Curious About Drinking Habits of Moms and Dads...

Neither my husband or I are big drinkers. I think an occasional glass of wine or beer is fine. It's a good way to teach kids responsible drinking. Keeping it hidden away gives it that "forbidden fruit" appeal.

I do know a few adults with kids who still go out to bars many weekends and get drunk- to be honest I find that pathetic. Maybe when you're in college but a grown up with kids should sort of be beyond that in my opinion.

I also think at least one parent should be sober enough to "nightime parent". As for one parent restricting another I think if the parent has an issue with drinking they should focus on fixing the problem- not hiding it.

Maybe once or twice a week at night I will have a drink...it is usually after the kids are in bed. On the weekend if we go over to a friends house both my husband and I will have a couple drinks but nothing too serious. This is usually in front of the kids, but we usually stay for a long time and the drinks are early on..not enough to "get drunk". The only time I drink like that is if I don't have the kids at all. If we have some beer, sometimes (like once every couple months or so) my husband will have one with dinner, and probably maybe once a month we will have a glass of wine with dinner.

The friend's house that we go to, my friend drinks, my friend's husband does not. He doesn't mind that we do though cause, as I said before, it isn't done to the point of drunkeness. He has never had an issue with it. I think there is nothing wrong with having an occasional drink in front of the kids. In fact, I think NOT drinking in front of them makes it kind of a "taboo" thing and might make it more likely for kids to be curious about it. I don't think it is appropriate to "get drunk" in front of kids, but I also feel it a little ridiculous for a spouse to insist that their spouse not be able to have an occasional drink around the kids. Being a parent is hard enough, it isn't fair to not be able to relax a little bit, especially if you are pretty much always with the kids. As long as it isn't putting the kids "at risk" by caring for them when drunk, I don't see the problem with it.

I enjoy a glass of wine with dinner and my husband likes to have a beer after the kids are in bed. I think it's important to model responsible drinking for your kids. My mom was an alcoholic when I was a kid, so I'm well aware of the effects of seeing a parent drunk on a regular basis.

Is it okay for a spouse to ask the other to limit their drinking? That depends. If the drinking spouse only drinks in moderation and doesn't get drunk, then I say it's the non-drinking spouse that has the problem. If the drinking spouse gets drunk on a regular basis, then maybe AA is order. Either way, communication is key in any marriage - preferably when each partner is sober.

My husband and I are not big drinkers at all, I think it is normal and a good example for our kids. We do not drink in front of our kids, and I think parents who drink too much in front of their kids are sending the wrong message!

Both of us barely drink. Did so pre-kids, and more in our 20's during the earlier years of marriage. Once kids were born, I do my occassional girls night out but always keep it at a minimum because I get up early, and want to be 100% for my kids! We don't drink during the week. Maybe once a year bust open a bottle of wine and have a glass. More so if we're out to dinner at a restaurant. My husband will drink 2 or 3 beers, and me one. He will drink while sporting, golf, football etc...

I feel that it doesn't "need" to be part of an evening routine. If it's a need, it's a problem. Some moms really enjoy a glass a night to relax. My mom's had a glass or two a night her whole life. If a wife has a problem with her husbands consumption, they should have open communication and be mature enough to handle the conversation. If it's one sided, and the drinker is not willing to consider change for the best of the family, it's probably a problem.

T.,
I think it all depends on a persons comfort level although I am very uncomfortable drinking more than a glass of wine in front of my children. (my oldest is 4) I probably can count on both hands the number of drinks I've had in 4 years and those were in celebration of something, ie:birthday. I fear that if I drink and have to take my child to the ER (well lets just say that is an open invite for DCFS, which I used to work for) As far as the spouse drinking, my husband drinks much more than I do and I am sort of annoyed with it. He went though a long phase of not drinking much and because all of our neighbors do and we are friends with them he feels the need to also. I don't think it is unreasonable to not drink or at the very least limit around the kids. I just don't think it sets a good presidence to drink on a regular basis around children.
But really to each his own.
K.

My husband and I are "social drinkers". At home we rarely drink anything unless it is a family get together or something, then one of us may have a drink or two. Hubby goes out once a week bowling and will have a beer there and if we go out one of us may have a drink or two, but one of us is sober at all times.

My brother drinks around his kids all the time though. My sil doesn't drink when he is drinking, but he regularly comes home and has a beer or two each night. My nephew (3) will actually get the beer out of the fridge for him.(This is something I don't agree with, but it's what they do.)

I guess it really depends on what each family is comfortable with... as long as there is a sober adult in the house for emergencies and the kids. I wouldn't think it is okay for a parent to get drunk while the kids are around though.

