Crying It Out - Omaha, NE

It is normal for an 11-month old to wake up once or twice per night! Especially if you are breastfeeding (you don't say if you are). Hang in there for another month or two and she will very likely sleep all night.

Try massage. Gently rub her feet or on either side her spine or extremely gently rub her head (there are some great massage books available)

You might get some lavender essential oil and mix a drop or 2 with about 4-6 ounces of a carrier oil like sesame seed oil or almond oil and use that on her feet.

It's magic.

Hi K.! One other suggestion that I didn't see mentioned yet (sorry if I missed it), is that I see you said you have tried putting her to bed later.... have you tried putting her to bed earlier? I do licensed daycare and several of my daycare moms have told me through the years that they started putting the infants or toddlers to bed earlier and they slept better, and longer believe it or not. I know a couple of the 1 and 2 year olds go to bed at 7 and 730 respectively which sounds early but they actually sleep from then until 6 the next morning without waking. Good luck to you! Sleep deprevation is so hard! Hang in there... K.

First of all, co-sleeping is not dangerous - especially not for an 11 month old. Secondly, if your daughter is only waking 1-2 times a night, I wouldn't worry about it too much. (though you may prefer she go back to sleep by herself) My daughter is still waking 1-3 times a night at 19 months. She struggles with teething a lot I think. We give her some milk (I know - not recommended) and she goes back to sleep. Not all children respond to the CIO approach. We did try it with my son, but he had already been sleeping through the night for quite awhile, and he has a different personality. It was only a couple of nights, and it worked. I don't know if I would recommend it though because I have some philosophical issues with it. Kids will sleep through the night when they are ready.

I know how you feel! I have an 18 month old who still does not sleep through the night consistantly. I can tell you that depending on how stubborn your child is she could cry a lot longer than an hour. Both my kids have not been good sleepers. The cry it out has not worked for us. My daughter finally was sleeping through the night around 15 months. They both would cry for several hours. We tried to tough it out and my son cried for several hours and even after that woke up crying off and on the rest of the night.

I did some reading after trying this and decided not to try it any longer. Your child does not know why you are not coming to get them, but just that you are not coming and they quit crying because they give up on it. I have also heard people say their children have been more distant with them after doing the cry it out. I would look it up and make the decision on your own. I know it gets old! I just bought the book good sleep habits, happy baby. Maybe there is some good ideas there.

I am definitely not a cosleeper, but some people like that option.

L.

We let our daughter cry it out for as much as 20 minutes a time in the middle of the night at that age. Usually, she went back to sleep within 10 minutes. Going in to see her only exacerbated the situation. She has a very strong will! I also gave her infant tylenol and ibuprofen before bed and in the morning if I thought she was teething. Also, I'd suggest trying eliminating one nap, unless she falls asleep for both naps on her own. If you do this, though, expect her to be sleep deprived for around a week before she adjusts and starts sleeping more at night.

Remember - your daughter is getting out of the baby stage now and becoming a toddler. She can begin to understand that night time is sleep time.

Hi K.! First off, let me tell you I feel your pain. I had the problem with my first son when he was a little older than 11 months and his turned out to be night terrors. Your girl is probably still a little too young for that, but a suggestion from my husbands aunt (who also had the same problem) which I didn't see in your request is to wake her up. I know it sounds crazy when she's waking up anyway, but we found out that when our son was waking up in the middle of the night (4 and 5 times) it was always at the same time. Our son was waking up to begin with around 2am, so we went into his room around 11pm and woke him up, making sure that he really was awake. We either changed his diaper or picked him up for a second so we could disturb his sleep pattern. He would fall back asleep after just a couple minutes, but it did work to make his body keep him asleep through the time that he normally woke up. When he was 18 months we had to have him on Atarax (and still do, he's 2.5 years now) which is like a type of allergy medicine that can be used as a sedative (does not cause dependency) to help him sleep through the night. Our ped said that he was bouncing between the first and second stages of sleep and wasn't ever really entering the third stage of REM sleep, and that's why he was waking up so often. The Atarax was enough to put him in that deeper stage of sleep and keep him there until his body adjusted and kept him there. OK, as far as crying it out goes, I'm with ya on this one, I can't stand to hear it, it makes me want to go in and scoop my baby up and comfort him. My husband tells me (with our third who is 6.5 months) that he's fine, he's just tired and fighting it, blah blah blah, he's still my baby and I want to hold him ;) I'll let him cry for about 5 minutes at a time for maybe 20 minutes and then I'm worn down and I go in and rock him. I may not be the best example to go by, but I found that once I go in and comfort him it's a matter of 30 seconds before he's asleep again. He's just gotten himself so worked up he doesn't even know what's going on. I've read some of the posts from other moms and can't believe how opinionated they are. You've read four books, do you really need to read anymore? Some moms think that you'll ruin your child forever if you let her cry it out, some think that the only way you'll ever get any sleep is if you co-sleep, and most are really insulting if you don't think their way. I think that this website can be a wonderful source of information, but there are times when I question the motives of some of the answers and it makes me angry that people try to push their opinions on others in a way that tries to make a person feel guilty for not following their directions. If you start to feel like you're being "talked down to" in a response just stop reading it, I know I've asked a few questions where I was basically told I was a bad mother for not doing it their way, which is one reason why there are things I just don't ask here. I understand what you mean about desperate times call for desperate measures, we never had any sleep problems with our daughter and we've had them with both of our sons, so I know how hard it can be to deal with them while you're not getting any sleep either. I hope something here can help you somehow, or at least you can take comfort in konwing that you're not the only sleep deprived one out there ;) Good luck and feel free to write if you need anything.

