Continuing Daycare with First Child, While Staying Home (For Awhile) with 2Nd

Updated on April 07, 2010
J.M. asks from Royal Oak, MI
25 answers

I am expecting my 2nd child (a girl) in mid July. Currently my son (2 years and 4 months) attends daycare because I am a full-time working mom. He has attened daycare since he was 5 months old. I know he loves it and is learning SO much. The things he knows and says just amaze me.

My question is, come the 2nd baby, I was planning to continue to send my son to daycare 2-3 times a week. I will be returning to work in late November, so I really want to him to continue on his schedule, routine and learning. (I would love to do 3 days - Tues, Wed, and Thurs.) I know if he is staying at home with me all day, I will not be able to give him the attention that he is used to. I don't want him watching TV all day and feel that's what may happen. Also, I have a feeling if he is to stay home (full time), when I go back to work, he will have a very hard adjusting back to daycare/school. But lately I have started to feel guilty about taking him and wondering how I can get him, new baby and me out the door.

First my heart breaks right now of thinking about dropping him off, knowing that mommy and new baby are going back home. Not like we will be going home to have a party or anything. I want to be able to spend a little one-on-one time with new baby. I fear if I keep my son home, on days when the baby may need a lot of attention, my son will sit and watch TV all day. Then on days were my son needs attention, my heart breaks thinking of having to put the new baby in a swing, bouncy and just lay there. Although, I have been told time and time that it's good for babies to have downtime and just to sit and look around. But I don't want to do this everyday.

Then I start to stress that if I do take my son to daycare, how will I get him, new baby and me out of the house in a timely manner, so I am not turning around in an hour to pick him up. He goes to daycare pretty early now, but was thinking about taking him later, around 8-830am. What if it's the new baby's feeding time or nap time, do I just pick her up and put her in the car. And there's the picking up in the afternoon. I would have to do the same thing. Also, I forgot, in order to drop him off, I need to get the new baby out of the car too, well, at least the car carrier. Drag her in. Oh my just getting stressed thinking about it. Just seems like so much work, that I am almost tempted to keep him home. But is this taking the easy way out? (Also, with my husband's working hours right now (he works 10 hrs a day), it's impossible for him to drop off or pick-up.)

Any advise anyone can provide I would greatly appreciate it. I know eventually when I go back to work, I will need to do this. So maybe this is my transition/training to getting them both to school. I am just a very stressful person and worry about everything. Thanks!!!

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So What Happened?

I wanted to thank EVERYONE for their advice. Got some very good advice, thoughts and encouragement. I really do appreciate it. I have decided to keep my son in daycare when the new baby comes home. Most everyone agreed (and me too), this was the best for all. I am going to start out 2 days a week for August and then increase to 3 days for Sept - Nov., then they both kids will be going fulltime in Dec. I am planning to have some help in Aug. (family), so I am hoping I can get him off to school for a couple days, even if it's for a shorten period. So we'll see how it goes. Thanks again.

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G.K.

answers from Detroit on

Keep sending him! I'm a SAHM and I send my son twice a week to daycare and he loves it. We have a 6 week old baby and he loves going to have his "own time." I actually went to the pediatrician today and he said to keep sending him their b/c it gives him some kind of stability while he is getting adjusted to the new addition.

Good luck!

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S.H.

answers from St. Louis on

Good grief....it's time to take a deep breath & relax! Yes, keep your son in daycare. Do NOT feel guilt over this! He needs the routine, structure, & release of energy that comes with daycare. If he stays home, he will be a handful!.....& will have trouble transitioning back into a routine when he returns to school.

Be thankful that you have the financial ability to do this. & once you do it a few times, then it'll come much easier to get those children out the door. It's all about adaptablity....if it's feeding time, then the daycare delivery waits!

Another option would be....what about having a neighbor come over & sit with the baby while you run to the daycare. OR what about carpooling with another family for delivering your son to daycare. These are viable options!

Good Luck on a speedy & safe delivery!

