Cry It Out Method - Bothell, WA

I went to see Dr. Ferber speak one time, and he said that many people misinterpret him. He said he would NEVER let a baby cry it out who was younger than 10 months old.

Hang in there ! Some babies just need that brief cry of protest and then off they go to sleep. Mine started out crying and as the next 10 days went on it was shorter and shorter and now only rarely. Good luck.

I really have no advice to give you as I think you are doing everything you can from the sounds of it. I just had to comment on your "cry it out haters" comment... ignore any you may get on this or any other area!!! If more parents these days would let their kid cry for so much as 10 seconds without running to their need, I honestly believe kids would not be so spoiled!!!
I also believe some kids are cranky at bedtime and that's just the way they are, but maybe try moving her bedtime up a little so you're not waiting till she is tired and cranky. We did that with my niece (who I was living with) and she at 21 months old is to the point that if you read her well enough in the evening, you can tell just when to put her to bed with a smile on her face... before the screaming hits!

N. - It's funny how you can specify that you do NOT want people who are "haters" to respond....yet they just can't help themselves, can they??
6 months is plenty old enough to get it. My first son cried a lot when it was bed time....my second hardly ever. NOW, my first goes straight to bed without a problem (he's 7) and my second is up for 1/ 2hour before he sleeps (my foot hurts, I'm thirsty, I have to go to the bathroom, "I love you mom", what are you watching on TV...he's 4)
I think some kids just cry before sleeping....and if that's giving you some peace throughout the night....a little crying never hurt anyone!

L.

Good for you for doing what is going to help you AND your daughter in the long run! Our pediatrician is a firm believer in starting sleep training at around 3 months. She's an amazing pediatrician, and consistently ranked as one of the top in Seattle--so I trust that she knows what shes talking about! AND, if you read Ferber, he DOES INDEED say you can start sleep training, that involves some crying, before 10 months, not sure what that post below was all about!

I do think some babies cry themselves to sleep. Our daughter cried herself awake for the first two years of her life. It was alarming, because I thought something was wrong-- but it turns out that's just how she woke up. Once she was fully awake, she was fine. Now, she's 2.5 and when she wakes up, she's cranky because she'd rather keep sleeping (we both work, so she has to get up for daycare).

I think you are doing something valuable by taking care of YOURSELF in addition to your child. There are some moms out there who will make you feel bad if you aren't one of those "rush to every whimper" moments of their kids... don't worry about them! Your daughter will learn that other people (like her mama) matter too, not just her.

We have a 2.5 year old and a 3 month old, and it has been TREMENDOUSLY easier to begin the sleep training with the second one. Our 2.5 year old was a cry-it-out baby (after much hesitation and apprehension), and is extremely happy and well adjusted, gregarious and self-secure, so I'm pretty sure we didn't ruin her by making her cry for a couple nights when she was 10 months old ;)

I absolutely think it's a personality thing. My older daughter (now 2 and a half) cried absolutely every time we put her to bed until she was over a year old. Actually, I think it was more like 18 months until she stopped crying when she went to sleep. Now she's a great sleeper, loves napping and even asks to go go bed sometimes!
Our second daughter is almost 6 months old and almost never cries when it's time to sleep. We've done exactly the same sleep training with her we did with her sister but she just nods off without a whimper.
I think it's just who they are and I applaud you for working so h*** o* sleeping. It's worth the effort!
-Msrilee

If I remember correctly, Ferber says that most babies aren't ready for CIO until they're about 8 months old. Many babies can't go for long periods without eating until about then. Seems like 5.5 months is a bit young to be sleep trainig.

We did CIO with our son, but not until he was 11 months old.

I think it really does deoend on the kiddo. My oldest only did the crying thing for four days and rarely if ever cried after that. (Until she turned 10... but THATS a different story altogether!) My nephew cried for about 10 minutes almost every time. There was never anything wrong with him he just hated napping. My youngest is somewhere in between. It took a lot longer to train her and she seemed to still need to cio every once in a while for several weeks after she got it down. She will still cry out every so often too but for the most part. I put her in bed and she goes to sleep. It is a blessing. Good luck to you.

Hi N.,

My daughter has always had to cry herself to sleep. I can't remember when she finally stopped. She is almost 2 and a half now and I know she did it until she was about two. She still sometimes does it by the way. I think sometimes that is how she soothes herself. I know that sounds weird but it is true. If we are not at home or she has had a really busy day she will still cry to fall asleep. Or if at nap time I hear her get up as soon as I leave the room and I go back in to lay her back down she will still cry for a few minutes before she falls asleep. She is a great sleeper once asleep though, she has been sleeping through the nice since about 4 weeks old. She has never been a baby to be held and fall asleep, she always just had to cry for a few minutes. Most of the time it was less than 5, but there were a few times when she was littler it was 15 minutes. So if it is working and you can handle it, then don't worry about it. At some time she will grow out of it, and it doesn't hurt her to cry a little.

Hope that helped.