Read Night Time Parenting by Dr Sears. It saved our lives! The Web site ask dr sears is wonderful and handy.

As far as the dangers of co- sleeping, our country has the second highest SIDS rate in all developed countries. The areas of the world that have the lowest rates are where co sleeping and extended breast feeding is the norm. We have had a positive experience with both!

The bottom line is sleep. Your 11 month old isn't at much risk for SIDS or any dangers that are promoted in this country by co sleeping. Take your baby to bed and let her sleep with you or on the crib mattress next to you or get a side car, now available at JCPENNEY. Get some sleep and know that the days are long but the years are short. This era with a small child is fleeting. Lay down with her and sleep.

We, as adults don't sleep alone, why should we expect it of our children? Snuggle down with her and enjoy. We certainly enjoy the time with ours two girls. Soon they were ready for their own big girl beds and I miss them being with us.

Take care and get some rest. The world will look different with some sleep.

Happy THanksgiving!
J.

With my daughter we ended up doing the cry it out method around 7 mo. The first night 45 minutes straight of crying. Second Night 5 min of crying and third night asleep on her own. We did not check on her every 10-15 minutes...I think that makes it worse because they realize if they cry long enough they will get you to come in. She has slept beautifully since.

Some of the posts seem to imply that if you don't go in and constantly soothe your child you do not love them. On the other hand I think allowing your child to be sleep deprived and not learn a fundamental skill of putting themselves to sleep is not very caring either.

Good luck. The first night or two is the hardest.

Four nights, 2-4 hours per night with a 10 month old. I wore my ipod and cried most of the time. My husband and son slept through most of it. I did go in every 30 minutes or so. It was the most miserable 4 nights of my life, but definitely worth it. Good luck!

I went 22 months without more than a couple hours of sleep each and every night...it was mind-numbingly difficult...nobody around me understood how I was feeling...and I survived. I responded to my baby every time she cried, and we coslept the whole time. She was very high-maintenance. She is 4 1/2 and has been sleeping like a rock star (naps and all) since she was 22 months old. I think if you hang in there a little longer--I know it is difficult, we've all been through it, at least for a while!--you will be glad you did. On the upside, cosleeping with your baby is an excellent way to transition her to the toddler bed when the crib's not working anymore. I am not in favor of sleep-training via cry it out method. I like the friendlier way, the way that tells the child "I care about you, you are important to me and the world is a safe place for you to be."

Hi,

I did this with my oldest son and it only took a couple nights. I didn't go back in his room at all. He cried for 1 hr 20 min. the first night and 15-20 min. the second and just went to bed after that. It was really hard for me to do. I had to go downstairs and turn the monitor to lights only, no sound. It was worth it though because he learned to fall asleep on his own and stay asleep. He has been a pretty good sleeper ever since. With our second son (also 8 months) it has been a little tougher since the boys share a room. If he wakes his brother I let my older one sleep on the couch. It happens every once in a while, but mostly they sleep through the night in the same room. It is a really hard thing to do, but it made night time much better for everyone and it hasn't affected our relationship at all. I have two "big mama's boys". :) Good luck!

Crying it out is a really difficult thing for both parents and children. We did it with out daughter and it was complete hell, but I am completely glad that we did it. We did it so that we would go in after 10 minutes for a few times and then up it a little more each time so the next time it was every 15 mins then 20 and so on... She would be really upset and could cry for about 2 hours or so before she finally basically passed out in her crib.. I know it sounds terrible and I really felt terrible but I was convinced it was for her and our own good. After about a week (the first 2 or 3 days are the absolute worst) she would maybe fuss a little when we put her down and a week after that she wouldnt say a thing.

so here we are with our 2 year old who has not at all distanced herself from us. Loves going to bed and is a terrific sleeper. She often tells us when she wants to go to bed usually somewhere between 7:30-8 and then sleep until 6-7 a.m.

This of course is just our experience with one child, every child is different and couldnt say that it will work absolutely but I think if you really are determined to do it and dont give in no matter what it will work, it's just really hard.

I really hope you find something that works for you. I dont envy what you are going through, but I myself will be there again soon.. Good luck and I hope you get some sleep soon.

K.
My son slept through the night until about a month ago (he's 7 months now) and I didn't understand why he started waking up again. I tried the whole reassuring thing every 5 to 10 minutes and stuck to his night time schedule but it didn't work. After doing some research I read that after they turn 6 months you can let them cry it out so thats what I did. Now it's just hard to get him to go to bed sometimes and I'll let him cry for at least an hour (it usually doesn't take that long) before I decide to make him another bottle and he falls right asleep. Every now and then he will wake up at night and I ignore him and roll over and he goes to sleep eventually. I only give in when I hear the crib banging against the wall because he is shaking it back and forth, listening to that breaks my heart and I know something must be wrong like teething, etc... Good luck!