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M.C.

answers from Nashville on

No worries! It will all become your new normal in no time! But, I know it seems really stressful when you're thinking about all of it in your head and trying to figure it all out. =0) I would definitely still send him to daycare. It will be very important for big brother to keep his same big boy routine. Second babies are SO much easier. It really won't be as big of a deal as you think. Once you get through your first day of dropping off and picking up, you'll be like, "oh my gosh! I can't believe I stressed over this so much!" =0) It's always something when you have two kids...... with me, I worried about how I was going to get my daugher to kindergarten, my son to daycare and me to work all before 7am! LOL I worried and worried about having the kids in two different places once my daughter graduated from the daycare, but now............it's SO not a big deal!! It became our new normal and everything works out great. =0) So, my point is that things never stay the same. They are always changing as life goes on. They seem really stressful and scary, but in reality......they are just never as difficult as we make them out to be in our heads!!! =0) Good luck with your new addition and congratulations!!! It will all be JUST FINE!

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V.B.

answers from Houston on

Ok...first of all, take a DEEP BREATH! I think your idea is a very good one. If you are planning to go back to work, then keeping your son in his class and on somewhat of the same schedule is perfect. It will also make the transition to 2 children a little easier for you. My son was born in the summer (first week that school got out), so my daughter, who was in preschool, was home with me full time instead of me having a couple of days per week for just me and the baby. I can tell you that I wished I had that time, so don't feel like you're cheating anyone. Your son loves his school and it will be great for you too!

As for how to do this, just go with the flow. It doesn't have to be a rush to get him out of the house (at least while you're still staying home with the baby). If it's time for a feeding, then feed the baby and then go. Does the daycare require that he show up at a certain time?? If not, then just be a little bit relaxed about the schedule (this is a learned behavior. I am a VERY organized person...almost to a fault, and I've learned by having 2 kids that you just can't control everything) and take him when you're ready...no rush. Same goes for picking him up. As long as you get there before they close, no worries! You will have to get the baby out of the car, so I recommend getting a "snap and go" stroller frame to put the baby's infant seat into. It's like a stroller, but is just the frame with wheels. You snap the infant carrier into it and you're on your way! Very easy and lightweight to get in and out of the car. This should make it pretty hassle-free to get your son dropped off.

My biggest advice would be to try not to worry so much. You could worry yourself to death with 2 kiddos to be thinking about non-stop! I am speaking from experience when I say that sometimes you just have to remember that God is in control and let go of the little things (the big things too, actually, but that is so much harder!). I'll just tell you that I have breast cancer and I have a 4 year old and a 22 month old and I couldn't possibly muster up the energy to worry about the little things anymore. I had to learn through experience. I am a SAHM, but have not been able to care for my youngest for the past several months, so he has been going to daycare. This has been SO hard for me and I felt horribly guilty since he has never been in daycare before, but he LOVES it there and there is no way that I could entertain him at home like they do there since I'm having chemotherapy and I'm tired a lot. It's the best thing for him right now, but it took awhile for me to understand that. So, just try to relax and do what you feel is best for your family. This time goes by so fast that I would hate to see you spend it worrying so much! Enjoy your pregnancy, enjoy your new little bundle when he/she gets here and let your son enjoy his friends at school. Good luck and congratulations!! :-)

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C.S.

answers from Miami on

My son is older than yours but I am also expecting #2 (in August) and plan to keep him in school. I took 6 months off with my son and will take about 5 with #2. I wish I could do 3 days a week but in order to reduce the cost of my daycare while I am at home, my only choice at his current school - which I love - is to do 5 mornings a week. He will begin on a set date in August (the school he attends has an official "first day of school" just like elementary school) with the 5 days / week. When we have the baby, my parents will be here and will take him and pick him up. Afterwards, I will have to get my son and #2 out the door to get there on time and pick up on time. You will be able to do it because you will have no choice.

You will find a routine with feeding and if baby has a messy diaper right as you need to leave, baby might sit in it. Part of having more than one means that each child will sometimes have to wait while the other one is attended to...so be it.

I really agree that keeping your son in school is a great idea - it will give him chances to socialize, have his own routine, etc. You may find that his misses school when he is home.
Good luck and don't worry about what hasn't happened yet - take everything day by day. C.

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J.H.

answers from Detroit on

I just went through this same EXACT thing last year! My daughter turned 3 only weeks after my son was born last July. I work full-time and knew that I had to return to full time work when my son turned 12 weeks old.

