Custody Issues - Lancaster,PA

Updated on April 16, 2008
L.M. asks from Lancaster, PA
4 answers

My husband has a 14 year old daughter who lives in another state (florida). When she was 2 years old my husband had to take her mother to court because she refused to let him see her. (they were never married)The judge awarded my husband half custody of her. The court arrangements are that my husband will have her during the summer, spring break, weekends (whenever possible)and 2 weeks out of the school year. Her mother is also supposed to keep in contact with my husband. When she moves, she has give him her address immediately. If she changes her phone number, she immediately has to give the number to my husband. The problem is, he has to search for her when she suddenly up and moves or changes her number, AND he hasnt seen his daughter in 2 years. Last year was a reasonable excuse because she fell ill. This year my step-daughter told my husband she doesnt want to come down to PA because she wants to spend the summer with her friends. My husband has been patiently waiting to see her for 2 years.
He pays $100 a week for support and he cant even see his daughter. His daughter is only happy with him when he sends her gifts or money. I feel as though my husband is being used and abused. Im tired of seeing my husband hurt over his daughter. He has no say in her life. Everything he says gets ignored. Her mother has her like an adult, she has filthy x-rated songs on her myspace and dresses inappropriate. My husband tries to be a father but everything he says seems wrong to them, hes just being the type of father that every child needs. A little discipline in her life would be nice.
My young children are looking forward to the summer because they are anxious to see their sister. Its going to break their hearts when they find out shes not coming. Hes thinking of taking her back to court because the mother is not following the court order. What should my husband do? Should my husband make her visit us because thats what the judge ordered or should he just let her go? This has me really stressed out, I hate to see my husband hurt.

What can I do next?

  • Add yourAnswer own comment
  • Ask your own question Add Question
  • Join the Mamapedia community Mamapedia
  • as inappropriate
  • this with your friends

More Answers

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

K.S.

answers from Lancaster on

i have been through this myself with my step-daughters. after 10 years of the exact same game with his ex-wife, it got very old and ruined the marriage. my husband at the time paid 1000 per month and he didnt see his girls for almost 3 years due to the ex keeping them from him. now that they are grown up and older, she cant stop the contact and they now know the truth (2 of them do anyway). on the other note, i found the best thing is to not force the child if THEY are the ones who dont want to see the other parent. i now have a 6 year old with him (although we are separated) and she refuses to many bad choices he made that directly affected her and we have both decided not to push the issue. when she is ready to see him she will. remember L., the parent can not control the child forever, sooner or later they will grow up and want to know the truth and that is when he will have a chance to tell her the TRUTH (not the truth the bad parent whats the child to hear but rather the real truth)...the reason for not allowing them to have time to bond and know each other and for keeping them away. i grew up in the same unfortunate situation and as a parent myself and a grown up, i was able to hear both sides and find my father was the one at fault and my mother did all she could. i do have a VERY CLOSE relationship with my mother and would not change that for anything. as hard as it is to sit back and allow it and as much as it hurts, it will work itself out in time...lies catch up with people and they will catch up with this childs mom as well and than she will need to explain HERSELF and hope her child forgives HER. hope this helps.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

B.D.

answers from Lancaster on

14 is a tough age, and at that time in life all kids want to do is spend time with their friends. Instead of pushing for the whole summer start with a two week stay, or a month stay - if it's been two years since she visited you she's probably very nervous. Start small, hopefully she'll have fun, the bond can be rebuilt, and more visits will be planned. My brother is in a similar situation - he has a 14 yr old daughter, and he barely ever gets to see her - her mother has repeatedly disregarded all court orders, and there is nothing you can do, but drag them back to court - which costs money,(that my brother just doesn't have) and there is no guarantee it will produce results. Good Luck with what you decide - you're not the only one in this situation.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

K.B.

answers from York on

Hello
I myself have beem in this situation before. I would not just let it go. you need to seek legal advice being she is in florida juristiction. and i would attemp to have her come up for something even if it would not be for the entire summer. Also, make sure you husband is maybe on vacation when she is up. that way you are not getting hit with the verbal junk and him not around.
Good Luck and Pray Hard!!!!
K. B
____@____.com

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

R.M.

answers from York on

Unfortunately this is a common story. The most important thing is to let his daughter know you all still care and still want to see her and keep an invitation always open. Your husband can still call or write letters or email her. He might even keep a journal of the times he thought about her, something that reminded him of her, an event you wished she was there, etc. He can give it to her when she's grown and she'll know he was always thinking about her despite her mother's efforts to keep dad away. (That'll reflect badly on mommie dearest in the future.) But in the meantime I hate to say you're all in for several more years of heartache. He can keep trying to appeal to mommie dearest on occasion, but expect her to be difficult and don't let it discourage you. Daughter is the one you have to communicate with. But you have your own family in your own house and it's important not to disrupt that too much. I wish you luck, I know what you're going through and it's a tough road. Pray hard for that girl!

For Updates and Special Promotions
Follow Us

Related Questions