Hi,
My daughter is almost two and I can finally say she does sleep thru the night. WE tried everything too related to the cry it out. Each attempt would take 3 or 4 nights and would work for about a month or two and then she would be up again. We tried every 5 minutes checking, increasing the times of checking, I had even just sat in there with my head against the crib by her head (just to be super sure she knew I was there...I was overtired!) and usually she would just SOB at me dramatically FOREVER till she fell asleep. We even did the walk away and dont check and actually she would cry much less but I felt too bad about that to continue it. We tried putting her in our bed and sometimes that worked and sometimes it didnt.
I think what changed was my resolve. It sounds lame but I think she could tell that it was tearing me up and that I didnt know what to do but once I had it in my head that I was not going to pick her up and give her her juice or bring her in my bed or rock her back to sleep, sincere resolve, it worked. I would tell her she had to lay down and that it was not time for whatever and then I sat in the rocking chair in her room and waited and she would then lay down and I would cover her up and sit again in the rocking chair and wait for her to roll over and go to sleep.
It seemed never ending but it did get better.
I had a friend who wore ear plugs.
Good luck.
B.

My son turned 12 months old a few weeks ago, and we finally tried the cry it out then. We coslept with him for most of life, were slowly weaning him to the crib, and all of the sudden he wouldn't go in the crib anymore. We decided we could not go back to holding him the whole night (mostly because he was sleep crawling all over us, sleeping on my head, etc)! We tried the non-cry it out methods, and they did not work for us.

Here's what we did: the first night, we went in his room at 5, 10, 15 minutes, and kept up 15 until he finally fell asleep. He cried for over an hour and so did I! He also did what you mention -- getting more upset when we went in to comfort him -- but we remained calm inside his room and gently talked to him and layed him back down. It was horrible. But he fell asleep eventually and slept until morning.

The second night was wonderful -- I put him in bed asleep and he stayed in his crib, although we went in a couple of times (under a minute each) to sooth him back to sleep.

The third and fourth night were hard. We put him to bed asleep, he woke up around 2:00 am, and we repeated the first night. We did use shorter intervals, 5, 8, and 10 (I think), because we felt more comfortable with that. Both night he cried for over an hour and then spent the rest of the night in his crib.

Since then, we have put him in his crib awake and asleep. He has stayed in his crib every night. Sometime hes has to cry for five minutes, I go in and sooth him, and he is fine and can fall asleep. Last night, I put him in his crib awake, and he did not cry at all!

He has been waking up happier and more refreshed. It was really really hard, and there were times when I had to make myself not go hug him. But I decided to try it for a week, and for all practical purposes, it took 4 days (one of which was good).

Another things I'll say is that I waited until he showed in his daytime activities that he was "smart" enough to understand what was going on, if that makes sense. There were also a couple of other factors, which I'll tell you about if you want to know (you can message me)!

You might try again for a week or something and see if it works. I was really, really against letting him cry it out, and it was very hard; but this felt like our last solution and has worked for us in only a couple of weeks. Even if he wakes up in the night, he is easily soothed back to sleep in seconds (even has learned the phrase "lay your head down" in less than a week!). We are all sleeping much better.

Good luck with whatever you decide. Who knew getting kids to sleep would be this hard!

K., My daughter woke up a lot during the night. Usually what we would do is leave all the lights off and hold her til she calmed down and was starting to go back to sleep. Then we would lay her back down. sometimes she would whine a little and we would just shut her door and wait. If she cried for more than 10 - 15 min we would go back in. Most times she was to tired to cry for more than a couple of min. Most of the time she was teething also. I noticed that my daughter seemed to be in more pain at night when she was teething that during the day. Just something to think about if you haven't already.
P.

Please know it is totally NORMAL for an 11 month old baby to wake once or twice a night. The medical term for a baby sleeping thru the night is FIVE hours straight. Your baby is doing great and this will pass. Co-sleeping is not dangerous as it has been made out to be. Every child is different as you know and each has there needs for sleep and also night time parenting. Have you read Dr.Sears? Someone just suggested Sheedy and Sleepless in America as the only one that helped her. I have been co-sleeping with our baby boy for ten months and it is amazing and feels right for us. We did a ton of reading and found what works and even though he wakes several times to nurse it still feels right and he is right back to sleep. Good luck.