I strongly feel babies cry for "Lots of reasons" (teething,temperature ( hot/cold) hunger, lonely, diaper change,attention/love and many more) and I don't think "attention/love" at this age is a bad thing. I would suggest really trying to figure out if she is in need and what it is. I missed LOTS and LOTS of sleep until my son was about a year but it paid off- he is secure, happy and sleeps 10-12 hours at night and 2 hour nap;-)

Have you tried rubbing her back? If my son cries right before he falls to sleep I rub his back- works good on him. He also sleeps on his tummy- he sleeps through the night on his tummy;-)
L

No, babies shouldn't always cry at bedtime. Even people who've done CIO have kids that can go to sleep regularly without crying each night. She's crying because she has a need. Developmentally, she's right at the seperation anxiety stage and she may well be freaking out because you're leaving her. I'd take a break from CIO and give her the time to develop through the anxiety point and then try again if that's the right choice for your family.

N.,

Oh! if only these angels had owner's manuals. :) We did our own modified CIO with both our kids and now I'm glad we did. My son is now almost 6 and does good when he sleeps (doesn't always go right to sleep at bedtime). My daughter is 2 1/2 and we still have problems with her going to bed. Some nights she's out like a rock, others it's a fight and I have to go all Super Nanny on her.

I've heard it many times, I've said it many times: all kids are different.

Keep going, keep trying. I think if kids know how to sooth themselves in the middle of the night that's a good thing.

Hope this helps,
Melissa

It feels so good to be in your own bed again, I have a two year old and she sleeps on a toddler bed just next to mine. At six months most babies are still needing the warmth of mom. The more touch, the higher the IQ level, the higher the level of confidence long-term and the higher the capacity the child has for affection later in life. Bed to stay close to baby as much as possible. Time goes quickly, the first two years are the most critical. I say hold her as much as possible even if she cries in your arms to sleep, that is pretty standard.

I will start by saying I am NOT a CIO hater. :) I started it with my daughter when she was 3 months old, and after the first time (which took half an hour), she nearly always was down in the 5-15 minute range, unless she simply wasn't tired. And yeah, she continued to cry when I put her down for the next several months. I just learned that if it went past a certain amount of time, it was because she wasn't tired; but if she went to sleep within the 5-15 minute range, she was fine, and she'd wake up happy.

With my son, I started laying him down to sleep on his own when he was about 2 days old. Of course, newborns sleep almost constantly! But he has never cried for more than 5 minutes when he's tired, unless he isn't tired, or unless he's overtired and needs to be calmed. I never let him cry for more than 2 or 3 minutes, but he is a special case, because he has moderate to severe eczema, and will rub his face raw if I let him cry too much. If he is tired and relaxed enough, he'll be asleep before he can do much damage. Being aware of his rhythm has helped tremendously. That's what I do during the day. In the evening, Daddy rocks him to sleep and lays him down. He actually goes to sleep faster if I just lay him down when he's tired (which is why I am a firm believer in the CIO method!), but he rubs less if he is rocked to sleep, so I'm just glad he works fine with both methods! I wish I could wean at night, but he's down to once a night, and if I tried to wean he would rub his cheeks raw again, and nobody would get any sleep... which is a precious commodity around here at the moment!

In summary, you're doing fine. Eventually your daughter WILL get over the crying. But at nearly 6 months, I wouldn't expect that to happen right away. As long as she doesn't go past the 15 minute mark, I wouldn't worry about it.

Yes, I think some babies do cry at bedtime, for some that's how they put themselves to sleep...a little different cry than a cry that tells you they need food or changing, etc. Good for you for sticking to the CIO method. It's not for wimps, that's for sure. In the long run, the baby and the whole family will be rested and less cranky.

I also think that 6 months is too young to leave a crying baby alone. I waited until 12 months when my son clearly knew what was going on. He knew that I was in the other room and it only took 3 nights before he stopped crying entirely. I would go with the advice below that Ferber himself gave and wait until at least 10 months. It's worth it to have a happy, confident child for the rest of their lives. Good luck!

If you are nursing her during the night, why not also nurse her to sleep at bedtime? (in her own bed, so that after she falls happily asleep you can get up and go to your bed). And even if you stop nursing her during the night, I'd still recommend nursing her to sleep at bedtime. I nursed mine to sleep until they stopped nursing at 2-1/2 & 4-1/2 years. They are fine, happy adults now who nurse their children to sleep as well.

I think some kids just take a long time to finish with the crying. 15 minutes isn't too long, and shows that your kid will get to sleep on her own eventually. Mine went to bed easily enough, but, for a super long time would have a crying jag around eleven pm. If you can hang in there it will probably lessen over time... Good luck.

Some times it takes a while for them to stop crying when you put them down. Hang in there eventually they stop. I can't remember when it happened but it did.

C.

It's pretty sad that this has degenerated to namecalling once again. Whether or not we all agree with each other on this hotbutton issue, I think we all need to give each other credit for trying to be the best parents we can be.

While I personally don't use CIO in my own home, I have nannied for families that did. What I observed was that some children (even in the same family) cried at night, and some didn't. For whatever reason. Personality. Unmet need? Who knows? So, in answer to your question, I'd say that it's pretty common. My favorite method to help these kids was just standing by their crib and patting their backs until they fell asleep.

Keep it up. It works! Both my boys are great sleepers because of it (4 yrs and 2 yrs).
I would actually not recommend going back in to check and reassure. I would say in my calmest, most loving voice "It's time for night night. Sleep well. I love you." And walk out. (After stories and songs).
Then they realize it is the same routine and you are not coming back in.
Good luck!