I decided to continue taking my daughter to school. This was after A LOT of agonizing (just like you). I spoke with her "teacher" at school and the teacher said that, in her experience, older siblings who continue on their normal schedules (i.e. going to school) seem to adjust better. She sees a lot of kids getting new siblings as she "teaches" all 2-3 year olds so I took her advice sincerely. She said that the older sibling's life is already thrown for a loop simply by the introduction of a younger brother or sister that it's best to keep all other aspects of their daily routine as normal as possible. She said that the kids she's seen that take 12 weeks off of daycare to stay home with their mother and new sibling absolutely lose it when they have to return to daycare when mom does return to work.

Believe me, I know the stress. My MIL hated the idea that I was going to take my older daughter to daycare while I was home with my new son which made my decision all the more difficult. But in the end, I honestly believe it was the best choice for me.

When it was time to start taking my daughter to school after my son was born, she didn't seem to mind. I'm thinking she liked it most days because she was able to get more attention at school then she could at home. I was highly aware of paying much attention to her after her brother was born but when you are breastfeeding a newborn, there are certain times that the 3 year old just can't be the center of attention. On the few days when she asked why she was giong to school but the baby was staying home, I just explained that the baby was too young to go to school but in a few weeks, he would start going to school just like her. And then I would ask her if she would show him to his room when he started school and she felt very important. She seemed totally fine with this explanation (and it was the truth). And I just explained to her that all the baby was doing was eating and sleeping (trying to show her that it wouldn't be much fun to be at home with us - which is true).

As for getting both of them out the door in the morning to get her to school, I totally stressed about that too. But I just let things flow and it worked out. I would let my daughter wake up at her normal time. Then I'd help her get ready and wash my own face and put on some clothes. I just did the baby's morning feeding whenever it needed to happen (making sure I fed him at least a little before heading out so that the newborn didn't have a meltdown while at my daughter's school). If the baby decided he needed ot eat right before we walked out the door, I simply made my daughter breakfast so that she could eat while the baby did (she normally eats breakfast at school). I looked at it as "practice" for when I had to go back to work - and it really did help me adjust back into work.

Just try to take some deep breaths and let things happen naturally. The nice thing is that you're able to ease into this without the stress of having to get to work yourself :) My husband also worked a schedule where he was virtually never able to drop off and seldom able to pick up. So I was doing both like you will be.

Once the baby gets a bit older and you both adjust, you can try to keep your son home from school maybe to do a fun trip to the zoo one day. The nice thing about having a newborn in the summer is that they sleep well in a stroller and then you can just stop walking around the zoo to feed the newborn when need be. Then your son will feel like he's having a very special day (missing school AND going to the zoo!)

I truly feel that our kids watch how we react to situations and base their own reactions on how we are reacting. So I think it's best just to try to let things flow and limit your stress. This should help your son limit his own stress. I know that's a lot easier said than done but you will get through this! I know from experience :)

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A.F.

answers from Chicago on

You can do it. It isn't as bad as you think -- I did it after a c-section. I would generally unhook my older kiddo because the 5 point restraints take 2 hands, close the door, go get the baby carrier out, then come back and grab my daughter's hand and walk in with both -- my daughter was younger than your son (my kids are 15.5 mos apart). It sounds worse than it is. You will get used to it and develop a feeding schedule that works. If it happens to be pick up time during the baby girl's nap, then you hope she goes back to sleep in the car on the way home. Be a bit flexible about it when you can. I am a big proponent of Weissbluth so I am not a totally loose-goose mommy either. Eventually I took both my kiddos out of daycare and got an au pair to increase flexibility of childcare options and less illnesses for the kids. Our au pair is awesome and runs the kids to toddler classes all the time and my almost 3 yr old is starting preschool 3 full days in the fall in addition to the at home time. It was so great, I decided to become a local coordinator for fun :) (still work full time as an attorney).

Best wishes to you and your family on your impending bundle of joy!
A. F.
Local Childcare Coordinator
Cultural Care Au Pair
###-###-#### cell
http://aferrini.aupairnews.com
[email protected]____.com

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J.M.

answers from Boston on

This sounds exactly like me with my second. My daughter went to school 2 or 3 days/week when I was home on maternity leave (how sad is it that it was only 2 years ago and I can't remember?!). It was great for everyone, actually. She got to continue her routine, I got some one-on-one time with the baby and to catch up on sleep, cleaning, etc, and the days she was home I got good practice at balancing the needs of two.

