Coping with a Bride...

Hi A.,

I am getting married in June and was waiting on three of my bridesmaids to confirm that they ordered their dress. I had to purchase their bridal gifts but did not want to purchase the gifts until it was confirmed that the dresses were ordered. I sent out a final email asking if they can provide an update on their order since I was holding off purchasing the bridal gifts. I received an email from one of the girls stating that they are running low on money and she could not afford to be in my wedding. I told her that I understood and wished she could be in it but at least she will be there. My point is, I kept asking about the dresses but was not getting a straight answer until I finally said I need to know what is going on so I can plan other things. I think that my friend was afraid of my reaction and kept putting me off but realized that I just needed to know. I would let your friend know what is going on since she also might be planning something around all three of you being in the wedding. It is better to let her know now before she starts planning or ordering additional items. Good luck!

You need to figure out the main reason for wanting to back out. Is it the money? Responsibility? Possible pregnancy? Or are you depressed (maybe about not being pregnant yet)? Whatever the biggest issue is, identify it, and talk to her about it now. If she is a true friend, she will understand and either help pay (if that is the issue) or let you back out gracefully.
But don't give her a bunch of little issues if it's mostly about one thing. It's going to make her think you're just giving her excuses and flat out don't want to do it. Who knows, maybe there was only one of the three of you that they really wanted in the first place but asked the whole family as a courtesy. She may be just as relieved as you. After all, the bigger the wedding party, the bigger cost to the bride and groom too.

Also, another thing- what does your hubby think? You need to discuss this with him too. Actually, first. He's in the wedding party too, and it's his job you're worried about. Oh, and if your daughter is looking forward to being a flower girl, don't let her down. Even if you and hubby pull out, you should still find a way to let her be in the wedding. Another poster had good suggestions.

Good luck!

I agree with the other posts. Tell her it is important to you to be able to participate in her special day, but your financial situation has changed. Be honest with her and ask her to work with you to find an alternative that works for both of you.

My best friend was my Maid of honor and her husband was a groomsman and her 2 daughters were candlelighters her youngest was my flower girl and her 2 boys were ring bears.
As the bride I thought asking the family to pay for all there dresses and tux was unreasonable.But there were my family. So we paid for the flower girl dress, at a nice place were they seel young girls dresses to sweet 16 prom looking dresses. I paid for the 2 candlelighter dresses.

I did ask her to pay for the Bridesmaid dress as I paid for all the girls dresses.

We were gonna pay for the 2 boys tux and they were suppose to pay foir the groomsman tux but we ended paying for all of it at last minute cause they couldn't afford it.
We tried to pay for part since there were so may of there family in the wedding I felt like that was fair. If you can't afford it please let her know maybe she can help.
Maybe ask if you get your dress can they help with the tux.Sometimes if you get so many tux you get 1 free.
Its better than the last minute and then no time for a plan, and a wedding should be a time of happiness not so much stress.

Hope my experience helps !

I would definitely talk to the bride about your financial situation. I hate to say back out because obviously you mean a lot to the bride and groom for both you and your daughter to be in the wedding party. As far as the pregnant thing, you have until May it sounds like to order the dress. If you are pregnant by then you'll know to order the maternity dress. If you aren't pregnant, order the dress everyone else is getting but maybe in a size larger. So that if you do get pregnant between May and September you won't be showing too much and the larger size will help if you do start showing.

As for the flowergirl dress, also talk to her about this and discuss maybe purchasing a nice dress from a non bridal store. After Easter, you'll be able to find plenty of very nice dresses at a fraction of the cost. You could also go to a store like Strausburg and probably catch something on sale there. I know I bought my daughter a dress on sale there for $50. Ebay is also a good place to look.

Be honest about your financial situation and if she really cares and understands, she'll help in some way or cooperate. Perhaps the bridesmaid dress can be found elsewhere at a better price? I think there's a lot of flexibility re. the flower girl - ask if you can search for something like what she has chosen that is closer to your budget - heck, you can take a picture with your phone and send it to her for final approval! Good luck

You're not springing it on her last minute, so if she acts like a Bridezilla this early in the game, you can back out :)

Explain to her your situation. I am astounded that wedding party does not pay. I would back out, but then again I have never been a fan of fantasy weddings.

tell her your financial situation