Cosleeping- Toddler and Newborn?

Updated on May 17, 2010
C.L. asks from Arcadia, CA
22 answers

My husband and I currently cosleep with our 2 1/2 year old daughter and have since she was born. We're very happy about it. However, we're having another baby in July. I know that parents are very sensitive and in tune with new babies- not much risk of rolling on them, etc. but I'm concerned about my toddler flopping over and accidentally hurting the baby. My daughter is an active sleeper, and also positions herself rather aggressively to get near my breasts throughout the night, even when she isn't nursing (she still insists on touching them). So even if I start with the new baby on one side of me and my toddler on the other, my toddler will not stay there.

I'd love to hear how other parents have handled co-sleeping with their newborn and toddlers.

Thanks for your ideas!

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So What Happened?

Hi all-

I really appreciate the advice from those who have dealt with co-sleeping with multiple kids- no need to tell us reasons not to cosleep since 1) I've already heard all the reasons 2) we are already doing it and have always preferred it to using the crib (did both with our first child) and 3) it has NOT hindered our sex life or we wouldn't be having this problem LOL! We've always preferred cosleeping and are simply looking for the best and safest solution for the new baby without making our toddler feel rejected and resentful.

Thanks!

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D.M.

answers from San Diego on

Since there are a few people below who have heard of babies dying and such, I would never co-sleep with an infant. I never did with my own two just for that reason.

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S.K.

answers from Los Angeles on

I had this Issue and Had my New Born sleep in the co Sleeper that goes by your bedside. Toddler stayed in our bed. my Daughter was the Newborn and actually slept fine and began sleeping throu the night at 8 weeks. She was EBF and my Supply was just fine. Everyone got to sleep and we all had a wonderful Life. At least days went alot smoother because everyone got adequate rest :)

You dont have to do everything with # 2 that you did with #1 and it may cause bigger problems to give toddler the Boot to make room for the new baby. It could be dangerous to have Newborn and toddler sleeping together and How are you going to rest wondering if every one is oK?

2 moms found this helpful
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K.S.

answers from Columbus on

I'm glad you've gotten more responses from those who have co-slept than the last 3 nay-sayers. Those of us who do co-sleep do not consider these little things as "problems we are suffering" and co-sleeping is most certainly not suffering. It is a wonderful bonding for the whole family.

I co-slept with my daughter, but my son wasn't really into it until a little later in life. He started when DD was slightly older. I do like the idea of the sidecar or putting your daughter in the middle as you would feel her trying to crawl over you. Good luck finding a solution that works & allows you to continue with the wonders of co-sleeping.

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M.P.

answers from Chicago on

If your daughter will go for it, you can put a bed rail on your husband's side and let her sleep all the way on the end next to him. May not work for you though. We had a co-sleeper for our second too because I was concerned about our 2 year old hurting him too. Alot of times, we just moved her when she fell asleep and then my DH would sleep with her in the other room or sometimes she slept all night and didn't come find us til morning.

Ummm, if co-sleepers didn't have sex, how would any of us have more than one baby???? I think my friends who bed-share with the kids have healthier sex lives than my friends who don't.

Has anyone noticed all the crib recalls out there? It's far more dangerous to leave a baby in a crib than in a bed with an alert mom. Nobody is preaching to all you moms with crib babies that your babies will die sleeping in a separate room from you so please don't tell us moms that our babies are all in danger from sleeping with the people who love them the most.

Enjoy your new baby and I hope your sleeping arrangements work out. My now 2 and 4 year old sleep in a full bed together and sometime in the night one of us joins them if they need. Some nights, it's not til morning other nights it's all night. It's musical beds here but we are all happy and healthy and it works. Don't listen to all the negative responses you've gotten.

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S.B.

answers from Redding on

There is always the option of getting your newborn used to sleeping in a crib and only bringing the baby to the bed to nurse. They startle easily and too much activitiy in the bed may make it harder for the newborn to really get sound rest. Which will make it harder for you too. You already know where your toddler will gravitate to, so letting the newborn have a still, safe place to sleep might be best.

You never know how things will work until you try them. I hope it goes smoothely.

Best wishes.

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B.V.

answers from Atlanta on

I also side-carred the newborn in a cosleeper. My toddler also slept in our bed 99% of the time. Luckily, the newborn didn't actually like co-sleeping in the bed, and preferred to be in his own space :) I'd nurse him in the bed and then roll him back into the cosleeper. Today, the "newborn" is 4 years old has NEVER co-slept with me, but the 6 year old is still there...lol
You never know though, once the newborn is there, your toddler may not mind sharing or giving you a little more space :)

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L.S.

answers from Los Angeles on

I know somebody who rolled over on his baby and the infant died. It's not a safe idea.