As for getting out of the house, I found that the second time around everything just feels so much easier. I found myself thinking "why did I think this was so hard the first time?" Yes, you'll have to lug the baby in and out, but the little one will sleep in the car, or wait the 5 minutes till you get home to eat, etc etc. I don't know what time your pick up is, but I generally dropped my daughter off at around 8.30 and picked up around 3.30-4 and that felt like a good long time. (It's amazing how long a day feels when it's not spent at work or with a 2 year old!).

It will totally work out. I think that your plan would be good for everyone. Try not to spend too much time stressing out about this, if you can. Good luck!

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M.C.

answers from Washington DC on

I say keep sending him to daycare. He has a routine, he has a group of friends, etc. if you keep him out for 3 months, think of everything he'll miss!

Also, with him at daycare having time away from the baby, you can have one on one time with the baby. My son started Kindergarten right as my 2nd was born. We'd put him on the bus, then go run errands to get them out of the way for the day. You could do the same type of thing. Take son to daycare, run errands on the way home.

I know that taking the baby out of the car, just to put her back 5 minutes later seems like a lot, but it will become routine. Get one of those infant frame strollers that you keep in your car. Or it is a nice day, just carry baby in a sling.

Good luck and congrats.
M.

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P.M.

answers from Tampa on

Why not ask your parents (if applicable) or another parent of a child in the school with your son - to possibly pick him up from your home and drop him at school? Offer $20 towards gas a week, if that may make it more feasible for another parent to help you out.

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K.M.

answers from Detroit on

For one relax, you sound like your going stir crazy and the kids really need a relaxed mom. First for the first 2 weeks after the baby is born he can't go to daycare because you can't drive him nor drive anywhere. So you should let him enjoy having a sister or brother too anyway. To be honest. I think you should let him stay out of day care for at least 4 to 6 weeks to get use to having another child in the house. about a week before your gonna go back to work have a trial run with everyone to and from daycare. ou as a new mom have to look after you than the little ones if you run ourself and don't t ake care of you you will not be able to take care of them. After your stregnth and body are going back to normal than start your routine by than you will figure everything out and how to adjust to two. Congrats and enjoy the little one you need to be able to let the big brother know his isiter or brother.

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M.M.

answers from Milwaukee on

I sent my daughter to day care for a few hours everyday when I was at home with the new baby.. I think it was great for all of us.. She got away to be herself and play and not have to worry about waking up the baby.. My daughter loved the time away to be independent and I appreciated the time with the new baby and to try to get a little sleep while the new baby was sleeping to keep my energy level up to handle the 2 year old. It will be great, your oldest will probably be more upset about you taking them away from their routine of daycare then they are that you are dropping her off while you went home with the new baby.. relax and enjoy the one on one time with the new baby.. congrats

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L.N.

answers from New York on

you're stressing for no reason. you can drop off and pick him up anytime. so after you have fed the baby in the morning, you guys get ready and out of the door. you have to take your baby out of the car in his carseat, so no need to get him out of carseat. you come home. when it's time to pick up your son, feed the baby first then go. if it were that your son is school-age, set pick up drop-off times then it would be a different story, but at daycare you can drop him off anytime. i wouldn't discontinue taking him to daycare. there is no reason for it except your mama guilt, which is natural. he will have fun there, he won't be sitting and thinking wow i got the short end of the stick. if you keep both at home you will get stressful, realistically your son will not have your full attention, he will want to go out, explore, play, and if he were to be home he would need a playmate (read: you), but you wouldn't be able to be his playmate for too long so in the end no one will get what they need. guilt aside, your original plan is great: him at daycare you at home with the baby. weekends should be geared more towards your son. meaning, you all, you and hubby dedicate things doing with your son. baby goes along. good luck

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J.C.

answers from Florence on

Oh don't feel guilty at all. I did the same thing with my kids. I dropped the oldest one off at daycare because I needed to adjust to my new baby. Selena was none the wiser. Just tell your son that he is a big boy and he has got to go to school to learn and he can play with all his friends. You really need a chance to bond with your new baby and I don't see that happening with your older child around. Also you just had a baby! You need the rest and deserve it. Of course I felt guilty but now both my girls go to daycare. Cora had to start at 8 weeks old. Also see if your nursery will have someone to meet you at the door so you don't have to get your baby out. If you are a good customer then they should accomodate you. Also your son's life is different now because there is someone else to share mommy's time so I say you should try to keep to his regular routine to get it back somewhat to normal. Good luck and congratulations on the new baby.

