Dating - Shelbyville, IL

Updated on August 18, 2007
T.F. asks from Shelbyville, IL
13 answers

I am a single parent and was wondering how other single or divorced women go about dating?

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T.P.

answers from Kansas City on

I really don't date anymore. The last guy I had a date with said he did not want a woman that put her kids before him. That was 2 years ago.

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S.S.

answers from Wichita on

I recently got remarried a year and a half ago and was a single parent for 3 years before that. It is hard, but if you find the right guy, like I did, he will be willing to work with you. There is no situation that is the same, just kinda play it by ear and see how your child reacts. That is the best advice that I can give, I would however wait to introduce the man to the child for a while when you see that it looks like it has long term potential so that the child does not get attached and then get hurt. When you do introduce them make sure that your child is involved go places together the 3 of you, make sure that they get along. Good luck!

J.G.

answers from Oklahoma City on

Hi T.!! I am 26 and a single mom of a 2 and 4 year old. I actually signed up on Yahoo personals to meet people. I have had some good and bad experiences but that comes with dating. As for as your child goes, I would explain to them that you are going to go out with a friend. My daughter already understands what a boyfriend is so I tell her I am going out with a friend. Also I don't let my kids meet the guy I am dating b/c I don't want them to get attached to him too quickly and have it not work out. Well I hope this has helped a little.

J.

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M.F.

answers from Springfield on

I am a single mom of 4 children, so time for dating is hard for me. I always arrange my dates around time at thier dad's or with a babysitter. I have been dating the same man for 6 months, and have managed to keep them from meeting eachother. I think this is easier on the kids, they dont get attached to him and think they are the center of my world, they dont tell their dad anything(because they dont know), and I get amazing grown up time that I dont have to share with my kids. This has been an amazingly win win situation for us.
Before I met him I did date several men, all with kids and always wanted to meet my kids, I hated it! My kids and I got attached to their kids, but not the men! So, when it ended, we were all missing eachother, and it was just hard on us all.
Meeting men has not been hard for me, but meeting quality ones has. I have had a lot of luck online. Try the yahoo personals, mate1, and there are several others. I meet the most interesting people on myspace. Seems like with the network of friends and seeing other peoples friends profiles, you just meet more honest people and learn more about them. It sure beats the bars! Just be safe as with anyother internet dating! Make sure you dont give too much personal information, cuz there are crazies everywhere!
Enjoy your life and remember that in addition to being a mom and everything else, you are still a woman! And us mom's have needs for grown up time too!
Good luck and if you need any more [email protected]____.com.

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C.W.

answers from Kansas City on

Hi T.. I'm 35 and have a 8 yr old and have a similiar problem. Are you asking about how to meet people or how to handle it with your child? For me meeting men isn't hard - meeting the right kind of men is! I wish I had a good answer for you but I find myself clueless in that area as well!

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A.L.

answers from Tulsa on

I went the online route also, and met a wonderful guy. We've been together for 5 1/2 years and have had 2 more children. One of the first things I did was make sure the guy knew I had children and that they came first in my life. If he didn't understand that then I didn't waste my time. Getting back into the dating scene with kids was hard, but you need the adult time.

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M.R.

answers from Kansas City on

Being a single mom myself 4-teenagers you have to just make the time for you.You deserve the time to have adult conversation and adult companionship without someone yelling mom. Just take your time and have fun.

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K.B.

answers from Kansas City on

I try to take 2 nights off a month for myself. You deserve to get out and have a great time.

I do find it's hard to find someone who truly understands the crazy schedule we live. But there are some great men out there who are understanding.

When you do meet someone and it comes to the meeting the kids, I've always done it in a very kid friendly place. I didn't make the focus on kid meeting the boyfriend but really letting the boyfriend observe how I interacted with my child.
It let me also see if he could handle not having my attention when my son was around and it let him see if he could handle it too.

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B.D.

answers from Oklahoma City on

I wish I had some sound advice, but I am wondering the same thing.

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K.B.

answers from Kansas City on

Like Tina, I found that alot of men really don't understand or accept putting my daughter first. Its really hard to develop a relationship when you have 2 or 3 nights as month to do so. In my case though, I don't have a very reliable ex and I've had to back out of or change plans quite a bit. Its like negotiating the Middle East Peace Talks sometimes when I have to find a sitter or arrange for my daughter to spend the night at her grandparent's. The guy I had been dating for the last couple of months decided to call off our date last Friday when I told him I had to be home by midnight. Good riddance to him!

Lots of women are able to juggle everything successfully though. Good Luck!

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A.H.

answers from Springfield on

I also went the online route.

The key is to learn how to read people. Going this route, you never know who you will meet. They can say one thing online and then when you meet they can be someone totally different.

Also, be sure to get enough information on the guy to do some online searches to see if what he is saying is true.

ALWAYS MEET IN A PUBLIC PLACE UNTIL YOU GET TO KNOW THE GUY BETTER.

Finally, I wouldn't recommend him or the kids meeting until things become more serious between the two of you as well.

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C.L.

answers from Oklahoma City on

It's pretty tough to date while being a single parent. I have been dating someone for over four years now... but it's only been in the last two years that he has become a part of my daughter's lives. That was more out of necessity.. after my ex husband died last year... I didn't have regular nights where the girls were with him... so, now we have it worked out where I have a babysitter every Friday for "date" night and then he comes over for dinner on Sunday. As for trying to do first dates right now? Well, I don't think I could do it. Its more a problem of affording a babysitter. I think it would be nice to find a few mom's that have kids around the same age and do a babysitting circle... that way.. its affordable, and everyone gets a break...

Good Luck... Oh.. and I met my boyfriend through online dating.. that seems to be the easiest way to start out when you are stuck at home with the kiddos.

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R.S.

answers from Columbia on

T.
I went the online dating route. I had my date nights on the nights I did not have my daughter. I have met an absolutely wonderful man. We are getting married Jan. 13th. Good Luck

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