and even if it takes another few months. The ex is going to have to let go and understand that you can be co parents, but your private life is your private life, also you could assure him you are not trying to replace him as a father, you are only moving on with your life.
Men have such a hard time with the whole that is mine, even after a break up, they are so territorial. Just hold your ground be positive around your daughter and be the bigger person in this situation.



answers from Lexington on

I constantly deal with a similiar situation with my five yr old son and ex-husband (divorced from him when my son was approx 5 wks)....only its usually things about me and not my husband.

Unfortunately there's nothing you can do to censure what your ex says or prevent him from saying negative and even slanderous things. What you CAN do is have a very real age-appropriate conversation with your daughter about the situation, making sure NOT to speak about her father negatively. Let her know that sometimes people say things that are not true, and are even purposely mean (usually because they themselves are are hurt and are trying to make themselves feel better) - even mommies and daddies lie and are mean sometimes, but that doesn't make it right. Make sure to provide a consistently open environment where she doesn't feel threatened about telling you what daddy said or did - if you get angry (even if he outright lies), she will clam up and never share again. Discuss it with her and ask leading questions to try and help her see the truth. If daddy says your bf is a drunk idiot, speak with her about you adn your bf's views on drinking, on what the words drunk and idiot mean, if she has ever witnessed this behavior from him (and you), and if she thinks those are nice things to say. Additionally - how does SHE think daddy might know such things? Has he met the bf? If not, how could he possibly have an opinion on behavior if he's not witnessed any? etc....

just make sure it's very non-threatening, non-judgemental, laced with NO emotion. Try to remain as logical as possible and try to lead her in logic and truth. The truth always comes out anyway.



answers from Lexington on

First of all do you have custody of your 5 year old, does the father live close by, and how often is the father involved with both you and your daughter? You have a life to live, and there is no excuse for a single man or woman to set around and be lonely. You must explain to your daughter that you are happy around this new man in your life. This new man must give attention to your daughter, and spend time with the both of you. Explain that daddy will stop saying negative things one day. And explain to your ex, that he is acting very childish. And that he should not want his child to grow up being scared to take challenges in life. And by him being negative around her, will cause her not to achieve goals in life. If this continues, seek counseling.



answers from Louisville on

I was a divorced mother of two, and I went though the same thing with a drama filled ex-husband. He would tell my children to behave badly around my new boyfriend and that he would never love them. You just have to know that the new guy that you bring around is a good guy, someone that will stick around to count out different men in and out of her life. You have to include her in you'll outings and other things. So she knows he is not taking her place. Also have an open communication, and talk to her about how what her father is doing is wrong and maybe give her some reasons to why he is doing. I not trash his name, but try to let her know what is really up.



answers from Evansville on

I know how hard it is to begin dating again after a divorce. Not only is finding someone hard enough and drama from the ex is that last thing that you need or want. I would say that I think the best thing is to talk to your ex and explain that he needs to back off. Its your life and you wouldn't do anything to put your daughter in jepordy.

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