Dad Reluctant to Give Medication for ADHD

I also refused to give my son medication for ADD/ADHD I didn't believe then or now that he is ADD/ADHD. My son is very smart but yes unfocused. Part of the problem with him he was bored to death in school and got restless. I believe that if a child can sit through a movie and not fidget or read a book from cover to cover he's not ADD/ADHD. And my son could do that. My friend's son could not focus on anything and would be all over the living room floor, couch, back of the couch, floor etc he just bounced all over the place. He too is a very smart kid and his Mom did eventually put him on medication only for school and he improved and his grades skyrocketed.
Martial Arts can help a kid to learn focus and the movement of both sides of the body in union helps to connect the brain waves and helps with ADD/ADHD. I highly recommend it.

My brother is the same - he did not want to give his son medication either, so my sister-in-law made a deal with him and decided only to give their son medication on school days. My sister-in-law's family has several members diagnosed with ADHD, and the older cousins were only on medications for a couple years.

That was a year ago... since then my 6 year old was diagnosed with ADHD - my husband and several members of his family have it. I knew he had it and was not at all resistant like my brother (we grew up in a family that did not believed in medication for behavior changes). We started at lowest dose and saw pretty good results with in the first week!!! We did try behavior/incentive programs with my son for the first 6 weeks of school before going to the doctor for medication. We still run the behavior/incentive program to help track his mood and that will let us know if we can decrease or need to increase medication.

Good Luck!

Two years ago I was exactly where you are now. The school and I suspected my son of being ADHD from his kindergarten year. He was able to cope/succeed until the middle of 2nd grade, when he started to fall behind due to inability to attend in class. Like your husband, I was VERY reluctant to begin ADHD meds, but when his schoolwork started to suffer I decided it had to be done. Within 1 week he was participating in class, working better in groups, and all the rest. Would your husband agree to a "trial period" of the Ritalin (or an alternative) with LOTS of communication with the school so he can see the difference? Maybe make him the contact person with the teacher so he can hear the difference first-hand? Also, he can sit down with your son to talk about his feelings. The really wonderful thing is that my son LOVES his "thinking pill", telling me that he "thinks better" in school.

J., this is a tough situation for sure. I have an ADHD son (severe). What you may want to consider is looking into some alternative treatments before you start with medication, especially if it is an issue for one of you. You could look into food allergies, limiting sugar and caffeine, herbal supplements, counseling, behavior modification, etc. Many ADD/ADHD diagnosed children respond very well to alternative treatments. Alas, my son did not. It took about 2 years to get me to seriously consider medication. This decision came after many incidences at school and in our neighborhood that seriously affected my son's quality of life and his learning. He had no friends, because his impulsivity was too much for the other kids. He was very impressionable because he wanted friends soooooo badly. He would steal regularly from the kids backpacks-cheetos, cookies and $$$$$$. He never kept what he stole, he just wanted friends so bad he would give the stolen stuff away. He had 2 in school suspensions and 1 out of school suspension. He was incapable of sitting at a desk at all. His teachers, the Principal, the school Counselor and Psychiatrist and Sp Ed all worked with him. I would say 1st grade was a wasted year and second grade wasn't much better. I put him on low dose medication and what a difference. For the first time he was able to stop and think about his actions and what he was saying. He is a happy healthy well adjusted kid now. I was very careful to make sure that the meds did not alter the core of my son's personality. I've seen meds do this to other kids.
If you want any additional info or stories feel free to write privately. Also, there is an ADHD group on Facebook that is really insightful
Another thing... it's really important that parents know that school's do not make the diagnosis of ADHD. Only an MD can do that: w/kids it's usually a Pediatrician, Child Psychiatrist or Pediatric Neurologist.
S.

Another thought, gifted children can sometime look like ADHD. I would look at the food/allergy angle as well. I know a couple families that have had good luck with eliminating gluten from their kid's diets (very hard, but worth it if it's the real culprit).

I'd have your child fully assessed by a child psych and talk to a neurologist as well. I'd also consider your schooling situation. Sometimes a different kind of school can make a difference for more active kids. Ultimately, you and your husband should work together.

Just a side story, I had a nephew IDed as ADHD at 4 or 5 (aren't all boys this age a bit impulsive or squirrely?). He was on meds for years. His mom eventually started to look into dietary options and took him off his meds. He is a much happier kid off meds and is doing very well. He was originally DXed by a ped, but I really think it's best to have a full assessment but a child psych and neurologist before you make a decision about putting your child on meds for years and years. I know other kids that have been served well by ADHD drugs, but they can be a little too casually prescribed. 6 years old is incredibly young and I think our public schools right now are a little too structured and rigid for many young kids. Anyway if you have full assessments by professionals and the verdicts are the same, your husband will likely be more willing to go with a drug trial.