Just curious... for all of you co-sleepers... doesn't this hinder your sex life. Believe me, if it does, it's not good for your marriage and then it's not good for the child if the parents don't stay together.

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E.P.

answers from Los Angeles on

Hi C.. We have a 4 yr old and 3 yr old girl. Both have been sleeping with me and my husband since birth. This is just our culture. This is how we were raised and grew up so it wasn't even a question that this is how it's going to be. In any case, when my 2nd baby girl was born, my older girl was only 20 months old. We put the newborn in a co-sleeper bassinet next to my husband for the first couple of months, with me beside him, and my older girl on my other side. He would just hand the baby to me when she woke up for nursing/feeding, then would put her back to his side. This gave him some quality time with the new baby also. Then as they grew older, the new baby was in her co-sleeper between us. We have a pretty big bed, low to the ground (Japanese style) so we had extra room on the sides (tatami mats) of an already big, King size bed. This helped a lot since both girls also move a lot during the night. It's not unusual to have both legs across my face. Ha, ha! Anyway, that's what we did and it has worked out great. Good luck!

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W.T.

answers from San Diego on

We put my infant in a cosleeper right next to the bed because we had our 2 year old in bed with us still. My 2 year old started transitioning to his own bed right about then too on his own....although it was in our room and he didn't use it much.

I only used the co-sleeper for a few weeks and then just slept with my newborn next to me and made sure that there was someone adult between my toddler and the baby at all times.

We of course, made sure that it was safe....I don't need to preach to the choir to you since you've done it already.

The only "problem" is when my older son goes to sleep in our bed...not too often now, but he still does and I can't put my infant down without me being either in the bed or in the room. But, it has worked out.

I was grateful that my older son wanted to start using his own bed. We got him a futon (mattress on the floor for a while) and some fancy Thomas the Train sheets and he likes it now. He still ends up in our bed or we end up in his a lot if not most of the nights.

Good luck and congratulations!

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J.S.

answers from San Francisco on

I am in the same situation, baby #2 is coming in june. We bought the new baby a cosleeper and set it up. Our daughter has now taken to the cosleeper and wont fall asleep anywhere else. She usually will end up next to me at some point. the co sleeper is currently on her dads side of the bed so he is able to comfort her occasionally, allowing me to get a little better nights sleep.
Those few hours that she is not sleeping on me is very restful. We have decided to let her continue to sleep there and if she begins to sleep through the night and not need to be near me we will have the new baby sleep in the middle of the bed or next to the wall near me. If not we will get a second co sleeper. Amazon has the best price with free shipping.
good luck, cant wait to see other responses.

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H.S.

answers from Cincinnati on

Please, do not consider having both children in your bed for even 1 night! You are asking for problems, and you CANNOT prevent an accident. Your newborn needs to be in a safe place, and being the 4th person in a bed doesn't sound like the best idea for the baby. Please think about it.

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H.H.

answers from San Diego on

We have co-slept since my son was born in 2005, he is about to be 5 and still in bed with mommy, daddy, and his new sister. We have the baby between us, so I can nurse her at night. For the first 5 months she was on a sleep wedge, now she just lays between mommy & daddy. My son sleeps at the foot of our bed, he loves is there, and we all love our family bed!

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S.O.

answers from Los Angeles on

I would strongly advise against it because of a very sad story from a parent at my school. I won't fill you in on the details, but perhaps you could have a basinet in the room for the new baby or give the toddler her own bed in your room? I just wouldn't want to take the risk.

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E.L.

answers from Los Angeles on

I have a two year old who co sleeps with us and am due in July. I am super interested to see what people with actual experience have to say. I can only offer our ideas and thoughts. We have a co sleeper from arm's reach, which our son slept in until it wasn't safe for him to continue to do so (he outgrew it). We thought we'd put the new baby in it but are worried that the new baby will need to nurse throughout the night and disturb my son's sleep. So we are considering setting up the co sleeper cradle in another room, and I will sleep and nurse in there. We are not "sold" on this idea though. I think it may set my son up for a tougher time accepting the new baby.

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T.C.

answers from Los Angeles on

Well, I have heard it is dangerous to allow toddlers to sleep near newborns until the baby is able to roll over and get themselves out of a suffocating experience.
I got pregnant when my toddler was 2 years old and still nursing and cosleeping. At that point I put him in his own little bed next to our bed and he was perfectly happy with that, I would come to him if he woke up. I was worried the baby would wake him, so 3 months before the baby came we went out and bought very cool kid room furniture and moved him into his own room. He loved it too.
After the baby came, he was still welcome to come in and sleep in his little bed beside ours if he needed to. Next step is to get a bigger bed for the 4 1/2 year old and we will put the almost two year old in there with him when I get pregnant with number 3.
I know you are happy with cosleeping, but if you don't want to move the toddler out, maybe she can sleep on the other side of the daddy? It will be a tough one, but definitely time whatever you do, so she doesn't think the baby is changing her sleeping comfort. Looks like you are running out of time! Good luck!