You really have do have to be resolute and just let her cry. I did it with my first daughter and she lasted for about a week and then became a fabulous sleeper. I started out with 15 minutes, then increased the time by 5 minutes every night. She was stubborn but it finally worked. It's hard but try to turn off all monitors and close her/your doors. You will thank youself for it as you need sleep in order to be a good mommy to her. Good luck!

ok, 2 things.
its good to hear that you are against crying it out. i trust all my parenting to dr william sears. www.askdrsears.com. he has fantastic attachment parenting advice. it is the most natural, supportive advice i ever found, when i felt like no one was letting me parent my son the way i wanted, dr sears supported me. and no, not personally, but through his books! :D theres nothing better than having someone who supports what YOU need to do.
heres the second thing. cosleeping is NOT that unsafe. sure, its maybe a little when the baby is under 3 months old or so, but im assuring you, its NOT as unsafe as people say. it is actually much safer, for many reasons, but those reasons arent going to apply to your 11 month old.

heres my story.
my son slept next to us in bed for the first 2 months or so. i hadnt quite figured out how to nurse laying down, my son wouldnt latch properly, and i wanted to make sure he was latching and that sort of thing. (obviously, i breastfed)
so, around 2 months, i couldnt sit up and nurse anymore, i was too tired, and too frustrated, so we started cosleeping. my husband did feel like he should sleep somewhere else for safety reasons, and that was ok, we made that decision. he slept on the couch for a while. i nursed while laying down, basically, when you are attachment parenting, you are very attached physically and emotionally at all times. being that connected also helps you during the night, i instinctivly knew when my son was waking up, and i would wake up at the same time, and he would latch on and we would both go back to sleep. this worked for a long time. sometimes we would put him back in his crib (which got moved into our room) and sometimes we would just stay in the bed together. sometimes my husband slept with us, sometimes he slept in the other room. we did whatever it took. for the first long while, our son was staying up until 9-10 with us.
anyway, i was VERY SET on not doing ANY crying it out. according to dr sears, crying it out does NOT work to the benefit of the relationship with your child. put it this way; your baby cries because thats communication. it doesnt matter why, or what baby wants, it doesnt matter if its a want or a need, its all the same. babies are very ... i spose you could say self centered. they dont understand needs of others, and thats NORMAL and natural. its for self preservation. what happens when babies are allowed to cry it out is that they start to figure out that crying doesnt get them anything. sure, they do stop crying, but at the expense of the trust and relationship all parents SHOULD have with their children. put yourself in baby's shoes; you are crying and crying alone in a crib... and no one responds. or, someone comes in and, for lack of a better word, 'teases' you by talking to you or whatever, then they leave again, leaving you alone with your need, stuck in the crib. well, after a while, you are going to figure out that all you get by crying is tired and frustrated and exhausted... so you stop crying. and that bond of trust is broken.
kids are extremely resiliant, and once in a while, especially when you are at your wits end, and you could risk harming your baby, it is ok to let them cry. however, for the most part, crying it out only teaches your child early on that you will not respond to their needs, no matter how silly the need seems to you, its important to your child.

anyway, what i would HIGHLY recommend is to follow your heart, do what you have to do. dr sears has 8 children, and they coslept with them. this is a doctor! and they safely coslept with their children, and they recommend it to others. remember, the people who are saying its so unhealthy are only talking about the small small small percentage of cases where the parent has been under the influence of some sort of sleep aid, drugs, alcohol, etc and have rolled onto their child. this is a small small small percentage. and remember, being very connected to your child, you will wake up at the same time or when your child does, and as long as you arent under the influence of anything, you will instinctivly know where your child is. and especially when they are older, and can roll over on their own, the suffocation risk is VERY VERY VERY LOW. they will move or struggle if their face is covered.
i would recommend to keep comforters off of baby, and only one pillow for you in bed. but i slept with normal blankets and my pillow, and we were fine.
the most important thing to remember is YOU are the only person (and dad) who have instincts about YOUR child. your doctor doesnt, grandma doesnt, your friend down the street doesnt, and i certainly dont. listen to your own instincts. they are WAY more important than any outside advice could ever be.

the ending of my story is that my son didnt sleep all night in his bed until he was between 15-17 months old, and even then it wasnt consistent. he would still wake up anywhere between 2 and 7 am. usually we could bring him into our bed and he would go back to sleep. depending on how we were sleeping, he would either stay with us, or we would put him back in his crib (remember its in our room...)
hes going to be 2 years old tomorrow, and he still sleeps in his crib in our room. he sometimes has nightmares, but thats usually before we go to sleep, so we are still up, but if he wakes during the night, we are right there, he doesnt have to get too worked up before we hear him and get to him. my son NEVER EVER cried it out (what is "it" and where is "out" anyway?)
heres a typical bedtime, or nap.
we change his diaper, put on jammies at bedtime, etc bedtime routine things.... he gets a drink of water, or we at least have a cup on the nightstand. we turn on the nightlight, we turn on either our vacuum recording cd (from the disk 'for crying out loud' - i bought it off the internet) OR classical music of some kind. we have been asking him which he would like, and he tells us. its so cute. :P
anyway, we say prayer, we lay him down in his crib, and he, seriously, just lays there and snuggles and goes to sleep! im serious. theres no fighting, no crying, no tantrums, no begging for more cuddling, etc. im not kidding you.
now, sometimes there are exceptions. sometimes he needs extra snuggles, sometimes he is sick and cant relax, etc. we do our best on those random times. but 99 percent of the time, this is the way it works. other kids, they fight you, they struggle, they beg to get up over and over.... you know? im serious, i get none of that. and i KNOW its related to no crying it out! :D

so, please please please write to me if you have questions, or need support or help... but i highly encourage you to stop listening to negative outside advice that goes against your instincts. you have those instincts for a reason; because its your child and your relationship as your kid's parent! :D none of those outside people who tell you to let them cry or leave them alone in their room - NONE of them have to deal with that kid when they dont trust you anymore. none of them have to deal with attitudes, tantrums, etc. its the choices you make now that determine the growth of your relationship! :D make the choices you know in your heart are best for your family and your children! :D
good luck mom, and keep up the good work!

