Could I Be Spoiling My Daughter?

Is your husband saying the word "spoiled" to you, or are you using the word? You cannot spoil a baby this young, so put that out of your mind. If you feel you need verification, ask the pediatrician and she will tell you the same thing.

Now, if your baby cries every time you put her down, then start using some help in order to get a break. You can try a swing. You can swaddle her. You can put her in a bouncy and sit beside her and put your hand on her tummy and sing or talk to her. You need to be able to go to the bathroom, take a shower, etc. You do need to put her down some so that you can get something done. If you can wear her in a sling some, that's helpful, but not every new mommy can do that (I couldn't - it killed my back.)

She is new to the world still and craves the smallness of your womb. Swaddling helps and holding does too because it feels like before she was born. So, do some things that mimic it. But do understand that sometimes babies cry and that doesn't mean you can always prevent it.

According to my peditrician, "Fruit spoils if it is handled too much. You did not give birth to a banana. Hold your baby all you want."

Babies need physical contact very much during the first 3 months, and even after. Now you SHOULD check diaper, comfort, and hunger first, THEN pick her up if she still cries.

Check out the videos/books for Dr. Harvey Karp's The Happiest Baby on the Block. Babies really do need that comfort.

I am of the opinion that at this age, you can't hold the baby too much. You are bonding with her and making her feel secure.

That's not saying you have to hold her everytime she cries but interact with her. When my daughter was younger (about 4.5 months old) I left to go to the store. Hubby couldn't soothe her the whole time I was gone. I walked in, held her, talked to her, then put her in the high chair in the kitchen near me while I worked on prepping food for the next day. She was blissfully content and he couldn't understand it but she just wanted her mommy to be in her sight to reassure her.

Maybe the next time she's dry, fed, and not sleeping you have her near you and talking to her and see if this interaction works too. But sometimes they just want closeness.

You can not spoil a baby this little... Hold her all you want mama~

It is hard to imagine the world from the perspective of such a tiny baby, but give it a try. She has no idea that she is a separate being from you. All she has known has been as a part of you, so of course she gets scared when she feels separated. She has no sense of time, she has no sense of permanence. When she is not being held, she does not know that she has not been left alone forever. That's scary. Babies are hard wired to want to be close to their mothers for survival- food and protection. "Spoiling" a baby is a very, very outdated concept from the 1950's. Some pretty awful psychological studies have established that depriving a baby of touch and human contact can lead to all kinds of damage from failure to attach to failure to thrive and even death.
Your husband needs to suck it up and realize that his daughter's needs come before his own.

That is totally normal. She is still so young. She needs you to hold her to help her feel secure. I have yet to meet a newborn that didn't crave being held constantly. As she matures a bit you will be able to put her down more. Right now she is completely dependant on you for everything. She has no ability to self regulate or even control any part of her body. It will get easier.

Hi, R.:

Sounds like your husband is having some jealousy.

Spend more time kissing and holding your husband.
Good luck.
D.

The more Love you give a child, the more loving that child will be.

well, if you're holding her to the point that you are non-functioning as a woman/wife/friend/etc....then perhaps you are holding her too much.

In the beginning, most babies feed/sleep/feed/sleep. :)
Other babies require a swing/bouncy &/or swaddling to feel safe & secure. & most babies enjoy just hearing their parents voices.

Only you can judge if you are setting yourself up for an insecure/needy baby by holding her too much. & at your daughter's age, many babies are headed into daycare. How would your daughter do in such a setting? Good Luck & really try to look at the big picture. :)

Babies cry for a reason. You check for wet/dirty diapers, hunger, position (because digestion can cause belly aches if it's not working smoothly), and comfort! They spent 9 months squished inside you, and sometimes they need to be a little bit "compressed" as well as reassured when they are infants! You can try swaddling her to have her not feel so exposed, and you can try movement (a swing, a bouncy thing, a car ride) because sometimes that lulls them to sleep or at least calms them. But she's way too young to "discipline" by leaving her uncomfortable, if that's what your husband's thinking. You're not setting her up for a lifetime of sitting in your lap because you hold her at 6 weeks! But it's going to be impractical because sometimes you need to get stuff done, so finding something else that works is a good strategy. If you don't have other equipment, you might borrow a swing, a sling, a snugly, and other equipment from a friend just to try them out.

Sometimes kids do grow out of things, but it's all trial and error. Other than the inconvenience, I don't think there's any reason not to hold her at this age. Tell your husband you really can't spoil a 6 week old!

It's impossible to spoil a baby that young! She needs to be held all the time to feel safe, and you're a great mommy to recognize her needs and to take care of them. Some things that helped us a ton were a baby Bjorn carrier, so I could carry the baby and still have my hands free, and a baby swing. The baby felt safe and snug sleeping in the swing.
Congratulations on your new baby!
L.

R.:

At 6 weeks - you really can't spoil a baby.....however....if you can't do anything like take a shower, cook a meal or something like that? Yeah...you might be holding her too much.

She spent 9 months in a tight, warm cocoon....now she's out in the great big world....it's a tough change. Try swaddling her...that usually helps. Talk softly too her....love her....it's all good...just remember to take care of you...showers...meals....exercise....

Your instincts are the best gauge!