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M.G.

answers from Chicago on

Having a newborn sleep with a sibling raises the risk of SIDS. If you can, try to have them sleep in separate beds. This may mean transitioning your toddler to his own bed.

R.D.

answers from San Francisco on

Well hopefully you can get your daughter to sleep in the middle, this way if she tries to crawl over at least you will feel her moving over you. This will prevent and accidents. Or maybe your husband could have your daughter sleep on his side, on the outside of the bed. You can also get a twin blow up mattress that you use for camping. Perhaps you could say to her "your a big girl now, and mommy wants you close, so you try sleeping on this. Maybe this will work for you. Or again the upper answer. Good luck and hopefully your daughter will want to be a big grown up.

D.G.

answers from Los Angeles on

Dear C., unfortunately it is very dangerous to co-sleep for a newborn and a toddler at the same time. Adults to wake up but toddlers don't and it seems your toddler gets possessive with your breasts. Here are a couple of solution to have the family still together but safe:

get a cosleeper for the newborn and keep your toddler between the two of you. The cosleeper is smaller and outside the bed area and it should be safe. You will need to sit up in bed when you breastfeed so you differentiate your lying down with your toddler and feeding your newborn.

If you think the cosleeper is still too dangerous then get a little crib on wheels to be next to your bed for the new born.

If you have enough room I have see parents bring a new mattress essentially another bed into their bedroom and transition their toddler into that bed or use the other bed for mom and newborn to lie down and feed. Still need to make sure the toddler does not come over into it. but one the toddler is asleep and you get up to feed the newborn you can stay oin the other bed and cuddle with your new baby for a little.

The third solution is that you transition your toddler into her own room. and this you are the only one that can make that decision. But baby 2 has the right to have a cuddling with mom and dad time too and have all baby 1 has had!

Trust in your self and in your instincts if you think it is dangerous it probably is you know your toddler best. Eventually all will work out but the first weeks are h*** o* toddlers.

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E.E.

answers from Los Angeles on

Best of luck! My two cents... If you think your older child is going to have a bit of a hard time sharing mom, you might want to make sure they each have their own of the same thing to sleep in, bassinet or co-sleeper. OR the newborn is in a bassinet attached to the bed and the older child still gets to sleep in bed with mom and dad. There's also the possibility that once your sweet newborn is up at all hours, your older child may decide the family bed isn't quite as restful as it used to be. You could make a special pallet in the room somewhere.

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G.Y.

answers from San Diego on

We never allowed a child in our bed. This was really a good thing. I got up with the children in their own beds. Put them back to sleep in their own beds. I never had the problems that all of you are suffering. Try with the new baby to keep him in his own bed. Life will be easier on you later on.

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L.G.

answers from Los Angeles on

We got our a girl a toddler bed and she slept in our bedroom. She really liked getting her own 'big girl bed.' She got to pick the sheets and bedding. She was just 3 y.o.
Yes, the room seemed smaller, but I liked that she was still in our room and close.
Our girl slept in it some nights, in our bed others. Sometimes she fell asleep in our bed but we moved her to her bed. If you need to you can explain that once she falls asleep Daddy will move her so that Mommy can sleep better - What a helper to let Mommy get comfortable - it is so hard now with the baby bigger in my body...
A new stuffed animal to go with the bed. Someone who sleeps only on her bed and MISSES her so much and gets cold and needs to snuggle, etc...
My girl is 6.5 now and the two are in bunks. I still let them sleep with us occasionally, because I know that there will be a day when they don't and I will miss it.

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B.E.

answers from Los Angeles on

Hi C. - we are in the same boat! My son is 3 and LOVES to have skin contact while sleeping. I'm due in June and our plan is to sleep the same way we did when my son was born. We had a sleep positioner and Isaac slept in it between my hubby and I. It is very small but has raised sides so it would be really difficult to roll on to it. If propped on the boppy, I could breastfeed him in the sleeper while still mostly lying down. This should curb any issue with Isaac being in our bed. Isaac will sleep between us and the new baby will be on my side with my pregnancy pillow boxing me and new baby in.

As an added precaution, my 3 year old has had a lot of excitement lately about his new room. We bought bedding that he picked, painted the walls the colors he wanted... he loves his new room but still sleeps with us. My husband and I are thinking that he will probably sleep with Isaac in his room for the first month or so with new baby unless my son is ready to do it on his own! I really want my son to continue sleeping through the night and not be woken up by new baby.

We'll see when the time comes what ends up happening but they will have a few camp outs in the new room together during my last couple weeks. I'm pretty tired lately so it would be good for me too! I love co-sleeping but I agree that I'm super worried about the safety issue! Good luck with your decision!

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