Hi K.,

Yes, I'm sure you'll get some responses pleading with you to not let your child cry. I have been sleep-deprived to the point of being crabby with my kids all day, getting headaches, and thinking and talking ad nauseum about sleep so I fully support you crying it out. My kids still love and trust me and now that we are sleeping through the night I feel like I've got my evenings back, my self back, and my husband back. Once you arrive at sleeping through the night it is wonderful!

We used Dr Ferber's book Solving Your Child's Sleep Problems (or something like that.) It makes perfect sense and it works. As you have experienced, it is awful going through the process. It sometimes physically hurt to hear my kids cry. Mine, too, just got more angry when I went in to check on them and didn't pick them up so I pretty much stayed out of there.

We didn't have too much trouble at bedtime but both my kids were very persistent and carried on for over an hour in the middle of the night. We didn't do this until they were at least a year old so I knew they didn't need to be fed or anything. Our pediatrician recommended crying it out at their appointments so I wasn't worried they really needed me for anything.

My advice is that if you decide to do this, make a commitment and carry through with it. Look at that time as an investment. If you have ever studied psychology you know about intermittent pay-off and that it is what keeps people going the longest. (Picking up a child after 40 minutes of crying teaches her to cry for at least 40 minutes. Quitting your sleep program after 3 days teaches her to keep up the crying for at least 3 days, etc...)

Very best wishes to you, K.. Sleep is a basic need and it is okay to teach your child that you need some.

J.

I let mine cry it out for three nights. 2 hours, 1.5 hours, 20 minutes, and then it was done.....totally worth it!

I agree with the moms above who recommended books by Dr. Sears, and I would also recommend "Sweet Dreams" by Dr. Paul Fleiss, which has a lot of information about the normal range of sleep patterns for children. It is not unusual or harmful for a child your daughter's age to still wake up at night. My older son didn't sleep through the night consistently until he was over two. We never did cry it out with him because of the research on the harm it can do in terms of attachment.

The American Pediatric Association has strong reservations about the Babywise book. I would never recommend that anyone use that book.

Also, my parents did cry it out with me, to the point of just putting extra padding in my crib when I would bang my head on the side. This is what their pediatrician told them to do, and it's still advised in some of the "sleep-training" books.

Maybe it "worked" for my parents when I was a baby, but I can assure you that I was a terrible sleeper all through childhood. I resisted bedtime, I often woke up in the night with "foot cramps" and couldn't go back to sleep. This continued well into the school years. I have read that cry it out makes your baby eventually give up on the hope mom or dad will ever come to help them, and can lead to long-term sleep problems. I believe this based on my first-hand experience.

My best advice is to accept that your younger daughter tends to wake up at night more than some babies (and less than other babies). Stop watching the clock and counting how many times she wakes up. Respond to her when she is in distress. We co-slept with our babies, but it is not necessary for you to do that if you don't feel comfortable. There are lots of good suggestions in books like Nighttime Parenting with Dr. Sears.

I did the crying it out thing with my son at around 8 months of age. I just made sure I went through his bedtime routine (which includes a soft CD on at bedtime), made sure he had a drink of water (so I knew he wasn't thirsty), then just stuck it out. I didn't go back into the room...it's really hard to do (and I had support from my husband), but it only took 3 nights. The first night he cried for a really long time--I just did whatever I could to distract myself. The second night he cried for maybe 45 minutes, and by the third night, maybe only 10-20 minutes. After that, no crying! We ALL get a good night's sleep now. I should add, we HAD tried the soothing method like you BEFORE we resorted to this, but it too didn't work for us, so we had to go the crying it out method. By the way, I haven't noticed any psychological or emotional issues with my son, and he's now 3! Hope this helps!

Dear K., I TOTALLY understand! My daughter woke between 6-12 times per night for a year. I was so tired I was in complete dispair.
Co-sleeping does NOT work for us. My daughter HATED our bed and it is so h*** o* my body, my hubby and I didn't get any sleep!
We finally did crying it out....which, IS NOT HARMFUL and is NOT "detatchment" parenting. We reassured her every 5 minutes, going in to sing to her and rub her back. The first night it took about 30 minutes and the next night she cried for less than 5 minutes. NOT because she didn't think we would respond!
I would never let my child cry for "hours". They do have needs that we need to respond to but DON'T WORRY! They are able to go to sleep by themselves. They will wake in the night but that is normal. I listen for my daughter to see if she goes back to sleep and if she doesn't in a couple of minutes then I go rock her.
Attachment parenting is fine for those who want to do it but it is unfair and offensive for anyone to assume that if you don't implement the ideas that you are a cold and distant parent destined to have emotionally defunct children.
Bottom line, do what is right for you! A healthy mama makes for healthy children!