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D.D.

answers from Detroit on

I just went through this and I kept my oldest in day care 3 days/week but changed her days to space them out through the week (I worked Wed, Thurs, Fri and sent her to day care M, W, F). Her teacher told me how much more adjusted she was to the new baby by keeping her in her routine. I did feel guilty at times and couldn't wait to go pick her up some days, but it gave one on one time with my new son-time you will never get back!

Good luck and enjoy your time with your new baby, maternity leave goes by faster the 2nd time around!!

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D.D.

answers from Denver on

First off, Pamela and Raven M have a great idea. Ask for help! If there is a relative around who can help, it would be a great chance for your son to bond with that person, and have "special" time with them.

And I agree with all who have posted that you need to keep him in school and in his routine.

If you don't already have one, get a baby wrap, and wear your baby when you get her out of the car at daycare. I know the baby bucket (car carrier) is quicker, but the less time she spends in the bucket, the happier you'll both feel. She'll feel secure and you'll still have two hands with which to help your son.

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D.W.

answers from Indianapolis on

The anticipation of adding a second child will be the worst part of the process. I do agree with the other moms that your idea of keeping him in day care at least part time is the best idea. If you were to take him out of the environment all together, the process of transitioning him back in later in November would be horrible for him.

I wish we'd had our son in day care (vs. a baby sitter at our home) before I had baby #2. Dealing with 2 small kids and what became a cancer diagnoses the week after I returned from Maternity Leave was a bit much.

Even when I was laid off last year, we still kept them in Day Care 3 days/week in part to help me have quiet time during the day to find a job and also to keep them acclimated to the environment when I return to work.

You'll need to get yourself accustomed to dealing with 2 kids on completely different schedules. This will be a good way for you to learn how to do it without the stress of being thrown back into it in November when it's hard on both kids.

Good luck. I think you're making the right decision by doing it this way.

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D.

answers from Philadelphia on

Don't worry and don't feel guilty!! As the other poster said, you don't have to drop/pick up at the same exact time every day. You will want to get him there roughly around the same times, but you have some room there. So, if the baby is hungry, you can wait and drop your son off a little later. No big deal!

FYI, I have a 6 month old and a 3 year old. We chose to continue sending my daughter so daycare when my son was born. We sent her 4 days a week and I kept her home with me 1 day. Some weeks I kept her home an extra day too. She went to my sister-in-law's house then and she loved spending the days there with her cousins. I felt a little guilty too, but I know she had more fun there than she would have at had at home. Plus, I did have 1 day with her which was good because I enjoyed it and it didnt get too stressful, since it was one day.

Also, once both kids are in daycare, you'll need to take them both at that time. So, you will be slowly getting your infant into that routine which will help.

I drop both my kids off at daycare now and it is a pain to carry everything in. I have a backpack diaper bag and my daughter has a bag on wheels, then I carry my baby inside in his car seat. Luckily my daugter leaves her bag at school all week, so I only have to bring that in on Mondays. But, we somehow manage it all. You will get the hang of it too!

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B.H.

answers from Detroit on

I'm also a working mom. I was on maternity leave for about six months when 2nd son was born. My son went to daycare for the first time 3 months after. At the time he about 2 years old. I did not plan on sending him to daycare until around early December when I returned to work.

It was a good thing that I sent him before I started work because he hard time adjusting. It took a few months for him to get into the routine of daycare. I felt better being at home and available if I had to go and pick him up or things just were not working out. I was lucky enought to find a daycare center very close to home. I believe that it's best to have one near my house v.s. near my work because it's much more convenient. By the time I retuned to work he was fine with daycare.

If your son is going to be in daycare anyway it's probably best that he continue going. That way his routine is not interrupted.

Sorry I don't have much advice on getting both kids out of the house. My kids are 5 and 3 and I think that as they get older it becomes more difficult. My 5 year old started public school and the schedules for school does not mix well with our work schedules so we have finding before school and after school latch key programs. My son ended up returning to the daycare where he started for latch key. The school bus picks him up there and drops him off at home.
Good luck and congrats on the new baby!

