Crying 5 Year Old

Hi J.,

Has she been doing this for awhile now? Did it just start?

Did you ask her why she's crying? My daughter went through that too. There is either something that is bothering her, or she is just more sensitive than other children.

Ask lots of questions. Is something bothering her with a friend? family member? school? does she perhaps miss her sister/ or brother? miss her father? miss you?

I used to coax them into sitting down with crayons and or paints when the kids were in a sad moods and just start coloring or painting with them. It's so important to make them feel special and loved. Something is bothering her. Some children are just more sensitive than others.

Try the coloring or playing with playdo.

Best wishes,

J.

Hi J., I think there is always a valid need when someone (of any age) is crying. Not saying it's anyone else's "fault" or anything, just that the individual's inner feelings are very real and big and valid to them. I wouldn't think of telling my best friend to go cry alone and come back out when she "had a grip" and I wouldn't do that to my children either. Whatever the reasons she's emptying her emotions I can't say, but you'll never know what's going on if she learns to turn away from you instead of seek comfort in you when life feels heavy.

Aletha Solter has written a couple excellent books about supporting our children's needs to cry in loving arms. She is an attached parent herself and also PhD. I would check out _Helping Young Children Flourish_ and or _Tears and Tantrums_.

Peace,
Angie

Hi J.
I had to check the name on the post I thought you were talking about my daughter;). When my daughter melts down it is usually because she is not getting enough sleep. My rule is if she has more than two meltdowns she must go to bed a half hour early so instead of 7:30 its 7:00. This seems to help. I also have noticed that if she had a very busy day at school she is much more crabby at home. Hope this helps and you are handling it well. Good luck and know your not alone. T.

Instead of sending her to her room, it is important to acknowledge her feelings. Could she be anxious about something? It might take awhile, but I would try to do a little investigating to see if something has happened or there has been a change in her life that she is upset or anxious about. My son had several anxieties at that age. Is she in school, preschool or daycare where something may have happened? Could you ask the teacher? There are also some great books out there about "emotional intelligence" and acknowledging a child's feelings. You could just do a search on "emotional intelligence." Good luck.

is she getting enough sleep?? kids this age should still be getting from 10-12 hours a night...if she is not, have her take naps on weekends...i know when my daughter gets overly upset about small things it is normally because she is tired...a good nap on the weekends helps recharge her batteries so she is able to cope with things...

Sounds like my 6 year old. Unless mine is physically hurt I tell her to be quiet I don't want to hear it. Last night my daughter was hysterical because I was beating her at a card game we were playing UNO! I was like tough to bad so sad tough it out. I made her finish the game.

I know for my daughter it's when she's over tired or over whelmed.

Sleep is the first thing that comes to mind. Also, with my 4 1/2 year old we hae practiced deep breathing and getting control of our emotions. If he melts down or crys I tell him to go to his room and when he gets his emotions under control he can come back out.

This has worked well for us. Good luck!

I have experience in this area and found that if "I" took a breath, lent down to my daughters eye level and calmly asked what had happened she then had a chance to explain. I usually asked her to calm down and breathe so I could understand her words. I'd ask did anybody get hurt, nothings broken...then asked if what happened was worth her tears and she'd say no. A hug usually helped then distract her to help you with somthing like "cleaning up the cards". You might consider the book "Moonbeam" by Maureen Garth on B&N website. Hope it helps.

I have three girls and they all went through a stage like this (hormones, I think) where they got weepy and needed extra love. I allowed them a little time to "be girls" then they had to buck up and join the family again with a smile. I really think there is a hormonal thing that kicks in earlier than we might like to believe, and we need to roll with it, without making to much of it. There will be several more "milestones" like that too, along the developmental path - not just the expected one at puberty.

SAHM of seven

Hi J.!

I have a suggestion that may or may not be helpful. I am a kindergarten teacher (not sure if your cutie is in K or first grade) on maternity leave. I am going to attach a link for you to check out. There is a book called Yardsticks--you can likely check it out from your public library... while the book was written for educators, I often share the information in it with parents. Kiddos from 5 1/2 to 6 tend to go through a phase of feeling a little more insecure---this could just be that with your daughter. It likely will come and go before you know it:

Hope the link is helpful:

http://www.yardsticks4-14.com/2008/02/your-children-i.htm... (can't get this to actually link--sorry!)

The website will give you a short shot---the book is a great investment---you may use it for years to come! :)

Hang in there!

Maybe you can drop something and just go "oh well". Maybe then she will see that it is no big deal and that she shouldn't cry about it.

After 27 years as a mom you probably know that children cry because they are sad. Punishing them for crying says that you don't want to hear the bad feelings, only the good. How will your daughter grow into a happy child if she isn't allowed to have ALL of her feelings?

She needs more hugging, kissing and holding. She needs to know that you love her even when she is crying - and that you care about her feelings. Tell her this - every day.

I am guessing that she cries because she knows you don't understand her feelings. A little hug and kiss from her mom will certainly tell her that crying is OK and that she doesn't have to cry to get your attention.

I tell my kids every day that I love them even when they (fill in the blank)... don't clean their room, make mistakes, fuss and cry... They love to hear it. Then they tell me that they love me too even though I (fill in the blank).

Have fun with this little girl. Her emotional outbursts are a call for love. You must have needed more love or she would never have been born :o)