Well, I was told by my pediatrician that a baby can cry for two weeks straight and it wouldn't harm the baby. It may drive the parents nuts, but the baby would be fine. With that, I simply let my baby cry for hours each night, without any comfort. It took three days - and no, we didn't sleep. But no sleep for three days is better then not enough sleep for another year. If your child is feed, clean and warm - then she is fine! As long as the attention is there during the day, they don't need constant attention at night. But, I do know that it doesn't work for EVERY baby. Everyone is different, and I really hope that it works for you.

We used the crying it out method with both our kids. My daughter wasn't as bad as my son, she just slept better period but I credit it to our Babywise routine and her personality.

My son had to do this around 8 mo due to getting sick (not til he was better of course). His routine got off and after the illness he was way off. We found too that going in just made it worse. We just made sure everything was good and safe in his bed the first time we went in, and then didn't go back in. It was very hard! We let him cry, no matter how long it took at first. We just found ways to drown out the noise! A fan in our room, shut the doors, go downstairs if we were still awake, etc. I couldn't listen to it! My husband was better about it!

I would only check him if he couldn't tell I was checking him.
He took about a week, maybe a little longer, but it was worth it. The crying would get less as the time went on, but we stuck with it. We would always go back to this everytime we needed to. It always worked the best for our children and son(8yr) is a fabulous sleeper! And our daughter is for the most part(5yr)!

Just stick to what you do during the day, its worse if they are too sleepy. A regular predictable routine helps all children.

I don't know if you've ever read the Babywise books, but they are very helpful with nightime sleeping! Good Luck!

You're stronger than we are. We only lasted like an hour with the crying it out thing. Broke my heart to hear the cry and then have them cling desperately to me when I would go in there......

When our son was about 8 months, we gave up and moved the crib in out room. Helps a ton. He mostly sleeps in there now!!! We ALL SLEEP GREAT!

But we allow both our children to co-sleep with us whenver they want. (3 1/2 year old daughter does every night and 1 1/2 year old son now starts in our bed and then moves to crib usually within half hour to hour of us all going to bed...)

Co-sleeping is working for us and if you are NOT against it, give it a real try. Kids need to feel safe and they usally do when they are with mom and dad. This is how our family is FINALLY able to get some real sleep.

I completely understand the grumpiness that comes with sleep deprivation...and why they use it as a torture technique! It really easy torture...especially night after night :(

You didn't mention if your daughter was only crying in the middle of the night or if it was anytime she was put down to sleep.

I responded to both of my daughters in the night until they were 9 months old. I know "people" say they don't need to be fed after 6 months, but I just decided that I was willing to respond up to 9 months. My older daughter was never a good napper or sleeper...cried going down and cried waking up. Going into her room to pat or talk to her (once I stopped feeding) only made her more mad so I stopped doing that. I think that it took a couple of weeks (2-3) for her to stop crying in the middle of the night. It felt like forever, but every night seemed to get a little shorter on the time that she cried and she was usually (99% of the time) only waking once per night. She was a good screamer and I think a few of the nights she cried for almost an hour! But within a couple of days she was down to less than 15 minutes of crying in the middle of the night and then down to less than 5 and it was more moaning like she was trying to soothe herself than true crying. She still would cry for a couple of minutes before going down for naps, but not at all at bedtime or in the middle of the night. Those two weeks of crying it out were really hard, but worth it for the 2+ years of happy sleep that we have had since then. Good luck!!

When we did the cry-it-out (and it worked twice, with both of our kids), we did not go into the room. I believe that just aggravates the situation, and confuses the child. I sat up with a magazine the first night because I couldn't sleep while my daughter cried for an hour. The next night it was 20 minutes, the third night 10 minutes, and after that she was done. We did the same thing with child #2. I also recommend ear plugs. The child has learned if they make enough noise, mom or dad comes running in. Unfortunately that has to be unlearned or the cycle will never stop! Just remember, the child is not dying. The child has simply perfected a learned behavior. She'll be fine! A good night's sleep for both of you is the most important thing.

So saorry you are having a tough time with this one. Sleep deprivation stinks. I also suggest trying to move up the bedtime a bit.

In terms of our experience, we tried CIO at 9 months and it didn't work. We tried again at 10 months and it did work. We did the modified CIO and went in (no talking but laid him down and rubbed his back) after 15 minutes. It only took 2 nights but that doesn't sound like what will work for your child. They are all different, with different needs.

with our kids they have all cried it out. they only did it at night before going to bed. we would start with 15 mins of crying before going in for 2 days. then 20 mins for 2 days. 30 mins for 2 days. it usually only us a week for them until they would cry for a couple of mins then go to sleep. each time we went in we would not speak to them. we could give them a hug (with out taking them out of the crib)and lay them back down. in and out of the room in only a couple of mins. in the middle of the night if they cried for more than 15mins we would give some water with out saying a word. our ped told us they can cry up to an hour. but for me that's too long and thankfully they never got to that point. you have to be constistant on doing it or you will end back up at square one. it was hard for us so we would turn the monitor down so only the lights would light up with out hearing them and turn the tv up. good luck i know from experience its just as h*** o* the parents as this is on the children. if you stick to it, it pays off in the end.