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L.W.

answers from Detroit on

Congratulations J. :) I'm sorry you are going through all these emotions right now. It is so normal, but still, it's not fun to feel so torn/emotional. I vividly remeber crying my eyes out---sobbing---as I left my driveway to go deliver my 2nd....I felt SO SO sad that my little guy was no longer going to be my one and only. Funny how deeply you fall in love with your babies!
My first two are now 8 (turning 9 in June) and 10, and now they have a 2 year old little sister (missed having a little one around :). It's funny how much more clarity I have now, and everything is so much easier this time around.
I was a stay-at-home mom and my kids were always with me. When they were 3 and 4 they went to peschool, but that was it/there was no daycare. When my daughter (baby #2) was born, my son was not even 1 1/2 yet. My husband was traveling and I had no help those first couple weeks. I think it was crazy, but mostly a blur. Once I got into my routine, it was fine.
I have to say, whatever you end up doing will be fine (really! :), but I personally LOVED the bonding that my son (baby #1) was able to do with his new little sister being with us all the time. He felt a "part of it all" right from the start and treated her like she was his baby...very tender and sweet and never any resentment. I am so glad I included him in that because it made him such an incredibly caring empathetic child and they are still best fiends (that, of course, still 'pick' at each other lol). Whenever he went down for a nap, she was still on a sporadic crazy napping schedule, and I was able to have time to bond with just her. I can't believe how quickly they have grown up, it goes by in a flash!!!
If I was to give any "advice", it might be to maybe just send him only once-twice a week for only a few hours a day(9-12?). That way he gets a social break once/twice a week and keeps the 'daycare' feeling familiar for an easy transition when you go back to work. And the best part is that you get to keep him home with you all the other days which means he feels included, you get to spend some precious [fleeting] time with him (he is going to look HUGE/so grown up when you bring that baby home), you get to bond with 'just' her when he goes down for a nap, they get to both be with you at the same time before you have to go back to work, and....you save some $ on top of it by not doing so much daycare (why not, right?). And one more thing, don't worry so much about when they are both going back to school/you're back to work/the logistics of it all....he will be older and you'll be amazed how much easier he will be. You will find your groove and routine.
And just as a sidenote, I just have to say this....TV (proper amount and appropriate shows) is fine :) My two year old has always watched Sesame Street and loved Barney (though I couldn't stand him). And as it turns out, she spoke in clear sentences, could count to 20 (yes, 20), knew all her colors, AND knew all her shapes (even "oval") at just 15 mos. She's crazy smart/funny and she's also ridiculously happy and outgoing. And there are days when she watches too much tv and days when she watches none at all. I just make sure that we also play, draw, read, do puzzles or just talk a lot every chance I can (even if it's just talking on the way to the grocery store). Just had to give my two cents on the whole tv thing ;) It CAN be ok to let your little one watch a little tv so you can spend time with the baby, or get a load of laundry done, etc.
So that's my advice from a mom who is still astonished at how quickly it all goes---honestly :( But no matter what, don't feel guilty. You are clearly a great mom who is trying so hard to think everything through and do your best. All those logistics (getting him back to school, getting everyone out the door, her nap time, etc) will work themselves out! So don't get too caught up in the worry, and instead take advantage of the precious time you have/will have with them. Can't stress it enough...it's going to fly by so DRINK UP EVERY MOMENT ;)
Congratulations and enjoy!

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S.C.

answers from Fort Wayne on

I'm in the minority, I guess. I can't see sending your son to daycare while you're at home. I would think it would cause some resentment toward the new baby. Are you planning to keep him home for a little bit at least? I would for sure. You'll be too tired the first few weeks to worry about running him to daycare 3x a week. Take the first few weeks to just get used to being a mom of 2. In that time, go on a few outings to see how long it will take you to get everyone around and ready to go. You can even go to the park and let your son play while you hang out with the baby. There is absolutely NOTHING wrong with putting the baby in a bouncy seat to nap, or even just while you spend some time with your son. I mean, it's a baby. What else can he/she do? It's also ok for your son to watch some cartoons every now and then. Just make sure they're educational. My daughter watches cartoons on PBS and they are awesome! She really learns a lot from them. There are times when the baby takes all of my energy and attention and I don't have any other choice! I'm a worrier too and I was so overwhelmed with the thought of two kids home alone by myself for 14 hours a day (my husband works long hours too). The first few weeks were a little scary, but now we've got our routine and it's great. I take both kids out by myself on a regular basis and so far (knock on wood) we haven't had any major dilemmas. We have to start getting ready a little sooner and sometimes the baby just has to wait to get fed, or sometimes we just have to miss things. It's not the end of the world.