Good luck!

tell his pediatrician about his behavior. take him to a neurologist and have him tested. It doesn't hurt and the boys love seeing the bumps on the screen but they have to stay still. If there are no signs of ADD or ADHD it may be an allergy. Check this site. http://borntoexplore.org/allergies.htm
It's very insightful into sllergies caused by food and additives in foods.
good luck!

This is difficult, I understand both sides. Since you already know how you feel, I will try to explain the "other side". I too, would be reluctant to give my child medicine unless I knew FOR SURE he/she needed it. Especially ritalin. I'm not saying that your son does/doesnt have an attention prob, its just that there have been a slew of children diagnosed as ADD/ADHD who don't even have that disease;doctors seem too eager to diagnose it nowadays. Also, many of the dyes and preservatives in our food these days are KNOWN to cause behavior and attention problems,mimicking (sp) ADD/ADHD. There are many resources on "natural" ways to handle attention probs that involve diet change,etc. There is a cookbook by jenny mccarthy I believe that is specifically for an ADD/ADHD child. Perhaps your hubby would be willing to use this medicine if the two of u have tried all other options first, and assuming none of them worked. Popping pills the rest of your son's life is a pretty big deal (effects on organs)I think it would be worth trying other options first and seeing if those things solve the problem. If they don't (after being consistent of course, not just a week or so) then turn to the pills, but if the alternative DOES work....you will all be pleased, your child's organs will be better off, and it will save u $ on meds. Good luck!

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With your background, are you familiar with sensory integration and therapeutic listening? Look for a GOOD pediatric Occupational Therapist trained and willing to use thisin their "treatment"--no offense, but where I am, many of the school-based OTs will not use this (don't even get me started, b/c it's such a shame). Find an outpatient OT. THey can have you fill out another questionnaire/profile. The OTs I work with have had AMAZING success with these types of cases; some kids who have been on meds for ADHD (or were about to start meds) have made HUGE improvements to the point where meds were no longer necessary (or in the more "severe" cases, reduced!) but teachers were convinced they head increased the meds. Check it out--may cost a bit depending on insurance, but a good pediatric OT can get you going on the "sensory diet" and you can follow through at home. Good Luck. If you want more info let me know.

Buy the book Driven to Distraction and have your husband read it. If he's still not convinced, I'd be happy ( as both a special education teacher and as someone with ADD) to talk to him about it.
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Dad sounds like he is in denial. I think some family counseling for you and your husband get on the same page communication wise. Your son can't help not being able to sit still. Punishing him for it doesn't help your son be able sit still.

I had this same problem with my husband when my son was diagnosed. I talked with the doctor and I refused ritalin. The research that I saw was NOT GOOD and I have seen what it can do to some people long term. ( my cousin was on it as a child.) We have him on Adderall. I am a SAHM so for a week I gave my son the meds before school like the doc instructed. By the end of the week my husband really noticed a difference in our son after school. Weekend came around and I did not give him the meds as doc said I did not need to. Hubby was soo confused on the why our son was so well behaved all week but all of a sudden he was back to being very naughty, disrespectful, unnatentive etc. After the kids went to bed that Sunday I told him that he had been taking the ADHD meds during the school week. He was shocked to say the least!! He still was against it but willing to see how things went in school. He agreed to giving it a month or so to see how it would help him in school. After 1 and a half months of taking the meds, we had a meeting with the teacher. She showed us his work from before and after the meds were started. We were both in amazement!! My husband, after seeing the great progress in such a short time, finally agreed with me that meds were the way to go for us. We agreed that he would only get his meds on school days and things have been great ever since. This is my experience and I hope it helps you to help your son as well. C.

I don't think you need our help "diagnosing" your son, I think the bigger issue here is communication between you and your husband. Your whole family will suffer if you can't talk about these issues and come to a reasonable agreement that also benefits your son. Can you set aside time without children to discuss your concerns and give him time to share his? If you can both commit to really listening to the other's side and considering options, great. If not, please find a counselor to act as a third-party here. This issue has the potential for going from bad to worse (with your son being very aware that it is "his fault").