Do you have animals? My daughter only slept through the night a few times until she was 11 months old. At 11 months we took our 3 cats to the humane society and surrendered them (one of the hardest decisions of my life - but I just could no longer deal with the hair, with the meowing in the middle of the night, etc). That night she slept through the night and has ever since. However, after that if we had a week or so where we back tracked we had try several things:

1) Nightlights. She needed one for a few weeks but then we found that if there was one in there she would wake up and stay awake. When we took it out, she went back to sleep on her own.

2)Heat - she needed to be warm. A small space heater or sleep sacks were needed. If she was cold, she woke up.

3) Nuks. We kept LOTS Of nuks in her crib so if it fell out and she woke up there was a good chance she could find another. If she doesn't use a nuk, she probably needs some kind of lovie.

4) Nursing. I still nursed her 1x per night when she woke up. I didn't mind it because I enjoyed that middle of the night feeding. It was our time to be quiet, alone and together.

5) Crying it out. Yes, we had to do this (mostly when we put her down to bed). Here is the thing with it...if you let her cry for 2 hours but in the end go give in, you have just told her that you are willing to come in - so she has trained you (like counting to 3 teaches kids that they can do something 2 1/2 times before there are consequences). I think we let my daughter cry the first night for an hour and half one night (she was close to a year or more). We turned off the monitors and turned up the TV so we couldn't hear it. (We had quite a few nights before this where we let her cry for less than this and then gave in.) Reseach says when they are INFANTS crying it out doesn't do anything positive. Responding to their cries teaches them that someone loves them and will help them when they need it. However, at 11 months they are starting to train us, and they learn cause and effect. Your 11 month old is absolutely NOT going to have attachment issues because you let her cry it out for a few nights. And if every night you change what you do, then she won't have any pattern because you have broken the pattern before it began. Pick a number of nights that you are going to do this and stick to it (maybe 3 nights). Tell her as you are putting her down "I love you but I am not going to come in tonight." Then don't. She might make herself so upset she throws up. Make sure not to feed her before bed. If she cries herself to sleep and it take several hours, the next night it will probably take 1/2 as long. And the next night a little less. If after the number of nights you set there is NO change, then change your approach.

6) Sleeping times. I don't agree with the reseach you read about 9.5 hours at night! My daughter has ALWAYS slept for 11-12 hours at night PLUS naps totalling 2-3 hours. She goes like the energizer bunny when she is awake. At 11 months I think we were starting to give up the AM nap and going to a 2-4 hour afternoon nap plus 12 hours at night (for her it was usually 9 pm - 9 am). She might be tired! And sleep begets sleep. So if they are tired they can be up earlier or more.

7) One last thing to just check out. If she has any reflux issues then at night when she is laying flat she could be feeling the pain of reflux and that is what is waking her or keeping her awake. But if she has never really had any tummy issues, crying spells, thrashing, gassiness, etc. then this probably isn't it. We had to elevate my daughter's head of her bed at times when we thought she was having some reflux issues.

8) We have always put my daughter down with light music and in a dark room. We set a timer so in the middle of the night it goes off because we found the same white noise music that helped her sleep could wake her from a sound sleep. But if she wakes up in the night, you could turn it on again.

9) Super Nanny does the whole sit by their bed while they scream and don't look at them or talk to them. The first night it might take hours, then each night you move a little closer to the door and ideally it takes a little less time. This works on her show! If you absolutely cannot stomach crying it out (then you probably aren't sleep deprived enough!!:)) then start with this. I would probably have ended up falling asleep in her room, which would have been a problem.

Check out www.loveandlogic.com to get some Love and Logic books that have info about sleeping. The whole parenting system has been wonderful for us, wish we would have known about it when she was only 11 months.

Here is the bottom line. At some point, she is goign to fall asleep - whether it be becasue of learning, giving in, or of sheer exhaustion. If nothing else works you have to let her get to that point. But if you can't sleep, you can't make good choices, you can't be a good parent, and you can get sick. THen what good are you to her? Good luck!

IT seems to me that if a drink of water will get to her fall back to sleep or bringing her to your bed will do it, then by all means, skip the crying issues and give her what she perceives as a need.

When ever my babies woke up after sleeping for hours- especially if I was still sleeping, then I would bring them to my bed. Cuddling could be what they are seeking, or they could be seeking food, warmth, or comfort.

And co-sleeping is actually very safe if those sharing the bed are not using any drugs or medications. In fact, your body is almost always aware of the baby and you will do nothing to harm her. I find that I never go into a deep sleep with the baby in bed with me and oftentimes will make up for that after I move her back to the crib. Mothering.com has good information on co-sleeping.

