Coping

M.,

I know how difficult this can be. I had a miscarriage a year and a half ago at about 9 weeks. The reason for the miscarriage was a blighted ovum. We had already told my then 6 year old about the new baby. Her little brother was a little over a year old at the time and was oblivious to what was going on.

It was very difficult to know that we wouldn't be having a new baby in the Spring but the hardest part for me was having to break my daughter's heart. She was so excited.

For awhile, you just need to take it one day at a time. If you feel like having a good cry and can at the moment, take the time for yourself and have the cry. Don't be afraid to share your feelings either with your husband or with a good friend. Feel free to email me if you don't have someone else to talk to about it and want to share your feelings. I know it can be difficult. One of the things that helped me was talking to my Aunt who had had multiple miscarriages. She knew what I was feeling for the most part and just sharing our experiences helped.

Two things that helped the most was (1) knowing that we weren't going to give up trying and (2) that I had two wonderful children who loved me and needed me each and every day. I took some extra time to just go and do something special with my kids. It didn't have to be anything overly expensive. The one night, we rented a movie the kids wanted to see, made popcorn and piled into my bed to cuddle up together and watch the movie. As I mentioned, my daughter took it especially hard so we took a day just for the two of us. When she wanted to tell me about how she felt about losing the baby, I let her and I listened. It helped her to share her feelings and it helped me because I knew that it wasn't just my loss. It was my families loss.

While I know that I will always mourn the loss of the baby we didn't have, I also know that I am grateful for each day with my children. It does get a little easier each day and soon it won't hurt so much to think about the one your are losing. Now I don't cry, but I do think "Gee, he/she would have been doing this now." Also, know that one bad pregnancy does not mean you won't have that third child. We found out on Christmas Day that we are having our third in August.

Please know that I understand what you are feeling and am here if you want to talk.

H.

I'm so very sorry you're dealing with this!! I have never been in your situation, but did want to suggest another website: http://www.sheknows.com They have *incredible* message boards there, including loss support and everything else related to pregnancy & beyond.

You and your family have my prayers. I'd just say make 100% positive the doctors are right before letting them do ANYTHING! Trust your instincts.

I'm sorry for your loss. I will be praying for you. Just at of curiousity. what do they mean by lack of fetal developement? Was the heart still beating?
My sister went through something similar. At about 15 weeks the baby was only at week 8 of development. But there was no heartbeat anymore either. So she had to go in the next day for a D&V.

First of all, I am deeply sorrow for you. I miscarried this past January at 9 weeks. I still think about the baby all the time.
Mother Nature has a way. I honestly feel when we are blessed with a children. Sometimes, its' NOT OUR TIME YET.
I still want another child but my desire isn't as intense as it was when I first m/c.
I have a 3 yr old with autism so I have ALOT on my plate now. I love him so much and he's my focus for now.
If it doesn't work out that we don't have anymore, I an honered to have such a great kid.

((hugs)) I understand how hurt you are. It's an insult to your body. Get support wherever you can.

N.

First, how awful. I am so sorry. Do you have a relationship with a church or clergyperson? Your pastor/minister/rabbi is a good first person to talk to and can also refer you to an appropriate grief counselor if that's the right thing for you.

Try talking to people in a similar situation. I think that helps sometimes. There are plenty of support groups out there for people in every situation. And coping is a daily process. Some days your okay and then other days it can get really hard. I don't know what your religious background is so please forgive me if this may be offensive but I believe that god does things for a reason and that your child is in a good place. I'm sorry that you had to go through that and I hope it gets better for you. Just try and think of the children that you already have you love them and they love you, just let the rest of life fall into place. You are still blessed to have two children healthy and happy.