Dating a Man with Younger Children

Updated on February 20, 2008
A.C. asks from Liberty, TX
5 answers

Hello ladies….I just wanted to ask for opinions (thus reading previous comments from people this might be a little dangerous, he he). I am a mother of a 21 year old son and an 18 year old daughter. I was married to their father for 14 years. We have been divorced for a little over 8 years. I have dated a couple of really great men, but not the “right” man at the right time. In the last few months I have been seeing a man that has small children, 5 ½ and 3 years old. The children’s mother is deceased, so the kids are with him all the time. I have waited and waited for my children to become young adults so that I could have a “life”. (Remember what I said about the right time, while they were little wasn’t the right time for me!) Now, I meet a man with small children. What would y’all do?? Grrrr~ I am so confused!!!

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S.B.

answers from San Angelo on

If you really care for this man then it should come easy for you to care for his children. If you can not except his children then you need to go ahead and break it off before this man and his children get more feelings invested in you. You need to ask yourself can you love another women's children as your own and show no favoritism between your kids and his. If not get out and get out know. Let this man find someone that can love him and his children. But whatever you do please, please, please put the best interest of these 2 kids first.

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A.H.

answers from Dallas on

I can only go by what I have seen first hand with my dad remarrying a woman 10 years younger than him. My brother and I being 30 and 27 at the time and her kids being (I think) 18, 14, 10- somewhere around those ages...it has been really hard for them. His wife went back and forth on wanting help discipling her children and then not liking his ways of doing so. It really seemed they should have thought more of how these things would have been handled prior to getting married and I would encourage you to do so as well. (they have been married 8 years now).

Personally, if it just doesn't come naturally to you to want to be a mother to his children (even more so considering their mother has passed) then I can't imagine why you would even want to date him. There are lots of pluses to how this would work, his children are young and at ages to easily accept you in a motherly role and no exwife to deal with (not to sound cold that she passed, of course).

You really have to decide and set limits for what you want at this time in your life and let that be known up front when you meet someone. You very much have the right to do so. I would say that if this is something you are questioning at all, that in itself really answers the question for you.

Good luck to you.

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L.D.

answers from Houston on

I understand how you feel. My youngest is 15 and the thought of having little ones wouldn't excite me either.(maybe grandkids) Only you can make that decision!

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C.L.

answers from Austin on

His kids will come first. You will have to take a back seat at times and you may feel left out. Blood is thicker than water and they were there first. This is just my experience. Others may another viewpoint. I am just sharing with you. Not trying to deter you from continuing with this man as I don't know anything about him.

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J.H.

answers from Houston on

Hi.there my name is J. i don't really no what to say because my heart really goes out to childern so that would hard for to decide on but i understand what you are saying to because i been married 14 years and have two kids that are 12&13 and some time i cant wait till they are 18 and every other weekend i get my 2 yearold twin cousins and girl i know i could never start over again thats really sad about there mother well good luck

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