Another point: Has your husband talked with the doctor? Has he done the research on ADD/ADHD that you have? Has he talked with other parents who are dealing with similar issues? Has he researched treatment and lifestyle alternatives? Many times, we Moms do all this research alone, and then expect the Dad to be as informed as us and to have come to the same conclusions that we have. Contrary to popular stereotypes, women tend to make decisions based on research, and men go by emotion. It sounds to me like your husband is displaying emotion about this - anger, resentment, embarrassment, etc. and might need some more "facts" or at least medically and educationally based opinions.

For our child who has Inattentive ADHD, Focalin did much better than Ritalin, as it has fewer side effects. It did what it needed to do. We saw the problems in mostly 2nd grade. So at the end of 2nd grade, the Dx was confirmed by a child psychiatrist which also helped us get Special Ed services too at the school. The school is happy with offering the service for our child to succeed in their ability. We also did do LearningRX, an intensive kid-friendly after school almost daily structured program for phonics and concentration skills with the idea of reducing the effect of distractions and the brain. This is to help them dealing better with situations. It helped our child immensely with Spelling Tests though the child only has to test on half the words, due to accomodation. The child recently child got a perfect score on test, after test. The schools idea is the success with tests will build the child's confidence and learn more of the things due to lowered stress. The child comes home now beaming from school in 4th Grade. She usually has done the HOMEWORK, even before getting home being good at Math. I am sure the LearningRX.com program has helped! We are very very glad it did! We also were and are lowering the dosage of the medicine some too! I wonder is she really needs it anymore! I want to put her on a even lower dose and the Psychiatrist said, we could experiment with lowering it. But Focalin has helped so much too, that am afraid to reduce it! Just the help of LearningRX, which may have created new brain pathways around the over busy regions, that kids with ADDHD have been proven to have issues with. It is called the Executive Function, they need help with. That is exactly what your child is describing, Self-Control issues. I feel much more hopeful for our child now. The School is also is wondering about high level autism, called Aspergers, but kids with ADDHD has so many similarities to those very bright kids, like not picking up social cues. Those skills as readily picked up normally by non-ADDHD kids, that just pick it up naturally, over the few years of their lives. So our child is also getting social learning skills, and what they are and practicing them in school even. They also have few friends but wants some more. One is ADDHD hyperactive who is even in the Advanced School learning program now! Was a very good reader younger. So who knows! It is pretty complex so your husband should check out books in the library. One we know of but for older kids is "Driven to Distraction" that a bright young adult told my husband he should read and it helped too. If only they knew what they know Now! His father was even a very good, but Adult Psychiatrist and did not know much to help, his youngest child 45 years ago with Inattentive ADDHD. Kids that are hyperactive got and still get more attention do to their activity. So this Dad, should get more educated, meet others that have dealt with the issues, and maybe will not be so hard to change his mind! And you could tell him, just try it for 1.5 months and if it does not help then let him try his new plan he comes up with.

We have a son diagnosed with ADHD and have decided not to put him on meds (he has a seizure disorder and we don't want to compromise his anti-seizure medication--and even if he didn't we would still be hesitant).

I have been doing a lot of reading and most recently started reading "Boys Adrift"--I recommend it for another voice in this ongoing debate. I do believe ADHD exists, but I also believe our society has a lot of different things going on that contribute to boys' challenges in school. Even though doctors and school personnel "like" the effects meds have on kids, I am not convinced they are always the best route. Please do a lot of research and BOTH come to an agreement before using meds on a young, still-developing brain--it is your son's entire life and brain that will be affected...

Good Luck!

Could you "make a deal" with dad - try natural methods for 4 weeks - if no change, then go with the meds?

Shaklee a great kids supplement called Mighty Smart with EPA for the brain. Also, you could add a good multi, extra b-complex, and make sure he has protein with every meal and almost no simple carbs.

Good luck!

K.
http://K..myshaklee.com -

Hi J.,

I do have a natural, nutritional approach for ADHD that has helped lots of children. Have some wonderful testimonies about it - will gladly pass them on to you if you like. If you would like more info about this, let me know.

L. Longden
Certified Nutrition Consultant

Would you and your husband be willing to give the natural route a try???

Get him in to a chiropractor/nutritionist. He should be getting regular adjustments. And they can give you a "diet" plan (not really a diet) with what foods you should be giving him. Cutting out all artifical sugars, caffene, colorings and dyes, preservatives, etc. can go a long way in treating ADD and ADHD. Even more so than any medication in some cases.

Maybe this could be a compromise for your family! And by doing so, you would all start leading a healthier lifestyle!

I would also be VERY hesitant to put such a young child on medication........... They truely do NOT know the long term side effects of all the drugs they prescribe now days.