I am the mom of 5 children- 3 with special needs and have had to be very creative to get the sleep to function well. And let me tell you- co-sleeping is the least invasive.

not everyone believes in Chiropratic Care but my best friend had the same situation as yours - she went to see her chiropractor and after like 2 adjustments her daughter was sleeping peacefully - they thought they would never get any sleep and had tried everything. It was a godsend for them!

I know that some people will frown upon this but I cannot stand listening to my 7 month old "cry it out". She is up 2-3 times at night on bad nights. It seemed to help to keep the hall light on and her door open. I also place a few small toys in her crib, like rattles, so she can play wth something nad be busy. If she is really upset and i am really tired I just bring her into bed with me to get a few more hours of sleep!

Hi K.,
I completely understand where you're coming from. We finally resorted to letting our daughter cry it out after 6 months of her waking up 2-3 times per night (and I was breastfeeding, so it was always me who got up with her). When I first started letting her cry it out, I tried soothing her after 5 minutes, then 10.. but it only made her angrier and she'd get absolutely hysterical.

It sounds really harsh, and I know I'm going to get a lot of flack from the other moms out there who are against crying it out, but I was so exhausted I finally had to play hardball. With my pediatrician's support, I decided to not go into her room at all, all night long (unless I thought something was wrong). As my pediatrician reminded me, her diaper was clean, she wasn't hungry and she was in a safe environment. She was fine. So we turned off the monitor and let her cry it out.

The first week, she'd cry for a good 25-30 minutes. It was hell - she was definitely not happy with us. The next week, it started to get just a little bit better day by day - she'd only cry for 20 one day, then 15, then 10... If she woke up in the middle of the night, I let her cry it out then, too - I remember just sitting there, listening to her cry, and it was heart-breaking... but she'd eventually fall back asleep. In all, it took about two to three full weeks of crying it out before she started sleeping through the night on her own.

As hard as it was, I have to say it was absolutely worth it. Now Maura sleeps 12-13 hours a night, straight through. She goes to bed without any problems - she often just chatters to herself and soothes herself to sleep... and if she wakes up in the middle of the night, she entertains herself until she's tired again.

I made the decision to cry it out because I knew the lack of sleep was not only affecting me at work, but it was also affecting me as a mother.

In the end you need to do what you feel is right. You're the mommy and you know what's best for your daughter! Just remember that she's healthy, safe and taken care of - you're not neglecting her or scarring her by letting her learn to soothe herself to sleep.

Just my two cents. Good luck!

It looks like you've got a lot of good feedback so I'll try to keep this short...first off, WOW to haveing 2 under 2, I get the grumpieness, I'm worn out with one toddler around! We tried the CIO at about 6 months and my son would get so upset he'd get sick so we went back to what we were doing and tried again around 8/9. The first few nights I had to leave the house, I was in tears and could barely stand not to go in and hug him, but my husband could handle it a lot better then I could. It took a couple hours at first and right about the time we thought he was out we'd hear him start to whimper. After a week it was less then an hour and by 2 weeks it was 15-20 minutes max. The key for us was finding just the perfect time to put him down, drowsy but not to tired. Now most nights we read a couple books he gives me a hug I lay him down and he waves me away. Everytime we get out of routine we have to do CIO to get back on track but it only takes 2-3 nights now. He is a very loving boy and as long as they get all the love and attention during the day they will know you aren't just ignoring them, crying may just be their way to relax at night (like us laying in bed thinking about everything that happened that day adn we have to do tomorrow). Good luck!

Don't listen to the people who say it is normal for her to still be waking up. I have 8 month old and a 2 1/2 year old and both sleep 7-7. And I am breastfeeding. I see that you have read the sleep books. We used Good Night Sleep Tight by K. West. And honestly no matter what method you choice consistency is the key. With the book we used it could take up to two weeks of doing her methods to start to see results. And the longer the child has had the bad habits the harder it is to break. I know you are sleep deprived but crying it out doesn't always work. If you give in at all any of those nights then you are back to square one. You child then thinks I only have to cry for and hour to get them to come or what not. So I would choose one of the sleep books to follow and be consistent and don't expect results in only a few nights. It will take work but it is worth it. You should all be getting sleep. The book we used didn't take long to read the sections that relate to your childs age. I hope this helps some. I know what it is like to be crabby because of no sleep and it was hard with our first to follow the book when I was so tired and it was easier to bring her into our bed. But trust me it does work.

I am not a fan of crying it out. I feel to have a good nights sleep you should relax and have positive thoughts. Your 11 month old is getting up out of habit rather then hungry so instead of taking a bottle of milk in, why not try a glass of water. Offer her the drink without getting her out of her bed, then lay her back down. It might take a couple times and a few nights but instead of letting her cry, just lay her back down. My daughter was this way and she did great. I always played soft music to calm them down also. My oldest son would wake up for a drink once a night until he was around 2 and I put a glass by his bed and tell him if he wants a drink, there it is, but he doesn't have to wake me. First night about half of it was gone, second night about a quarter was gone and third night none was gone. Crying it out was not acceptable for me to do to my kids, I would rather have gotten up and rocked them then let the insecurity of being alone in their bed crying for mommy and mommy not coming in.