T., sounds like your friend has several things going on. Your first question about whether or not it is normal to have wine / beer / scotch all in one night no. But it is not really a bad thing if someone wants to have a beer when they come home from work. We don't hide alchohol from our kids. And also don't hold it to be a "bad" thing. Merely something they can't have until they are 21. or in otherwords legal. It is definitly not something to be fought over in front of the kids. Having a drink in front of the kids is not a bad thing in moderation. I am pretty much saying a beer is ok but don't get plowed in front of them lol.
S.

We have always had drinks in front of our children. They have been taught from the time they were little that in moderation it is ok when they are 21. They have learned that you don't drink and drive. If I am driving I will not have anything to drink. They know it is in the house and I think hiding it from them would have done more harm then good. MY husband has a brandy every night before bed. Does he have a drinking problem? NO! It is like the McDonald's diet coke I drink every time I am out. I enjoy it!
I was brought up in a nondrinking house, my husband was brought up in a drinking house. Who do you think had more problems as a teenager with drinking? I did. I believe it is like anything, you need to educate your children about it, not hide it from them.

Hi T..
I am 7 months pregnant, so obviously I am not drinking now, but I'm not gonna lie...I miss it. It would be nice to have a nice glass of red wine or a cool beer occassionally. While my husband and I are not huge drinkers, I'm sure we will have a drink in front of our baby and other future children. I agree with the PP's...there;s nothing wrong with it as long as you are not drunk in front of your children.
Good question. I have enjoyed reading all the responses:)

I think it would be pretty odd to have 3 beers, a bottle of wine, and a scotch all in one night! :-)

We don't avoid drinking in front of our kids, but we don't drink to excess either, or every day. But I don't agree with the AA idea that anyone who has a glass of wine every day with dinner is an alcoholic, either. For some people, that probably is fine (I don't need the extra calories, myself.)

I think modeling responsible adult drinking in front of children at home is fine.

I think it varies for every family. My kids are never alarmed when I do drink. I will have a drink in front of them and when out to dinner. My general rule of thumb is if I can feel a buzz and they are awake, I need to stop. I will have 1 or 2 drinks (beer, wine or mixed) anywhere from 2 to 4 nights per week. It is part of my relaxation and I enjoy adult beverages. I was raised in a house where Mom and Dad drank but never got drunk in front of the kids... I have stuck to that rule.

It is a judgement call... I would say it is who ever's business it is, not anyone else's!

both my husband and I don't drink at all. I think he has had ONE drink of an alcoholic beverage in his whole life, I have had about a dozen. Just don't like the taste and don't see a reason to spend good money on that. (Now Chocolate, well, that is a different story! that is worth every wasted cent).

We are most definately in the minority. It is rare to have non drinking adults. Doesn't bother us, but it is against the culture to not drink at all.

That said, I have seen marriages break up cause one spouse drank more then the other spouse thought was good. I would suggest you have a heart to heart about why you want him to limit it. But since my husband and I got together in college over our non drinking status it's not an issue for us. (We've been together 19 yrs now!)

Hi T.,

I'm not a big drinker, but my husband likes to have a beer or two at night. It's not every night, but he does drink in front of the kids. I see nothing wrong with it as he will just sip one while watching tv. It doesn't affect his actions.

This should be something that both parents are comfortable with. For your friend that wanted to know if it is okay to ask your spouse to limit the drinking. I think both parents should agree about what is acceptable. I would never want my husband to be drunk in front of the kids and he agrees with that. Still he likes beer and I think he should be able to enjoy 1 or 2 after working hard all day.

T.,

I don't think a drink after work/with dinner is inappropriate. That said, maybe it's something to discuss if it's a scotch on the rocks, not a glass of wine (at least wine is a drink normally served with dinner, not to mention some health benefits).

We probably have a drink 2-3 times a week? Usually it's wine with dinner. The kids "pretend" they are having wine too sometimes - grape juice in the same kind of glass. My husband is Italian, so a glass or two of wine is no big deal with dinner. Sometimes on the weekend he'll make me a cosmo or margarita after the kids go down.

I agree that "the talk" has to happen with a spouse if the drinking either seems excessive, affects his mood or health. I will say that I did talk with my husband about his drinking ONLY when we go out with friends, i.e. parties, New Year's Eve, or a "Boys Night Out". I got tired of the next day hangover and having to take care of the kids all night, and they all the next day without help from him. It didn't happen ofter. However it was often on holidays or weekends. So I had the kids all week and then couldn't count on him for any help another day of the weekend. UGGH! My husband agreed this wasn't fair to me or the kids. He still goes out with his friends, but will now be more responsible - eat dinner, drink less and overall be fine the next day...I do send the kids in to get him by 9am - haha.

So overall, I don't think 1 drink a night is a big deal. It's an adult beverage. If it's causing problems in the marriage/family, then it's an issue.