I highly recommend you try out babywearing. I recommend looking into a Moby or another kind of wrap. I wear my baby all the time. It made my life so much easier. They baby was close to me and could nap while I had my hands free. She was born in July, so we were constantly outside. I just put the baby in my Moby wrap and away we went. I also hate dragging the infant carrier in and out of the car, so the Moby really helped me!

I think you are going through what every new mom of 2 goes through. I know I had the exact same thoughts. You'll get it with a little practice. I won't lie, it's more challenging, but it all comes in time.

Congratulations on your new baby girl!

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C.M.

answers from Detroit on

First...relax! It is great that you are trying to plan ahead. I think keeping him in partial daycare is a good solution, being he will be going back full time in November. A new baby is a shocker to a sibling and keeping some things the same is a great idea. Getting out the door on time with a new baby is quite a trick. Give yourself extra time so YOU are not stressed....mama stress somehow magically goes to our kids. Make a few practice runs before you actually have to be at daycare...say to the grocery store and time yourself. It will work out and be fine. No worries!

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M.W.

answers from St. Cloud on

I did daycare for 5 years. My friend, who brought her kids to me, still brought the older one (about 2 or 2 1/2) part time when she had the second. Sometimes it would be 2 days a week, sometimes 3. Whatever worked best for her. And we were lax on drop off times. She came between 8 and 9, whenever they were ready. She only lived about 2 miles away from me so it didn't take long. She would give me an idea of pick-up time when she dropped him off. That also varied depending on the day and if her husband would pick him up.

And MOST of the time, at drop off, she'd just leave the baby in the car right by the front door. Drop off takes less than a minute and she didn't even have to come inside the house if she didn't want to. For pick-up, she'd bring the baby in so she could stay for a few minutes and find out about the older ones' day. If it was going to be a quick pick-up, she'd leave the baby in the car then too. HOWEVER, we had no neighbors and a decent sized drive way so it was very safe to do this!

I agree with putting the baby in a front carrier or sling if you think you'll be a little while when dropping off or picking up. That way you'll have free hands to grab your older childs items and his hand.

At least for the first couple weeks, you may want to keep his schdule the same with daycare. BUT then I would lean more towards keeping him home with you more. It will be nice out and you can do all sorts of things outside with him (and baby)! You can wear the baby while you play with your toddler. Or at least give your older one an option some days. Perhaps he'll WANT to go to daycare........ If you find yourself using the tv too much, definitely send him to daycare. Him sitting in front of the tv is not quality time with you and his new sister...........

It's really not that hard. You'll get the hang of it quickly.

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C.H.

answers from Detroit on

First of all, let me just say, these feelings that you are having are completely normal!

I just had my second child in December. I think its perfectly okay to put your oldest in daycare, if you can afford it. Unfortunately for me, my employer does not give a paid maternity leave, so I could not afford to put my older daughter back in day care for the 8 weeks I was off. Let me tell you though; there were times I wish I could have taken her! She has been in daycare since she was 6 weeks old, I had never before been home with her for longer than a 1 week vacation. Because I was getting used to the new baby, I felt that her needs were put second, and she did end up watching WAY TOO MUCH television. Which of course led to her acting out, just so she could get some attention from me.

Now believe me, there are plenty of moms out there who do it with 2, 3 or more kids! and God Bless them! But for us working moms, our children have a routine of being in daycare. If your son is anything like my daughter, they THRIVE on having a set routine. If it were me, I would put my older child in daycare 2-3 days a week, so they can still have some of that routine.

Now about the issue of getting up & out the door on time- don't stress about this! While I was off, 2 days a week we all got up & out the door at 8:30 am to take my daughter to preschool, which was for 2.25 hours. Yes, there were some times that we were late, but no big deal! Go out in your pajamas - who cares! Get the older child ready to go, everything but the shoes & coat on, & get them into an activity to pre-occupy them while you're getting the baby ready. Just time the feedings. At that time, my son was feeding every 2 or 2. 5 hours. Let's say my son last ate at 6:30, and we had to leave at 8:30 when it was time to eat again. So I just gave him a few ounces at 8:10 to hold him over until we got home. Or sometimes he was asleep...I just put him in the infant carrier, and the car ride kept him asleep. It will all work out, don't worry about it!

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K.G.

answers from San Francisco on

Keep him home with you.

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